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New guy: Looking for tips to build up Social Media & how to appear less needy

RyanMan

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Hi guys, new member here! Hopefully you can give me a bit of help... Basically I’ve no problem meeting women, chatting to them, getting their number or sleeping with them, but after a month or two it’s just ‘not working out’

I never used to be like this, but this last 18 months I was laid off from my job (a pretty important one with the Ministry of Defence), my sister died, my dad got cancer & a bunch of other things happened that knocked me back. I’m not making excuses, it’s all me, & I’ve realised I became needy/clingy as I didn’t have enough other things to focus on.

I’m looking to break the cycle, I have a new job & a laser-like focus on what I want/where I want to go! I just don’t want to fall back into any old traps, I’m here to learn & be the best version of me I can be.

I’m dating a few different girls right now, but I truthfully have a touch of Asperger’s (I tell everyone & it’s never affected my chances with the ladies, one right now used to date a UK pop star) & don’t want to go too far from clingy/needy to being an aloof guy who appears ‘totally’ disinterested in any of the ladies, so any middle ground help would be appreciated.

Also, if possible I’d like to hit a ‘reset‘ button with some of the exes if possible... I’m still friendly with them & honestly don’t care if they’re not interested any more, there’s plenty more for me to focus on, but it’d be a fun side project.

One last thing, I want to use my social media (Facebook, Instagram etc) to help get me more dates, unfortunately as a fan of books & art I’m not sure how I can make that ‘sexy’ for women, any suggestions?

I’ve found that if I post my photos on Facebook & Instagram at once, my ‘likes’ are split... Does this make a difference? I have twice as many people on Facebook to Instagram & a fair bit of crossover, but some are on one or the other.

Is there a way to balance it as otherwise loads like my photos on Facebook, then I look like a Billy no mates on IG ha! What do you guys do? Thanks guys, any help is super appreciated!
 

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Black Widow Void

Master Don Juan
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Hi guys, new member here!
Welcome aboard. Stick around and you'll get varied perspectives and probably learn some new tips.


Hopefully you can give me a bit of help... Basically I’ve no problem meeting women, chatting to them, getting their number or sleeping with them, but after a month or two it’s just ‘not working out’
While this pattern might suck, the fact that you recognize a pattern is a good sign (this will provide you knowledge on how to change said pattern). Also, the fact that you're not blaming others and wanting to work on yourself is a true sign to future success.

I never used to be like this, but this last 18 months I was laid off from my job (a pretty important one with the Ministry of Defence), my sister died, my dad got cancer & a bunch of other things happened that knocked me back. I’m not making excuses, it’s all me, & I’ve realised I became needy/clingy as I didn’t have enough other things to focus on.
No one is Superman. That's a lot for anyone to process. When I've had family deaths, it has personally set me back. I think it's natural.


I’m dating a few different girls right now, but I truthfully have a touch of Asperger’s (I tell everyone & it’s never affected my chances with the ladies, one right now used to date a UK pop star) & don’t want to go too far from clingy/needy to being an aloof guy who appears ‘totally’ disinterested in any of the ladies, so any middle ground help would be appreciated..
I wouldn't worry about Asperger’s here. After members here get (as they call it) "redpilled" ... we tend to express more in a 'matter of fact' way. As to telling women, if your method works, who am I to knock it. If it was me, I'd probably not, until I needed an ace up my sleeve.
As far as "middle ground"with ladies, this will depend on your own personality and theirs. It's a trial and error thing that we all have to personally learn to calibrate.

Also, if possible I’d like to hit a ‘reset‘ button with some of the exes if possible... I’m still friendly with them & honestly don’t care if they’re not interested any more, there’s plenty more for me to focus on, but it’d be a fun side project.
A lot of times, I don't agree with forum members here, but this one that most of us unite on. Ex's are ex's for a reason. I get that a nice 'conquest' or a 'recycle' can be fun at times, but it'll make your world counter-productive. If there's a certain ex you are wanting, you can make a separate posting. You'll receive a lot of flack from members here, but a few of us will be willing to provide some tips.

