Online dating

[MotownMack]

I did a thread search on this, and a few things popped up, but not much related to my very simple question.

It's my opinion that online dating works like real world dating, but in reverse. First you see if there is some type of mental connection (similar sense of humor, etc) and common interests, and then you meet and determine if that chemistry carries over to real life. In real life, you're usually sizing up the chemistry, and if that test is passed, you move onto the "getting to know you" phase.

Now, I am not going to totally crap on the concept of online dating. I've had some relationships with it, and if you're looking to get laid, it can work for that too, there's no question. And you can use a lot of the DJ stuff, but I wonder if communicating too much on the phone actually ruins the type of in your face, and immediate chemistry that you can try to develop when you meet someone out in public first... using the techniques talked about here.

So, is there cross over? Sure there is.

But after relying on mainly that due to time constraints, I am finally beginning to wonder if the real dating is best just done strictly in the field. And not on the computer...

Anyone care to comment on their experiences with this, pro or con?

 

[Warrior74]

In my 3 years of being out of my LTR as you guys would say. I've never really 'dated' from an online site. I've hooked up with younger girls (21-26)from myspace. I've met some amazing women on dating sites who were too far away to date. But that's really the extent of it.

 

[MotownMack]

I've hooked up with younger girls (21-26)from myspace.

Well, that certainly qualifies as "online dating" even if it is wasn't from an dating site, per se. Did you find this worth doing? Is this something you'll continue to do in the future? Or would you prefer to just stick with traditional methods?

 

[Warrior74]

Well, that certainly qualifies as "online dating" even if it is wasn't from an dating site, per se. Did you find this worth doing? Is this something you'll continue to do in the future? Or would you prefer to just stick with traditional methods?

no I quit after a while. I wasn't pulling quality women. Just desperate women. Lots of women who misrepresented themselves in photos. (fat). And lots of crazy women.

One woman looked really great. Had great convo...looked smoking hot in clothes, until I got her alone and discovered she had third degree burns all over her legs arms and back. No wonder she was wearing long sleeves in the summer. She used to be a model and now was disfigured and couldn't adjust. Craaaaaaazy business with that one.

Now I'm just sticking to traditional methods. Actually...no method which is why I'm here. Just to see what other guys in my age range are doing. I decided to stop focusing on women for a while and get my finaces in order and get in shape. 20 more lbs to loose and I've paid off my last credit card. Looking forward to getting back in the game soon.

 

[My Name is Nobody]

It's working for me. I have a hot brazilian I'm chatting up and meeting Saturday! I am already coaxing her to come to my place for a movie after coffee.... She is suggesting movie titles.

I never would have found this girl otherwise. Saturday is looking good fellas! I got a thing for Brazilian chics.. the crazy divorcee was Brazilian too.. I hope they are all not like that!

 

[3countriesPlan]

online dating is good for securing some tang once in awhile but I think that the best is always found in the real world. Check out the subway sometime.. hotties in a can basically.. much better than skanks u see online..

 

[thirtyplus]

Attraction works online exactly as it does in "real life". The women you are attracted to in profiles, and who are attracted to yours, have the same locks and keys for the same reasons.

Check out my post on Natural vs. Created attraction for more (it's pretty recent, in the last month or so).

 

[Latinoman]

Attraction works online exactly as it does in "real life". The women you are attracted to in profiles, and who are attracted to yours, have the same locks and keys for the same reasons.

The above quote is RIDICULOUS.

Women (in the real word) notice men way before we notice them. Especially in a crowded place. In the real word, she will notice your posture, your mannerisms, if you are gawking on other women's breasts, if you are picking your nose. Lot of men get disqualified for stuff like that WAY before he even see the woman.

What's my point? In the real world, you better bring your "A" game. There is not question.

The thing about online is that you create a "perception" based on a few well placed pictures. Also, you can read a profile and based on that profile you can come with key words that can gather her interest. It is NOT hard to B.S. yourself into attracting a woman under those circunstances.

That's why I preach the "self-improvement" thing over the PUA (knowing some PUA's technique are good to get a woman's initial attention...but if you cannot walk the walk...then you are just a Loser pretending to be a DJ).

Once again...I would say that with all the cooking lessons, hiking clubs, dancing clubs, train/subway stations, etc. out there...I find it pretty lazy to use on-line dating. Unless you are unlucky and need to find ANYTHING to get laid.

On-line is PRETTY easy.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Online dating is for people who need Buffers against rejection. Overweight women, and men too afraid of actual rejection, resort to online dating. For all the cries of "I just don't have the time" or "I've scored with plenty of girls online" you simply cannot develop the interpersonal social skills needed to read a woman's IOIs, subcommunications, etc. from behind a monitor. Plenty of Fish.com is a poor substitute for meeting a new woman face to face. You don't build confidence, you don't learn to self-improve. Rejection sucks, but it teaches in ways that Buffers limit.

 

[Blackmm]

In defense of online dating, I think that you get a certain quality of woman that you wouldn't find that quickly in real life. This is still true now, but back in 1997-1998 when I first tried it, it wasn't really mainstream to have a PC or internet access in the home and chicks who did were usually higher educated, in school or wealthy enough to have a $1000+ pc. (Trailer trash weren't online yet and having a pc would cut into a fat chicks snack budget)

 

[frivolousz21]

In defense of online dating, I think that you get a certain quality of woman that you wouldn't find that quickly in real life. This is still true now, but back in 1997-1998 when I first tried it, it wasn't really mainstream to have a PC or internet access in the home and chicks who did were usually higher educated, in school or wealthy enough to have a $1000+ pc. (Trailer trash weren't online yet and having a pc would cut into a fat chicks snack budget)

Online dating can really weed out personality differences that could takes months to figure out.


