Nice Guy or Jerk? Who Has More Potential?

[Nine Breaker]

Before you came along to this site, you were either a Nice Guy or a Jerk. The question I have here is: who has the better potential to become a Don Juan? The Nice Guy or the Jerk?

Personally, I'd have to side with the Nice Guy. Why? The Jerk, although you may say he has confidence and the looks or whatever, is really in the worst position. His confidence is false, it is more ****iness than anything else. He lacks the feelings and the drives to care about someone who isn't himself. His confidence is hollow, and if someone should shake at the foundations of his confidence then the tower that is his self-esteem will surely crumble into dust.

The Nice Guy on the other hand, although he has little confidence or ****iness, has something over the Jerk and that is a devotion to learn. Think about it, he wants to be the ultimate ladies' man. He wants to know what he's doing wrong. All he really needs is the encouragement and to believe in himself to become a great guy.

That's my opinion anyway.

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The Human Body Is A Fragile Thing, But The Human Soul Can NEVER Be Truly Broken.

 

[Take No Dirt]

I tend to concur with you, Nine Breaker. The jerk doesn't think he has a problem whereas the nice guy does. I was a former nice guy as with a lot of dudes here. I've yet to read a post/thread by a former jerk.

[This message has been edited by Take No Dirt (edited 11-18-2001).]

 

[bclarke675]

I'm also in agreement with you. Jerks are too self-centered to think they have any problems that need to be discussed with anyone.

 

[Dr_Feelgood]

You guys are right. The nice guy has more potential, and in the end, more success. The women are always trying to get with the jerk. They try to change him, but fail. He won't change because what he's doing is working, for the most part. He also won't change, because the women are the ones trying to change him. The only power to change comes from within.

That's where the nice guy wins, provided he realizes what he's doing wrong. His desire to change is more powerful. He'll change himself, for himself. Getting women is only a side benefit. The more of a nice guy, or failure, he was with women, the more he'll probably change into the ideal Don Juan.

 

[maknmovs]

yeah a nice guy turned into a bit of a jerk will always win..in a LTR, at least the guy can sort of become more nice knowing that he has the girl and doesnt have to treat her like crap, but the jerk will always treat girls like garbage.....

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Life is lost in dreaming, and dreaming is lost in becoming (Motto on the Hard Rock Cafe in Cancun, Mexico)

Ive failed over, and over, and over again in my life, and that is why i succeed..-Michael Jordan

"Success requires no explanations; Failure permits no alibis"

Square playaz get played, pimps get paid, macks persuade

 

[Take No Dirt]

I've read that girls want a man who resembles their father. If her father was a nice man, she'll seek out a nice dude as well. If her father was an abuse self-centered louse, she'll be drawn to jerks. In these cases, the girl stays with the jerk hoping to change his ways (of course he never does change).

Of course there are girls who date a nice guy who reveals his true jerky nature only shortly after the honeymoon.

 

[krd]

I think it also depends on what age bracket you're dealing with. Younger girls such as teenagers, up to those in early to mid twenties will most likely go for the jerk. They've been in fewer relationships, they haven't had their heart broken enough times to realize that the guys they are going for are not neccessarily relationship material. But after a while they start to realize this kind of personality gets old. When they start getting older and more mature, they start looking for a more stable, decent kind of guy that they can settle down with. Then it's the nice guy's time to shine. But initially, it's the jerk the girls go for first. Jerks have a ****y, charismatic vibe about them that girls are attracted to and there's no denying their appeal.

So if you're a younger guy and want to get a woman, you don't have to be a total jerk, but you don't want to devote your life to making her happy either. I admit I'm a nice guy by nature, but I don't really want to sit around until I'm 30, waiting for the women to start coming around. I want to explore and have fun while I'm still young and the girls are still hot. Although at 22, I'd better get my act together soon!

 

[BigBill]

I was Too nice when I came here.

I think the reaosn a lot of nice guys are here more than jerks posting is simple:

Jerks don't need this site. Jerks already know how to get laid.

 

[Nine Breaker]

Or maybe most Jerks don't come here because they don't think they have a problem. Sure, they have the ****iness to get themselves laid, but when it comes to LTR's they're about as useful as a condom machine at the Vatican.

