Opening of doors that shouldn't be opened

[comic_relief]

Hey guys,

Life was good up until two days ago.

I went to see the movie, "Freedom Writers", but the one Holocaust survivor was in there. I met him a while before and he told me about the stories that he had in Buchenwald. I just stuffed those memories into a closet in my mind that I didn't want to be opened again. It was a very emotional doorway that has some other things that I don't want to go over anymore.

Then yesterday, I was reading my psychology textbook about bipolars, BPD, and schizophrenia. It opened that doorway all the way open, and everything came out at once. The death of my grandfather, the suicide of my cousin because of a bipolar woman, and some circumstances with my exgirlfriend. It was as if my mental state took a 180 degree change. I went from High Self-Esteem to Low Self-Esteem and hit a depression in my mood. I asked my room mate to leave the dorm room and I started to cry for the first time in a long time.

Today, I just hit rock bottom in the morning to mid-afternoon. First, my contacts fvcked up my eyes. I actually had to get sleep and almost get to the Health Services Building. Then, it was as if my thoughts were dying off. I was lethargic in my actions, excluding my philosophy class. Then, my professor of psychology started to talk about the diseases mentioned earlier and I left the room. Then, I went to my writing class and we spoke about war.

Two of my friends lost their lives in the Iraq war (not a political statement whatsoever), and it made me go back into my shell.

I didn't know what to do so I wrote this post in order to get my mind clear and think about what is really important. I believe it is time to get off of this damn pity pot.

In order to get myself on a high road, I will just list what I have going for me.
1.) 5.1% body fat percentage
2.) excellent communication skills
3.) Friends
4.) Plans for a biking exodus
5.) 3.22 GPA at Millersville University
6.) Three square meals per day
7.) Excellent ideas for a diabetes club at MU

Thanks for listening guys,
comic_relief

 

[girl_in_a_boy_forum]

Hey bro, sorry to hear that you're at a low point right now. : ( Keep moving forward, remember the positive, and your smile will come back. Good luck with everything.

 

[Fortunate_Juan]

Death is a very serious subject to deal with. It's expected for you to have deep emotions regarding those events. I know where you're coming from man. It gets easier, but it's something that can't be rushed. I am sorry to hear about your misfortunes. But you have my support.

 

[comic_relief]

thanks guys,

I guess I just never really dealt with it until now.

Cousin happened September
Two friends happened in early and mid 2006

comic_relief

 

[Lust]

Hey mate,

Just keep it going yeah?

Forget about all that stuff, you are a Don Juan, you don't get down like this yeah?

I think when stuff like this happens, you have to remember the powerful, happy, and successful you, the you that was in control before these things happened.

If that you knew how rotten you were going to feel, do you think he'd give up without a fight?

Fight it man, life is a battle, be stuborn and kick its ass!

 

[MacAvoy]

That kind of stuff just sneaks up on you. I'm guessing that you already take care of yourself physically. So what I'd suggest is taking a break. Take a few days to yourself, relax, ponder life. Maybe spend some time with someone that you truly love, whether its a brother, father, old friend. Just to get you back to your roots, see the importance of life.

Then after a few days off, get back on the horse. Start exercising again, get back into your routine with a new vigour and appreciation for life.

 

[MacAvoy]

The first step is acceptance and the fact that you've exposed yourself on here is a good sign. At least your not burying these things anymore. Deal with them and move on in a healthy manner. Theres solace in knowing that your on the right path, everything gets better with time.