Let's say you had developed a very close and special friendship with a woman on the other side of the country over almost 5 years. You connected emotionally, mentally and based on photos, physically, but hadn't actually met in person yet. So you go through a really bad experience and aren't able to reach this friend. You discover that when times are bad, she's the one you really need to talk to and realize that she meant far more to you than you knew. She told you after a year or so that she knew she loved you, but wasn't sure in which way. After about 4 years, she figures out that she loves you as more than a friend and tells you that. You sort of admit that you share those feelings.
You admit all your deep, dark secrets to her, tell her she's the only one you actually listen to and she still feels the same way about you despite your short comings. She makes no attempt to change you or take advantage of you letting yourself be vulnerable. She doesn't nag and is just there for you, unconditionally. After a month or so, you ask her the hypothetical question of whether or not she could ever "put up" with you, knowing all those secrets and such. She responds by spelling out very clearly the things she could not tolerate, a short and fair list, entirely reasonable that involves her making some very significant compromises that she had never been willing to make for anyone else. Aside from the short list, she tells you that she can't move from the general area she lives now because it would separate her young daughter from her father and his family. But she is willing to move to an area within a reasonable distance to her daughter's family that would better suit your tastes.
Now, instead of commenting on the email listing how she can compromise, you sort of push really hard to convince her that she needs to move from the area she lives now to really be happy, but without really giving a solid reason why. She lives in a rural area and you are a city person.
Now for the question...why are you pushing her to move?
And yes, I am the "she" in this scenario. I don't want advice...I just want to see if my take on the situation is the same as anyone compelled to respond. I've told him that it would be easier to discuss the situation if he just tells me exactly what's on his mind, but I refuse to push him for a response. In the event that I don't get one, I'm going to have to go on my instincts and I want to try to make sure I get it right.
You admit all your deep, dark secrets to her, tell her she's the only one you actually listen to and she still feels the same way about you despite your short comings. She makes no attempt to change you or take advantage of you letting yourself be vulnerable. She doesn't nag and is just there for you, unconditionally. After a month or so, you ask her the hypothetical question of whether or not she could ever "put up" with you, knowing all those secrets and such. She responds by spelling out very clearly the things she could not tolerate, a short and fair list, entirely reasonable that involves her making some very significant compromises that she had never been willing to make for anyone else. Aside from the short list, she tells you that she can't move from the general area she lives now because it would separate her young daughter from her father and his family. But she is willing to move to an area within a reasonable distance to her daughter's family that would better suit your tastes.
Now, instead of commenting on the email listing how she can compromise, you sort of push really hard to convince her that she needs to move from the area she lives now to really be happy, but without really giving a solid reason why. She lives in a rural area and you are a city person.
Now for the question...why are you pushing her to move?
And yes, I am the "she" in this scenario. I don't want advice...I just want to see if my take on the situation is the same as anyone compelled to respond. I've told him that it would be easier to discuss the situation if he just tells me exactly what's on his mind, but I refuse to push him for a response. In the event that I don't get one, I'm going to have to go on my instincts and I want to try to make sure I get it right.