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Online Dating vs. Cold Approach (daygame and nightgame)

Jesse Pinkman

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Since @Jake_Gyllenhaal69 has been making posts about it, I wanted to weigh in as someone who used to cold approach a lot and is slowly getting back into it. After doing it for a while, I have come to agree that if your goal is to get laid a lot, get a lot of dates, or even get a girlfriend, then online dating usually beats cold approach. If you can look good enough, have quality photos taken (hire a photographer for this), and get on the right apps (Hinge is good right now), then you can get a date or two a week from online dating.

A lot of data out there will show that it is rigged in the favor of women and all but just having a top notch online dating profile (usually good pics), sets you apart.

Cold approach is serious wear and tear.

First of all, let's talk about nightgame.

If you do not drink or do drugs, nightgame just seems abnormal. Even if you think you are being "normal", you appear as lame to other people. For me, the loud banging music that is deafening just kills me. I could deal with it in my early twenties when I was drunk but as I have gotten older, it sucks to deal with. In cities like Miami, nightlife doesn't even start till midnight and end till 6 AM in the morning so you practically have to stay out all night if you want to pull. You are usually tired, exhausted, and having to try to pull in such circumstances.

Then let's talk about the fact that any girl that looks above average is going to be out with friends. If she is hot, she is going to be out with a lot of friends. Many of them will be mixed sets you have no chance at. I have talked to women who have told me that ever since COVID, if they do go out it is with their large group and to only hang with their group while before that it was more to meet newer people. Nightlife workers tell me the same thing, people have become a lot more cliquish and venues more price gouging.

Unless you want to hook up with the occasional 6/10, nightgame is usually a waste of time these days.

The exception here is if you can get into a high end venue that is exclusive. However, for that you either need money or an in. Girls will be prettier but also bougier and more stuck up. Nightlife has slowly become a pay to play.

Now let's talk daygame.

Now lets talk daygame, something I practiced a lot in 2022. Some guys claim that you can naturally do it by just being out, I say this is bogus. In order for you to even get decent, you have to go out during the week for the sole purpose of talking to women and suck at it before you actually get good. Overtime, you might naturally become better at it and be able to talk to any woman but as I am finding, use it or lose it is a thing with daygame. It is awkward and very tough to talk to random women that are hot during the day.

To make matters even worse, women aren't necessarily excited or happy when a guy talks to them during the day either. A lot of times, they just want to be left alone. Girls will give you harsh rejections during the day just like they will during the night.

Finally, the issue is volume. I have daygamed in Miami and Manhattan and even there, you might find an approachable girl once every ten minutes. Then you have to shoot your shot and talk to her. Even the best I have known are successful in getting a number about 20% of the time. So a number 2 out of every 10 girls you approach.

So let's say they approach 50 women and get 10 numbers, maybe 1 turns into a sex close.

Then you have to realize that some cities like Miami and even a lot of Eastern European cities are crawling with PUAs and their socially uncalibrated students who spam approach women. So your average girl has been approached by 8 losers already and has her b1tch shield up.

So what can cold approach give you that online dating cannot? And why even cold approach?

First of all, I think you should do both because you need to be hitting on all cylinders.

However, the one advantage cold approach gives you, especially daygame, is that you have more ownership on the types of women you get.

You are more likely to get your "type" from cold approach than you are from online dating.

For example, I have a weakness for the Megan Fox, Dua Lipa, and Kendall Jenner type of look in a woman. In online dating, I don't match with too many women with that kind of look. Through cold approach, I have been able to sleep with women who have that kind of look because I just approached enough to where I did.

In online dating, you can get hot girls but these are girls who already see you as their "type". If psychology is correct, this means that women are going to go for men that remind them of their brothers and fathers (some Freud for you right there). All she has to go off of is your photos and even if they are good, she hasn't really experienced you in person. If she likes you or is on the fence about you, then she will chat with you on the app. However, you don't get to convert the "maybe" girls that you may like as much as you would in real life.

Meanwhile, cold approach is freedom. You can shoot your shot at girls that are your type that you would like to get with. A lot of times, women that don't even use the apps, are too flooded with options on them to where they do not even get to your profile, or even those that may have passed you up will entertain your approach. Occasionally, you can get these women and it feels satisfying when you do.

Then there is the issue with apps being big on Cancel Culture and all PC these days.

Unfortunately, apps are PC. If you piss off the wrong girl, your profile gets banned. If you don't do the right things, the ELO score punishes you. This is why cold approach in a big city becomes viable option in case your matches have dried up. I hear some apps even push you up the ELO score if they find that you have not been as active for a while.
 

BillyPilgrim

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You can still "cold approach" so to speak online with sites and apps that don't require pre-matching to contact. If you spit a good game, you can stand out.

Get back to work Jesse.
 

