ONE YEAR FROM TODAY - I'm Getting Married

[dietzcoi]

assasin

Your post was pure AFC. Why are you here anyway?

Your post should be on Oprah Winfrey not here. Maybe Dr. Phil would agree with you.

The point of being a DJ seems to me to be to avoid the exact thing Gio is being lured into. Marriage in itself is not always AFC, but in his case it is.

He is infatuated, marrying too young and too quickly, taking on a woman with issues, still in college, etc, etc. If his actions are not AFC, what is?

Please enlighten me. And stop encouraging AFC behavior.

I amy be new but I was AFC for years and I recognize it immediately.

Dietzcoi.

 

[tiburon]

I disagree

Alot of people have responded about their experiences but GIO is so hard headed and arrogant he refuses to listen by ofending them and telling them they did something wrong..? HAve you read the whole thread assasin..?

I also think it was definetely a bad thing she found out about this site and that he is GIOVANI CASANOVA...ii would be surprised if she hasnt gone in a friends computer and read everything this guy talks and all the shyt people tell him about her. Personally i think that is all trouble...If she is a con artist now she is prepared even more to keep on acting as she might think people are warning GC. IF she is actually a decent woman no she is probably defensive or insecure about GC .The whole thing of she finding out was a shame..but well..live moves on .

Also this guy should listen to Cesare Cardinali instead of arguing with him..the guy like many of us have given him great advice wish he refuses to listen and just explain why he is right.

Tiburon

 

[assasin]

Originally posted by dietzcoi
assasin

Your post was pure AFC. Why are you here anyway?

I am here because most of the stuff in the bible is about taking control of your life and becoming a more socially adept person. I was dissatisfied with my conversaitional skills and arrived here from search results.

Your post should be on Oprah Winfrey not here. Maybe Dr. Phil would agree with you.
...

Please enlighten me. And stop encouraging AFC behavior.

Are you referring to my comments that women are human too? Is being a DJ about hating women? I reject that and I will reject that untill I die. Be a man by all means, but never stop being a human.

What makes me AFC? I am neither average nor frustrated, neither am I a chump. Just last week I put my wife firmly in her place when she argued with me in front of her father, and she respects me for it.

As for getting married too young, Life is short, and the only regret I will ever have are the things I didn't do.

There is a chance that my marriage will crash in flames, and I will get hurt. God wants to test me? Bring it on, I wont be an easy target.

**** happens. People get hurt In life that's half the fun!

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

Originally posted by DJ Logic
I know you are a smart dude and have probably already torn your hair out thinking this thru. But you have to admit there is a spark of wisdom in what Cesare is saying.

I never claimed there wasn't. I admit that indeed, what Cesare has said is worth some careful consideration. Cesare was just a little late to the party... I spent a lot of time thinking about all of this BEFORE I proposed. By the time we get married, we'll have been together for two years and some change. We'll have known each other for more than two and a half years. I've given this all the thought and attention that is prudent for a decision that will affect the rest of my life.

 

[dietzcoi]

Assasin

I never said you were AFC, I said your advice was AFC.

I am referring to your making excuses for Gio to marry this woman who has all kinds of issues, while still in college (this is absolutely ridiculous!) with a kid from a loser, etc, etc

He is F@cking up and you encourage him.

THat is AFC advice. He can get that advice from woman's discussion boards! Or Oprah!

"Yes if you love her it will all work out" Puke, puke... AFC/women's advice. Why not write to Ann Landers for God's sake?!?!?

Makes me ill!!!!!

DIetzcoi

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

Re: lol

Originally posted by tiburon
Nevertheless i dont like how this woman invaded his privacy but i wont say crap because GIOVANI CASANOVA finds that this is ok..and will give me 1001 excuses for why she doing this is not a big deal etc...

Some of you have a weird idea of what privacy means. To me, privacy is when you have a journal that you write in that you keep locked away and hidden. Privacy is not when you write down all your thoughts on a world wide web so that everyone can see it. She didn't do anything wrong in discovering this site, and didn't invade my privacy when she read my posts any more than any of you guys invade my privacy when you read my posts.

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

Originally posted by dietzcoi
If his actions are not AFC, what is?

Please enlighten me. And stop encouraging AFC behavior.

AFC stands for Average Frustrated Chump.

Am I average? Not hardly.

Am I frustrated? Nope, but you kinda sound like maybe you are.

Am I a chump? Negative. We're 0/3 on the AFC definition.