One last thing, I want to use my social media (Facebook, Instagram etc) to help get me more dates, unfortunately as a fan of books & art I’m not sure how I can make that ‘sexy’ for women, any suggestions?
A lot of members are against social media for meeting women, but I've used it before with some success. This will depend on if you are looking for a lay or dating. If a lay, you'll probably need to up the image a bit. If for dating (which is my purpose) you'll not get quantity, but being a fan of books and art will differentiate you from the pack and will be more appealing to a certain type (usually introverts)


I’ve found that if I post my photos on Facebook & Instagram at once, my ‘likes’ are split... Does this make a difference? I have twice as many people on Facebook to Instagram & a fair bit of crossover, but some are on one or the other.
I'm not qualified to provide an answer to this one. I've never done Instagram and "likes" require little effort. If you can get a reply, you have something more to go on.

Is there a way to balance it as otherwise loads like my photos on Facebook, then I look like a Billy no mates on IG ha! What do you guys do? Thanks guys, any help is super appreciated!
Because most of my attraction is based on my expression, I'm not sure I can offer any tips on this one. Maybe someone else will chime in.
 

Terminus

Don Juan
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Don't post the same stuff on Facebook and IG it's useless.
Try to get a good camera and take quality pictures, pick some nice clothes, groom yourself, and chose nice locations with great colors and textures like a brick wall or whatever.
This will make great eye catching pictures where you look your best rather than choosing between random photos where you weren't prepared to be photographed.

Add pictures of your activities like nature / concert / sport etc. And some photos with friends and that's it.
You don't need complex photo description like poems or citations, just show that you're someone that keeps moving forward in life and girls will want to join you universe.

Smile on your photos and try to project a good mood rather than playing the dark sasuke card.

A library with pretty books could make a great background for one of your photos, and it will let people know that you probably like reading.
 

RyanMan

Don Juan
Joined
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While this pattern might suck, the fact that you recognize a pattern is a good sign (this will provide you knowledge on how to change said pattern). Also, the fact that you're not blaming others and wanting to work on yourself is a true sign to future success.
Thanks for the warm welcome mate! I appreciate this, I know it’s the only way I’m going to grow as a person, & I feel I need to take responsibility for my own actions. The best way I can explain it is if it’s my own actions that have caused this, it’s also in my power to change it, whereas if I blame women/other people/circumstances then it wouldn’t be in my power to affect change, if that makes sense?

No one is Superman. That's a lot for anyone to process. When I've had family deaths, it has personally set me back. I think it's natural.
This is something else I appreciate someone else saying as well. For a while I blamed myself, & realised I need to forgive myself, accept I could have done no better in the circumstances & move on positively, whilst also using it as lessons learned, this way I can take something positive from the situations.

I wouldn't worry about Asperger’s here. After members here get (as they call it) "redpilled" ... we tend to express more in a 'matter of fact' way. As to telling women, if your method works, who am I to knock it. If it was me, I'd probably not, until I needed an ace up my sleeve.
As far as "middle ground"with ladies, this will depend on your own personality and theirs. It's a trial and error thing that we all have to personally learn to calibrate.
That’s great to hear. I only have it pretty mildly, but I’ve found it actually really works well dropping it in on a first or second date (its not the first thing out of my lips mind!) I just address it in a very nonchalant way, say it’s not a major thing but there may be the odd time I’ll do or say something that may upset you without realising I’ve done it. I can’t help it as it’s something I was born with, but it’s no biggie &nobody’s perfect. I’ve found they admire my honesty & lack of ‘issue’ with it, say it’s refreshing to have someone talk about it so openly & usually then open up to me about something with them.

