Not being attracted to anyone is the secret

[becker]

The more I think about this, the more it seems like the way to get a girl is to just totally act like you're not attracted to any of them and just be a little flirty and playful but not to any point where it seems like you're hitting on them or anything. Disinterested teasing seems to work like a charm sometimes.

There's this one girl today who was sitting with me in class, and I just talked to her about some everyday stuff, nothing special, and I didn't even feel much chemistry with her. Cute girl, but not my type for some reason, since we don't seem to have much in common. I think that what I probably do well is that I can keep conversation about all sorts of crap, some of which may not even interest me, but I'll talk about it anyways in the interest of conversation. We don't have too much in common except that we can talk about how bad traffic is on the freeways in the mornings. Next thing I know she gives me her number. Literally out of nowhere. I didn't even hint at it.

I don't know what happened, but there has to be some logic to this illogical stuff. Maybe just being illogical is how to be logical in all this.

 

[Brasco]

Very true becker, it happens to me often. You will notice that this happens with girls that your not that interested in. Most times when your talking to a girl your no that interested in you are more relaxed, just being yourself. It just makes them want you that much more for some reason. Talking to girls that your not that interested in is a good way to practice some different DJ technics. It will make you more confident around the HB.

 

[Starman]

listen man..not only does that defy logic..its somewhat ridiculous.

Here are a few psychological facts

1- If you tell a person you like them (and they already like you a bit) they will like you more.

2- If you tell a person you like them (and they dont really like you) They will dislike you EVEN More.

So it follows..if a girl you find somewhat attractive..and she likes you a bit..and you show some signs of interest..she will like you MORE.

The point is , Its OK to let girls know you find them attractive..The trick is to treat "attractiveness" as if it really means NOTHING to you.

A womans main source of power comes from her physical beauty. WHen she senses her physical beauty are disarmed .. not because you think she is ugly..but because you really dont care about looks..she gets interested (some women with very low esteem will get interested if they think you find them unattractive)

You have to convey some type of interest in the person..or as soon as she finds out your REALLY do find her attractive..she will bail.

 

[Brasco]

What I am talking about has nothing to do with telling a girl you find her attractive or like her. I am just talking about girls you talk to that you are NOT really attracted to at the time. It also works for the ones I am attracted to now that I have the confidence. When you see you have her interested, then at some point tell her you find her attractive or what ever way you want to say it. When I first talk to a girl I don't talk to her any different then I do a friend. It always seems to work for me. Maybe I am just a natural Don Juan and don't even know it, hahahahaha.

 

[jbbrain]

becker and brasco are BOTH WRONG

get out in the field, get some experience, and only THEN tell us what you think is right.

to everybody else reading this thread, dismiss these tips

 

[Brasco]

jbbrain,

Just because I don't have SENIOR DON JUAN status doesn't say I don't play the field. What ever works for me is what I go with, and as far as you saying I don't have any experience without knowing me, is just you talking out of your a**.

I play the game in many different ways, all depends on the situation. If your at a bar and your trying to pick up a 9 or 10, then sure you have to be more agressive, I do that too when I am at a bar. When I am just talking to a girl at any place other then a bar I have a different style and that works for me. Does that make it wrong? I think not!!

Becker and I have something you don't have, we can just be ourselves around girls without hitting on them or being a "DJ" and still get their IL up.

Maybe your the one who has to get off your computer chair and get some experience. What makes a guy a DJ, being somebody your not? or just being yourself without hitting on them and still be able to get them? Just being myself workes for me and if it doesnt work for you then you have no business in calling me somebody with no experience.

 

[becker]

Brasco,

Hate to see you fighting this battle yourself, so I had to chime in.

To the naysayers here, the bottom line to my post here is that I wanted to just explain a situation that just happened to me today, and it seems to follow that all the confidence and C+F stuff that people always talk about here on the board is just that much easier to execute (you don't even have to think about it, it just happens that way) when you aren't trying too hard. That's really what this all boils down to. Like I said, this girl gave me her number today, and I didn't even try to get it. I am not even interested in this girl, and I probably won't ever call her. I probably would have had a harder time getting her number had I tried to get it, which is the weird part.

Starman, as much as I'd like to side with you, it doesn't ever seem to work that way for me, unless the girl isn't that hot. The hotter girls tend to shy away when you get too attached or pursue them too heavily. The best thing in my opinion is to let the girl come to you. I don't know, I'll see tomorrow, there's a girl who is absolutely gorgeous that I'm working on at the moment, and so far so good.

 

[Duke]

I'm a supporter of your theory. I know a couple of UGs and they always find me and tell me hey. I never give 'em any special treatment, but they keep coming back.
In my AFC days, I'd treat hot chicks like gold (so I thought) and they'd run.
Well recently I started treating hot chicks like UGs, and the hot chicks are after me too!

My hypothesis is that they sense that you're not some desperate freak trying to bone 'em. Or maybe they can sense the facades guys put up. Not too sure, but I like this approach because it enables you to be yourself more. Treat chicks as if they were guys, only talk about them more. Works for me.

 

[Brasco]

Nice comment Duke, for only being 17 your on the right track.

