"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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NY Times Article on Laughter

izza

Master Don Juan
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We have all remarked that getting people to laugh, play, and have a good time is a key thing socially successful people often do.

That's where this article throws us an interesting screwball. According to this article, laughter is more signal than reaction to wit. Think of two kids playing. Scientists believe that the original function of laughter was during a play fight to say, "I'm playing not fighting. Don't get mad." This has transformed with culture into social grease. When we are trying to impress or afraid, we laugh more. So for instance, people are more likely to laugh at a boss's joke than a subordinate.

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/03/13/s...anted=all&oref=slogin&oref=slogin&oref=slogin

(And embarrassing tidbit, I think that joke is pretty funny.)

Anyway, I think this article is excellent if you think about it in terms of the comedian's credo: "never laugh at your own joke."

This fits with Juggler's credo as well: "people will talk to you because you scare them a little tiny bit." People who don't laugh at their own jokes are just a little more scary and intense. This scares people a little, gets them laughing a bit more. If a comedian gets up on stage and he's just a huge doormat, people are more likely to toy with him than an enormous guy who never cracks a smile at all.

People will laugh to grease their interaction with you. Laughter is social grease, but keep the laughter coming mostly from them. I would also recommend becoming aware of your own use of laughter as a signal that you are "just playing." I would not so much recommend that people laugh less. More like they should regard this kind of laughter as coming from anxiety. In other words, people should heal their social anxieties, then they will laugh less out of anxiety.

With anxiety healed, it will be easier to live up to the comedian's creed. And we would all be more charismatic people.

Still, I really love laughing - at my own jokes and those of others. I'm not sure I can give it up that easy. But that muffin joke? This has got to stop somewhere!

Love,
Izza
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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