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No Social Circle, What Are My Options?

coyote_astro

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What is it that led to you not having a social circle? Your personal choice or the social circumstances/environment?
No judging, just curious.

I've actually had this problem over the past 6 months due to relocating mid-pandemic (and have actually also made a couple of posts about it before.) Fortunately, as the pandemic is receding and the weather getting better for going out, things are slowing getting better for me.
But I remember you live in Australia, so I know COVID has not been an issue for you down there.
 

Georgepithyou

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What is it that led to you not having a social circle? Your personal choice or the social circumstances/environment?
No judging, just curious.
I've had aquatainces but never really long lasting friendships, i suppose i just never really put the effort into making a social circle work since i assumed those aquatainces was all i needed.
 

coyote_astro

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I've had aquatainces but never really long lasting friendships, i suppose i just never really put the effort into making a social circle work since i assumed those aquatainces was all i needed.
OK. Personally I've always built my circles by meeting people through common activities (be it work, school, hobbies etc) and getting closer with the ones I vibed the most with. It was kind of an automatic process for me, maybe because I am extroverted.
 

SmoothSmooth

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Go loner style bro. Well dressed, handsome man sitting at bar by himself enjoying a drink .. girls will come up to you, I promise.
The key is well dressed& handsome.
This guy f-cks
 

2Rocky

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I've moved a few times in my life and had to start Social Circles from scratch a few times.

1) find a hobby group that meets in person often. Establish yourself as a regular and be welcoming to newcomers. Sports and exercise are the best for this. Think activity based. Wine tasting , tours, classes, etc.
2) find a nationwide Hobby group online that meets infrequently. Develop relationships with people through good exchanges. I was part of an online forum in the Early 2000's and went to a national contest in the amateur division. Our group agreed to meet at the hotel bar and I met all these people in person who I'd communicated with online. Developed real relationships and kept those even after the forum turned over and many of us left. Forums are a dying breed unfortunately.
3) Professional societies and meetings. Your employer should pay for you to get to know people in your field. Seek out social opportunities and take a leadership role in them. It goes well beyond just networking.
4) Volunteer. Service groups provide a ton of opportunities to meet new people. Especially around the holidays.
5) Leadership training. Sometimes you have to learn to be social and maintain friendships.
6) Community events. Parades, fundraising dinners, BBQ's, Block parties, etc. go where people are having fun.
7) find someone who is the group organizer. this is the leader of the group who often will take it upon themselves to introduce oyu to people they think you would mesh well with. They aren't always the Alpha though...
 

Willie Naylor

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I've moved a few times in my life and had to start Social Circles from scratch a few times.

1) find a hobby group that meets in person often. Establish yourself as a regular and be welcoming to newcomers. Sports and exercise are the best for this. Think activity based. Wine tasting , tours, classes, etc.
2) find a nationwide Hobby group online that meets infrequently. Develop relationships with people through good exchanges. I was part of an online forum in the Early 2000's and went to a national contest in the amateur division. Our group agreed to meet at the hotel bar and I met all these people in person who I'd communicated with online. Developed real relationships and kept those even after the forum turned over and many of us left. Forums are a dying breed unfortunately.
3) Professional societies and meetings. Your employer should pay for you to get to know people in your field. Seek out social opportunities and take a leadership role in them. It goes well beyond just networking.
4) Volunteer. Service groups provide a ton of opportunities to meet new people. Especially around the holidays.
5) Leadership training. Sometimes you have to learn to be social and maintain friendships.
6) Community events. Parades, fundraising dinners, BBQ's, Block parties, etc. go where people are having fun.
7) find someone who is the group organizer. this is the leader of the group who often will take it upon themselves to introduce oyu to people they think you would mesh well with. They aren't always the Alpha though...
Good list, especially #3. Professional networking events are always good places to start.
 

2Rocky

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I've had aquatainces but never really long lasting friendships, i suppose i just never really put the effort into making a social circle work since i assumed those aquatainces was all i needed.
Wide and shallow has been my friend pool for a long time....sometimes that's easier to maintain.
 

SW15

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There is a difference between having friends and having a social circle that is capable is arranging dates for you. Most men have friends. Even nerdy gamers and STEM dudes have friends in most cases. What a lot of men don't have are social circles capable of arranging dates for them.

