Older Woman Wants me to be More Open

jaymbrs

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I've recently started seeing a woman who is 37 years old, divorced twice and has a teenage daughter. I've never been married nor have any kids. She's very open when we speak, plays no games, literally feels like she's letting me read her play book, if you will. I'm naturally not a very open person. I've been told I'm very hard to read and most women actually enjoy that about me. However this one is essentially telling me she's into me and wants to continue dating but she needs some reassurance on her end that I legitimately like her as well and would like me to be more open and honest with her. And although I've told her on several occasions that I am interested in more than a fling, I feel she needs this reassurance done on a daily freakin basis. Otherwise she starts to get insecure and hides back in her shell. I really don't like this however this is the oldest woman I've dated and looking for advice on how to continue this. Is this the norm with older women? This is unfamiliar territory for me as most women I date play the song and dance portion of dating and I guess I've gotten used to that.
 
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jaymbrs

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mmmm being open on what?

Dont be an open book on most stuff. Her being a little insecure might be good for you.


37 divorce 2x dont get attach
Those were my thoughts initially but it's getting to a point where her insecurities are becoming a problem. You would think it would come with some action but it seems like it's going in the opposite direction. To me it sounds like a stalemate since I'm not about to tell her a bunch of stuff about myself.
 
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logicallefty

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Don’t fall for that one. Been there seen that. They play like they are ‘different’ and want you to be ‘open’ with them. It’s a sh!t test. When you open up it backfires in your face. They lose respect and eventually attraction for you. Keep your frame and stay the course. Don’t fall for one of the oldest traps in the book.
 

jaymbrs

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Don’t fall for that one. Been there seen that. They play like they are ‘different’ and want you to be ‘open’ with them. It’s a sh!t test. When you open up it backfires in your face. They lose respect and eventually attraction for you. Keep your frame and stay the course. Don’t fall for one of the oldest traps in the book.
I was thinking it could be a **** test which is why I brought it to the board. I'll continue to hold my ground. I think a mistake of mine is talking to her on the phone. That's when all the intrusive questions seem to come out.
 

Machine10033

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This is just like “ I know I’m banging you behind my husband/boyfriends back... but we are special... let’s never keep secrets from each other “ . She’s 37 and divorced twice... with a daughter... my advice is pump and dump... be a closed book... use a burner phone and vanish like a ghost when your done.
 

R.U.G.

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I was thinking it could be a **** test which is why I brought it to the board. I'll continue to hold my ground. I think a mistake of mine is talking to her on the phone. That's when all the intrusive questions seem to come out.

Always do the opposite of what they say. When they want you to communicate more, do less. When they want you to share with them more, stay the same or less. With women, it's always the opposite. Just like when they say I want to go do this, not that with you. NO. You do what you want to do and invite them with you (if you want). The man sets the activity up, not the woman. All goes back to frame and being in control of one's self.

Example, I am doing something for NYE. One of my women reached out first, I said I am doing so and so, you're welcome to come along. Goes back to setting the frame and boundaries with your woman (or women)
 
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R.U.G.

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This is just like “ I know I’m banging you behind my husband/boyfriends back... but we are special... let’s never keep secrets from each other “ . She’s 37 and divorced twice... with a daughter... my advice is pump and dump... be a closed book... use a burner phone and vanish like a ghost when your done.

Nothing wrong with keeping the woman around so the OP doesn't go into a slump. Keep her around as long as she'll freely have sex with you. When she pulls back, you pull back and wait to she comes back around and start having sex again. She's a plate, that is all. Don't share too much. Don't communicate too much. Don't chase. Once an awhile, if you're d!ck is dry, you can reach out and say, I'd love to see you, when are you free? I.E. > sex.
 

LARaiders85

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Don’t fall for that one. Been there seen that. They play like they are ‘different’ and want you to be ‘open’ with them. It’s a sh!t test. When you open up it backfires in your face. They lose respect and eventually attraction for you. Keep your frame and stay the course. Don’t fall for one of the oldest traps in the book.

it serves two goals:

1. Screening you for weaknesses
2. Increasing your perception of bonding

Not only do they lose attraction but you concurrently gain attraction because you get a false sense of comfort and security and she seems "different" due to her openness and what you perceive as acceptance. even to an experienced guy this can seem very appealing. When the mask comes off though you will OFTEN see that if she couldnt fulfill this unconditional love therapist role she probably didnt have much else to offer otherwise. You may even find you were essentially using her as an emotional tampon.

This tactic is mostly done by the more sensitive, emotional women(who make the best emotional tampons for you) but at the same time they are the most drawn to the polarity of an emotionally reserved man.

Ive found the more the woman had to offer the less open I had to be because we had other sh1t to talk about and she was comfortable with me in the pure masculine role.
 
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sazc

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From what I read, the insecurity/anxiety she is displaying to you is because she feels that she isn't getting the intimacy/connection she is looking for/wants from you. Seems like she wants the relationship to grow. She's doing the "grown up" thing and telling you what it she needs, asking for what she wants.

That's the level she is on.

Now you have to decide what level you are on. It seems like you aren't where she is and that's okay. Act accordingly.

If you ignore her for a few days and/or try to run the hard game described here, there is a good chance she will see it as adolescent game playing and bail permanently. Not a big deal since you're both not looking for the same thing.

Maybe not tho. Maybe she will see it as "finally, a man who won't take my sh1t" and respond to you by being submissive.

Won't know till you try Def enjoy it for what it is right now
 
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sazc

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By ALL means, let us know which avenue you take and how things play out!
 

princelydeeds

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She's attempting to manipulate you with her insecurities. The next time she tossed her insecurities at my feet, I would tell her it was annoying and demand she stop....or... I would stop speaking to her for a few days. I would definitely tell her to stop pressuring me and that her inability to simply live in the moment and enjoy life was a huge turnoff.
 
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AttackFormation

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My take on this can be summed up like this: If you ever find a woman who describes herself being aroused from romance novels, movies or girlfriends' stories because of how "open" the male lead is, let me know.
 

jaymbrs

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By ALL means, let us know which avenue you take and how things play out!
What I have done is kept up with the status quo and told her this is who I am and if she can’t accept that she can move on to someone else if she’d like. She chose to respect that and said she’d be more patient. But at the same time I’m not ignoring the advice from everyone here. I’m treading lightly, having my fun. I understand a woman who traditionally wants to rush into things is due to a negative thing or things that she comes with.
 

markfromeurope

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It's a hooking strategy.

Your intuition tells you that it's too early (or it would be too much) to open up.

She wants you to open up to hook you emotionally. Considering her age it's wise of her to do that.

You should be aware of her intentions before you will step further.

Considering her age and kids around her... your own intuition shall make a decision on this one.
 

jaymbrs

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It's a hooking strategy.

Your intuition tells you that it's too early (or it would be too much) to open up.

She wants you to open up to hook you emotionally. Considering her age it's wise of her to do that.

You should be aware of her intentions before you will step further.

Considering her age and kids around her... your own intuition shall make a decision on this one.
This crossed my mind. As it currently seems, she is probably aware her beauty is fading therefore her time is very valuable to her. Since I'm keen to all of this, I'll use my friend as an example of how things go to **** when you rush into things. So far we've gone out on 3 dates and each time has been fun so def just keeping that up.
 

glass half full

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The more you give of yourself too early, the more of yourself you lose. I can't put it into words very well, but she is sizing you up mentally.
Just keep doing what you do.
 
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