A lot of times, I don't agree with forum members here, but this one that most of us unite on. Ex's are ex's for a reason. I get that a nice 'conquest' or a 'recycle' can be fun at times, but it'll make your world counter-productive. If there's a certain ex you are wanting, you can make a separate posting. You'll receive a lot of flack from members here, but a few of us will be willing to provide some tips.
This is very true! I can’t say there is a particular one I’m hung up on, if I didn’t go out with any of them again I wouldn’t be bothered but it’d be nice for them to see what I’m like when I’m actually ‘on top form’ so to speak.

I’ve a feeling what will mostly be suggested will be for me to keep working on myself, & once they see the improvement they’ll get in touch with me. That’s how I’m treating it anyway!

A lot of members are against social media for meeting women, but I've used it before with some success. This will depend on if you are looking for a lay or dating. If a lay, you'll probably need to up the image a bit. If for dating (which is my purpose) you'll not get quantity, but being a fan of books and art will differentiate you from the pack and will be more appealing to a certain type (usually introverts)

I'm not qualified to provide an answer to this one. I've never done Instagram and "likes" require little effort. If you can get a reply, you have something more to go on.
These are great points, thanks. I’ve got pretty good tinder/pof profiles with a witty bio, some decent photos & if I put the work in, I can sleep with 2-3 girls a week (that’s what I was doing last year, & could now if I wanted)

It’s not really my thing mind, like you I’m interested in dating but luckily it’s far easier online than meeting people in the real world in my area. I’m more focusing on having an interesting Facebook & Instagram that people who see think “he’s attractive”, and I think if I can somehow do something with books/art that would work as it’s different from a lot of others.

Because most of my attraction is based on my expression, I'm not sure I can offer any tips on this one. Maybe someone else will chime in.
No you’ve been more than helpful, I can’t thank you enough here! You’ve already given me a lot to work on, I’ll have to update you how these go.
 

RyanMan

Don Juan
Joined
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Messages
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Don't post the same stuff on Facebook and IG it's useless.
Try to get a good camera and take quality pictures, pick some nice clothes, groom yourself, and chose nice locations with great colors and textures like a brick wall or whatever.
This will make great eye catching pictures where you look your best rather than choosing between random photos where you weren't prepared to be photographed.

Add pictures of your activities like nature / concert / sport etc. And some photos with friends and that's it.
You don't need complex photo description like poems or citations, just show that you're someone that keeps moving forward in life and girls will want to join you universe.

Smile on your photos and try to project a good mood rather than playing the dark sasuke card.

A library with pretty books could make a great background for one of your photos, and it will let people know that you probably like reading.
There’s some great advice here thanks! I’ve already got an iPhone 11 Pro Max, the camera is pretty decent & I’ve just ordered a tripod mount for it. I wanted to show off more of what I do, but since I mostly work alone as a courier now it’s hard to get me into the photo. I’m hoping the tripod will fix that, as I can always find good scenery wherever I go, but I can never easily get myself into the photo. This will hopefully fix that.

The comment on textures like brick walls etc is gold too, I never thought of that before.

I really need to take up a sport, I was really sick as a child so could never play when I was younger, but as a late teen I got the muscles & the abs, I just struggle to show them off as the shirtless selfies obviously look desperate. I think I should take up surfing and boxing, they seem like fun & naturally show off my physical side too.

Great comment on the library too thanks, maybe that and museums would be something different... I love driving motorbikes too, so I can show off all sides of me, but I have this theory that it’s not ‘what’ interests you have that women like, but how much passion and excitement you have for them. I’ve found people like that magnetic & I love their enthusiasm, even if it’s for a subject I’ve little interest in myself.
 
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Terminus

Don Juan
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If you're in a city where you can surf just go for it it gives you insanely great looking body, great tan and skin, and its also a really cool sport.
Boxing or any fighting sport is great too, it gives you a great mindset, confidence and it's always a plus to know how to defend yourself.

