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Not sexually interested in current LTR

svencandy

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just wondering if this is the norm.

Only realised today when ordering a coffee and the girl taking my order was very flirtatious.

Got a hard on in the 20 sec interaction.

My LTR of 2 years is pretty, wants sex, makes hood money, so yeh maybe you think that is unicorn like my best mate does.

But I hang out with her and dont feel sexual at all. Thought maybe its just a lull coz she recently got a puppy.

The puppy has changed her. In a good way I guess, but we all know good sex starts well before the clothes come off.

Its been a good test run for if we had kids I guess. Shes past her prime, still very pretty girl, but more BS to deal with as timw goes on.

Not asking for advice, just posting an experience to the forum to see if anyone has had similiar experience.

If we were each others firsts and had a kid, would be different, but knowing where shes been and how much of a slut she used to be, makes me apathetic towards the relationship.

Sign of the times I guess...

Peace and live to all
 

devilkingx2

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It sounds like the problem in this relationship could be you and not her. The reason that's relevant is that if the problem is internal you will bring it with you wherever you go.


My LTR of 2 years is pretty, wants sex, makes hood money, so yeh maybe you think that is unicorn like my best mate does.

But I hang out with her and dont feel sexual at all. Thought maybe its just a lull coz she recently got a puppy.
This section reminds me of RooshV's advice on signs a girl will cheat:


Specifically the first part about relationships being relatively boring by nature and therefore a girl who desires constant excitement is a flight risk.

I think it could apply to us men as well, be careful about getting bored of your girl.

Its been a good test run for if we had kids I guess. Shes past her prime, still very pretty girl, but more BS to deal with as timw goes on.
There's not a lot of detail here, but if she really is putting you through a lot of BS then that's definitely a serious problem

But the past her prime comment sounds like a grass is greener mindset. There's always a younger hotter girl out there unless you're dating a 21 year old lingerie model.

we were each others firsts and had a kid, would be different, but knowing where shes been and how much of a slut she used to be, makes me apathetic towards the relationship.
I'd say that pretty much any girl that isn't an 18 year old virgin or a chubby shut-in is going to have a past, unfortunately her life didn't begin when you met her.

However obviously if you know her past was crazy and you're dealing with the consequences, that's a great reason to get out of there.
 

bmp2cpm

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just wondering if this is the norm.

Only realised today when ordering a coffee and the girl taking my order was very flirtatious.
At 33, you haven't even hit your peak value yet. You can get a younger girl if you want. Why stay with this the one if you're not happy?

I don't recommend it but... At 33 and in a relationship, you are desirable. At 33 and no relationship, you are less desirable. Women LOVE to steal guys that are in relationships. It is the ultimate "Winning the prize". Maybe stay a little longer in the relationship in case the opportunity presents itself. In the mean time, distance yourself from this girl and work more on yourself, eg fitness, hobbies. Get out an meet people. See if anyone want to steal you.
 

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Clamslammer

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just wondering if this is the norm.

Only realised today when ordering a coffee and the girl taking my order was very flirtatious.

Got a hard on in the 20 sec interaction.

My LTR of 2 years is pretty, wants sex, makes hood money, so yeh maybe you think that is unicorn like my best mate does.

But I hang out with her and dont feel sexual at all. Thought maybe its just a lull coz she recently got a puppy.

The puppy has changed her. In a good way I guess, but we all know good sex starts well before the clothes come off.

Its been a good test run for if we had kids I guess. Shes past her prime, still very pretty girl, but more BS to deal with as timw goes on.

Not asking for advice, just posting an experience to the forum to see if anyone has had similiar experience.

If we were each others firsts and had a kid, would be different, but knowing where shes been and how much of a slut she used to be, makes me apathetic towards the relationship.

Sign of the times I guess...

Peace and live to all
You may find her pretty but you are not attracted to her, there is a huge difference. You need be with someone you are attracted to and have genuine desire for and vice versa , she needs to look at you the same way...this is not a choice and you cannot force it. Most people never find this because they are not willing to wait for it as it is hard to find mutually. This is why the divorce rate is so high, most of the time girls just settle for guys that are lower as they get older, start treating the guy like crap because they know deep down they don't want them.
 

