Not having sex with a woman because of long friendship

[ghcortez253]

I found out a few months ago that only female friend of 5 years has a crush on me, and I rejected her. She is on the borderline of whether I’m more than mildly attracted to her. I had accepted her as friend because I was interested in hotter women, decided I didn’t need to **** her. And she wanted to be friends, so why not? If I **** her now, it implies that I subconsciously wanted to **** her all along, but was too much of a wuss/too blue pulled to initiate. It implies I was just showing off to her all along, playing “friend.” I hate this idea, so I declined even though I wouldn’t necessarily mind ****ing her.

 

[Machine10033]

unless they are full blown lesbians guys and girls are never just “ friends”. One party always has some attraction to the other. Men are meant to hang with other dudes it’s tribal and you see this in the wild as well. Animals form bachelor groups until mating season and then they battle each other to breed with females. If your female “ friend” wants to bang then go do it.... if it goes south what do you lose??

 

[rjc149]

If you think she’s attracted to you and you want to bang her, just do it. Don’t worry about looking “blue pill beta cuck” or any of that. Passing up a woman is the ultimate demonstration of higher value. If anything she may simply auto-reject after once being declined, but if it happens then it happens. You should hopefully know the signs and situational cues that give you a green light.

Just be aware that if she does give you a green light, she has some emotional/romantic interest and banging her will complicate your friendship. I don’t think you should take advantage of your rapport and her feelings just to pump and dump her. It’s bad karma. I hope that goes without saying though. But some women can compartmentalize that and just go back to being friends like nothing happened.

 

[ghcortez253]

I don’t think I can be friends again if we **** and she stops it.

 

[ghcortez253]

I think what it really boils down to is that I don’t know if I want to and keep changing my mind .

 

[rjc149]

I think if you’re a guy with a good pipeline of women, this isn’t something you’d be flip-flopping around on. You’d make a decision — no, she’s a friend and you’re not going to sink that friendship for a night of a$$, or yes, you actually have feelings for her and believe it’s worth risking the friendship to explore them.

 

[ghcortez253]

I don’t have a good pipeline of women. I’m disabled due to a serious health problem and just surviving.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

If your really her friend
And neither of you is taking advantage of th

I don’t think I can be friends again if we **** and she stops it.

If your her friend and no one is manipulating the other then its fair game. If you like each other as friends, your attractive to each other and you respect each other it won't be a problem.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Your thought process is weak. Why do you care what she thinks? You do what you want. Trying to determine what she thinks and rationalizing it in your mind simply shows that you probably didn't fvck her the first time because you didn't go for it when you had the chance, the same way you are not going for it this time when you have the chance.

 

[SW15]

unless they are full blown lesbians guys and girls are never just “ friends”. One party always has some attraction to the other. Men are meant to hang with other dudes it’s tribal and you see this in the wild as well. Animals form bachelor groups until mating season and then they battle each other to breed with females. If your female “ friend” wants to bang then go do it.... if it goes south what do you lose??

Losing a female friend is generally not a big deal, unless she's a valuable source of introductions to women. In 5 years, she's either done introductions or she hasn't. Likely, she hasn't.

I may not have done a lot of things well in 21 years of dating and relationships, but the one thing I've done well is avoid the female friendship trap. It could be argued that I've lost social circle opportunities as a result of my stance on female friends.

Heterosexual male friendships with lesbian women seem to be much rarer than heterosexual female friendships with homosexual men. I don't think most lesbians think positively of heterosexual men. Heterosexual women and homosexual men seem to have more areas of commonality for forming friendships.

I think straight men and straight women can be casual, non-sexual acquaintances and minor level friends, but not close circle friends.

 

[ThisIsSparta]

I don’t have a good pipeline of women. I’m disabled due to a serious health problem and just surviving.

Take what you can get. If you dont try , you will regret it one day.

Try moving her into friends with benefits. If you think she is open to escalation, do it, do some kissing and fumbling.
Before you ripp off clothes though, tell her that she should know you are "in general not up to a relationship and the responsibilities coming with that at this point in your life due to whatever reason you can come up with(recently ended relationship, health, your "mission" etc.) and ask her if thats okay for her. If she says yes, stop talking and escalate/fvck her and your Karma is at least semi-clean.

If she says no, bad luck, but no foul happened and the "friendship" should remain intact.

This usually works for me to turn plates into fwb.

 

[TheProspect]

Does her value as a platonic friend supersede any potential short-term value as a ONS or FWB to you?

Only you can determine that, as value is subjective.

Keep in mind that once you have sex with a long-time friend, the dynamic is almost guaranteed to change, and you won’t have that same friendship.

Instant gratification is temporary. I’m not of the camp to encourage you to compromise friendships you value for very short-term pleasure, nor would I encourage you to take what you can get and settle for less (a mediocre chick you don’t really desire).