Your last statement is entirely true, the thing is being passionate requires some effort and consistency, even if you're passionate about something you still have to put some effort in it, and people often prefer fast rewarding and easy leisure activities.
One very good way to become more passionate about a subject is to talk about it and share knowledge with someone cause their enthusiasm is gonna fill yours and vice versa.
 

Kotaix

Master Don Juan
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Go to the gym, nothing gives you confidence like women's eyes widening when they see what you've been hiding.

Try to find women that don't have social media, they aren't going to be attention *****s and looking for validation from their friends.
 

RyanMan

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If you're in a city where you can surf just go for it it gives you insanely great looking body, great tan and skin, and its also a really cool sport.
Boxing or any fighting sport is great too, it gives you a great mindset, confidence and it's always a plus to know how to defend yourself.

Your last statement is entirely true, the thing is being passionate requires some effort and consistency, even if you're passionate about something you still have to put some effort in it, and people often prefer fast rewarding and easy leisure activities.
One very good way to become more passionate about a subject is to talk about it and share knowledge with someone cause their enthusiasm is gonna fill yours and vice versa.
Unfortunately I live in the North-West of England, both nowhere near a beach and in a country where we get approximately 3 good days of Sun a year haha, but I think if I want to do something like that I need to make the effort somehow. I can’t think of any other way to naturally show off my physique unfortunately. I used to do Lau Gar Kung Fu for a few years, but haven’t been in about a decade. Maybe it’d be good to try and get back into that.

That’s a wonderful point you make about talking about what I’m passionate about and sharing my knowledge with people, if I can consciously make an effort to do that more I think that‘ll stand me in great stead.
 

RyanMan

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Go to the gym, nothing gives you confidence like women's eyes widening when they see what you've been hiding.

Try to find women that don't have social media, they aren't going to be attention *****s and looking for validation from their friends.
This is very true about the gym, I’ve been going about 20 years now & even though I’m not in optimum shape now I think I’m doing ok, & working towards getting back to full fitness. This is a quick photo of meI just took before bed:E938BDEA-6684-4C6B-BDFC-827EF59FFEE2.jpeg
Ideally I’d like to get back to where I was about 2 years ago (this: )
1D271ABA-249E-46CC-A973-2DA29AFF631D.jpeg
But even though I’d get more definition/veins showing on my abs, I think I’d probably lose more muscle elsewhere on my arms than I’d like.

I’m just not sure how to show off my body in photos either, other than the odd ‘progress’ photo I find mirror selfie photos just come off as desperate/posing for men, & I’m not sure how I can naturally get shirtless photos in.

The beach or boxing is the only idea I have, but I have a medical condition where I only have one lung so I have to be extremely careful around water (it also means I have to totally self-isolate right now!), do you have any other suggestions?

For the girls who aren’t on Social Media, do you just meet them in general while out and about? I really struggle to know anyone who isn’t on any social media, so I’m not sure how I’d go about that ha!

I actually have no problem getting dates with the women I meet online (Tinder is a goldmine for me!) or even sleeping with them, it’s just wanting to keep them for more than a few months that I’m struggling with now (though some of my mates think I should just take advantage of all the women on there, that’s not really what I’m looking for)
 

stormrider

Master Don Juan
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There’s some great advice here thanks! I’ve already got an iPhone 11 Pro Max, the camera is pretty decent & I’ve just ordered a tripod mount for it. I wanted to show off more of what I do, but since I mostly work alone as a courier now it’s hard to get me into the photo. I’m hoping the tripod will fix that, as I can always find good scenery wherever I go, but I can never easily get myself into the photo. This will hopefully fix that.

The comment on textures like brick walls etc is gold too, I never thought of that before.

I really need to take up a sport, I was really sick as a child so could never play when I was younger, but as a late teen I got the muscles & the abs, I just struggle to show them off as the shirtless selfies obviously look desperate. I think I should take up surfing and boxing, they seem like fun & naturally show off my physical side too.

