"She's Out of Your League"

You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.

Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.

She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.

Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.

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Odd situation, need some opinions

floydtheater07

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Alright, so it's been a long time since I've even visited this site (which isn't a bad thing...the main reason I don't come here anymore is that a lot of what I have learned has helped me to the point where I don't need much more advice), and now I find myself in a situation where I may benefit from the knowledge and opinions of others.


So, I am a college student. Earlier this semester, I noticed a real cute girl in two of my classes. The professor in one of these classes split the class up into groups for an exercise, and this girl was in my group. Anyway, she was wearing a t-shirt from her high school and I realized that our home towns are very close together, so I started some light conversation with her. I added her on facebook, and damn, turns out she's "In a Relationship". Now ok, I did check out the profile of her boyfriend, and the dude doesn't seem like a "find". However, I didn't know much about their relationship, so who was I to judge?


Anyway, I noticed something interesting in the two classes that this girl and I have together. Whenever either professor calls on me to read an answer or something, this girl (let's call her Lisa for the rest of the post) looks over at me. Now, I'm speaking, so this doesn't seem to out of the ordinary, however I noticed that Lisa NEVER looks over at anyone else when they are talking. Just me.


So, a midterm in one of these classes was coming up, and I asked Lisa if she wanted to study with me one night. She did, so I picked a time and day to meet at the library. We got there and decided really quickly that we knew the material well enough, so we just talked for a couple of hours. Lisa's behavior made me think she was definitely attracted to me. She kept laughing a lot at my jokes and sarcastic comments, even the ones that I knew were not funny. Every time I expressed an opinion, she agreed with me (actually hearing her say "Oh I know!" got kinda annoying). Of course, I made sure not to agree with everything that she said (and made sure to be honest about it...no point in disagreeing if you actually, well, agree). We were sitting next to each other, and within about half an hour, Lisa had her whole body pointed at me, and she even initiated some very light kino (a high five...but this girl doesn't seem to be the type to just randomly do that, especially in regards to something so small I can't remember what she wanted to high five me for). Anyway, most interestingly, she didn't mention her boyfriend ONCE (and let me tell you, there were more than a few times during the conversation when it would have made total sense for her to do so).


So, the night ends, and I think that she is attracted to me. She's not the overtly friendly type, but she was incredibly friendly and supplicating with me.


However, over spring break I send Lisa an e-mail telling her that she should come over my dorm to hang out some time after break. She said something along the lines of "I'd love to. But, just because I'm a girl and you're a guy, I don't want you to get the wrong impression. I have a boyfriend. I hope that doesn't make you not want to hang out." I responded with something like: "You have a boyfriend? Well damn, there's no point in hanging out now at all. Actually, I noticed you were in a relationship when we became friends on facebook. Ya know, I think that a guy and a girl can hang out without it leading to "something else". I guess I'm just old-fashioned". She responded saying it was cool, she was sorry she brought it up, and she thought we should definitely hang out after break.


Now, here is where I need an opinion. In my experience, the second a girl mentions that she has boyfriend, you know that your chances of getting with her are about equal to your chances of winning the lottery. It just doesn't happen. However, all her behavior up until them (and even some after then...apologizing for bringing up the boyfriend being an example) made me think she definitely was attracted to m.

Do you guys think that I still have a shot and I am taking the fact that she mentioned her boyfriend too seriously, or was that the sign to just give up on this one and move on to something else?
 

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These rules trigger a woman's subconscious attraction switches. And you can start using them tonight.

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Vypros

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Yeah, I'd say she was attracted to you.

What you do now is you back off, and search out another female. Be busy for a while.

Set some distance and make HER come to YOU.
 

christz

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distance yourself but keep contact once in a while when you guys are around each other be suave, kino her make her laugh in short.. Show her a great time. Then cut contact again rinse and repeat.
 

Serialized3

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floydtheater07 said:
Now, here is where I need an opinion. In my experience, the second a girl mentions that she has boyfriend, you know that your chances of getting with her are about equal to your chances of winning the lottery. It just doesn't happen. However, all her behavior up until them (and even some after then...apologizing for bringing up the boyfriend being an example) made me think she definitely was attracted to m.

Do you guys think that I still have a shot and I am taking the fact that she mentioned her boyfriend too seriously, or was that the sign to just give up on this one and move on to something else?
Honestly bro, from what you've described, she sounds a lot more like she's interested in you as only a platonic friend. She might really like you a lot, but she doesn't necessarily sound "attracted" to you.

Also, you're overanalyzing this to shreds, and we all know the negative effects of that.

I had a really similar situation in college. I had been hanging out with a girl for a few months, knew she liked her boyfriend, and I remained a plationic friend for awhile. She grew attracted to me after I ran a little game on her, and we hooked up a little bit. So yeah, there might be hope. Just be a DJ.
 

"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"

You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.

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floydtheater07

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Alright, thanks for the advice everyone. I have other, less confusing prospects, so I thnk right now I'll just focus on them.


And to one of the posters-yeah, I like Dream Theater. I don't listen to them as much as I used to, but I still enjoy them.
 

Obsidian

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The advice of knglerxt and Vypros seems wise. I'm not sure if you should bother with the whole "taking her out as a friend" thing.

In any case, if you're actually looking to get her to cheat on her BF, just remember that the very fact of her cheating would make her a HOR. And you shouldn't fall in love with hors.
 

floydtheater07

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Obsidian said:
The advice of knglerxt and Vypros seems wise. I'm not sure if you should bother with the whole "taking her out as a friend" thing.

In any case, if you're actually looking to get her to cheat on her BF, just remember that the very fact of her cheating would make her a HOR. And you shouldn't fall in love with hors.
Yeah, well I don't anticipate falling in love with her, and I do have problems with the fact that she has a boyfriend, and unless she broke up with him, anything we did together would involve her cheating on him. I've hooked up with a girl who had a boyfriend, and I felt pretty guilty afterwards. I sometimes don't care about a lot of the alpha male bs on this site, and how some guys brag about getting girls who have boyfriends. Great, cool, you need her to cheat on her boyfriend for you to feel powerful, and then you need to tell us about it. That's a big sign of insecurity to me. It's also totally off topic, but it always bothered me and was another reason I stopped visiting this site. Too many guys compensating for something (most give good advice, but there are enough losers to irritate me).


Anyway, who knows. The whole situation isn't a big deal, I mean I get along great with this girl and wouldn't mind just being her friend, I was just confused. After we first hung out, if someone asked me whether or not I thought she was attracted to me, I would have supplied a confident "yes". Now I'm not so sure. Oh well.
 

Bonhomme

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Having a boyfriend does not rule out being attracted to you.

She just might be equally or even more attracted to him, or be not quite as attracted to him, but want to play it safe. There are endless reasons, plus even more irrational explanations.

Whatever the case, as long as you spin more plates and don't catch oneitis for her, I see no harm in hanging out with her as a friend.
 
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