No Contact - Day 31

[faiNt`]

I've been NC with my ex for six come the start of June. Let me tell you, it gets easier. I'm really not sure if it works or not, but I know it has helped me overcome her almost completely. I say almost because I still miss her from time to time, but it's not her specifically. This girl taught me a valuable lesson. Regardless of what anyone tells you, true love doesn't exist. It's a myth. Woman only love you for what you are capable of giving; nothing is unconditional. Even your parents love is based off of something. Nothing is unconditional in life.

She's attempted to contact me five times so far and I've straight up ignored every single attempt. I could be dead for all she knows. Literally. I can't imagine the look on her face if she happen to see me now! That's what keeps me going with the whole thing. Make your life 100x better than it was, and let the driving force behind it, at least for the time being, be that you want her to see you in a few months/years when you have an awesome life.

My two cents ...

EDIT:// I think what I miss most is the myth of true love. I thought this girl was on the one, until I realized that even the most innocent of girls will let you f*ck them in the a*ss (literally) and then f*ck you in the ass, given the chance (figuratively haha). Just goes to show that attraction is the same for all girls at some level, and that if you f*ck up, they will f*ck you up.

 

[AlexDP]

Yes she held my emotions against me, big time.

You have to understand that when a borderline starts to see you as the persecutor, they start projecting all negative feelings on you. This means that all of their self loathing is now projected onto you. To you this is very confusing, because after a few weeks or months NC, she might suddenly split you white again and you're the best thing that has ever happened to her. This idealization is like a drug and it's why you're hooked.

Another hook is that she mirrors you. She probably does feel like someone who 'gets" you. This is because she has no sense of self and is deriving that self from you. When this goes too far, and it always does, the two of you become enmeshed. You become codependent and feel like you can't live without her (which is, obviously, nonsense). She on the other hand becomes increasingly scared she is going to lose her identity. Because she is you and because she has object constancy issues, she will feel awful when you're not around. She becomes a slave to your presence.

Because of all this, she will split you black at one point. This is often triggered by a missed phone call or you going out with friends instead of with her. Anything that might make her feel abandoned. Once she does split you black, she is lethal. She will do everything in her power to hurt you. You are evil and responsible for all of her misery and you deserve to be punished. I believe that on a very deep level most borderlines know there is something wrong with them (as many seem to able to reflect more rationally on past relationships a few months/years down the line). But even if they know at some level, they are far too delusional on the surface.

Do not look back. The only way for her to heal from this is realise something is off. And she will, when people start to leave. Help her, help you.

 

[bigneil]

I brought this old thread back to show how much I've evolved.

* Back in 2011 (age 41) I could not get over this HB7 girl who was 4 years younger than me, who lived 1000 miles away, who I only dated for 2 months, and only had sex with twice, who never satisfied me!
* Now in 2017 (age 47) I had an easier time getting over a HB9 girl 25 years younger who lives 20 miles away, who I dated for 9 months and lost count of how much sex I had, who was the greatest lover I ever had.

This is mainly because I have more options now.

Note that my old oneitis is now my Facebook friend and is a single mom. She had a baby with the next guy (at age 36) and never married him. I'm happy for her. She apologized to me of course but I wouldn't give her the time of day now.

This should be a lesson for men dealing with women their age. Date younger women. You have better sex for longer and it's easier to get over them.

 

[Red Legg]

Oh yes....the BPD crush...snapped like a dried out twig..