Becker, another one that thinks like me and you, later



Like I said, if you try this style at a bar, chances are you will end up solo at the end of the night. You have to be more agessive at a bar, your still to young for the bar scene yet Duke, its a good scene but you have to change the game, there is good advice in the DJ Bible about that, and other things.

 

[becker]

Yeah, I guess the hot girls have their guard up and have been hit on so many times that they probably appreciate some normal conversation once in a while. It's probably why they have so many girl friends, because the guys are always hitting on them, and I'm sure it gets tiring always having to fight them off, and probably much more refreshing just being able to talk normally.

 

[jlujan]

Show interest in the conversation, not the person. If you talk to a beautiful woman you just met, in the same way you talk to a good female friend that you don't find atractive at all, you will proyect the karma that you need.

 

[becker]

jlujan, nice post, very direct and to the point.

The girl I was talking about in my earlier post is showing some pretty good signs of interest, but again, I'm not too interested in her because we're so different that I just would never feel comfortable in anything outside of just being friends with her.

This other girl, on the other hand, is like a perfect match for me, with one catch, she has a BF (don't they all). Anyways, we are in a class together and she came to me today and told me to make sure that I save a seat for her tomorrow. She was going to sit next to me but this other girl insisted that I let her sit next to me. She also shows good interest, and she has good eye contact and I don't hit on her so for some reason she's drawn to me.

The whole indifference bit seems to work well, and if you do it enough, you can actually have yourself convinced that you don't need anyone, which tends to project confidence and takes away any inhibitions you may have, since you will stop trying to impress women, which never seems to work, especially if you have some hidden agenda, which anyone with half a brain can see through.

 

[jlujan]

I have several female friends that i don't find atractive at all, and when i go out with them i just have a lot of fun and feel at ease with myself, they never say it but i can feel that they would love to be with me if only i found them atractive enough (they are cool and cute but not my type).

The thing to master here is not to create a conversation around your atraction for a woman, if you do, you will find out that men have a very hard time at doing two things at once, you cannot carry and intelligent and interesting conversation and at the same time, go crazy thinking if she likes you or not.

Sound easy, but it takes lots of practice, talk to as many beautiful women as you can.

 

[becker]

That's exactly how I see it, it's not easy, but if you can somehow shift your thinking, it works great.

 

[snatchdaddy]

Originally posted by becker
The more I think about this, the more it seems like the way to get a girl is to just totally act like you're not attracted to any of them and just be a little flirty and playful but not to any point where it seems like you're hitting on them or anything. Disinterested teasing seems to work like a charm sometimes.

The only thing I would change about this would be to say "A way to get a girl" as opposed to "THE way to get a girl". Showing a certain level of disinterest will at times be the ingredient that makes you mysterious to a woman. This can especially be true when the woman is exceptionally pretty and is used to guys showing too much attention. When you come along and show your not as interested as she would expect it tends to make them curious about you. But this only goes so far. It doesn't work miracles.

 

[becker]

Re: Re: Not being attracted to anyone is the secret

Originally posted by snatchdaddy
The only thing I would change about this would be to say "A way to get a girl" as opposed to "THE way to get a girl". Showing a certain level of disinterest will at times be the ingredient that makes you mysterious to a woman. This can especially be true when the woman is exceptionally pretty and is used to guys showing too much attention. When you come along and show your not as interested as she would expect it tends to make them curious about you. But this only goes so far. It doesn't work miracles.

snatchdaddy, please elaborate, to what extent do you think this will or won't work? Also, yeah, I meant that it was a way to get a girl, rather than THE way, since there is certainly more than one way to skin a cat.

 

[crackhead]

good stuff, jlujan

"Show interest in the conversation, not the person. "

nice one

 

[TesuqueRed]

You're finding that fine line Becker, that's what you're doing. Which is probably why you're getting some opinionated posts on either side.

Anyway--I know what you're talking about. I think it is an early stage DJ thing where you are what you should be (yourself) when you are just being yourself and not trying to make some girl. The minute making a girl comes into play and they know they have the power and the whole thing falls apart.

It's just a slight adjustment (your interest) and all of a sudden you've fvcked the dvck and you can't land her to save your life.

The trick is being able to pursue without triggering this "you wish, dude" response.

Get there from here, right?

Not easy.

This is where developing multiple options--working on self, expanding the social circle etc is so crucial---do it or you're stuck in the phase you're at now. Sure--they know you're interested, but then they know that if they don't pay to play, you're somewhere else and someone else is having fun with you.

It's a fine line, isn't it?

 

[becker]

Definitely a fine line, I agree, TesuqueRed.

I've just found that it's just so much easier not worrying about whether a girl likes you or not, even if she could be someone you might be attracted to. If a girl is interested, just talking to her normally without trying to pick her up will be enough to make her show she is more or less interested. You just need to sit back and observe. When the right signals are there, then there's probably a green light to make your move. Until then, it's somewhat of a waiting game but not in the sense that you're sitting around waiting for her response, rather it's more about you just continuing what you were doing before.

 

[BGMan]

Here's something else I've noticed.

If a girl has interest in you, and sees you around with other women, they often will stay interested in you for a surprisingly long time, at least until they find someone they like better.

Which means, don't be in so much of a sweat to get their phone number, if you see them regularly.

I think what Becker says pretty much makes sense. You hold back, they show interest, then you go for the number and it seems so natural for both you and the girl!

BGMan