Why "Whatever You Want" Keeps You Single

She says the movie looks dumb; you suddenly agree. She tests you with a little attitude; you apologize for nothing.

You think you're being easy to get along with. She reads something else entirely: a man with no edges. Nothing to hold on to. No friction, no tension, no reason to wonder what he really thinks.

The "22 Rules" taught me to push back — playfully, calmly, without needing her approval. Strange things happened after that.

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Overthinking is ruining my mindset

Prodoge

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It has been 8 weeks I have been studying abroad now, the first 5-6 I had a great mindset and had fun all the time. Over the past 2 to 3 weeks It feels like I have been concerned/thinking about things way to much and it has ruined my mood.

This has been my problem for a while now I have trouble just going with the flow and letting things happen. My mind just seems to be hyperactive.

I dont know how I can stop this overthinking business. I know I do it but I dont know how to stop it.
 

"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"

Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.

You've been "getting ready" for two years.

She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.

Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.

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wifehunter

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It has been 8 weeks I have been studying abroad now, the first 5-6 I had a great mindset and had fun all the time. Over the past 2 to 3 weeks It feels like I have been concerned/thinking about things way to much and it has ruined my mood.

This has been my problem for a while now I have trouble just going with the flow and letting things happen. My mind just seems to be hyperactive.

I dont know how I can stop this overthinking business. I know I do it but I dont know how to stop it.


The mind is a terrible thing to waste.

Channel that energy into your mission. Exhaust yourself.

Stay distracted by cool stuff.
 

Prodoge

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Actually let me reword that: basically I worry too much about things I cannot influence
 

MoreThanSmooth

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Same here man. Do you have a naturally analytical mind?

I swear I’m borderline depressed atm purely because I’m always thinking and worrying about s*** most people don’t seem to give a second thought.

I find socialising helps take the edge off, other people bring a levity I don’t feel when I’m alone long enough to start my brain thinking about things.
 
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"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"

When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.

Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.

Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.

The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.

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Billtx49

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Actually let me reword that: basically I worry too much about things I cannot influence
It’s not about worry, it’s about fear. Recognize what it is and deal with it.
Irrational fear of the unknown…
 
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Prodoge

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Same here man. Do you have a naturally analytical mind?

I swear I’m borderline depressed atm purely because I’m always thinking and worrying about s*** most people don’t seem to give a second thought.

I find socialising helps take the edge off, other people bring a levity I don’t feel when I’m alone long enough to start my brain thinking about things.
That sums it up perfectly, when i am with people ir focused on something no problem. But when I am alone I tend to think of things and analyze situations, behaviors or anything and sometimes in ruines my mood
 

Stallionstud

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I became dependent on socialization. And for good reason. It’s healthy. I grew up very much alone though and never had a problem with the lack of it until I committed to perusing it. Now I literally NEED social stimulus or I feel like my time/life is being wasted. Tonight I would of felt like a depressed loser but I went to the brewery and talked to people/made friends. It was what I needed.

Sounds super ****ing codependent but that’s the beast of society, you want it or else your a hermit that doesn’t get laid.
 

wifehunter

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In my experience "overthinking" stems from fear of failure. It is also the antithesis of confidence. I'm happiest and most confident when I embrace failure and criticism.

Better to risk and fail than remain mired in indecision.


"When you can't cry, you laugh."

- Benjamin 'Hawkeye' Pierce

Make jokes.
 

Serenity

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Occasionally my mind starts to get out of hand too. The fix isn't super quick and it's kind of counter intuitive. What I do is instead of trying to control it and stop it (which takes energy) I just let it loose. I know, it sounds like madness but eventually it clears up by itself. You could call it meditation, that's probably what it is. It gets worse at first but your mind will run out of sh!t to bother you with if you stop bothering.

I think an important distinction here is that these aren't your thought, they're thoughts that appear in your mind. Meaning you don't control it and when they appear they interfere with the thoughts you do control. You are not the thoughts, you're the observer of them, meaning the actual you is an entirely different part of your mind. From that perspective it's rather easy to organize your mind, let the bothering thoughts pass and focus on one at a time. Right now you're giving attention to too many simultaneously, the mind has its limits, pick one and let the rest pass.
 

"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"

When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.

Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.

Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.

The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.

Read more...

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