 

[bat soup]

I found out a few months ago that only female friend of 5 years has a crush on me, and I rejected her. She is on the borderline of whether I’m more than mildly attracted to her. I had accepted her as friend because I was interested in hotter women, decided I didn’t need to **** her. And she wanted to be friends, so why not? If I **** her now, it implies that I subconsciously wanted to **** her all along, but was too much of a wuss/too blue pulled to initiate. It implies I was just showing off to her all along, playing “friend.” I hate this idea, so I declined even though I wouldn’t necessarily mind ****ing her.

Maybe you could only stick it in halfway.

 

[Kotaix]

Does her value as a platonic friend supersede any potential short-term value as a ONS or FWB to you?

Only you can determine that, as value is subjective.

Keep in mind that once you have sex with a long-time friend, the dynamic is almost guaranteed to change, and you won’t have that same friendship.

Instant gratification is temporary. I’m not of the camp to encourage you to compromise friendships you value for very short-term pleasure, nor would I encourage you to take what you can get and settle for less (a mediocre chick you don’t really desire).

I'm with this. Sex will irrevocably change the dynamic between you two. You had better be sure you want to do this, and only do it if you're actually interested in her.

I have a friend in this position. She's a great girl and I know she wants me bad but she's fat and doesn't live near me. I could bang her if I wanted to, but I'd rather have her friendship than what is likely going to be a lousy bang.

 

[ghcortez253]

Today she disclosed that she used to date a girl. I am now even less attracted to her. I haven’t asked whether she’s still bi. Is there anything in TRP wisdom that says you shouldn’t **** or date bi women?

 

[spikeanut]

Today she disclosed that she used to date a girl. I am now even less attracted to her. I haven’t asked whether she’s still bi. Is there anything in TRP wisdom that says you shouldn’t **** or date bi women?

You're asking two different things. Way over thinking it. Smash first, then see where it goes. You are playing mental gymnastics on a series of events that may not even happen even if you went for it. Stop living in fantasy and start living in reality; the reality of things is you guys have not slept together, so stop worrying about TRP wisdom on bi-women. Act first, then re-evaluate.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Does her value as a platonic friend supersede any potential short-term value as a ONS or FWB to you?

Only you can determine that, as value is subjective.

Keep in mind that once you have sex with a long-time friend, the dynamic is almost guaranteed to change, and you won’t have that same friendship.

Instant gratification is temporary. I’m not of the camp to encourage you to compromise friendships you value for very short-term pleasure, nor would I encourage you to take what you can get and settle for less (a mediocre chick you don’t really desire).

I dont think having that pleasure damages anything. As long as they respect each other. If they like each other, respect each other, there is no manipulation during the sex or lies or carrot dangles as far as relationships, they will be JUST FINE having sex. Your having sex with someone you like and who likes you and respects you, and you happen to be physically attracted to one another. What's wrong with that? No one is taking advantage of the other or treating folks like chit.

 

[sph21]

I’m disabled due to a serious health problem and just surviving.

Don't let your condition prevent you from enjoying the joy of living.

If she wants you, then go for it.

 

[SW15]

Today she disclosed that she used to date a girl. I am now even less attracted to her. I haven’t asked whether she’s still bi. Is there anything in TRP wisdom that says you shouldn’t **** or date bi women?

You can have sex with bi women. Longer term relationships are not the best idea. How bi is she? There are some bi women who only enjoy occasionally sex with women and might be down for 3 somes. Some bi women look more masculine and lean majority towards women. In the late 2000s, I had a POF sourced date with a bi woman who was probably more into women than men. That was a one date, no sex thing and I didn't offer a second date.

 

[TheProspect]

I dont think having that pleasure damages anything. As long as they respect each other. If they like each other, respect each other, there is no manipulation during the sex or lies or carrot dangles as far as relationships, they will be JUST FINE having sex. Your having sex with someone you like and who likes you and respects you, and you happen to be physically attracted to one another. What's wrong with that? No one is taking advantage of the other or treating folks like chit.

That's the exact mindset that would lead two friends to having sex, sure, and it seems all dandy in theory. In practicality, however, once the deed is done and emotions & expectations enter the equation, things tend to play out differently.

Remember that OP said this chick was into him and he rejected her. Sleeping with her can rekindle those initial feelings the chick had and she could be fine for a little while after sleep together, but women will be women and you'll never know for certain what will happen to the dynamic. Which is why I asked the OP what he values more, the friendship, or a potential ONS/FWB.

You provided a good rationale. But you're also a male and so am I. It's easier for us to have no strings attached sex with a girl we're not that into. Gender aside, if the shoe were on the other foot and OP was super into this chick at one point and she friendzoned him, but down the road gave him an opportunity to start sleeping with her and his options were limited at that point, I'd say there's a good chance he gets attached and the friendship dynamic changes once he's fulfilled her need for him.