Great comment on the library too thanks, maybe that and museums would be something different... I love driving motorbikes too, so I can show off all sides of me, but I have this theory that it’s not ‘what’ interests you have that women like, but how much passion and excitement you have for them. I’ve found people like that magnetic & I love their enthusiasm, even if it’s for a subject I’ve little interest in myself.
You seem like a guy who knows what he’s doing. I agree that it’s not about your shared interests with women, but more about your passion, authenticity, credibility, and even brilliance in whatever that interests you.

I know a guy who is a professional photographer. His pictures look like they could be on the cover of time magazine. He's a true genius in his art. He once showed me his chats with women and it was hilarious. No matter how much he tried to sexually banter or sound perverted, their usual response was “haha ur so funny. So lunch tomorrow?” He couldn't turn women off even if he tried. It goes to show you how text game is meaningless when you have enough value to women.

I also once saw a guy show up outside a bar with a telescope out of all things. He was a professional astronomer. Guys were looking at him like he was weird. But attractive women kept approaching him pretending they wanted to look at the moon. Even though he was draped with female attention, he was completely unreactive to them. He was dead serious about the moon's lunar cycles. Lol. He had an air of credibility about him as if he were a grown professional adult and women's attention was just silly to him. You could see the women impressed by his passion and the fact that he just brushes off female attention as if it were nothing. And meanwhile, all the guys in the bar were approaching like there was no tomorrow, only to get flaky numbers.

You mentioned how you don't know how to make your interests in books and art "sexy." Sexiness to women has nothing to do with any particular interest, but how much of a genius you are in it. They are attracted to dominance and credibility in the field, not the field itself. Dominance and credibility (and genius) are expressions of masculinity. And masculinity is sexy to women. I'll even add intrigue to the mix. Women are intrigued by guys who are geniuses in their fields.

What you DON'T want to do is try and become the Frankenstein of seducers. You know the guy who has no interest in fighting, photography, or traveling, but he goes out and buys a $2000 camera and takes pictures of himself drenched in sweat at an MMA gym (while doing cardio kickboxing for women), or visiting some foreign country he has no interest in just to try to look cool. Nothing he does works because he's trying to create a false persona.

There has to be a level of credibility and authenticity to your interests. Your image has to be congruent. Women are actually experts at sensing incongruency. Incongruency is when what you are expressing does not match with what you are trying to express. You might try to come off one way, but you end up coming off a totally different way.

For example, guys who try to express confidence but end up over-compensating instead. This is the number 1 sticking point of insecure guys. They go from being insecure to over-compensating and usually take 10 years to find some middle grown.

Johnny Depp is the personification of cool. I think somebody asked him once what his secret was and his response was "If you are conscious of it, then you are doing it wrong." In other words, if it is your intent to try to be cool, then you've already failed.

Don't try to impress women. Don't try to create a cool persona. Focus on what brings you joy and pursue it passionately. The "process" of becoming cool will take care of itself if you carry yourself with a level of authenticity.

You'll be randomly shopping in a store and a shirt would magically appear out of nowhere and it looks perfect on you. And you wonder why you never knew that type of shirt was the perfect style for you. Or you could stumble into an art theater and find an entire community of like minded people - including hot women. That's usually how it works. When you carry yourself with a sense of purpose, the universe unfolds and you end up at the right places at the right time, and even end up with the right clothes designed perfectly to attract women that are in your wavelength. The key is to be unconscious about it, and do things for authenticity's sake and not because you are trying to impress people.

P.S. To address your larger issue of keeping women around - The principles are the same. You have to be unconscious about it and passionate about your life to the point where you don't need women. This is the highest and most attractive state that have women wanting to be part of your eco-system.

You can't be conscious about trying to be cool and end up being cool, and you can't be conscious about keeping women around and be able to keep them around. One is seeking approval and the other is neediness.

The irony is that when you reach this self-fulfilled state, you'll no longer care if women come and go.

