Orbiters

[filerfiler]

Gents

I've been seeing this 9 recently. We are not officially anything but we see each other regularly via our sports club.

We've been seeing each other for a few months. I like this arrangement and I don't want to go public about it or anything or put titles and stuff like that, although from the way we interact (often coming in together and leave it together) it doesn't take a genius to recognize that we're probably screwing - there is some plausible deniability though.

In general she is really quite fond of me.

However, she is the standout beauty anywhere and attracts way too much attention from orbiters. And I mean constant. I think she definitely likes the attention.

It's one of the reasons I have kept this arrangement because she hasn't proven that she can't get past this.

What this means is that she can be friendly to these orbiters - chatty, probably a hug too close or two. She is > 10 years younger than me, she has been sheltered all her life so i think the constant attention is getting to her head.

She is definitely an orbiter magnet and she consciously or subconsciously encourages it.

I have never acted protective or anything like that and I want to keep it that way. In a way I am testing the waters to observe how she behaves, so far I don't think she good on this front and I am keeping a cool head about it. She is a plate if she drops she drops - although without lying to myself I am emotionally invested in her, which is dangerous i know.

Anyway, these orbiters are generally schmucks and I don't see that they threaten my image, there is one dude though who, let's say, took this orbitting to a whole new notch

Constant following on social media, tagging her constantly, sending messages etc.. I haven't paid attention intentionally but it's hard not to notice.

I get a real thirsty creep vibe from this dude and he acts somewhat tough to me. He gives a vibe that he wants to AMOG me which is hilarious - I can't help but almost roll my eyes and the way he sets out when with me.

Also the moment my girl shows up he is all over her chatting and talking...

A hug or two too close whenever he gets the chance...

She hasn't done anything to ward him off - she probably treats him like a "friend" as she likes to say, but let's be real she is keeping multiple cards in the back pocket just in case and I'm fairly certain this dude will jump head first into any opportunity she gives him

Anyway, I'm looking for some input into how to handle this situation when we're all at the club.

Options

1) keep ignoring it like I am right now and observe.
2) Act tougher towards this dude - I think being reactive in anyway would show that he's got under my skin which I don't like.
3) Blow this out of the water and tell the girl wtf... no way I am going to do this - I can't help but think she knows he's testing the limits and this would probably annoy me? She acts 100% native but I am pretty she knows what's up.

Options options... constructive please.

 

[BPH]

@filerfiler alright, so the most important bit here is that you're not exclusive.

On one hand, if she doesn't want to risk losing you, she should be able to handle herself when it comes to setting boundaries with these other guys.

On the other hand, she may want you to tie her down and might enjoy this attention in the hopes that it inspires jealousy, and by extension, action, from you (asking her to be your girlfriend).

But in the grand scheme of things, I wouldn't worry about the orbiters. They hang themselves by doing what you describe above: giving her attention, making sure to get in a hug, tagging and messaging her on Instagram, etc. Your biggest superpower is going to be NOT caring. It should not bother you, and if it truly doesn't, she will be afraid to leave, because she knows you'll be able to replace her.

From personal experience, my most recent ex was this really gorgeous girl in New Jersey. Very attractive, made lots of money, and constantly had guys trying to slide their way in...whether it was DMs, CashApp, or gifts - one guy sent her a life-sized teddy bear made of roses, along with an all-expenses paid 7-day trip to Cancun as a Valentine's Day gift. She received this gift in front of me, and I didn't react one bit. I didn't tell her what to do, I didn't try to control the situation, I didn't get upset and have it turn into a fight - I just let HER decide what to do. She tossed it out.

Now, I'm an attractive guy, and I'm good with women, but on paper, I'm not the most attractive prospect. At the time, I was making around $15k/year working part-time while trying to make a modeling gig work, while driving a Prius, and living with my parents. And yet she chose ME because I was able to tell her "no", and walk away from her bullsh** when it presented itself. I was not fawning over her and trying to win her attention, like the orbitters in your story.

TL;DR let the simps be simps, remain unbothered, and let her choose you without forcing her hand.

 

[Clockwerk50]

http://therationalmale.com/2014/11/17/boundaries/

Read the article about the difference between boundaries and mate guarding. The most important quote in the article is below:

"In theory, no woman who sees you as her perceived Alpha and Hypergamous best interest will wantto ‘cheat’ on you – so the idea wont even occur to her. I realize this sounds simplistic until you consider the readiness with which most men will similarly isolate themselves socially, putting off friends and family in preference to spending his time with what he believes is a high-value woman.

There is no greater demonstration of higher value for a man than walking away from a woman. Even a woman’s strongest perception of higher value cannot compete with the self-certainty of value a man has when he disconnects himself from a woman who’s already accepted him for her intimacy.

While Dread (even passive dread) is a strong signal of a man’s higher value, removing your own intimate acceptance from a woman and confirming the value her hypergamous nature questioned about you is the last word in DHV."

Women love to play men against each other to see who comes out on top. It's easy for an attractive girl to get some guy to flirt with her. It's a way to ****-test men and see whether they'll stay in her frame. Letting other guys know you don't want them flirting with your girl just signals that you're afraid of competition, and vice versa, letting your woman know you're insecure about it signals the same.

Look, I don't believe in mate guarding. It comes across as weak, needy, controlling, and possessive. Trying to police a woman's behavior will only drive you crazy, and if she wants to do something, she's going to do it regardless. If you have to control or manipulate her to keep her around, you're doing something wrong. Focus on becoming a better man instead. If her behavior is unacceptable, move on. If you have abundance, you know your value and that you'll have no problem finding someone else.

By being irreplaceable, she should adjust her behavior to match the standard you set, not because you force it, but because she values the relationship enough to do so.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Recommend you ignore the orbiters. The advice that you just go about your business and don’t ever mention it to her is good. She should be the one asking for exclusivity. You should only be seeing her once or twice a week.

 

[zekko]

However, she is the standout beauty anywhere and attracts way too much attention from orbiters. And I mean constant. I think she definitely likes the attention.

I've been in this situation before, and I empathize with you. Sounds like she could be doing a better job of fending off her orbiters but the fact is she likely enjoys the attention. Who wouldn't? No matter what she does, or what you do, this is her reality. She's going to be attracting this kind of attention everywhere she goes, for as long as she retains her looks - which, if she takes care of herself, could be a very long time.

If she's really a 9 as you say (and from the reaction you describe that she gets, it sounds like she is), it's hard for a man to be as close to her as you are without, as you say, becoming "emotionally invested". I don't really have any advice other than to say it sounds like you've played it pretty well so far, basically acting cool and unbothered by it all, even though you're not. If you keep running into the same guy when you're out with her though, that makes me wonder why you that is? If he's a regular at a certain place, couldn't you find other activities you could do with her, where this guy won't be hanging around? Thing is, even if you get rid of him, there will likely be another to spring up and take his place. Women that attractive are magnets, as you say.

 

[Doctor Europeo]

She doesnt sound like girlfriend/wife material. Plate status only