OKCupid Match

[ubercat]

I m with Mazer on this one. Fishing takes too much time. Building fish traps, eg. Better pics, tiny profile updates is best ROI. Assuming this is just one part of your funnel ... and it should be.

 

[marmel75]

Keep your weekend to yourself or plates. Weekday dates keep it short and give you an easy out if she's not what you expected.

Dont ever bring up anything about relationships or anything that could prompt the question. They will take this as a hint that you want it before you even met them. Not good.

Also, take more charge about setting up dates. If shes unavailable and interested, she will counter. This is an easy early tell. Anything other than a yes is a no. You cNt let her dictate the terms of a relationship. Just give a hard date, time and location. Be assertive!!!

This whole weekend rule stuff is nonsense in my opinion. With the crazy schedules a lot of people work the weekend is turning into just another workday for many.

If you want to schedule a first date on a Saturday then do it. Trust me the woman is NOT going to think of you any differently if you do. Sometimes we come up with these analyzations that dont make any sense and this is one of them.

 

[marmel75]

Its a numbers game. A few text messages back and forth, set up the date within five days and dont contact her until the day of the date to confirm. I spent a shyt load of text messaging (bantering) in order to get a date with a chicks who obvisously didnt have high interest. Some of them ghosted me after the second date. Numbers gameand low contact!

I disagree with going ghost until the day of the date. Never worked well for me. For some it seems to work.

I would experiment on your own...don't message until the date for a month and then if that isn't working well keep in contact up til the date with a text or two a day. This sent my flake rate from about 30-40% to like 5%.

You can't bang who you can't meet and women flake for any number of reasons, one of the most common being they think you aren't going to show up. And yes, you could say "Well if they are interested enough they will reach out beforehand", and that's true to some degree...some will. But some won't and the reason has nothing to do with lack of interest.

 

[HankHill]

Same here. I never become an instant texting pen pal with a chick, but I do build a little rapport. Give them enough to become more interested before the date.

Another quick tip that works for me: I dont ask for their number.

Whether it be chicks I hit up on fb (mainly) or Bumble (occssionally) I just keep it going on there. If their interest is high enough to show up for drinks they WILL give me their number.

But I don't ask for it.

x2 on both of these.

 

[Roober]

This whole weekend rule stuff is nonsense in my opinion. With the crazy schedules a lot of people work the weekend is turning into just another workday for many.

If you want to schedule a first date on a Saturday then do it. Trust me the woman is NOT going to think of you any differently if you do. Sometimes we come up with these analyzations that dont make any sense and this is one of them.

We each do what works for us. I cant ever remember losing a girl because she c0uldnt meet up during the week. My main point is that when your dating a lot, you tend to save your weekends for your solid women, friends and family. Weekends are far too valuable to use on a prospect. Are there exceptions? Definitely. Is this a hard rule? Nope. I figured that was implied though. As a guideline, guys should save their weekend time for the more important people in their lives.

The ghosting before a date is something I dabbled with quite a bit. Its completely fluid. Sometimes women want to text a lot, and you send replies. It would be rude not to. And if it gets long winded, then I would likely say... Let's save this for the date!

Other women I would ghost completely until the date and they would reach out that morning or afternoon to confirm. Always a good sign.

The one thing I had to learn was that some women expect a guy to confirm. So if you dont hear from her, it could mean a couple things... a) she is not that interested, b) shes waiting for you.

For example, I didnt hear from a girl, so I stayed home. I texted her "hey, I'm running a bit behind. First round is on me." She wasn't there because she said she assumed the date wasn't on because she didnt hear from me. I reiterated that we confirmed already and "maybe some other time". Then I got a long winded text chain about how she really wants to meet, etc. Then 2 more days of that to which I barely replied. If she were there, I would have gotten ready and headed over, it was about 15 mins away.

Now, I generally setup dates 2-3 days in advance, so ghosting isnt a huge deal. If more than 3 days, I certainly wouldn't ghost. I figure why take a chance so early at screwing it up? How many times have you taken texts out of context? I know I sure have.

You don't know each other and there is a bigger chance of turning her off by saying too much or the wrong thing. I prefer to let my lips and my body do the talking.

 

[RickTheToad]

Went for Saturday, it's just easier for me. I already have dates lined up for Friday and Sunday. No solid plates yet, just interviews.

Interestingly enough, that lady who was texting me each day, dropped off. I hadn't heard from her in 2 days; which is weird as she said good night and speak to you tomorrow on Tuesday night. This is the one who's going with her friends away for week. I was thinking it may be best to lay low (E.G. not chase since she cannot meet right now), and just texted her on Monday. Or is that a bad idea?

 

[marmel75]

Went for Saturday, it's just easier for me. I already have dates lined up for Friday and Sunday. No solid plates yet, just interviews.

Interestingly enough, that lady who was texting me each day, dropped off. I hadn't heard from her in 2 days; which is weird as she said good night and speak to you tomorrow on Tuesday night. This is the one who's going with her friends away for week. I was thinking it may be best to lay low (E.G. not chase since she cannot meet right now), and just texted her on Monday. Or is that a bad idea?

Dude...get out of the mindset that these are interviews. You are doing yourself no good thinking that way. Dates are to have fun not try and play 20 questions.

