Ok it happened... am I ****ed?

[djreez88]

Just remember to care less regardless. That's the only way you'll come out ahead. Let her do the "feeling" and you the filling with your member

 

[sazc]

I haven't even screened her for an LTR. She was a chick I hit on, that became a pretty good friend, who I now lives with.

She (to my knowledge) hasn't had a serious relationship before, never talks about guys or boyfriends. She admitted last night that she has never felt this way before about a guy and doesn't know how to express it. That was in response to me telling her she's very guarded/closed book.

Her never having a serious relationship is a pro, not a con right? I usually prefer women who know what's expected and how to treat a man, but this leaves the door open to mold her into my frame more? She's feisty, but any time I've put my foot down on anything she falls into line (which I really like about her).

with all due respect to her, she probably hasn't ever had a long-term relationship because she gets messed up on drugs and alcohol and probably behaves in a manner that isn't conducive to a long-term relationship.

again with all due respect, what you have described of her extracurricular habits doesn't make me think she'd be a stable choice for an LTR.

 

[AJ84]

Murk how many times does she initiate using coke/ drinking vs the number of times you do? Is it even or do you notice she wants to this more often than you?

 

[Murk]

She always initiates. I’m not doing this any more.

 

[sosousage]

I haven't even screened her for an LTR. She was a chick I hit on, that became a pretty good friend, who I now lives with.

She (to my knowledge) hasn't had a serious relationship before, never talks about guys or boyfriends. She admitted last night that she has never felt this way before about a guy and doesn't know how to express it. That was in response to me telling her she's very guarded/closed book.

Her never having a serious relationship is a pro, not a con right? I usually prefer women who know what's expected and how to treat a man, but this leaves the door open to mold her into my frame more? She's feisty, but any time I've put my foot down on anything she falls into line (which I really like about her).

so is the issue solved yet or not

 

[Murk]

so is the issue solved yet or not

What issue?

 

[Spaz]

Murky here has been bitten by the love bug....

Logic no longer applies.

 

[sazc]

wow, this is going to be an amazing learning experience for you. You've already learned that you jumped into a tenant situation too quickly, without considering the possible impact to your lifestyle. that would have occurred with a male OR female tenant. Now you jumped into the sexual situation a bit quickly without contemplating the impact it would have to your living situation. This particular situation may end up rocky, but it's giving you some quality moments to reflect on your choices, and maybe contemplate the quality of your personal impulse control, and could end up making your life better in the long run.

Impulse control and consequence contemplation are key areas that can actually give rise to an extremely quality alpha male.

 

[TBG]

If this is going to be a relationship thing I think you need to make it clear that even though you already know each other, you can't and won't skip the dating phase of things.

But good luck with that with her already living with you and making plans for the future. Sounds like she already sees you two as a couple.

 

[Roober]

To be honest, I think you have some serious internal work to do. The drinking and drugs are a clear sign of that. Your going to find it difficult having a great relationship without self-love. Couple that with building a relationship with a housemate, so you guys will live together from the get go. What's the old saying? " you dont $hit where you eat"

It sounds like a recipe for disaster.

 

[Murk]

Look nothing has been officiated, and to be fair we have remained pretty cool with each other on Wednesday and Thursday. I can easily swerve the relationship and remain friends, but now we can't bring anyone else over to without making it jealous and awkward, at least for now.

Also regarding the drink and drugs, the circles I run in both socially and at work (for both of us) it's very common, maybe it's a UK thing? Maybe it's a London thing? But I've seen UK posters here with similar views, we are cutting down but it's mainly boredom and thrill-seeking imo.

@TBG how do I "date" someone I live with? Do you mean like going out for dinner/drinks? Because we have been doing that together for over a year now...

@sazc I kinda threw caution to the wind and wanted an experience, it's not the end of the world and what doesn't kill you makes you stronger right?

 

[sazc]

@sazc I kinda threw caution to the wind and wanted an experience, it's not the end of the world and what doesn't kill you makes you stronger right?

Pfffftttt in the grand scheme of things, even if this got a little ugly, this ain't $hit.

That's what I mean tho, you've been handed some really chill sticky situations on a silver platter. Take the time to assess what you like about the situation, and what you could have done better. This is how you grow, this is how you gain more confidence.

It's all going to be good.

 

[ubercat]

It's interesting is interesting. Sounds like this girl is showing signs of wanting to become an adult. Getting off the drugs is key. It's all fun when your young. But it f**** with your Impulse control which means this chick isn't going to keep her legs together when she see some new Chad. And long-term it f**** up their personality. The starting of a relationship by living together is way too much pressure so she doesn't move out you have to. Of course frame that as being good for her and the relationship.

