Having a bit of a problem and feel stuck. I have a bad case of oneitis with a girl at work, who I see a couple times a week. It's really hard to avoid/ignore her since we don't work in a large area. It also seems like dating other girls hasn't cured this trapped feeling. So what's the best way to deal with this? If anyone has any similar experiences, would love to hear. Help me get rid of this!
"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"
You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.
For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.
Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.
The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.
Oneitis at work
- Thread starter mrmoe
- Start date
"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
Hehe, well now we have a game! Question is, do you want to play?mrmoe said:
You have one chance to get anything out of this, but you must promise yourself that after you give it a shot and it doesn't work out, you MUST move on.
I think you have to ask her out. It's for you to decide where to go. Somewhere simple. You guys know each other so talk should be easy (obviously not about work all the the time). The thing is, if you want this to work you have to act differently. By differently I mean not like you do normally. Do something you think she wouldn't expect you to do, like making a leap in the kino department.
If she has put you into her LJBF bin, the only way to shake that is to get her to wonder if she assesed you correctly. I can't help you much as far as ideas go since I don't know you at all.
Of course it would not be a good idea to try something that, if you fail, would make working with her uncomfortable...duh!
Make a plan, execute it, if does not work out, then forget about your feelings. Find a flaw in her or something and get the oneitis out of your head (her biggest flaw is not hooking up with you a long time ago
).Don't take me as an expert I'm just giving out ideas, but do something. Oneitis sucks, I've had it. The only way out is to find someone else and fill that gap in your head, but not before you're absolutely sure you have nowhere else to go, because you will always wonder "what if" otherwise.
Hope that helps.
Guys, thanks for the quick responses. I know I have to take some sort of action very soon. This is just a horrible state of mind to be in. I feel confident enough that it will be resolved, which is a good thing!
Some more details on this. We have somewhat of a close relationship. People have assumed we were a couple a few times when we were out. We interact on a very close level (share food, drinks, play fight, stupid things like that). As soon as I started picking up that she was into this other dude, I started feeling a little jealous and have that oneitis feeling.
Some more details on this. We have somewhat of a close relationship. People have assumed we were a couple a few times when we were out. We interact on a very close level (share food, drinks, play fight, stupid things like that). As soon as I started picking up that she was into this other dude, I started feeling a little jealous and have that oneitis feeling.
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
elor, I can relate to that story somewhat. Albeit the end result was nowhere near as successful. Similar situation happened a week ago. We were at a bar. I wanted to make a move but she started blatantly flirting with that guy I mentioned. I wanted no part of the game, so I left a bit early. Looking back, I probably shouldn't have but I didn't care to be sucked into that.