I haven't posted here in a couple of years. I'm an almost 43 year old divorced father of two. I've been separated for about 9 years and have dated/hooked up with a decent amount of women in that time, but have had really no relationships. There have been a few women who made it pretty clear that they desired a relationship with me, but every time I just seem to lose interest after a while. I've always been a really independent person, and am perfectly happy spending lots of time alone. I might be interested in LTR with the right woman, but by and large the idea of living with and/or marrying a woman again just makes me feel trapped. I dislike the idea of being tied to one person forever, although maybe I just haven't met the right one. Problem is, most women around my age want LTRs (or so they say)... their looks are fading and often no longer get the same attention from men they used to. Men, on the other hand, have more time. If I say upfront on a dating app that I only want to hook up/casual, that will greatly reduce the quantity and quality of women. We know that women are the keepers of sex, and men are the keepers of LTRs. I don't really like stringing a woman along, knowing full well that it's going to end when she inevitably wants something serious. How do other guys deal with this?
“The 22 Rules That Flip the Script With Women… And How You Can Use Them Tonight”
Most guys accidentally kill attraction before they even speak. They assume they need a bigger bank account, a better physique, or smoother lines. They miss the point.
Female desire operates on a specific set of psychological triggers. Break them, and you're invisible. Follow them, and you become magnetic.
I learned this the hard way. Years of freezing up. Getting friend-zoned. Watching other guys walk away with the girl I wanted. Then I discovered a set of 22 simple rules that rewired my entire approach.
Not interested in LTR
- Thread starter RobbyDog
- Start date
Scaramouche
Master Don Juan
Hi Robby,
You are coming to an age where the pool of interested Ladies expands exponentially...As they age their expectations drop and more and more are happy to settle for a looser relationship,trading the pleasures of their Boudoir for help with minor maintenence around the place,or just a little company.
You are coming to an age where the pool of interested Ladies expands exponentially...As they age their expectations drop and more and more are happy to settle for a looser relationship,trading the pleasures of their Boudoir for help with minor maintenence around the place,or just a little company.
BackInTheGame78
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That's fine but you need to be realistic and realize if you aren't willing to give that to them after a period of time then you have a limited shelf life, usually 3-4 months.
BeExcellent
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I see around me all the time that what @Scaramouche states is true, although I'd say its more pronounced in the 50s and onward.
Sure you'll have some deeply pious or religious women who won't even have sex with out marriage, but they are few comparatively speaking.
My advice is this:
Say on your profile for OLD that you are "open to an exclusive LTR with the right woman...."
This accomplishes 2 things:
1. Its honest
2. It gives you an out if she isn't the right girl
That way you don't reduce your prospects. Every chick will think she's the right woman. If a girl you do not envision as exclusive gf material pushes for exclusivity....that is when you have the real conversation. You put your priorities first. At that point be honest, you are not prepared to pair off with just one chick at the present time. She can enjoy what you can offer her or she can move on. Honest & simple.
It is all in how you manage expectations.
Sure you'll have some deeply pious or religious women who won't even have sex with out marriage, but they are few comparatively speaking.
My advice is this:
Say on your profile for OLD that you are "open to an exclusive LTR with the right woman...."
This accomplishes 2 things:
1. Its honest
2. It gives you an out if she isn't the right girl
That way you don't reduce your prospects. Every chick will think she's the right woman. If a girl you do not envision as exclusive gf material pushes for exclusivity....that is when you have the real conversation. You put your priorities first. At that point be honest, you are not prepared to pair off with just one chick at the present time. She can enjoy what you can offer her or she can move on. Honest & simple.
It is all in how you manage expectations.
BaronOfHair
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I was made aware that-for men anyway- LTRs are nice to have, nonetheless ARE NOT a replacement or even a supplement for having a larger mission in life. It's not a coincidence that so many men become EVEN MORE emasculated than they were prior, after becoming married fathers of 2.5, while still in their f-c-ing 20s. Or rapidly deteriorate and die, shortly after retiring
Thus, I prioritize my purpose(s) first and foremost, and recognize that LTRs/all arrangements less serious than that are but a side-dish
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For 9 years you were doing great hooking up with women and stringing them along.
Why now you suddenly confused what to do?
That’s a fair question. I guess before, I THOUGHT I wanted LTR, and through all my experiences over the last few years I’ve come to realize that’s not what I want, not now anyway…I value my freedom and independence too much. While I know that rejection is only a normal part of dating, I can’t help but feel bad when I can sense that she wants things to go further and I know that I don’t. I’ve ended things rather poorly with a few women, and want to get better at ending things if that makes sense. This might sound strange, but to me rejecting someone is harder than being rejected myself.
