Oneitis causing me to second guess myself

[SteR]

Hi guys,

To cut a long story short, I had a new co-worker start at my company a few months before christmas. She was showing huge IOIs all the way until our xmas do where she pretty much threw herself at me.

At the time I was thinking rationally and walked away from her thinking a) she's already shown too many red flags and b) I shouldn't get involved with co-workers, especially ones I work so closely with.

The problem is after this happened she clearly stopped her pursuit, but this then had the opposite damn effect on me and caused me to start crushing on her. Obviously I keep reminding myself that it was my decision to walk away from this situation, however now my mind is playing tricks on me and I'm starting to question whether I made the right decision.

My social life is limited at the moment which makes things very difficult. Hopefully things will improve soon but it's hard to tell.

I suppose what I'm looking for is reassurance that I made the right decision. I was talking it over with some friends last night and they said I was a fool for turning her down.. but I'd argue that they're generally pretty clueless when it comes to women and figure a man should take everything he can get.

Any thoughts?

 

[scrouds]

You made the right decision bro. I went through this once. New co-worker, came all sorts of flirty with me. I don't **** where i eat, so i ignored it all. She eventually withdrew the flirtyness, and I missed it like hell.

But she's not going to keep pinging an empty well. She tried, didn't get a good response and eventually moved on to warmer prospects. I wanted it back, but that just wasn't going to happen now.

 

[expos]

You made the right call, trust me.

A married co-worker of mine screwed one of our interns. Do you know how he's viewed in the office now? He'll never be remembered for the work he did, that's for damn sure.

I know your situation is a bit different but if a woman comes on that strong, there is another motive at play (she could be a total sl_t, she could be getting back at a boyfriend, she could be just plain mental).

Keep posting here if you are struggling and we'll talk you through it.

 

[the_untold_history]

most of the female problems we see are a result of lack of female Options.

 

[SteR]

You made the right decision bro. I went through this once. New co-worker, came all sorts of flirty with me. I don't **** where i eat, so i ignored it all. She eventually withdrew the flirtyness, and I missed it like hell.

Exactly what I'm going through at the moment.. withdrawal symptoms from the attention I suppose.

You made the right call, trust me.

A married co-worker of mine screwed one of our interns. Do you know how he's viewed in the office now? He'll never be remembered for the work he did, that's for damn sure.

I know your situation is a bit different but if a woman comes on that strong, there is another motive at play (she could be a total sl_t, she could be getting back at a boyfriend, she could be just plain mental).

Keep posting here if you are struggling and we'll talk you through it.

Thanks. I thought I had too until I started discussing my decision with others. Most of them said to go for it despite all the warning signs I'd seen ie: talking openly of other men she's sleeping with & drinking excessively. The problem is she's very attractive and comes from a very wealthy family.. which are obviously desirable traits, however they're certainly not good enough to negate the red flags. I also value my job and I'm terrified of the impact it could have if everything went sour...

Right when I first met this girl my gut started screaming to avoid her, which was fine, except the last few months have seen a complete reversal. She's clearly given up the pursuit however now my retarded body has flooded my brain with chemicals that are making me lust after her like crazy, causing me to second guess myself. I've managed to hold out this long, and I think I'm past the worst of it but we'll see.

most of the female problems we see are a result of lack of female Options.

I 100% agree with you here - it's definitely because of this. I think I've mentioned in another thread that due to the huge amount of work I have on at the moment, I've limited time to socialise. On the plus side though, a few of the girls at work are trying to set me up with their friends so that should help..

Anyway thanks guys, you've helped clear up my thoughts

 

[SecondHalf]

All good advice, especially don't **** where you eat.

Friends can help, but it's risky. You risk friendships (at least could make them a little awkward) if the blind date fails. However, if you use them to get invited to more parties or social gatherings, that works well.

Why don't you do the bootcamp to distract yourself?
Might find you won't want much help if it helps you.

SH