The AFC is the guy who desperately wants this one girl who doesn't know he exists. He's the guy spends his Friday nights lamenting his lack of a girlfriend. He's the guy who thinks that sending love notes to a girl he barely knows will win her heart over. He's the guy who feels he can't live without a woman by his side, because a female is his only sense of self-worth. He's the guy who is miserable in a relationship, but won't leave; the guy who tolerates cheating and lying and won't let go. The guy who lets himself be treated as a doormat by women, and is neither deserving nor receiving of any respect.

Somewhere along the line, though, love became an AFC emotion, and anger became the primary DJ emotion. In reality, love should be the most "DJ" emotion of them all.

 

[assasin]

I beg your pardon, I never promised him a rose garden!

And my advice was based on my beliefs, so if my advice was AFC then my beliefs are AFC ergo I must be AFC.

But if the definition of non-AFC is to reject opportunities based on fear and generalisations of women based on incorrect peceptions of past experiences, then I'll carry on as I am.

I'm accused of not having read the posts, but all I could see that you are basing your arguments on is that if a woman has a kid from a previous relationship that you consider unhealthy, and she happens to have come across a part of Giovannis life that he hadn't chosen to reveal to her.

Giovanni has already indicated that he is financially secure. But you picked up on him being at college, maybe he's studying for a vocational qualification, such as his masters in business studies or associateship in a professional board, or a certificate of competency.

I have no opinions on Giovannis engagement, nor on his fiance's life or his own. What I do have an opiion on is whether we should be responding negatively to a Master DJ when he tells us he is ready to strike out on the next phase of his life.

If you or anyone else on this board feel that they wish to spend their lives jumping from bed to bed in a never ending orgy of self gratification, good luck to you.

Giovanni, Bungo and many others however have taken the step of entering into a trusting relationship for the long term. They may get hurt, that is what trust entails. But at least they understand the nature of what a partnership involves, the benefits and the drawbacks. That principle will always have my support and it is something I will always defend.

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

Originally posted by assasin
Giovanni has already indicated that he is financially secure. But you picked up on him being at college, maybe he's studying for a vocational qualification, such as his masters in business studies or associateship in a professional board, or a certificate of competency.

Law school.

 

[DJ Logic]

Well, Gio

I cant help but feel bad that you are getting so much $hit here when people should be celebrating a happy event in your life. Opinions will run pretty strong on this topic because we have all seen marriages crumble over and over. Ultimately though, none of us is you. This woman obviously fulfills you on many levels and if there are no red flags from the family (especially mom) then you have my blessing ... not that an anonymous internet blessing means fukk all, but you know what I mean.

My marriage went to pieces in the worst way, but I really dont regret it. Sometimes in life you just have to forge ahead. Its the only way to reach the next level. We succeed and then celebrate. Mistakes are made so we can learn. Even if this chick turns out to be a total psycho bytch down the line, life will go on and you will be a stronger man for it.

So guys, quit givin this man such a hard time. He knows what he´s doin!

Congrats Gio.. for sure this time!

 

[tiburon]

PRivacy

WEDDING MAN:

lol if it wasnt a bit private you wouldnt had had to erase any post ...but whatever you are always right....

Tiburon

 

[Sting]

Gio,

It’s rare that I post here anymore, but I couldn’t help noticing your announcement of your impending nuptials. Unlike many others who have posted responses, however, I will neither congratulate you nor condemn you for your decision. In the end your decision to get married was just that – yours.

Nevertheless, after reading the previous posts in your thread, one particular thought struck me that required clarification, namely, WHY? In many of your responses to previous posts, you appeared to be justifying your decision, leading me to speculate that you are still subconsciously asking yourself such a question. Indeed, the fact that you posted your announcement on this board, where you (by your own admission) have discussed ad nauseum the various aspects of dating and relationships, intimates that you were at least curious regarding the types of responses you would receive to your announcement. Naturally, it would seem presumptuous to believe that all of the responses would be positive, therefore one would think that you were interested in the rationales of those who elected to post negative responses.

Many of the negative responses to your announcements raise valid points. Although you profess to have considered those issues, it would seem that you are attempting to “check off” the issues you’ve considered, thereby further reinforcing the correctness of your decision. Without going into specific detail, however, there appear to be numerous issues that you apparently did not consider, and yet when faced with them in this thread, you discount the impact those issues might have on your marital bliss. This, of course, is a natural reaction to potentially disruptive thoughts. Yet you need to keep in mind that the vast majority of people on this board do not want you to fail. Rather, they only want you to consider those issues with which they may have personal experience but you do not.

Marriage can be as significant or insignificant a decision as you make it. There are, however, legal, financial, psychological and societal consequences if a marriage fails. This is the undeniable reality of your decision.

 

[Bonhomme]

To all you parade soakers ...