 

[HankHill]

There is a difference between chasing and acting un/disinterested. You have to decide what that means based on the situation. Chasing for example to me is double-texting, always being available, responding right away. Asking what she's doing, or finding an excuse to reach out. Saying good morning, goodnight without being in some other conversation already etc.
Acting disinterested - well I don't have to describe it but she has to know that you like her otherwise she'll think you're not interested and move on.

 

[RickTheToad]

Dude...get out of the mindset that these are interviews. You are doing yourself no good thinking that way. Dates are to have fun not try and play 20 questions.

Who said they were interviews? Going for drinks.

 

[marmel75]

Who said they were interviews? Going for drinks.

You did...

"No solid plates yet, just interviews"

 

[The Diver]

I disagree with going ghost until the day of the date.

I agree with that.
Last year I did an experiment and decided not to contact the girls after setting up the date, 3 out of 4 cancelled a few hours bf the date. Since I got back to light texting, there is hardly any cancellation.

 

[RickTheToad]

You did...

"No solid plates yet, just interviews"

This is what happens when I get no sleep for 36 hours. Meant 1st meets. Going to try and connect with them on an emotional level as well as do the kino and other things you've suggested.

Just curious about the one who said she'd contact me the following day, Wednesday, but never did. I am thinking of sending a text on Sunday if I do not hear anything else from her. She seemed pretty interested in me.

I agree with that.
Last year I did an experiment and decided not to contact the girls after setting up the date, 3 out of 4 cancelled a few hours bf the date. Since I got back to light texting, there is hardly any cancellation.

These are the first who've cancelled on me in years. I am a bit shocked. I used to, years back, follow up on confirming and I had them more cancel then than no confirming at all. Seems a toss up.

 

[HankHill]

@RickTheToad question for you - I signed up on OKCupid 3 days ago. Sent a couple of initial msgs. To send msgs you have to like them first...ok whatever. 2 out of 5 liked me back (as was notified by the app). However, they didn't respond to the initial msg which really was just 'hey there, how's your day going?' so does that mean that on their end in order to read the msgs they have to like you first but once they read the msg and looked at the profile they decided they weren't interested hence no response back? I guess I'm left wondering why like me back but not respond and leave me hanging.

 

[marmel75]

@RickTheToad question for you - I signed up on OKCupid 3 days ago. Sent a couple of initial msgs. To send msgs you have to like them first...ok whatever. 2 out of 5 liked me back (as was notified by the app). However, they didn't respond to the initial msg which really was just 'hey there, how's your day going?' so does that mean that on their end in order to read the msgs they have to like you first but once they read the msg and looked at the profile they decided they weren't interested hence no response back? I guess I'm left wondering why like me back but not respond and leave me hanging.

Thats a lame message, why would you be surprised they aren't responding back? 95% of the dudes are sending the same message.

 

[HankHill]

Thats a lame message, why would you be surprised they aren't responding back? 95% of the dudes are sending the same message.

As opposed to?

 

[marmel75]

As opposed to?

Be interesting. Stand out. Read her profile or part of her profile and then use something in it to comment on.

 

[HankHill]

Be interesting. Stand out. Read her profile or part of her profile and then use something in it to comment on.

Ah ok...I used to do that which took a long time and then I learned that if they like your pic they'll respond no matter what the opening line is because even women know for guys it's a numbers game. Now if I come across a woman that I'm totally wow'd by then I take the time to read her profile and say something more interesting.

 

[RickTheToad]

@RickTheToad question for you - I signed up on OKCupid 3 days ago. Sent a couple of initial msgs. To send msgs you have to like them first...ok whatever. 2 out of 5 liked me back (as was notified by the app). However, they didn't respond to the initial msg which really was just 'hey there, how's your day going?' so does that mean that on their end in order to read the msgs they have to like you first but once they read the msg and looked at the profile they decided they weren't interested hence no response back? I guess I'm left wondering why like me back but not respond and leave me hanging.

I have done both. Asked interesting questions about their profile or pics as well as just saying hey. Both have worked on these apps. What is important are the pics. I did all new pics myself and that seemed to have a big effect. And they say ladies are not shallow. I've always read the opposite in what they write in their bio. No hookup = open to hookup. No shirtless pics = I want to see shirtless pics. It's so lame and ridiculous.

Work on your pics and keep your bio short and sweet. If they have a dog or cat in their pics, message them about that. That was a big thing for me as I have a dog and that helps a lot with the ladies. If they have a cat, what has worked recently was that saying wow you have a cat. It's good that we both love pvssy..... cats. If they have any sense of humor, they'd find it funny. If not, well, you get the gist.

 

[HankHill]

Ha! cool...but back to my original question though. Do they have to like someone before they can read the msg? that would explain their 'like' but no response.

 

[RickTheToad]

Ha! cool...but back to my original question though. Do they have to like someone before they can read the msg? that would explain their 'like' but no response.

Yea, they changed the rules last year to where both people have to like each other before messaging. Problem is, unless you are a paying customer, you'd never know if another person likes you. They send a message saying someone likes you in doubletake, and then if she also likes you will see the message. I've given up on the pay apps, and only do free ones now. So, in theory, it becomes a chance message.