I guess the purpose of this thread was to ask, how do I improve at communicating my intentions? I’m quite an introvert and honestly can be kind of cold emotionally…admittedly I am poor at communicating on an emotional level. Women would likely call me emotionally unavailable. When I really connect with someone, the feelings can be quite intense, but that type of connection is rare.
After a long and largely voluntary dry spell, I’ve been on a few dates with two women over the past couple of weeks. I know both are pretty in to me, and I do like them both. I have a pretty busy life as it is so it will be interesting to see what happens here…I’ve never been a guy to spin plates.
Gamisch
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You just might be in your absolute te prime now...so you will be in this situation very often.
The game will be : they want that LTR in exchange for p00sy, and this game will be played on many ,many levels.
It's, imo, part of the game and only those who embrace the dark traits will succeed. They want to be sold a dream, so sell...
If it was as easy as saying ; I just wanna feck on my terms " , then the forum wouldn't exist
. Especially as you age it will become harder, unless...unless you manage to create a discrepancy of abundance, and the first one that comes to mind is money( wealth, financial status, having tons of options).
The game will be : they want that LTR in exchange for p00sy, and this game will be played on many ,many levels.
It's, imo, part of the game and only those who embrace the dark traits will succeed. They want to be sold a dream, so sell...
If it was as easy as saying ; I just wanna feck on my terms " , then the forum wouldn't exist
. Especially as you age it will become harder, unless...unless you manage to create a discrepancy of abundance, and the first one that comes to mind is money( wealth, financial status, having tons of options).
Hamurabimbi
Master Don Juan
I've found, to paraphrase Lenin; 'You may not be interested in LTRs, but LTR's are interested in you.'
I can relate to the OP.
I’m almost 58 and have come to the conclusion that I’m only willing to do the bare minimum to maintain a relationship.
The girl I’m currently with is more invested in me than I am with her and this dynamic suits me.
I find that I tire of s*x with the same woman very quickly. But this is countered by my lower testosterone levels. The desire for different bedroom action is still there but it’s not as strong and I’m not prepared to jump through hoops anymore just to get variety.
S*xual relationships are transactional and every guy has their own price they are willing to pay for access to p*ssy. My price is very low these days; it was a lot higher when I was much younger.
I enjoy my own company and independence and live alone (for 5 years now). The thought of living with a woman again fills me with dread. I think my current girlfriend may bring this up in future though.
The quality of women (looks and personality/attitude) declines rapidly at my age and the options are not plentiful.
My advice to the OP is say that you are open to a relationship with the right person. If you say you just want hookups/FWB you will reduce your options even further as most older women are looking for stability (from my experience).
Emotional availability is a feminine trait. Take it as a badge of honour to be called being emotionally unavailable. You will attract women even more by being so. Women love guys they can’t figure out.
Spinning plates is fun in the short term but exhausting in the long term. Plates will generally fall off after a few months at best and if you aren’t prepared to continually cultivate new prospects you may have long dry spells.
I’m almost 58 and have come to the conclusion that I’m only willing to do the bare minimum to maintain a relationship.
The girl I’m currently with is more invested in me than I am with her and this dynamic suits me.
I find that I tire of s*x with the same woman very quickly. But this is countered by my lower testosterone levels. The desire for different bedroom action is still there but it’s not as strong and I’m not prepared to jump through hoops anymore just to get variety.
S*xual relationships are transactional and every guy has their own price they are willing to pay for access to p*ssy. My price is very low these days; it was a lot higher when I was much younger.
I enjoy my own company and independence and live alone (for 5 years now). The thought of living with a woman again fills me with dread. I think my current girlfriend may bring this up in future though.
The quality of women (looks and personality/attitude) declines rapidly at my age and the options are not plentiful.
My advice to the OP is say that you are open to a relationship with the right person. If you say you just want hookups/FWB you will reduce your options even further as most older women are looking for stability (from my experience).
Emotional availability is a feminine trait. Take it as a badge of honour to be called being emotionally unavailable. You will attract women even more by being so. Women love guys they can’t figure out.
Spinning plates is fun in the short term but exhausting in the long term. Plates will generally fall off after a few months at best and if you aren’t prepared to continually cultivate new prospects you may have long dry spells.