IrishGuy23
Don Juan
- Joined
- Oct 23, 2007
- Messages
- 12
- Reaction score
- 0
As someone who is obsessed with height, my aim in writing this thread is to assist in someway those, such as wutangfinancial, who are similarly afflicted.
I would imagine that the majority of people here who are familiar with wutang's posts, would be of the opinion that the guy is whiney, loves playing the victim role, and needs a good kick up the proverbial backside. To a great degree I would agree with this point of view. However , people should realise that we are dealing with an obsession that for many sufferers is extremely debilitating and difficult to cope with, in spite of its irrationality. Simply telling a person in this situation to pull themself together won't work.
So, in the following I am putting forward a few mental strategies to deal with the problem.
I am 5'8 -5'9. I actually believe that this can strangely be a more difficult height to deal with, than being technically "short", lets say under 5'6. Why? Because for the most part you don't grow up being labelled as "short", or even thinking of yourself that way. Then one day you realise, you're shorter than the majority of your peers...or that a sizeable minority of girls are taller than you in heels etc, and if you're of an obsessive inclination that's when the problems begin...unlike the 5'5 guy who has had all his childhood to mentally adjust to his stature and become comfortable in his own skin, all of a sudden you're lost and don't know how to cope.
Height is one of the worst things one can become obsessed with...for the simple reason that everday provides ample opportunites to feed the obsession. You just have to compare yourself with every person you come across with....queing for a bus, or in line at a canteen, or simply walking down the street you find yourself measuring up everbody you see and comparing your height...checking eye-levels, judging a persons height from a distance..and then seeing how correct you were when up closer...the list of compulsive behaviours is endless; people who suffer from this know exactly what I'm talking about.
So, what to do? Personally I don't think it's possible to completely eliminate these thoughts...however, it is possible to control your emotional reaction to them. I have had this obsession for over two years now, and in that time I've become extremely aware of all my possible reactions, and more importantly the situations that trigger them.
But the important point to realise is that there are two types of these "situational triggers". Those that provoke a negative reaction and train of thoughts about your height, and those which provoke the opposite...a feeling of being at ease with your body, and height. By becoming aware of these triggers it was possible for me to take a more rational view of the issue of height...and in some sense achieve a peace of mind.
The negative triggers became easy to identify... for example one of the worst things would be to see a girl of 5'7 to 5'9, which is tall of course, but did not seem tall due to her being badly proportioned or simply over-weight. The same thing would apply to guys around this height...too sleight, or poorly proportioned...when you see that you are around the same height, the logic that goes through your head is "jeez, I must look like that too since I'm the same height". Another bugbear, especially if you are in a university setting, is seeing all these immature looking kids towering over you. Anyway, I could go into more detail about the minutiae of all these negative triggers, but I think you get the point.
On the otherhand, there are plenty of positive situational triggers and these are what you need to focus on. 5'9 is NOT short...one of my favourite things to do to remind me of this is to go to the mall, or just simply stand in a busy shopping street. You observe all ranges of height, and more importantly age...in particular you see many men of average height, and I emphasise the word "men"....guys in their 20's, 30's and 40's, who are sharply dressed, and exude confidence and masculinity. In no way does their height negatively affect my impression or respect for them...this is the thing, you have to create a positive association between AVERAGE height and masculinity.
Another thing I also observe, which is mentally uplifting, is the number of women in the 5'3 to 5'7 that appear tall, due to being elegantly dressed, and having slender physiques...by then comparing yourself as a taller MAN to these attractive creatures...you start feeling exactly like that...i.e a MAN!!
There are plenty of other little mental games I play to help boost my confidence and become less irrational in terms of my view of height, but I won't bore with that.
In summary this is what I suggest for the height obsessed
1) become aware of all the everday situations that provoke both negative and positive reactions in you with regard to height. By doing so you will feel calmer and more able to deal with your reaction in a clear-headed manner
2) when negative situation triggers arise, recognise them for what they are...and your response as being irrational, and just a bad habit. Also immediately recall in your mind all the positive situations you have felt in the past that make you feel good about your height.