I have friends. I have been in my current city for 10+ years. In the first year or so in this city, I did a good job of making friends with people I could see myself being friends with for a long time. I have retained those friendships, although some have moved on to other cities. Also, with a lot of my local friends now married or in LTRs of 5+ years, these friends aren't inclined to spend much time with me. I have also been neglectful in making new friends. To be fair, there are not a lot of single, 35-45 year old men who are either unattached or tend to have shorter term relationships when they are in relationships. That'd be relationships of 2 years or less. Additionally, as a single, childless 38 year old man, I can't imagine that I'd be friends with divorced dads. I know some divorced dads in my age range, but they are men living in other cities and men I knew prior to me moving to this city.

What I don't have is a social circle capable of arranging dates for me. Many years ago, my male friends were mostly single. They and I were often competing for the few women that were in our social orbit. We had some intense turf wars for these women. 2 of my male friends formed relationships over women in this social orbit that still last to this day. My friends are more blue pill than red. I don't shove red pills or black pills down the throats of my friends. None of my friends have ever worked their networks to help find me a date. I've had a couple of acquaintances over time send dates to me, but nothing that was meaningful. A couple dates, no sex.

Part of why I don't have a social circle is due to frequent long distance relocations. As a child, I relocated multiple times. I have relocated multiple times since turning 18. I'm nowhere near my hometown, if you could even say I had a hometown. My first relocation was in the earlier grades of elementary school. Yes, I have been in my current city for just over 10 years, but I got here in my late 20s. I couldn't get into any of the social circles with people who grew up in this area and had deep social ties. Instead, I became friends with many other adults who relocated to this area as adults. They didn't have deep social ties in the region.

The men I've known with social circles that were most effective in getting them dates and relationships were geographically fixed. They didn't move as children and they stayed in the same area as adults. That's how you get the deep social ties in an area. You find your way into social circles with people fitting a similar profile to that. In that situation, you tend to be more blue pilled. These are men that tend to put a ring on it. They also tend to have relationships that last 2 years or more. You'll tend to annoy your social circle with setting you up with women if you have shorter term relationships. You can go to the social circle option every 2-5 years or so and not annoy the circle. More than that, the circle started to get annoyed.

Of course, as @DEEZEDBRAH says, playing house with most Western women is a bad idea. That'll cut down on social circle opportunities.

If you don't have a social circle capable of arranging dates for you, the options are: swipe apps, approaching strangers, or paying a matchmaking service.
 

RangerMIke

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Go loner style bro. Well dressed, handsome man sitting at bar by himself enjoying a drink .. girls will come up to you, I promise.
The key is well dressed& handsome.
Believe it or not... this does work. But you have to look good.
 

BadBoy89

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Go loner style bro. Well dressed, handsome man sitting at bar by himself enjoying a drink .. girls will come up to you, I promise.
The key is well dressed& handsome.
Decent.

Make sure you are tall and young too.
 

2Rocky

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Oh and ONE Social circle is not enough....

You need at least 3 with minimal overlap

1) Family friends. People who know your parents and grandparents
2) Career. Vendors and customers
3) Hobby. People who share your interests. Multiple different ones. At least 2 different ones 3 is better.
4) Neighbors. At least every one within 3 houses/doors in all directions. Especially those you share a wall or fence with.
 

Zimbabwe

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Believe it or not... this does work. But you have to look good.
Maybe it works in America where people go to bars to socialise and mingle but not in Australia where most people go to hang out with their friends.
 

2Rocky

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Maybe it works in America where people go to bars to socialise and mingle but not in Australia where most people go to hang out with their friends.
I find when I am with a group, women outside the group are much more attracted than when I am there alone. The social proof that other people (and women) find me engaging and friendly make people more likely to approach me. You can create the same vibe by identifying the Chatter box at the bar and let him (or her ) talk to you and just respond enough to keep them talking.
 

Zimbabwe

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I find when I am with a group, women outside the group are much more attracted than when I am there alone. The social proof that other people (and women) find me engaging and friendly make people more likely to approach me. You can create the same vibe by identifying the Chatter box at the bar and let him (or her ) talk to you and just respond enough to keep them talking.
I'm still going to give the loner style a go, I'll chat to the bartender if I have to. I just don't have high hopes for it
 

2Rocky

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I'm still going to give the loner style a go, I'll chat to the bartender if I have to. I just don't have high hopes for it
Do it...but OWN it. do what you have to to be of the mind that you are a charming, debonair stranger with an air of mystery...

I've linked to this Video many times before...

 
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