"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"
She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.
You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.
She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.
The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.
Online Dating
- Thread starter Minty25
- Start date
"She's Out of Your League"
You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.
Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.
She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.
Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.
Bonhomme
Master Don Juan
Hmmm... I find it easier to flirt in person; bu then, my strengths are mainly non-verbal (eye contact, space, kino, etc.).
"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"
Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.
She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.
Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.
So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.
The words come later. The impression comes first.
SoSuave.com
Administrator
urbanwhite
Don Juan
cannibustacap
Don Juan
Don't women pay for the dating service as well?
Why the fux would someone pay for a dating service to play email tag?
I haven't tried online dating... but I may experiment with it.
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
Life-Trainee
Master Don Juan
Francisco d'Anconia
Master Don Juan
That's a good point, why would they just play tag if they are paying for the service? Most guys get frustrated because the furthest that they've ever gotten was email tag. Women on-line tend to get bored easily or just determine that email tag is the best for a particular guy.
I usually trade two emails and then meet the woman. After the second email we've both determined that we're interested in meeting one another. Notice that I completely skipped getting her phone number, I think that step is a waste of time.
Francisco d'Anconia
Master Don Juan
Sites that were just starting did that to get new members. Since Match.com, Yahoo and eHarmony bought up most of the start up sites, none of them give away free memberships anymore. Everyone is on-line and is willing to pay for the service. Why give away revenue?
Abbott
Master Don Juan
I have a couple questions, which isn't on the exact topic, but it's closely related.
Recently I did E-mail someone on an online date site and no, I haven't got a response yet.
Anyone think it's a good idea to send a follow-up E-mail?
I would only send one follow-up if I do, since more than that makes you seem like an AFC.
I think it's possible that I might have fun if I did hang out with her, but at the same time I figure it's a crapshoot so I'm not going to "bet the farm" on it or anything. I won't be crushed if she won't talk to me.
Another question:
Some of these sites allow people to post what they want in a partner. Is it a bad idea to try to contact someone if you don't exactly match what they say?
Sometimes I see some profiles which are TOO specific in that regard, so I figure that they can't really expect a man to fit everything that they say they want.
Talk to you soon,
Ben
B.J. Van Beusekom
New Member
"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
Francisco d'Anconia
Master Don Juan
Understand that women usually get 10-20 times more unsolicited email than men from on-line dating sites. I've been contacted by women 2 weeks to a month after writing them. Many times I had long forgotten that I hat written to them and they would have to refresh my memory.
Writing too soon will come off as AFC and will put you on the bottom of the pile if she doesn't decide to toss the email altogether. Waiting at least a couple of weeks makes it a little better but I would personally wait a month if she's really someone I'd like to meet. It gives her time to finish exploring any previous opportunities and allows me to explore more opportunities myself.
As for contacting someone when you don't completely meet their criteria, I say go for it. How many of them fit yours exactly anyway? I'd make sure that I'd meet the most of the interests at least and also most of the physical traits.
I say most of the physical traits because for myself, being non-Nordic and living in Minnesota makes things a bit interesting when their criteria is 'white/Caucasian.' I balance things off by keeping myself in better shape than 'most' of my competition and I also make sure that I can keep them entertained when we meet. That makes up for things at least 75% of the time.
Keep at it, it's a trial and error way to experience things but it can be a lot of fun once you get the hang of it.