"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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not responding, and then...

F

Fela Kuti

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Hello all,

So I've known this girl from MySpace since a few months ago and we chat a lot online. And we also meet time and time again at music gigs. But we've never had a real life long conversation. Until she asked me (via IM) to meet her for a hang out with friends (my friends are her friends too). We had so much fun together and I started to like this girl more. So the next day when we were talking via text message, I told her: "Let's go to XYZ bookstore sometime!" (she'd been wanting to go there). After some long minutes, she replies, but didn't mention anything at all about my invitation! So I reply with a cold tone without asking her again and the text convo ended there. Then suddenly, at midnight when I was sleeping, she texts me: "Fela, are u still awake? So when are we gonna go to the bookstore?". So then a few days later we had a fun date which ended with a candlelight dinner.

What I'm curious about is, why didn't she accept my date offer earlier? I know maybe it's not important, but I'm curious. Whaddya think?

P.S. I know my English is not too good ;)
 

"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."

Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.

Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?

You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.

Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.

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Sean O

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It was just a test. And you passed it quite well :up:.

Your english is fine, btw.
 
F

Fela Kuti

Senior Don Juan
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so how will an AFC react to that? by asking her again immediately?

uh, now my problem is that she keeps a secret about his status to everyone. and I'm shy to ask her about it..
 
S

Sean O

Senior Don Juan
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so how will an AFC react to that? by asking her again immediately?
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Pretty much. Another thing I should remind you of (which you did indeed do anyway, but may not have realized its importance) is that you should never ASK a girl if she wants to go out. You should instead SUGGEST it. In your case, you said, "Let's go to XYZ bookstore sometime!", which is exactly what I'm referring to.

One last thing. Because you were text messaging, she may not have picked up on this "cold" tone you were trying to convey. This was actually a lucky thing for you. It's never worth it to be cold to a chick unless she blatantly disrespects you. Instead, in future situations like yours, just gradually become more indifferent to her, while still being polite. It just sends better messages.
 
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