"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"

Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.

She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.

Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.

So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.

The words come later. The impression comes first.

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NHY's Journey Part 3: THE FIRST EXPERIMENT

NHY

Don Juan
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Hey guys, it seems like my original topic from the anything else fourm was delected due to a page limit ( Don't worry, I'm cool about it ) so I thought I would continue posting about it in a more approitate part of the fourms, namely here.

Anyways, onto Part 3...


Part 3 - THE FIRST EXPERIMENT
28th - 29th Janurary 2006


A tip I've learned from another source to help calm my nerves in a protential pick - up situation ( as well as many other situations ) is to breathe deeply and consciously in and out for a few moments, this apparently takes your mind off the fear and dimishes it, I have used this technique a few times before, it has actually helped me in a few situations as well, though, I knew in order to succeed in my weakest area; namely pick ups, I would need more help and thats what brought me here.

Like I said before, I am a Trainee DJ who's learning the ropes, I have taken to the theory like a fish takes to water ( Then again, I have an interest in Pyschology & Sociology ) greater benfitting me as a person as a whole, giving me an edge over many in certain areas like emotional satability and now, I also don't give a F*** anymore about getting a girl, sure, I get a touch of desperation on the odd night but I'm back to not giving a F*** the next day. My college work has improved as well as I just seem more focused on it now.

However, my actual practical experince is not up to scratch as a result of;
1. Going to all boys schools until I was 14
2. Being very much shaltered while I was being raised
3. Having unrealisticly high expections in life
4. I am a little shy

All this left me high and dry when I tried to get a girl, it wasn't pretty, I literally followed the poor girl in silence as I thought it was the right thing to do! It left me getting insulted, slagged off and draged me down to the level of COMPLETE AFCNESS, it hit rock bottom when I very nearly assaulted a girl once over extreme denial, depression and pure desperation. Even before I found this site, I was already on a spritual journey to recover mentally and spritually. The following thing was the first thing to go! Over time, my socail skills improved to a more reasonable level but its still not perfect.

The world is my classroom, so they say. So today ( Janurary 28th ) was my first visit to the Science room in a long time as I was about to perform an experiment, a feild test of sorts of what I've learned so far. It was my first experiment I performed on the road to becoming a DJ and I have learned a lot from it.

The experiment took place in two bars in my town. The appartus used was; Me, a few lads, a group of girls, including one birthday girl. Its purpose; to test some of the DJ tecniques I've learned and see where I need to work on.

The experiment started when I arrived at the first bar on my own, like I usually do. Thats the good thing about not being closed into any specific group, it leaves me free to move around when I like and how I like. Anyways, I was hanging out for a while, talking to one or two people until a group of guys I know came along. This lead me to a group of girls, including the one celebrating her birthday.

For the rest of the night, I tried my best to act like I would always. I hung out with this group and even gave said Birthday girl a birthday kiss on the cheek ( OK, I was told to do it! ) as well as ending up literally getting cake stuffed into my face! When the guys went to another bar, I hung around with the girls until they went, choosing to stay a little quiet, like I am usually.

Later, I admit I acted a little bit AFCish around the Birthday girl especailly but the thing was; I DIDN'T CARE. A true AFC is someone who cares about being one! ( Yes, I know, its an odd philisophy but it works for me ) unfortately for me, logic kicked in late on and I started thinking too much and miss my chance to give the girl a kiss to remember! Ah well, crap happens, at least I got another girl to kiss ME on the cheek!

So, What did I learn?

* Thinking too about on the spot before doing something is a BAD idea!
* There is hope for us all!
* You can get away with acting a little AFCish, the key is to NOT CARE ABOUT IT.


As well as that, I also learned that I also REALLY need to get a job of some sort! I need more money to go places and such! That and I want to move of home this year! But thats another matter entirely.

What do I need to do? I need to attenpt some cold approaches, I really need to read about that in the DJ bible again. Hopefully, I'll attempt some in the next 2 weeks or maybe I should set myself a specific date to make some attmepts or something.

Anyways, until next time, The Journey Continues......

NHY
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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ethnomethodologist

Master Don Juan
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Dude, NHY, I have been read about 50 pages on this site out loud today. Working on my tonality, and my voice projection.

I decided to play the homely voice from old south females... you sound TOTALLY AFC, and like a returd:)

I thought this was going to be an actual EXPERIMENT, not some guy who has been on this board for 3 years and still worries about screwing up...

I'd say stop posting and get some field experience. I don't think that would helpyou out one bit though.

What you have got to do, is shock your system. Have you run the bootcamps? If so, than they are not for you.

You have to run some real experiments. Hammer out these details as they arise. If you think about it, bring it up with whoever your speaking to...IMMEDIATELY!!! Don't try and think of a way around it, be a man, and show them you don't care about the problem.

I'm still talking with a southern accent right now, it's screwing with my brain waves:p I'm sorry if I'm coming off as corny:)

I've got a question... What was your experiment? I'm hoping that it wasn't exercising your breathing because that would be corny thing to be focusing on during a date. What you should have been doing was NOT being your current self.

I can see you want to exercise your knowledge, and apply the lessons you have learned. It is tough when everything around you changes so quickly... so bring a cheat sheet, to remind you of what you've got to do...

Find some strangers, they are the safest, as they won't laugh at you, if you tell them straight up your having problems. There is such thing as compassion in society, people really do want to be hero's on a daily basis. Give em a chance, they'll give you tips and make you try them out...

You say you are quiet, and you led a secluded life as a child, what is the biggest setback that gave you?
 

NHY

Don Juan
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Hey dude, thanks, no seriously, about time someone actually made a DECENT reply to one of my posts on this. Like the title, its a Journey I'm undertaking to better myself and such. I needed someone to be blunt to me and help me see where I am going wrong.

I thought this was going to be an actual EXPERIMENT, not some guy who has been on this board for 3 years and still worries about screwing up...
Thats a deception, actually, I registered 3 years ago but I didn't really post or really take the knowledge here seriously much until last December, after coming back from a leave of over year and a half, thinking I didn't need it, I was wrong!

What you have got to do, is shock your system. Have you run the bootcamps? If so, than they are not for you.
Good point, I really do need to drasticly shock my system. No, I haven't done a bootcamp yet. Mainly because I'd prefer to have a few others on board doing it with me from here. Its an idea, though, maybe having someone to look over me while I do it would be good.

You say you are quiet, and you led a secluded life as a child, what is the biggest setback that gave you?
I had to think about this one but I'd say the biggest setback it gave was that it left me totally unprepared for the real world when I became a teenager and went to Secondary School. I also found that when it came to important things in the household, I literally have NO SAY.

I could write a book on the things I have to endure at home but lets just say I feel like I'm always second fiddle, pushed around, used, nagged and gullible. They think they understand me but they don't at all! All I was during my early Teenage years was a bitter, abused, AFC, the ist goes on!

I can remember back in the summer of 1998, there was a free concert on just down the road from me but I couldn't go. Why? Because my ******* parents were out drinking ( thats the reason I don't want to drink ) while I was stuck at home because of sister. To add extra insult to injury, I found out my brother had met and gotten a signature from the main act from the concert!

Do you know how many times I have gotten insulted like that? Do you see why I feel as if I have no say? No wonder I was so lost in AFCness! My god, I've even attacked my father a few times over his drinking, the last time, I told him to ' Kill Me ' which is what is going to happen if I don't get out soon.

Yikes, sorry about the rant but thats truly the biggest setback in my life: My family.
 
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