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The Human Body Is A Fragile Thing, But The Human Soul Can NEVER Be Truly Broken.

 

[BigBill]

Beleive what you want.

i know plenty of total *******s that have ltrs. If you are a nice-guy advocate great.

when you figure out how to get women being a nice-guy let the rest of us know. From my experience you can't be that way and get ANYWHERE with women.

 

[THIAGO BRAZIL]

1 Totally nice guys are those with no girls EVER!
2 A nice guy with jerk attitude is the one who gets girls and keep them if he wants, valuable question "is she good enough for me?"
3 A jerk gets girls but cannot keep them after sex, or even before it.
Thiago

 

[Nine Breaker]

You're not wrong about Nice Guys, BigBill, and I'm sure there are tons of Jerks in LTR's. But somehow I doubt that those relationships work out in the end. Why do you think there is a 50% failure rate for marriages? I could go on for ages about this topic, but it isn't worth the details. All that's important is knowing that Nice Guys can't get into relationships, Jerks only care about 'emselves which ruins relationships, but "great" guys (aka: real men, true Don Juans) are the real winners. Every time.

BTW: I'm a great guy advocate.

Why would I (or anyone) talk about the good sides to being a Nice Guy? There are none.

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The Human Body Is A Fragile Thing, But The Human Soul Can NEVER Be Truly Broken.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by BigBill:
Beleive what you want.

i know plenty of total *******s that have ltrs. If you are a nice-guy advocate great.

when you figure out how to get women being a nice-guy let the rest of us know. From my experience you can't be that way and get ANYWHERE with women.

Sure, total *******s have ltrs...but they aren't healthy and they almost always end with that total ******* growing old by himself and dying a miserable old man with no love in their lives.

Nice guys can do great with women as soon as they learn to put themselves first, learn to say no, and stop living their lives to please everyone but themselves. If a nice guy falls into the rut of ignoring his own needs in favor of everyone else's he becomes boring. Why? Because he is too damn busy bending over backwards to please everyone that he has NO life of his own.

The "Nice Guy" doesn't have to stop being nice and become a total pr*ck to succeed. He just has to learn to put himself first, not feel guilty about saying no, and live for himself...and do that while not stomping on every person he comes in contact with in the process.

 

[BigBill]

no, I disagree.

He has to become what is, IN HIS MIND, a total prick. that's because to a nice guy, those qualites you mentioed are the qualities of a self-centered jerk.

Once he does this and kills off the nice guy for a while he can eventualy be less of a prick. I have a little more experience on this issue than you WF. I was a niceguy for a long time. Now after being a total ******* for a few months I realize how ****ed up my thinking was then.

There is a post of mine in the bible called pick for a day. its about an excercize for nice guys where you roleplay a prick for a day or a few hours and just see what its like. I did it and it was a breakthrough. a total breakthrough. all the fear I had about pissing people off or losing approval, it was all just smoke and mirrors.

Nice guys, go prick, total and complete prick. IMO it's the best way to get out of 'nice guy' land. If you try to hold on to your 'niceness' you ar going to make it 1000 times harder on yourself.

but hey, what do I know?

 

[Wyldfire]

Bill, from here on out I'm not going to be responding to any post you make to me that invovles any kind of debate of a serious nature. I hope you won't take it too personally, but you have succeeded in your goal, and are, in fact, being a total pr*ck. Quite frankly, I don't have the patience or desire to deal with someone whose only interest in conversing with me appears to be to attack and attempt to discredit everything I say just because they don't agree with it.

 

[Dr_Feelgood]

Personally, this is one time I'm in agreement with Wyldfire. Nice guys don't have a chance with women. But, when they stop doing the things that make them so nice, they end up becoming Great Guys.

If a nice guy gets in such a rut that he can't change, then maybe he needs to become a total prick for awhile to insure a change. But, I think a gradual change from nice guy to Great Guy is a better transition for most. Nice Guy to Total Jerk is too extreme. I think you lose part of your identity with such an extreme change. It's like you hate yourself and are willing to do anything to change into the kind of guy women love. In that sense, you're still no better than the nice guy.

