sam3083 said:
I spent an entire year living as what most people would consider a successful student. I was; the highest achiever in ALL my subjects at a rather prestigious school, a state athlete, elected school captain, voluntary worke, to name but a few. I did all this. All these things that the rest of the site talks about doing, and thats how they tell you to be a success. However, it absolutely ate me up inside. I was a figure head, not a leader. I was a sham, not a success. And ever since I've been trying to become more and more free.
I suppose in people with strong spiritual energy (as you might call it) it's not such a rare conflict. If you have strength inside it can work for you or against you.
I think the question we have to ask might be, how would we live if we had no fear?
Coming to terms with death and our own insignificance helps a lot for this. Taking things lightly is good for the soul. There's a balance to be found there, but most people seem not to realise how small they really are. Contemplating the stars is a wonderful thing to do.
"The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy" is a great book for this mindset. It's one of the funniest books around, ok, but there's wisdom to be found in good humour.
This is why the number of real friends I have dramatically decreased. Now, it's 2, maybe 3 good and real friends. This doesn't mean I don't have other friends and acquantinces, it just means I have a couple people who I know 100% for sure will never sell me out. These people also never 'piegonhole' me or any of that bull****.
I always toed the line of having too few friends, but they were always true ones, when I had them... until I had a period of insecurity and fear. That was when I learnt what superficial relationships are. But nowadays it's true love or nothing: I just retreat from anyone who projects this fake vibe, it's pretty much an instinct.
There's a balance to be found there. I think if you treat others right you can bring out the true love in almost anyone. But it does need a certain self-security, or the predators will find a chink in your armour to dig their claws into... :crazy:
Tell me more about yourself in relation to the anarchist thing. Maybe some examples or something.
hmmmmmm.............
I'm 18, doing my last year of school before uni. Last year I quit school to study at home -- well, the year before I skipped at least half the classes anyway, crammed at the end of the year, and got pretty good exam results. So effectively I'm doing the same this year, except I'm not actually staying in the same city as my school. I pass my time mostly working on my philosophy of life, reading books etc. This was because of this very conflict between conformity and anarchy............ I felt that if I stayed there I would end up becoming one of them, brainwashed to fit into their machine. I had little understanding of what was going on in my head, but I knew that I had to follow my feelings. So finally I have a good understanding of this conflict within me between law and chaos, and what I need to do to be happy. A large part of it was solitude, ok, but you can be lonely even in the middle of a crowd -- so I figure I was right in what I did. I had to work this all out.
What else, ah, I went swimming naked in the river a coupla weeks ago for a bet? (They didn't pay up >.<)
I do art, poetry, writing, martial arts, philosophy, magic, science.... I often say I love EVERYTHING in order to save time. I've gained a very nice body (it satisfies me, that's all I care about) by simply doign what feels best in terms of food and exercise. (Yes, our instincts DO work for us). I've come to conclusions with my philosophy which later on I found to be backed up by pre-existing traditions- for instance I invented for myself an understanding of the yin-yang nature of the universe and only realised AFTER that this was what taoism created millenia ago. (I believe that this can be made into a Theory of Everything. But surely my ideas aren't unique? I'm wondering if it's not just some fault of hard-headed scientists. Still, a goal of mine is to try to bring this theory into the mainstream and back it up mathematically, etc). In the same way I invented magic for myself -- magic does exist in a way, it's a sort of art of changing your perception of reality in order to change reality. Observation affects reality in itself, as is known in quantum mechanics. I have proven for myself the existence of a supernatural. (Others will call it delusion -- let them. I'm a scientist, and I do know a healthy skepticism).
By simply having the arrogance to believe that you are smarter or at least, equal in intelligence to all other people, you make it true -- or at least so I've found. I suppose I do have good hardware but I credit overall my Gubby Operating System.
And even if you learn from tohers, unless you can convert this into real connections you'll never be anything more than a parrot.