DEEZEDBRAH

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There's way to optomize OLD. IMHO it should be supplementary and background application. It should be running in the background and little effort should be utilized beyond superb pics and running your sales funnel.

Cold approach is difficult but a million times better. Most men don't approach. Can't pull. Are lazy and they get sub par results.

I've done pickup 7 nights a week day or night as a much younger man. This isn't ideal. A better way is to sniper approach @SW15 style and make it routine in your daily life. 5x everyday will suffice. More importantly, man should have purpose, and utility.

OLD on the backend of operations. Front end should be pickup. Both should be refined and neither should take up your life. Its a segment or aspect of life. It's a component but not life.

A man's highest purpose can't be chasing as or he's no better than the simp on OFs or pron.

Optomize the process should be the way forward. More importantly, creating a lifestyle that incorporates abundance is optimal. 110% of a man's effort should be allocated towards purpose. Getting girls is sport. The game in 2023 is catch and release.
 

Jake_Gyllenhaal69

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Note, I won't quote everything to keep my post

If you can look good enough, have quality photos taken (hire a photographer for this), and get on the right apps (Hinge is good right now), then you can get a date or two a week from online dating.
Spot on, OLD is 99% looks to get anything rolling.

If you do not drink or do drugs, nightgame just seems abnormal. Even if you think you are being "normal", you appear as lame to other people. For me, the loud banging music that is deafening just kills me. I could deal with it in my early twenties when I was drunk but as I have gotten older, it sucks to deal with. In cities like Miami, nightlife doesn't even start till midnight and end till 6 AM in the morning so you practically have to stay out all night if you want to pull. You are usually tired, exhausted, and having to try to pull in such circumstances.
Exactly, my interest in clubs and bar hopping has detiorated as I have aged. Most of the time you are having to go up against a group of people/social circles and deal with the nonsense. My sex life took a Barbarossa hit after I turned 21 and my friends started ditching house parties for bars. There were pregames, but it was generally with the same people and not a fresh random diverse group of females that you would see at house parties.

Now let's talk daygame.
Day game sounds like hell NGL lol. Props to you for doing that because it is not for everyone. The vast majority of men are going to choose long dry spells or be incels over day gaming because it's that tough lol. You are right that it does put you up with the women you want in particular. The hottest women you encounter are in public, not in your social circle or OLD generally. Guys that say cold approaching is better are in the clear minority because if it was then most guys would be doing it over OLD or rotting lol.

In online dating, you can get hot girls but these are girls who already see you as their "type". If psychology is correct, this means that women are going to go for men that remind them of their brothers and fathers (some Freud for you right there). All she has to go off of is your photos and even if they are good, she hasn't really experienced you in person. If she likes you or is on the fence about you, then she will chat with you on the app. However, you don't get to convert the "maybe" girls that you may like as much as you would in real life.
This is actually the hardest part of OLD and I am glad you brought this up. Getting a match is easy after you learn that it is 99% pics. Filtering out the hopeless romantics/weirdos and getting frustrated over women that rejected you over stupid first date shvt like "No Vibe" or "No Spark" is the worst thing about OLD.
 

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SW15

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I have come to agree that if your goal is to get a girlfriend, then online dating usually beats cold approach.
Why is online dating better for the goal of a longer term interaction?

Cold approach is serious wear and tear.
Truth. I'll focus on daygame but acknowledge that your nightgame analysis was accurate.

It's not fun to shower, get dressed, and likely drive/take public transportation to a daygame spot to do approaches for 2 hours and get nothing when you could have accomplished the same thing sitting at home and doing nothing. Many approach sessions are like that, both from nightgame and daygame.

Now lets talk daygame, something I practiced a lot in 2022. Some guys claim that you can naturally do it by just being out, I say this is bogus. In order for you to even get decent, you have to go out during the week for the sole purpose of talking to women and suck at it before you actually get good. Overtime, you might naturally become better at it and be able to talk to any woman but as I am finding, use it or lose it is a thing with daygame. It is awkward and very tough to talk to random women that are hot during the day.

To make matters even worse, women aren't necessarily excited or happy when a guy talks to them during the day either. A lot of times, they just want to be left alone. Girls will give you harsh rejections during the day just like they will during the night.

Finally, the issue is volume. I have daygamed in Miami and Manhattan and even there, you might find an approachable girl once every ten minutes. Then you have to shoot your shot and talk to her. Even the best I have known are successful in getting a number about 20% of the time. So a number 2 out of every 10 girls you approach.

So let's say they approach 50 women and get 10 numbers, maybe 1 turns into a sex close.
It's essentially impossible to do daygame naturally. To get enough volume of approaches in to arrange dates, the vast majority of men are going to need to do some sort of dedicated approach session. This can take on multiple forms. It could be 2-3 hours in a city park on a weekend. It could be lingering longer in a grocery store while doing your standard grocery shopping. It could involve lingering in multiple mall stores or a bookstore.