I loved myself as a Nice Guy. I just didn't like some of my behaviour and the treatment I was willing to put up with. In time, my self-esteem grew, and I learned to be comfortable in my own skin. I was no longer bending over backwards to please others. If I was percieved as a selfish jerk at times, so be it. But, usually I'm seen as a Great Guy now. No longer too nice, but rarely a total jerk. I've found a perfect balance for me. I didn't have to go to extreme jerk. I just had to see where I was being the nice guy I didn't like, and start eliminating my niceness, while still respecting myself and others.

Recently, I met a beautiful older woman. After a long night of witty banter and doing other things I won't mention, she gave me a great compliment that meant a lot. She said, "You have the perfect combination of sweet and sexy. I bet you have girls lined up at your door every night." While this isn't exactly the case, I've been really successful lately. And I still like myself, because I'm no longer the nice guy and never had to become a total jerk that even I wouldn't like. And for your information, when a woman says you're sweet, it doesn't mean she won't sleep with you. I learned that being called sweet can sometimes be a big compliment that means you're in, if you play your cards right.

 

[BigBill]

Wyldfire...

you felt the need to break into this thread and disagree with me. look back if you don't believe me. i reponded now you are mad and throwing a little online hissy fit.

well whatever. If you come here and post stupid advice I'm going to call you on it. your tip in the tips forum is a perfect example of lousy advice from someone who is utterly clueless on how a man ought to be to succeed with a woman.

don't repsond. you are right you'll never win and yes, I AM a TOTAL PRICK!!!!!!!

 

[AlfredB18]

Originally posted by Nine Breaker:
Why do you think there is a 50% failure rate for marriages?

Actually, I think that's some feminazi or some other stupid advocate group mumbo-jumbo...

About 12% of marriages (96 was the last year of figures when I was told this) end in divorce.

The is a 50% chance of a marriage ENDING in DIVORCE...the other 50% is death.

The other 88% don't end...for a while, at least.

 

[Nine Breaker]

Really? I got my statistic from this Govt. centre for statistics, so I'd have thought it was true. Eh, it's irrelevant really, in the scheme of things, but interesting all the same.

Hey, BigBill. I took a look at Prick For A Day and I have to say it was good. I tried that sorta approach some time back, and it felt good. It may not be the normal way DJ's kill their own Nice-Guy-feelings around here, but it works. And hey, if you manage to offend one person (who is 1.7% of 1% of 1% of 1% of the human population BTW) that you'll never see again, who really cares? The universe ain't going to stop becasue of it.

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The Human Body Is A Fragile Thing, But The Human Soul Can NEVER Be Truly Broken.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by AlfredB18:
Actually, I think that's some feminazi or some other stupid advocate group mumbo-jumbo...

About 12% of marriages (96 was the last year of figures when I was told this) end in divorce.

The is a 50% chance of a marriage ENDING in DIVORCE...the other 50% is death.

The other 88% don't end...for a while, at least.

You can't trust ANY statistics that supposedly represent specific groups. They are tainted. I know this because I have worked for a number of different non-profit orgs. that compete for grant monies from the government. These groups have a target area and only include those at highest risk to need their services in the studies. The outcomes of the studies are decided before they are even done. The agencies do this because it's necessary in order to obtain grant money from the government. All those deomstic violence and rape statistics (as an example) are a bunch of hogwash. Government stats are more reliable, but still you have to be careful. My home was chosen for a study in my state about drug use in young people. The info was being compiled for the federal government. The interviewer asked how many residents were between the ages of 12 and 26. I have two children who were 12 and 15 at the time. The handheld computer told the lady to interview my 15 year old. They were trying to find the most likely person in the home who would either be doing or had been at some point, doing drugs.

Feminists (especially the radical ones) play dirty. One such study on domestic violence was done and a Fembot wrote a book entitled
"Battered Woman Syndrome". This book was responsible for the mental condition with the same name as being coined, and also for the legal use of this condition as a defense in murder cases. Mind you, BWS is just Post Traumatic Stress Disorder in a woman who has been abused. Feminism is about perpetual victimhood.