"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."

Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.

Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?

You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.

Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.

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On being a man... Gubby-style

Interceptor

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Sam, sometimes being a man means taking a leap of Faith.

Sometimes , being a Man means living just on the edge of your Comfort Zone. Not too far beyond it..but right at the edge.

Sometimes, being a Man means you HAVE to do what a MAN'S Got to DO.

Sometimes, being a Man, means you have to have courage in the face of that Void..that Darkness..that Vacuum of Emptiness...

Courage in the face of UNcertainty.

Sometimes being a Man, means that YOU are the one they look up to to be the "strong one".....

Sometimes benig a Man means YOU are the one that has to Protect others, and stand up for them..

Sometimes being a Man means that you have to be strong enough to walk away..and go it alone...


Sometimes being a Man means realizing that you are tender and this does hurt.... that you are 'vulnerable' after all..
and it's alright...


Rodrigo
"Fantasia para un GentilHombre"

"Fantasy for a Gentleman"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wzp_PwKxgjU&feature=related

And sometimes we must acknowlegde beauty..and thoroughly FEEL the emotion...

"Concierto de Aranjuez"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w8LL1x6J2rU
 
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"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"

I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.

The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.

Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.

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sam3083

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First of all, you right very well Interceptor (much better then my usual bombastic way on this site, lol).

We can both admit to being wrong in the past. However, if we were so worng in the past, how can we be sure we are right now?

Furthermore, I'm a bit over all the 'be a man', 'you'll be happy when your a man', and 'open your eyes, free yourself, and you'll be a man' stuff. The 'man' model, seems quite limiting to me and I think thats what Gubby was trying to get at (though he did it poorly). Becoming a 'man' just seems like the best thing to do at this time to most of the people here, because we don't know what else to do. Or a better way of doing it.

Can their be a perfect world? No. Simply because everyone has a different paradigm on wat perfection is.
This also applies to the 'man' concept, and is why we don't have a real and united definition for it. For example; some guys call it being a leader, some say its being in touch with emotions, some say its ****ing chicks, and you even say its all of these things (yours is the best in my opinion though, lol). So why not just tell people to be perfect?

If I do my own thing, and be good instead of evil, it encompases the 'man' concept and then some. I'm going to be sam3083, and be great. If that fits your model of being a 'man', plus some, then whoopie!!!




I didn't really get the youtube links either. Getting in touch with my emotional side, I already do. Please don't insult me like that, lol. I am a lover of the arts. I also find beauty in hip hop and rap however, which also serves to help me embrace ALL my peers (those who can't marvel at a shakespeare play).
 

Gubby

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sam3083 said:
We can both admit to being wrong in the past. However, if we were so worng in the past, how can we be sure we are right now?
I love this. Nice one sam :D


Interceptor I'll be frank: I don't like you. Also, I don't like the way you try to speak to me as if I'm your buddy while condescending me and telling me to respect you. All of these things are invading on my "space", so to speak, and all of them are a mark of disrespect.

Unlike you, and I see this as a large difference between us, I do not look to anyone else for my ideas. I am my own leader, no, better said I reject the idea of leadership, and if I'm going to be imperfect I choose this as the way to do it; just as your shortsighted general respect for other people is bound to save you some trouble and put you in a few holes.

I apologise for speaking sharply with you but I will not agree with you and I will not respect you simply for your age. Yeah, I see some of the faults in my thinking and I agree with some of the points you made against me but if you do so then do so without judging me as a person, rather judging my ideas.

This teenage dark period I'm going through is not a bad thing and I hate anyone who tells me to be ashamed of anything I do or am. If I tihnk I'm smarter than I am then I'll work that out in my own time (I have been doing so, in part. However, assuming I know better has also lead me to understandings which I believe are unique, simply because most people are too busy following each other to come up with an original idea). If I decide to simply agree with someone when they tell me I'm wrong then I'm giving up my consciousness and I'm not thinking for myself.

It's funny how everyone condescends children thinking they have the right. It's not ABOUT whether you have the right or not, it's about giving people the space to be themselves. I treat children like equals and they love me for it. Now I've turned adult I see it never ends; old people will always be there to tell me I'm a lesser being - "SHUT UP AND RESPECT ME!" But no-one's perfect. I'm not perfect. Are you?

