On Being A Man

[TheWildOne]

Hello fellow Men,

I read Pook's post on being a man and he mentioned that a man:

-Does not go through life walking on eggshells.

nor does he

-Does not apologize for his testosterone, for his desires.

Now I am guilty of jumping through girls' hoops especially when I am not in the "PUA" mode. For example like I was sitting in front of a computer in my university's computer lab and an HB 7.5 sitting beside me asking whether I can move so her friend (who came later) can sit beside her. I thought they might be doing homework and since I was not doing something important I was being nice(yes, I am guilty of being nice, nice doesn't bring attraction).

And today I was standing in the front area of the bus (there is a holding bar where it allows you to stand) and the bus driver (a woman) asked me, "Could you move back, please?" I was thinking that she said that so that I wont cause a 'bottleneck', since people will be going in from the outside and I moved and sat on a passenger's seat without actually asking why should I move back aaand... I just jumped through her hoops again.

Is doing the right thing equal to being nice? or is there a way to be right without being nice, or to sacrifice the virtue of manliness as outlined by Pook? The man I am striving to be is an unapologetic real man but is a good person at the same time, not a nice guy. I would really appreciate your inputs.

-The Wild One

 

[Yewki]

Now I am guilty of jumping through girls' hoops especially when I am not in the "PUA" mode. For example like I was sitting in front of a computer in my university's computer lab and an HB 7.5 sitting beside me asking whether I can move so her friend (who came later) can sit beside her. I thought they might be doing homework and since I was not doing something important I was being nice(yes, I am guilty of being nice, nice doesn't bring attraction).

And today I was standing in the front area of the bus (there is a holding bar where it allows you to stand) and the bus driver (a woman) asked me, "Could you move back, please?" I was thinking that she said that so that I wont cause a 'bottleneck', since people will be going in from the outside and I moved and sat on a passenger's seat without actually asking why should I move back aaand... I just jumped through her hoops again.

In both cases you effectively jumped through their "hoops" by over thinking the situation and caring too much. Doesn't even matter what you decided to do.

Is doing the right thing equal to being nice?

Not always.

The man I am striving to be is an unapologetic real man but is a good person at the same time, not a nice guy. I would really appreciate your inputs

Your insecurity is getting in the way of what you want to be. I'm guessing the man you are striving to be would sometimes give up the computer to the girl, and other times wouldn't. Sometimes he would move back as instructed by the bus lady, other times he would resist and quesiton her. Either way, he wouldn't be all in his head and certainly wouldn't care enough to post on the internet about it.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Regarding the computer move, assuming your hygiene is good (that she didn't ask you to move because of that), I might have said, "Sure, when she gets here I'll slide on over". Regardless though it's not a big deal. You didn't do anything wrong by granting her request. Of course, you could have turned it into some friendly banter.

Regarding the bus, as others have said, there's nothing wrong with complying to the request of a driver.

It sounds like you're simply becoming more and more aware of these dynamics and looking for the sweet spot. You'll find it with more experience. It takes a while to calibrate to newfound knowledge.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Hello fellow Men,

I read Pook's post on being a man and he mentioned that a man:

-Does not go through life walking on eggshells.

nor does he

-Does not apologize for his testosterone, for his desires.

Now I am guilty of jumping through girls' hoops especially when I am not in the "PUA" mode. For example like I was sitting in front of a computer in my university's computer lab and an HB 7.5 sitting beside me asking whether I can move so her friend (who came later) can sit beside her. I thought they might be doing homework and since I was not doing something important I was being nice(yes, I am guilty of being nice, nice doesn't bring attraction).

And today I was standing in the front area of the bus (there is a holding bar where it allows you to stand) and the bus driver (a woman) asked me, "Could you move back, please?" I was thinking that she said that so that I wont cause a 'bottleneck', since people will be going in from the outside and I moved and sat on a passenger's seat without actually asking why should I move back aaand... I just jumped through her hoops again.

Is doing the right thing equal to being nice? or is there a way to be right without being nice, or to sacrifice the virtue of manliness as outlined by Pook? The man I am striving to be is an unapologetic real man but is a good person at the same time, not a nice guy. I would really appreciate your inputs.

-The Wild One

The issue with being nice isn't with actually being nice, its in being nice because you expect something from her in return for you being nice...ie, her time, a date, sex...whatever...

If you are nice but not needy, it can work to your advantage...

 

[TheWildOne]

In both cases you effectively jumped through their "hoops" by over thinking the situation and caring too much. Doesn't even matter what you decided to do.


Not always.



Your insecurity is getting in the way of what you want to be. I'm guessing the man you are striving to be would sometimes give up the computer to the girl, and other times wouldn't. Sometimes he would move back as instructed by the bus lady, other times he would resist and quesiton her. Either way, he wouldn't be all in his head and certainly wouldn't care enough to post on the internet about it.

Not thinking too much about those stuffs, aloofness. I see aloofness as basically an opposite of neediness, which is ofc central to an alpha attitude. The man that I want to be should have principles/ virtues though. However balancing between the thoughts and philosophy with a bit of nonchalance would be ideal, otherwise I'll be a robot. So I get your point.

I would object your statement that I jumped through their hoops by overthinking the situation though. I mean a beta who does whatever a girl told him to do without thinking is jumping through her hoops, doesn't he? Basically a boneless male. Well, unless if your definition of jumping through hoops is different to mine.

Regardless, thank you for the reply Yewki.

 

[TheWildOne]

Listen you bring up a great point my man. But Yewki brang up a great point. Forget about it!

Do what you want to do in that moment. Don't let a woman decide what you want to do. I think the computer situation was fine, since you werent doing anything important anyways. The bus situation is different. I don't think it mattered if the driver was a male or female, you werent 'jumping through hoops', you were listening to a direction given by the operator of a bus. It's perfectly logical to move.

Next time, give it some thought before you make a decision. And make it known to the individual asking. Then make your own decision.

Hmm "Do what you want to do in that moment. Don't let a woman decide what you want to do" noted.

"Next time, give it some thought before you make a decision. And make it known to the individual asking. Then make your own decision." Thank you for the advice my man, therefore my actions is not something that is told or forced upon me but a realization of my intention. Oh yeah, I'll let them (the individuals asking) know

 

[TheWildOne]

Regarding the computer move, assuming your hygiene is good (that she didn't ask you to move because of that), I might have said, "Sure, when she gets here I'll slide on over". Regardless though it's not a big deal. You didn't do anything wrong by granting her request. Of course, you could have turned it into some friendly banter.

Regarding the bus, as others have said, there's nothing wrong with complying to the request of a driver.

It sounds like you're simply becoming more and more aware of these dynamics and looking for the sweet spot. You'll find it with more experience. It takes a while to calibrate to newfound knowledge.

No lol, my room and stuff can be messy but my hygiene is good or even above average I can say haha (consequence of being raise by sort of germaphobic parents) plus I dress well.

"Sure, when she gets here I'll slide on over" I was thinking about a similar thing, for example, "She can have it once I am finished. It won't take long" or something like that.

Yeah I also think you're right that it will take time for me to calibrate myself to the knowledge from the "Be a Man!" thread. Thank you Atom Smasher for the reply.

 

[TheWildOne]

The issue with being nice isn't with actually being nice, its in being nice because you expect something from her in return for you being nice...ie, her time, a date, sex...whatever...

If you are nice but not needy, it can work to your advantage...

I see what you're saying here, the AFC nice guy explanation and that instead of being a nice guy AFC I can simply be a 'good' man (I dont really like the word nice lol). Needy would not be something that define me. Thank you BackInTheGame78 for the reply post.