Gio's planning to get married a year from now.

The main reason many marriages fail is that the people get married before the infatuation phase passes. A year from now should be well past that point, if the relationship isn't already past it.

'Nuff said. Congrats, again, Gio!

BTW, good post.

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

Originally posted by Sting
Nevertheless, after reading the previous posts in your thread, one particular thought struck me that required clarification, namely, WHY?

There are so many reasons, but the most simple and obvious reason is this: I love her. Not a popular sentiment on this board, you understand, but that's it in a nutshell.

Indeed, the fact that you posted your announcement on this board, where you (by your own admission) have discussed ad nauseum the various aspects of dating and relationships, intimates that you were at least curious regarding the types of responses you would receive to your announcement. Naturally, it would seem presumptuous to believe that all of the responses would be positive, therefore one would think that you were interested in the rationales of those who elected to post negative responses.

My purpose in posting this thread was two-fold.

One, I felt it appropriate to let everyone know the decision I had made simply because it relates to this board and its teachings in a very real way. For me, this has been my goal from the start: find a girl who met specific criteria (physically attractive, intelligent, witty/funny, interesting, similar political/social views, similar interests, etc.) and carry out an LTR which could possibly culminate in marriage. So, I felt that this decision was definitely something I should share with the board as a whole.

Second, I believed there would be a significant amount of backlash and/or negative/angry responses. This is, after all, the DJ board, where marriage is certainly not viewed in the most positive light, and I expected a wide range of people trying to talk me out of this for various reasons. I was quite curious to hear those reasons, and see if anything was presented that I had not thought about myself.

Many of the negative responses to your announcements raise valid points. Although you profess to have considered those issues, it would seem that you are attempting to “check off” the issues you’ve considered, thereby further reinforcing the correctness of your decision. Without going into specific detail, however, there appear to be numerous issues that you apparently did not consider, and yet when faced with them in this thread, you discount the impact those issues might have on your marital bliss. This, of course, is a natural reaction to potentially disruptive thoughts.

The only thing that was mentioned that I had not given due consideration to before I proposed (besides the moronic baseless claims of "she's cheating on you!") was the incident where she came to this site and read some of my posts, which happened in the very early days of our relationship and was such a non-issue that I hadn't thought about it in some time. Concerns about the fact that she has a child and that we are both young are the main issues that I put careful consideration into while making this decision, but I am satisfied with my final decision and I'm satisfied that I gave this the full course and range of thought that was necessary to make the best decision.

 

[( . )( . )]

ONE YEAR FROM TODAY - I'm Getting Married

and?.........still waiting for the punchline.

 

[Sting]

Gio,

No offense intended, but your answer is as I expected. Without resulting to the old cliché, “love is blind,” love has a tendency to override rational thought when an objective viewpoint is most needed. Rather than continue the inquisition that many on this thread have initiated, including myself, the strongest recommendation I can give you is to allow time to temper your enthusiasm towards marriage.

The title of your thread indicated that your nuptials are a year away. Unfortunately, that single year will pass by rather quickly, and will likely be filled with significant wedding planning, logistical issues involving the merging of you and your fiancé’s households, financial issues, and related concerns. You will find that very little time will be spent on determining whether marriage is the correct decision for both of you. Of course, your response to the foregoing will likely be that you’ve made your decision, so there’s nothing left to consider. Trust me, there is always something left to consider. Indeed, you should be considering and reconsidering your decision to get married up to the day you say “I do.” If you aren’t already aware, women will do this all the time, hence the cliché of a man being “left at the altar.” You have this right as well, and it is one that you should not hesitate to exercise.

To the extent that you value the advice of individuals on this board, it might be helpful if you posted updates on your marriage plans, including your thoughts during the upcoming year. That way, you have numerous objective viewpoints at your disposal. Otherwise, you are only left with two viewpoints – yours and hers – both of which are already pre-disposed towards marriage in light of your respective decisions to do so.

 

[DIESEL]

Re: Re: lol

Originally posted by Giovanni Casanova

Some of you have a weird idea of what privacy means. To me, privacy is when you have a journal that you write in that you keep locked away and hidden. Privacy is not when you write down all your thoughts on a world wide web so that everyone can see it. She didn't do anything wrong in discovering this site, and didn't invade my privacy when she read my posts any more than any of you guys invade my privacy when you read my posts. [/B]

Actually in a way, she did. The world wide web is still "private" in the sense you still have privacy via anonimity, do you go around and tell all your friends that you post under the name Giovanni Casanova on www.sosuave.com?". Unless you are doing that, the intent would probably involve some expectation of privacy, don't you think? ( I think there is seeing as you went back and deleted some old posts that referenced her.)