These are two paths: the path of following others and that of thinking indpendently. They both have their perks and failings. So I won't say you're wrong but I will say that I know I'm right, for me.
 

Interceptor

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I never 'atacked' you , only the limits of your ideas, because you are capable of so much more.
When you went off on me, I only played with you. I wasnt even being serious. But you took it too personally, it wasnt my intention. I realize later that you were more defensive than I had anticpated, so I tried to make amends.

I posted because the subject was of interest to me, and I feel I can add to it and give a better direction to it, so that you and others can get a better picture and break out of a limited mindset and for it be helpful to everybody
Since you reacted so negatively, I couldnt understand why you woudl post something to be taken as advice, yet not be able to take advice yourself, and even then, not be able to handle someone else posting on your thread. You know that this is not our forum, we dont own it, and people will write whatever opinions they want, and we have to understand it. This is why I didnt understand why you would post something that you would want no one to participate in. It just doesnt work that way.

I remember a post I made about Eckhart Tolll that went to shreds, and I had to let it go. People will not always agree 100 percent with us, Gubs. And agree to disagree...

So Good luck, Gubby. I hope you find what you seek.
Make sure you think about staying on the path to High Character, because that is really the road to get what you want. It may be tough, but I dont see how any man has an alternative, really.

I agree to disagree with you , Gubs, and not post on any of your threads.

Take care of yourself,
Intercpetor
 

Gubby

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Interceptor said:
I never 'atacked' you , only the limits of your ideas, because you are capable of so much more.
When you went off on me, I only played with you. I wasnt even being serious. But you took it too personally, it wasnt my intention. I realize later that you were more defensive than I had anticpated, so I tried to make amends.

I posted because the subject was of interest to me, and I feel I can add to it and give a better direction to it, so that you and others can get a better picture and break out of a limited mindset and for it be helpful to everybody
Since you reacted so negatively, I couldnt understand why you woudl post something to be taken as advice, yet not be able to take advice yourself, and even then, not be able to handle someone else posting on your thread. You know that this is not our forum, we dont own it, and people will write whatever opinions they want, and we have to understand it. This is why I didnt understand why you would post something that you would want no one to participate in. It just doesnt work that way.

I remember a post I made about Eckhart Tolll that went to shreds, and I had to let it go. People will not always agree 100 percent with us, Gubs. And agree to disagree...

So Good luck, Gubby. I hope you find what you seek.
Make sure you think about staying on the path to High Character, because that is really the road to get what you want. It may be tough, but I dont see how any man has an alternative, really.

I agree to disagree with you , Gubs, and not post on any of your threads.

Take care of yourself,
Intercpetor
I can't say very concretely what it is that puts me off about you so. I suppose I have been most of the things I've blamed you for -- reflecting you as you say. So now that I don't feel bad about you I suppose that's growth of some sort.

I think it's this: you're so impervious. Whether you really are perfect or you're very good at projecting that image, it makes people uneasy. Your age is no ticket to being unquestionable. I believe Gotama Buddha himself wanted people to question him, and he is one of the few gurus I consder worthy of respect.

Wonderufl advice for myself btw :D
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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sam3083

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Awful lot of disrespect going on here. And YES, its going both ways!

Yes, Gubby I agree with you, Interceptor has come across as condescending and disrespectful, while you have been defensive at times. However, lets just forget about it.

We're all pretty smart guys, despite any other qualities we may like/dislike about one another. So lets discuss things, get a little synergy going, and get further then we could otherwise.


P.S. Gubby, when you said that you're your own leader (reject leadership however, etc), and come up with your own ideas
I do not look to anyone else for my ideas.
I hope you meant that, you don't take just anyones advice. For example taking the financial advice from a homeless man is dumb, or the womanising advice of a geeky hermit financial planneris dumb. However the geeky financial planner would give great financial advice.

The alphabet, and numeral systems have been great ideas from the past, that you did not come up with, and yet you still use them simply becasue they were and are very good ideas.
 

Gubby

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sam3083 said:
Awful lot of disrespect going on here. And YES, its going both ways!