I've not gotten many harsh rejections during the day. It's mostly conversations that go nowhere in 30-60 seconds. Women make it clear with their short answers and disinterested body language that they aren't into it. It's likely at least some of these women have boyfriends and are not looking for new penis but other women are available and either disinterested for some reason or socially inept.

Getting 2 numbers per 10 approaches in a really good number close rate. Number close rate is meaningless because some numbers are flakes. Arranged and completed first dates is the better measurement of daygame success. The percentage of approaches that result in an actual first date is usually in the low single digits.

the one advantage cold approach gives you, especially daygame, is that you have more ownership on the types of women you get.

You are more likely to get your "type" from cold approach than you are from online dating.
If you can get their attention, you can't get ghosted mid-conversion. Getting attention is the challenging part. Earbuds have made it more difficult to get daygame attention.

So what can cold approach give you that online dating cannot? And why even cold approach?

First of all, I think you should do both because you need to be hitting on all cylinders.
I disagree with doing both. I favor choosing one game method and getting really good at that method, then maybe considering a second method. I came to this conclusion through trial and error. I've been a mostly daygame person for a long time, but I was sprinkling in some nightlife on occasion. I have more approaching experience than most men though.
 

Lifeman

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I agree with Jesse especially concerning night game and day game. As I have approached 30s night game is becoming tiresome even detrimental to my health. As the luck of sleep and even a glass of mixed drink, is starting to elevate blood pressure. I do enjoy the night scene, dancing by myself and with girls being social with people, even without getting laid. But my is telling me to quit night game.

Day game is tough in Nashville, no harsh rejections yet. Farthest I have gone is a date that cancelled last minute. So far the girls just entertain the conversations when we banter, sometimes even offering number, but they don't respond or they respond once and ghost. I have learnt that when the girls are too eager in the conversation and gladly give you their number, it means nothing. I have also learned to read female body language and to calibrate myself based on that.
 

stringpuller

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Jeezus here we go again. Lol
You guys thst love this debate. Go outside touch some grass. Go do something. For a change dont think about women.
There is great relief to really (not just in words) not give a fck.
You guys caught in this cycle are doing more harm then good.
Turn your attention on yourself for z change.
Jessy's 500th thread this year about this stuff lol
 

Jake_Gyllenhaal69

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Day game is tough in Nashville, no harsh rejections yet. Farthest I have gone is a date that cancelled last minute. So far the girls just entertain the conversations when we banter, sometimes even offering number, but they don't respond or they respond once and ghost. I have learnt that when the girls are too eager in the conversation and gladly give you their number, it means nothing. I have also learned to read female body language and to calibrate myself based on that.
lol didn’t I tell you nashville is a cesspit :rofl: . I went from being a borderline Incel to pvssy paradise just from leaving that shvt hole. Hell, I was in much better shape there too because I was training for OCS. I still have ptsd from having to deal with that BS up there lol.
 

Lifeman

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lol didn’t I tell you nashville is a cesspit :rofl: . I went from being a borderline Incel to pvssy paradise just from leaving that shvt hole. Hell, I was in much better shape there too because I was training for OCS. I still have ptsd from having to deal with that BS up there lol.
Meh it's typical, day game is quite random regardless of the city, nothing PTSD inducing. The volume makes up for it compared to the previous city I lived in though.
 

Lifeman

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@Jake_Gyllenhaal69, Albany NY for 2 years then Zanesville OH for 1 year before Nashville. BTW I think I saw you swinging two blonde mudsharks at Rosemary and Beauty Queen lol
 

Jake_Gyllenhaal69

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@Jake_Gyllenhaal69, Albany NY for 2 years then Zanesville OH for 1 year before Nashville. BTW I think I saw you swinging two blonde mudsharks at Rosemary and Beauty Queen lol
Nashville is definitely an upgrade form those 2 cities, but that isn't saying much. That is your Nash expat in a nutshell, an escapee from Chicago or the rust belt. Lol the only white women I will consider are non-American white women which aren't in Nash.
 

Jesse Pinkman

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@Jake_Gyllenhaal69 @SW15 @DEEZEDBRAH

Cold approach is a lot tougher but it is the most rewarding because it is tougher. Jake, I know you have a type but tbh, you are going to likely get that type from cold approaching as those girls are not that common on apps. I actually find that dating apps in general tend to mostly be basic white girls. If you want a hot girl of another type, you have to try your luck with cold approaching. Plus, good luck getting on a hot girl's radar in online dating when she had 4k+ matches to wade through.

Cold approach is tough but it is the most fulfilling. The issue is that it has to be supplemented because even at its best, it is going to be tough to get a high lay count from it.
 

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