Its pretty great that I can go on myspace and search for keywords to find women to talk to that have MAJOR common interest.

I am an athiest..atleast I can weed out all deeply religious women at the press of a button

 

[Latinoman]

Don't confuse MySpace with "on-line dating" place.

MySpace is for kids to network. And a waste of time as it takes away from a man's time to better himself.

 

[Colossus]

Online dating is for people who need Buffers against rejection. Overweight women, and men too afraid of actual rejection, resort to online dating. For all the cries of "I just don't have the time" or "I've scored with plenty of girls online" you simply cannot develop the interpersonal social skills needed to read a woman's IOIs, subcommunications, etc. from behind a monitor. Plenty of Fish.com is a poor substitute for meeting a new woman face to face. You don't build confidence, you don't learn to self-improve. Rejection sucks, but it teaches in ways that Buffers limit.

Very true. I have used online dating supplementally, but it does retard the development of social "instincts". When you are communicating with a girl online, you have all the time in the world to think about and prep your response. In face-to-face reality, the pressure is on. You either think quick on your feet, or you sink.

This is a reality that I am dealing with to a degree. Often times i am flirting with a woman and after 5-10 minutes i get "lock-up", where i either start analyzing too much or just sort of freeze up and run out of witty things to say. Not that it's all about being witty, but it illustrates how neglecting FIELD interaction can halt your social development. You have to be able to maintain that continuity of conversation naturally. Women can sense when you are becoming awkward or flustered, and usually at that point it is game over. IL plays a big part in this, but even astronomical IL wont save you from poor conversation skills.

 

[frivolousz21]

this search I just did covers Belleville, Fairview heights, shiloh, Ofallon, Swansea, smithon, freeburg, IL.

that is about 80-90K people.

I only searched for 39 years olds who are single and divorced on myspace...both men and women.

252 people.

age 40:

223 people

age 41:

203 people


if I change the criteria to search for people who are in a relationship or married as well.

age 39:

516 people

age 40:

484 people

age 41:

450 people



I guess more people than kids use myspace..


Within 50 miles of my home there are (1642) 39 year old users on myspace.
if I add 40 year olds to that..the number jumps to 3214.

38-40 year old: 5100
37-40 year old: 7400
37-41 year old: 8700
37-41 year old: 10,000K within 50 miles of Belleville, IL.

 

[Latinoman]

Don't justify that with stats. Most people are losers anyhow.

But if you want to be one of the bunch...that's fine. I have nothing against that.

I am unique and selective.

 

[kyphan]

Having done both, I will happily tell you that online dating is a way to get dates with women from the comfort of your own home. In a sense. For a fee.

It does not mean you will meet a great woman, or have an easier time doing anything beyond a first date. What makes someone successful one a first date is the same thing that makes him successful at a party, in a bar, or bumping into random people on the train. You're either confident or you're not; you're either funny or you're not. A computer does not change the end result.

 

[Luveno]

It does not mean you will meet a great woman, or have an easier time doing anything beyond a first date. What makes someone successful one a first date is the same thing that makes him successful at a party, in a bar, or bumping into random people on the train. You're either confident or you're not; you're either funny or you're not. A computer does not change the end result.

He's right.

It's just another avenue.

If you don't have game, you're up the creek.

 

[frivolousz21]

Don't justify that with stats. Most people are losers anyhow.

But if you want to be one of the bunch...that's fine. I have nothing against that.

I am unique and selective.

atleast I know where you stand on this.


I am not trying to show you up..as I have great repsect for my elders..i just wanted to point out how big of an avenue it is.

 

[My Name is Nobody]

Don't hate on the online dating, it has put many smiles on my face. Problem is I'm getting good at it and have become lazy and don't sarge in public anymore!

 

[MotownMack]

I agree with most of the stuff that was written.

The obvious benefits are the comfort of your own home (not needing to be at the bar or elsewhere), having access to greater number of people in a given area, and having some time to prepare responses (which can all agree, is not going to get you very far if you can't do it on a date).

To clarify, I was wondering if anyone believed this is true:

It seems to be that basis for the most of the DJ stuff that's written, is that your creating that initial chemistry with confidence, body language, attitude, etc... right of that bat. So what maybe your aren't the best looking guy in the place, you've opened, transitioned, comfort, and created attraction. Now it's yours to lose.


With online dating, you can really create attraction exactly. All the opening, transition, comfort.. fine, you can kind of do those. But I am starting to feel like when you first meet-days after most of the emotions you implanted in her mind are long gone, you're almost back to square one. But NOW, you can't really go back and start over again (technically, I guess you could, but it would be way more complicated and doing twice the work).

IOW, if you're agree that you're capitalizing on feeling and emotions when you DJ, it's going to be quite clumsy to reproduce this all over again at the first meeting.

Of course, that's not to say it doesn't work. I've close a lot on online dating, to the point where that's not what I am really looking for. I am trying to go to the next level, and I am not sure online dating is the best avenue for that.