 

[Murk]

It's interesting is interesting. Sounds like this girl is showing signs of wanting to become an adult. Getting off the drugs is key. It's all fun when your young. But it f**** with your Impulse control which means this chick isn't going to keep her legs together when she see some new Chad. And long-term it f**** up their personality. The starting of a relationship by living together is way too much pressure so she doesn't move out you have to. Of course frame that as being good for her and the relationship.

Bro it’s my place I’m not going anywhere, she doesn’t really have any options and I can’t see her moving out paying extortionate rates for a bedroom in a shared house somewhere.

Also you are right, someone else I think @Soflobro#3 said it too that I won’t trust this girl not to cheat. She went to Malta the week after she brought that guy back to my place and was texting me but I ignored her because I had a chick over which she knew about, the next day she texts me “sh1t” then 10 hours later when I reply what she says she hooked up with some guy and her friend is mad because she left her.

She can easily get sex, I’ve seen it, she gets drunk and becomes a bit loose because sober she is very guarded and closed off. There’s no doubt in my mind she has been drinking so much here to loosen up and flirt with me. I really can’t trust her when she gets drunk.

It’s 7am I’ve just woke up and she’s text me “OMG” 5:52am her time then “OMG” and 6:02am her time. My first thought is... she’s banged some random at this family wedding in Barcelona hasn’t she. I can’t live like that.

Guys - she's back tomorrow, do I get a chick over tonight to chill/bang for clarity and peace of mind?

 

[Murk]

Ah this ***** u swear...

So she answer my reply of “what” with “lol
Then I say what happened and she’s says she will call me.

She calls and says “my cousins husband tried to hook up with me” I was like wtf and the whatsapp call had bad signal and she says she will call me back.

She defo banged some random and is regretting it, I refuse to believe her cousins husband is gonna try and bang st a family wedding when everyone is in the same hotel.

I’ll wait for the call and hear her story (don’t get why she’s would msg me at 5am saying OMG twice. She’s full of sh1t, lucky escape for me with this one.)

So she called back and told me the story. Apparently, they were chatting at the party and he was a smoker and the smokers were all congregating. There were 2 coaches back to the hotel, one at 1am and another at 4am - they got on the 1am one and her cousin was coming back on the 4am one. They go to her hotel room to smoke in her bathroom and he says he really wants to hook up with her and cuddle on the bed, she says no, and tells him no again then he leaves and she goes to bed. I ask her if she's going to say anything to anyone and she says she doesn't know. This is her cousins husband FFS, total lies, I knew she would spin a lie. It's the typical girl thing to want to reveal some truth isn't it, a fight or near coach crash would have been believable.

I told her she has no impulse control (thanks whoever mentioned that above) and that she gets drunk and becomes a different person. She was saying she wasn't flirting or leading him on, "he has a beer belly he's old I didn't do anything with him" I say yeah whatever, I have stuff to do today I gotta go, she denied anything happened but the whole thing is just weird and as soon as I woke up to those text messages my gut told me what happened. there's no way she is up at 6am if they got the 1am coach back and apparently kicked him out.

Anyway I'm glad this has happened now before there's anything serious between us. I can't trust her, she could hear it in my voice I wasn't buying it, I'm not in the business of giving second chances. Keeping her as a friend moving forward is fine but I'm going to keep my feelings in check and she is certainly nowhere near the priority she once was. It's hilarious how this whole thread has panned out, it's like a blueprint, we could all see what was going to happen haha.

 

[TBG]

Don't think she banged someone. She's definitely trying to make you jealous/get a reaction out of you though.

Tell her "So what? We're not together. You're free to do what you want". Prepare for fallout.

 

[Murk]

I'll say that next time we speak

She text me at 6am saying OMG then again 10 minutes later, no way shes thinking to make me jealous and run some play at that time and also while drunk.

 

[Murk]

She has spoken before about wanting to get hypnotised so she doesn’t get aggressive when drunk, I’ve never seen it but her old housemate said did.

She just text me this

This is basically admitting what she did imo. Oh well nice while it lasted. Fwb arriving in 2 hours.

 

[sazc]

Idk that I wild go of the deep end explaining to her the things you see about her and her personality. To me, that is a conversation that will cause her to feel defensive and end up in a fight between you two.

At this point I would stick with the response of "you tend have a lot of drama in your life to always sort out so I think it would be better if we remained friends only"

Shes definitely an attention seeker and it sounds like she may be an alcoholic.

She'll put out for you again, I'm sure of that. That may cause you some drama tho. Be sure to wrap it up, she's seems footloose and fancy free with her lady parts.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

Fairly predictable. 'Cuddling on the bed' doesn't exactly sound like one way traffic.

There's a good rule of thumb that I read here a long time ago; if you are here on sosuave posting / asking about someone's strange behaviour, they are almost certainly not a long term option, not as it currently stands anyway.