Yes, Gubby I agree with you, Interceptor has come across as condescending and disrespectful, while you have been defensive at times. However, lets just forget about it.
^^ thanks sam. Yeah, Interceptor, let's cherish our differences ok? :D

We're all pretty smart guys, despite any other qualities we may like/dislike about one another. So lets discuss things, get a little synergy going, and get further then we could otherwise.


P.S. Gubby, when you said that you're your own leader (reject leadership however, etc), and come up with your own ideas

I hope you meant that, you don't take just anyones advice. For example taking the financial advice from a homeless man is dumb, or the womanising advice of a geeky hermit financial planneris dumb. However the geeky financial planner would give great financial advice.

The alphabet, and numeral systems have been great ideas from the past, that you did not come up with, and yet you still use them simply becasue they were and are very good ideas.

I don't take advice... I take inspiration. I won't follow anyone; if someone has a good idea, I'll try it if it seems right and adopt it as my own if it passes the test.

Yea -- I use the alphabet. But I'd like to change it:crackup: :crackup: I'm planning a revolution in language as we speak :crackup:

In the end it's something I need to prove to myself. We have the followers, and the leaders, and the haters, and the lovers, all doing things and using the same language even when they mean utterly different things by the words they use. I've tried to be a follower out of fear or confusion, and the reaction in me was TECTONIC. I wanted to die. You just can't deny your own soul like that.

I suppose the world tests your point of weakness until you make a change. I thought that the world was full of people who wanted you to conform, but that was me reacting in this inner struggle; I had to decide whether I'd be a follower or -- me, an Anarchist. And I was defensive - because I knew that I was weak and could be swayed by a strong word. When you don't know yourself you can really get swept up in the current of other people's ego-battles. It's a predatory jungle out there, where the foodstuff is scarce and it is SELF-WORTH. The funny thing is we have an infinite amount to give yet we think we can apply the normal rules of economics to it! Kindness costs nothing to give and you can't buy it or even beg for it. You can only relax and focus on your end, the giving bit, in faith that you'll get enough in return even though you ask for none.

Sigh... finally I'm feeling less alone again. With the realisation that I'm an Anarchist, the acceptance of arrogance, and the decision to live for myself, I can open up to people again. I closed because I thought I had to give in or something. But however you are you can find people to support you. There are those who will let you be free in the world while still being kind to you. For me, they are my gold and jewels, I need no other :D


(I felt like saying this, dunno if you tihnk it's relevant to the thread :D)
 

sam3083

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The funny thing is we have an infinite amount to give yet we think we can apply the normal rules of economics to it!
yeah yeah, well put!

I don't take advice... I take inspiration. I won't follow anyone; if someone has a good idea, I'll try it if it seems right and adopt it as my own if it passes the test.

Yea -- I use the alphabet. But I'd like to change it I'm planning a revolution in language as we speak
Hot damn!!! You nailed that. I'm definitely feeling ya here.

I spent an entire year living as what most people would consider a successful student. I was; the highest achiever in ALL my subjects at a rather prestigious school, a state athlete, elected school captain, voluntary worke, to name but a few. I did all this. All these things that the rest of the site talks about doing, and thats how they tell you to be a success. However, it absolutely ate me up inside. I was a figure head, not a leader. I was a sham, not a success. And ever since I've been trying to become more and more free.

But however you are you can find people to support you. There are those who will let you be free in the world while still being kind to you.
This is why the number of real friends I have dramatically decreased. Now, it's 2, maybe 3 good and real friends. This doesn't mean I don't have other friends and acquantinces, it just means I have a couple people who I know 100% for sure will never sell me out. These people also never 'piegonhole' me or any of that bull****.

(I felt like saying this, dunno if you tihnk it's relevant to the thread )
You anarchist dog you, lol.


Tell me more about yourself in relation to the anarchist thing. Maybe some examples or something.
 

Gubby

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Technical1 said:
I mean check out his deviant art account, its whack.
Btw, Tech man, I'm quite proud of that account. Would you tell me what exactly you find "whack" about it?

If you wanna be my bro don't compliment me to my face and then talk like that, ok?
 