EyeBRollin

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It is the norm, OP. Sex drive for your woman always decreases in LTR.

Try to spice it up. Did she gain weight? Is she trying new things in the bedroom? Talk to her. Trust that she noticed you don’t want to fvck her anymore.
 

2Rocky

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...the phenomenon called “new relationship energy” or NRE. And it eventually decreases and may even totally wear off. It’s not because people fall out of love; it’s because the neurochemical ****tail that fuels the ecstatic feelings and nonstop lust naturally winds down. Over the past several years, researchers have begun to identify not only the brain areas related to new relationship energy (NRE) but also the neurochemicals involved. The major areas identified include the ventral tegmentum, the amygdala, and the hippocampus – all areas that play roles in our reward pathway.
 

Stoic

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Just a quick note on LTR.

Another woman is almost always going to be more enticing then the one you are with. So this may not have much to do with your current chick.

Men crave variety. If you are in a good LTR, obviously its probably best to discipline these cravings with self control.
 
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just wondering if this is the norm.

Only realised today when ordering a coffee and the girl taking my order was very flirtatious.

Got a hard on in the 20 sec interaction.

My LTR of 2 years is pretty, wants sex, makes hood money, so yeh maybe you think that is unicorn like my best mate does.

But I hang out with her and dont feel sexual at all. Thought maybe its just a lull coz she recently got a puppy.

The puppy has changed her. In a good way I guess, but we all know good sex starts well before the clothes come off.

Its been a good test run for if we had kids I guess. Shes past her prime, still very pretty girl, but more BS to deal with as timw goes on.

Not asking for advice, just posting an experience to the forum to see if anyone has had similiar experience.

If we were each others firsts and had a kid, would be different, but knowing where shes been and how much of a slut she used to be, makes me apathetic towards the relationship.

Sign of the times I guess...

Peace and live to all
If you don't want to **** her, what use is she to you?? Sex is what makes relationships possible. The fact that you've already been replaced by a goddamned juvenile dog should be a clue.
 

Murk

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I was in the same position as you, and I’m the same age. However we were having sex and it was good I just found my ex facially not great sometimes, gorgeous others. I felt I could do better as a good looking 6’2 entrepreneur making good money, why settle for my 30+ year old LTR.

I had the tough convo where I said there’s no spark and “you’re not my happily ever after”. Hardest thing I’ve done, maybe I was too harsh. Anyway we kept seeing each other through covid lockdowns last year and ended up semi together without the title.

We broke up again in January mutually but kept in contact and having sex. Now she’s moving on I kind of feel I made a mistake and maybe should stop being so shallow as we have a great connection she’s my best friend and very feminine/loyal/submissive/traditional.

Its very confusing to always feel you can do better, my previously relationship was the same, didn’t really find my gf attractive, cheated on her, toxic and ended horribly.

It’s okay to settle with not a super model right?
 
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I was in the same position as you, and I’m the same age. However we were having sex and it was good I just found my ex facially not great sometimes, gorgeous others. I felt I could do better as a good looking 6’2 entrepreneur making good money, why settle for my 30+ year old LTR.

I had the tough convo where I said there’s no spark and “you’re not my happily ever after”. Hardest thing I’ve done, maybe I was too harsh. Anyway we kept seeing each other through covid lockdowns last year and ended up semi together without the title.

We broke up again in January mutually but kept in contact and having sex. Now she’s moving on I kind of feel I made a mistake and maybe should stop being so shallow as we have a great connection she’s my best friend and very feminine/loyal/submissive/traditional.

Its very confusing to always feel you can do better, my previously relationship was the same, didn’t really find my gf attractive, cheated on her, toxic and ended horribly.

It’s okay to settle with not a super model right?
You likely won't like this observation. Sounds like you might be somewhat narcistic , as opposed to confident.
Her face isn't that great, yet sometimes it is.
Perhaps she needs a reason to put on some makeup.
 

RickTheToad

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You never know what you've lost until it's too late. Relationships are a balancing act, but the grass is not always greener on the other side. Choose wisely.
 