Since your name isn't really Giovanni Casanova and my name isn't DIESEL, we really don't know each other from a hole in the wall. However, your girlfriend does know you and now she has access to your private thoughts - including ones you may have posted before you even met her.... Thus, even though they are published on the web - they are still private - because you ARE NOT USING YOUR REAL NAME. Your alias maintains the illusion of privacy.

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

Re: Re: Re: lol

Originally posted by DIESEL
Actually in a way, she did. The world wide web is still "private" in the sense you still have privacy via anonimity, do you go around and tell all your friends that you post under the name Giovanni Casanova on www.sosuave.com?". Unless you are doing that, the intent would probably involve some expectation of privacy, don't you think? ( I think there is seeing as you went back and deleted some old posts that referenced her.)

Since your name isn't really Giovanni Casanova and my name isn't DIESEL, we really don't know each other from a hole in the wall. However, your girlfriend does know you and now she has access to your private thoughts - including ones you may have posted before you even met her.... Thus, even though they are published on the web - they are still private - because you ARE NOT USING YOUR REAL NAME. Your alias maintains the illusion of privacy.

I agree, to a point. Since I've been on this site, I've read many of your posts, but as you say, I don't know you from anyone on the street. Now if someone was to tell me, "Hey, see that guy over there? He posts on a website called sosuave.com. His username is DIESEL." Am I then invading your privacy?

Or, for a closer example, say a friend of yours is on your computer, with your permission, and an Instant Message pops up and says, "Hey, is the Black Bull from the girlproblems.com site?" Your friend says, "No, sorry," but then gets curious about a site called "girlproblems" so he checks it out and reads some of your posts under the Black Bull username. Is he then invading your privacy?

 

[Big-J]

Just got a few questions...


1. Have you ever lived with this girl for any EXTENDED period of time? If not, I suggest living with her for 6 months to 1 year, while your engaged, since you now are.

2. Why Marriage, Why now (not as in now with this girl, now as in now at 23 years old)? How is marriage going to make this relationship any different than what it is, with the exception of a big ceremony, 2 rings, and saying "I do"? If you've both got feelings and chemistry this strong for each other that you both feel you can get married, you could also be together without being married for about 2-3 years.


3. Remember this:

Median duration of marriage: 7.2 years
Likelihood of new marriages ending in divorce: 43%
Percentage of first marriages that end in divorce: 50%
Percentage of remarriages that end in divorce: 60%
Percentage of divorces due to irreconcilable differences: 80%


Marriage is, supposed to be, for the rest of your life. In my opinion, one year isn't going to make up a lifetime of experiances good or bad. Look at the statistics. I've personally known friends like you that have rushed off to get married, and quite frankly it was great the first couple of years, and then just went down hill from there.

The rest of your lives is one hell of a long time, can you REALLY see yourself 20-30 years from now with THIS person? Have you thought about WHAT it would be like living with her AFTER KNOWING her for that long. Would you be able to handle the possibility of the "spark" in the relationship going out? Just HOW WELL DO you know the girl? Will you Be able to handle 50+ years OF THE SAME PERSON? Will she be able to handle 50+ years OF YOU?



You really AREN'T rushing into this are you?


If your questions to one or more of these questions is NO, then in my opinion, you need to take more time before you get hitched. Love is blind, but friends are there to help your voice of reason. There's a big difference between a 2 year relationship, and a 10 year marriage.

Your heart may say marriage, your head should say proceed with caution. Love with your heart, think with your head.


Oh and a few unrelated questions, What's the longest relationship either of you have been in?

Oh, and have any of you ever been in a relationship where it ended because the relationship got stale?

Have you ever been with someone long enough to have the relationship go somewhat boring because it was the same thing over again?

What would you do to keep your relationship exciting when it gets old/boring?

What happens if someone eventually after marriage turns out to be what you never wanted after all? Could you have figured that out without marrying the person and just been in a VERY long relationship?

If it's not too much to ask, Answer all the questions, and I would like you to make it detailed. Think to yourself what your answers are, tell me why you answered what you did.

 

[tiburon]

ILL tell you why..?

"2. Why Marriage, Why now (not as in now with this girl, now as in now at 23 years old)? How is marriage going to make this relationship any different than what it is, with the exception of a big ceremony, 2 rings, and saying "I do"? If you've both got feelings and chemistry this strong for each other that you both feel you can get married, you could also be together without being married for about 2-3 years."

The kid is in love and therfore blinded.....pretty simple!


Tiburon ..there is no other rational explanation