Gubby

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sam3083 said:
I spent an entire year living as what most people would consider a successful student. I was; the highest achiever in ALL my subjects at a rather prestigious school, a state athlete, elected school captain, voluntary worke, to name but a few. I did all this. All these things that the rest of the site talks about doing, and thats how they tell you to be a success. However, it absolutely ate me up inside. I was a figure head, not a leader. I was a sham, not a success. And ever since I've been trying to become more and more free.
I suppose in people with strong spiritual energy (as you might call it) it's not such a rare conflict. If you have strength inside it can work for you or against you.

I think the question we have to ask might be, how would we live if we had no fear?

Coming to terms with death and our own insignificance helps a lot for this. Taking things lightly is good for the soul. There's a balance to be found there, but most people seem not to realise how small they really are. Contemplating the stars is a wonderful thing to do.

"The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy" is a great book for this mindset. It's one of the funniest books around, ok, but there's wisdom to be found in good humour.

This is why the number of real friends I have dramatically decreased. Now, it's 2, maybe 3 good and real friends. This doesn't mean I don't have other friends and acquantinces, it just means I have a couple people who I know 100% for sure will never sell me out. These people also never 'piegonhole' me or any of that bull****.
I always toed the line of having too few friends, but they were always true ones, when I had them... until I had a period of insecurity and fear. That was when I learnt what superficial relationships are. But nowadays it's true love or nothing: I just retreat from anyone who projects this fake vibe, it's pretty much an instinct.

There's a balance to be found there. I think if you treat others right you can bring out the true love in almost anyone. But it does need a certain self-security, or the predators will find a chink in your armour to dig their claws into... :crazy:

Tell me more about yourself in relation to the anarchist thing. Maybe some examples or something.

hmmmmmm.............

I'm 18, doing my last year of school before uni. Last year I quit school to study at home -- well, the year before I skipped at least half the classes anyway, crammed at the end of the year, and got pretty good exam results. So effectively I'm doing the same this year, except I'm not actually staying in the same city as my school. I pass my time mostly working on my philosophy of life, reading books etc. This was because of this very conflict between conformity and anarchy............ I felt that if I stayed there I would end up becoming one of them, brainwashed to fit into their machine. I had little understanding of what was going on in my head, but I knew that I had to follow my feelings. So finally I have a good understanding of this conflict within me between law and chaos, and what I need to do to be happy. A large part of it was solitude, ok, but you can be lonely even in the middle of a crowd -- so I figure I was right in what I did. I had to work this all out.

What else, ah, I went swimming naked in the river a coupla weeks ago for a bet? (They didn't pay up >.<)

I do art, poetry, writing, martial arts, philosophy, magic, science.... I often say I love EVERYTHING in order to save time. I've gained a very nice body (it satisfies me, that's all I care about) by simply doign what feels best in terms of food and exercise. (Yes, our instincts DO work for us). I've come to conclusions with my philosophy which later on I found to be backed up by pre-existing traditions- for instance I invented for myself an understanding of the yin-yang nature of the universe and only realised AFTER that this was what taoism created millenia ago. (I believe that this can be made into a Theory of Everything. But surely my ideas aren't unique? I'm wondering if it's not just some fault of hard-headed scientists. Still, a goal of mine is to try to bring this theory into the mainstream and back it up mathematically, etc). In the same way I invented magic for myself -- magic does exist in a way, it's a sort of art of changing your perception of reality in order to change reality. Observation affects reality in itself, as is known in quantum mechanics. I have proven for myself the existence of a supernatural. (Others will call it delusion -- let them. I'm a scientist, and I do know a healthy skepticism).

By simply having the arrogance to believe that you are smarter or at least, equal in intelligence to all other people, you make it true -- or at least so I've found. I suppose I do have good hardware but I credit overall my Gubby Operating System.

And even if you learn from tohers, unless you can convert this into real connections you'll never be anything more than a parrot.
 

"You Can't Argue a Woman Into Liking You"

You made your case like a lawyer. Stable job. Good guy. Ready for something real. All true. All irrelevant.

She weighed your points, nodded along, felt nothing — then fell hard for some tattooed bartender with a motorcycle and a gambling problem.

Logic is where attraction goes to die. The "22 Rules" work a level deeper, on the subconscious switches that decide within minutes whether you register as a MAN or as part of the furniture.

Stop presenting evidence. Start flipping switches.

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