I am still obsessed with height...I still mentally size up people in the streets and make comparisons....but by adopting the above approach I don't, for the most part, allow my obsession to adversely affect my life.
Hope this has helped.
I would imagine that the majority of people here who are familiar with wutang's posts, would be of the opinion that the guy is whiney, loves playing the victim role, and needs a good kick up the proverbial backside. To a great degree I would agree with this point of view. However , people should realise that we are dealing with an obsession that for many sufferers is extremely debilitating and difficult to cope with, in spite of its irrationality. Simply telling a person in this situation to pull themself together won't work.
So, in the following I am putting forward a few mental strategies to deal with the problem.
I am 5'8 -5'9. I actually believe that this can strangely be a more difficult height to deal with, than being technically "short", lets say under 5'6. Why? Because for the most part you don't grow up being labelled as "short", or even thinking of yourself that way. Then one day you realise, you're shorter than the majority of your peers...or that a sizeable minority of girls are taller than you in heels etc, and if you're of an obsessive inclination that's when the problems begin...unlike the 5'5 guy who has had all his childhood to mentally adjust to his stature and become comfortable in his own skin, all of a sudden you're lost and don't know how to cope.
Height is one of the worst things one can become obsessed with...for the simple reason that everday provides ample opportunites to feed the obsession. You just have to compare yourself with every person you come across with....queing for a bus, or in line at a canteen, or simply walking down the street you find yourself measuring up everbody you see and comparing your height...checking eye-levels, judging a persons height from a distance..and then seeing how correct you were when up closer...the list of compulsive behaviours is endless; people who suffer from this know exactly what I'm talking about.
So, what to do? Personally I don't think it's possible to completely eliminate these thoughts...however, it is possible to control your emotional reaction to them. I have had this obsession for over two years now, and in that time I've become extremely aware of all my possible reactions, and more importantly the situations that trigger them.
But the important point to realise is that there are two types of these "situational triggers". Those that provoke a negative reaction and train of thoughts about your height, and those which provoke the opposite...a feeling of being at ease with your body, and height. By becoming aware of these triggers it was possible for me to take a more rational view of the issue of height...and in some sense achieve a peace of mind.
The negative triggers became easy to identify... for example one of the worst things would be to see a girl of 5'7 to 5'9, which is tall of course, but did not seem tall due to her being badly proportioned or simply over-weight. The same thing would apply to guys around this height...too sleight, or poorly proportioned...when you see that you are around the same height, the logic that goes through your head is "jeez, I must look like that too since I'm the same height". Another bugbear, especially if you are in a university setting, is seeing all these immature looking kids towering over you. Anyway, I could go into more detail about the minutiae of all these negative triggers, but I think you get the point.
On the otherhand, there are plenty of positive situational triggers and these are what you need to focus on. 5'9 is NOT short...one of my favourite things to do to remind me of this is to go to the mall, or just simply stand in a busy shopping street. You observe all ranges of height, and more importantly age...in particular you see many men of average height, and I emphasise the word "men"....guys in their 20's, 30's and 40's, who are sharply dressed, and exude confidence and masculinity. In no way does their height negatively affect my impression or respect for them...this is the thing, you have to create a positive association between AVERAGE height and masculinity.
Another thing I also observe, which is mentally uplifting, is the number of women in the 5'3 to 5'7 that appear tall, due to being elegantly dressed, and having slender physiques...by then comparing yourself as a taller MAN to these attractive creatures...you start feeling exactly like that...i.e a MAN!!
There are plenty of other little mental games I play to help boost my confidence and become less irrational in terms of my view of height, but I won't bore with that.
In summary this is what I suggest for the height obsessed
1) become aware of all the everday situations that provoke both negative and positive reactions in you with regard to height. By doing so you will feel calmer and more able to deal with your reaction in a clear-headed manner
2) when negative situation triggers arise, recognise them for what they are...and your response as being irrational, and just a bad habit. Also immediately recall in your mind all the positive situations you have felt in the past that make you feel good about your height.
I am still obsessed with height...I still mentally size up people in the streets and make comparisons....but by adopting the above approach I don't, for the most part, allow my obsession to adversely affect my life.
Hope this has helped.