Howiestern

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A man should always experience as many women as possible. At least 25. All types. All ages. Get married once. Get divorced. Date a girl 20yrs younger. Date a girl 10yrs older. Date girls that have the total physical package. Date girls that have great hearts and are truly good people. Date $trippers. Date an average girl. Date a crazy girl. Date a submissive girl. Date a boring girl. Have a threesome. Date an insecure girl. But never date a fat girl :)

Only thru these experiences will you gain enough perspective to know if what you have is worth keeping.

I've been with close to 75 girls. All types of relationships. All types of girls. Everyone of them helped me realize what I have now is about as good as it gets. I have a chic that is attractive, likes sechs, smart, very rational by female standards, wants a man to lead, makes good money, not an attention wh0re, and I can have deep conversations with. She ranks high in all the categories that matter to me.

Yep I still think about other women and some crazy hot girls from my past. But I appreciate what I have because of my experiences and that's what keeps me loyal to my girl.
 

Murk

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You likely won't like this observation. Sounds like you might be somewhat narcistic , as opposed to confident.
Her face isn't that great, yet sometimes it is.
Perhaps she needs a reason to put on some makeup.
Pretty poor observation, I’m nothing like a narcissist (yes I had checked in the past), I have lots of empathy and value others above myself.

The only traits I seem to have is non commitment and cheating
 

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mrgoodstuff

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If you don't want to **** her, what use is she to you?? Sex is what makes relationships possible. The fact that you've already been replaced by a goddamned juvenile dog should be a clue.
The bro has spoken and bro advice is real, it keeps it to the point and it's simple and it usually works.
 

evan12

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just wondering if this is the norm.
In general new women always sexually arouse the man than existing women, maybe ask her to change her style or buy her new accessories to look different, try some sex fetches that might also add spice.
 

Fruitbat

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I find in my LTRs it’s not that you go off the girl per se, it’s that she gets comfortable and so do you.

I had a rough patch with my wife for a bit. Stress, kids etc. however, one thing we have going is an 11 year age gap. There’s a reason why these relationships have a value. I always see her as fairly hot. Even when she’s 40 I’ll be 51.

the way we overcame this is we decided to put a little effort in.

For me, I’ve always been a kind of clothes and makeup fetishist! My wife just reverted to wearing legging and messy hair unless we were going out somewhere. On the occasions she took care and got dressed up, the response was instant and I was screwing her brains out.

I think people in LTR need to think like they’re still dating even when they arent.

I kind of told her I was very visual and it makes a massive difference if she takes care of herself.

now, what happened next is typical female: “don’t you like me when I’m Normal etc?” I left it at that but over the coming weeks she made effort many times and we were back at it.

I also started grooming better. Going to the gym etc.

Losing a bit of interest after 2 years is kind of normal. I would say the mad romp is 6 months max.

Just wanted to share this was how we rekindled it after a Lean patch.

every man has the things he likes. I’m lucky I have basic tastes (nice dress and nice hair) but I think if couples made the effort to understand what turns each other on etc them lots of LTR can be saved.

LTRs are about hard work and compromise. Unless your a movie star (and even then the great Johnny Depp can’t even get what he wants) then you can’t expect a woman to fawn on you with no effort after years together.
 

catsmeow

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It's okay to settle with not a super model right?
Murk, I hate to break it to ya, but even super models don't look great all the time.

In fact, without the makeup, the lighting, the right angle, the filters, many don't look all that great period!

You'd be surprised if you met a super model IRL barring the industry greats, but many models are essentially average but have the right bone structure and are extremely photogenic and comfortable in front of a camera.

And I should know, I lived among the 'beautiful' people and personally know a few from when I lived and worked in LA.

I hope you don't take offense but you sound fantasy-driven seeking an ideal that simply does not exist. The 10/10 you're envisioning and believe you're entitled to has flaws, we ALL have flaws, I bet even you, lol. Unless she's a perfect specimen blow up doll or something.

One of the scariest things about making a commitment is allowing your partner to truly "see" you, and becoming vulnerable acknowledging they may not like what they see.

And what you may not even realize (and this is kinda deep), but it's quite possible while you're finding all these things wrong with her, all her flaws, it's actually YOU who is scared of being "seen" and having a woman see your flaws, and that the 'real' you is not the perfect person you envision yourself to be. :)
 
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