One step forward, two steps back

[_Dream_]

So the girl I am seeing for some time now ( 6th date) came to my place again. And it turns out she wanted to have sex even before i just wasn’t forceful enough..

I took advice you all gave me I tried to dominate.

After some time of fooling around things got heated up and I put her hands in my pants. I proceed to get her on her knees, take her by her hair and F*ck her mouth. I was very surprised how well she responded to that, never before would I do such a thing to a girl. ( thx)

Then I tried to go for sex but her anti slut defense kicked in and her mood changed totally.
Okey I said, take it slowly now, kiss, touch, make her believe she aint a slut.


Things got hot again, I tried to take her pants of, but was met with heavy resistance.
I got frustrated and decided to go all out, I forced my hand down her pants ( and it was met with strong resistance ), but I felt how horny she was. It took all I got to hold her hands and get into her pants. AND SHE F*CKING LOVED IT ( if i tried that with my ex she would scream and call me an idiot.. )

She got super wet and horny and wanted to fvck badly. But in the meantime I totally forgot about myself and the worst thing happened:

I lost my hard on. Nothing could bring it back… I got nervous because im not hard, that was all i could think of and that made it impossible to recover.


She was looking at my face to judge the situation. But I was confident and smiling, and that fixed the drama a bit.
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Later that night while she was sleeping next to me I got horny again. Started touching her, her pants were don’t, she was wet as hell, I was hard. PERFECT. I could have ****ed her right there.

But I got up to get a condom, got freaking nervous or smt, and as I was putting it on, its death grip killed my boner…. Again nothing could bring it back, since now all my focus was on getting hard instead of enjoying the situation..

So I fingered her, she screamed in pleasure and gave me a HJ in the morning…

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I feel like such a failure. I don’t know how to help myself, to stop that from happening again.
It didn’t help that I was tired from work and not really in the mood whole day.
I mean I did make some progress with women last day, but I ruined my chance for sex twice..

 

[blind_one]

You did not ruin anything. You escalated correctly I suppose. You are basicly putting too much pressure on yourself and you know it. Relax as If you've done it thousands of times be smoove and proceed. You know she wants it badly and you know you will fvck her brains out. Do not overcomplicate it, drink a bottle of wine with her to loosen up. It is all in your head.

 

[CuddleJunkie]

**** mate congrats, don't be too hard on yourself, you will probably need some more time to adjust yourself to this new situation.

 

[Glumix]

Ahah man! Congratulations!
You didn't ruin anything. She did by showing too much resistance.
Don't forget yourself next time.

 

[_Dream_]

I have to say thank you guys. I was a total mess this morning and you helped me relax so freaking much. I’m laughing at how worried i was.
Everything is in my head, i just need to relax and go into a mentality of "i did this 1000 times already it isn’t a big deal" instead of being so nervous that things go well


I honestly don’t have friends who I could say all of this (in this much detail ), finding this place is a blessing
She is hungry for the D, and will come again in few days.
thx again

 

[Glumix]

She is hungry for the D, and will come again in few days.

Sure she is! That's probably the first time a man took her like that!

But keep your frame and keep your humility as well, you didn't win the war yet.

Don't do the exact same things next time. Be unpredictable. Create something new.

 

[NSX-R]

Stop watching porn and masturbating. It does a lot of damage to yourself without you realizing it. That's why i think you had those effects.

More than that well done on overcoming your restrictive beliefs. Keep on trying and don;t worry. Everything is gonna be fine.

 

[Berom]

Thanks for sharing. I see this as a success story in regards to dominating. So what?-you couldn't get it up. Don't worry about it. But you did learn how girls mess with you purposely just to see how much you want them or will work for it

Stop watching porn and masturbating. It does a lot of damage to yourself without you realizing it.

I agree, however, I believe 'healthy masturbation' can be beneficial to your sex drive and self-satisfaction. Dr. Glover does into depth about healthy masturbation in his book No More Mr. Nice Guy. But basically the idea is to take your time to masturbate without any distractions or interruptions. Glover insists you must not have any pre-meditated thoughts and to simply focus on touching yourself and making yourself feel good. It may be awkward at first, but i'll tell you that I've had some of the most intense orgasms practicing this. Grab some lotion/oil and try it out!

One last suggestion for the OP is to do what you need to do to get your hard on going again. Ask her to lay on her back and touch herself for a bit as you watch her, or tell her to lay on her stomach and to touch herself while you grope her *ss.

 

[marmel75]

Stop sleeping with women that aren't your girlfriend...bad move.

 

[G_Govan]

You care way too much.

I'm of two minds on how aggressive I'll get with a woman, especially the first time going for sex. I like a little playful resistance but anything more than that I'm uncomfortable with.

Basically, I'm apprehensive about women who require the kind of force that could be construed as rape. Given how easily they can levy accusations and get you into serious trouble, even if you aren't convicted of the crime.

I'd proceed with caution in general.