And another irony is that when you no longer care about women coming and going, they become obsessed.
 
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RyanMan

Don Juan
Joined
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You seem like a guy who knows what he’s doing. I agree that it’s not about your shared interests with women, but more about your passion, authenticity, credibility, and even brilliance in whatever that interests you.

I know a guy who is a professional photographer. His pictures look like they could be on the cover of time magazine. He's a true genius in his art. He once showed me his chats with women and it was hilarious. No matter how much he tried to sexually banter or sound perverted, their usual response was “haha ur so funny. So lunch tomorrow?” He couldn't turn women off even if he tried. It goes to show you how text game is meaningless when you have enough value to women.

I also once saw a guy show up outside a bar with a telescope out of all things. He was a professional astronomer. Guys were looking at him like he was weird. But attractive women kept approaching him pretending they wanted to look at the moon. Even though he was draped with female attention, he was completely unreactive to them. He was dead serious about the moon's lunar cycles. Lol. He had an air of credibility about him as if he were a grown professional adult and women's attention was just silly to him. You could see the women impressed by his passion and the fact that he just brushes off female attention as if it were nothing. And meanwhile, all the guys in the bar were approaching like there was no tomorrow, only to get flaky numbers.

You mentioned how you don't know how to make your interests in books and art "sexy." Sexiness to women has nothing to do with any particular interest, but how much of a genius you are in it. They are attracted to dominance and credibility in the field, not the field itself. Dominance and credibility (and genius) are expressions of masculinity. And masculinity is sexy to women. I'll even add intrigue to the mix. Women are intrigued by guys who are geniuses in their fields.

What you DON'T want to do is try and become the Frankenstein of seducers. You know the guy who has no interest in fighting, photography, or traveling, but he goes out and buys a $2000 camera and takes pictures of himself drenched in sweat at an MMA gym (while doing cardio kickboxing for women), or visiting some foreign country he has no interest in just to try to look cool. Nothing he does works because he's trying to create a false persona.

There has to be a level of credibility and authenticity to your interests. Your image has to be congruent. Women are actually experts at sensing incongruency. Incongruency is when what you are expressing does not match with what you are trying to express. You might try to come off one way, but you end up coming off a totally different way.

For example, guys who try to express confidence but end up over-compensating instead. This is the number 1 sticking point of insecure guys. They go from being insecure to over-compensating and usually take 10 years to find some middle grown.

Johnny Depp is the personification of cool. I think somebody asked him once what his secret was and his response was "If you are conscious of it, then you are doing it wrong." In other words, if it is your intent to try to be cool, then you've already failed.

Don't try to impress women. Don't try to create a cool persona. Focus on what brings you joy and pursue it passionately. The "process" of becoming cool will take care of itself if you carry yourself with a level of authenticity.

You'll be randomly shopping in a store and a shirt would magically appear out of nowhere and it looks perfect on you. And you wonder why you never knew that type of shirt was the perfect style for you. Or you could stumble into an art theater and find an entire community of like minded people - including hot women. That's usually how it works. When you carry yourself with a sense of purpose, the universe unfolds and you end up at the right places at the right time, and even end up with the right clothes designed perfectly to attract women that are in your wavelength. The key is to be unconscious about it, and do things for authenticity's sake and not because you are trying to impress people.

P.S. To address your larger issue of keeping women around - The principles are the same. You have to be unconscious about it and passionate about your life to the point where you don't need women. This is the highest and most attractive state that have women wanting to be part of your eco-system.

You can't be conscious about trying to be cool and end up being cool, and you can't be conscious about keeping women around and be able to keep them around. One is seeking approval and the other is neediness.

The irony is that when you reach this self-fulfilled state, you'll no longer care if women come and go.

And another irony is that when you no longer care about women coming and going, they become obsessed.
Thanks for the warm welcome guys! And I feel bad only writing a paragraph or two here after all you’ve put, but this is GOLD and after a year or so of drama, is exactly what I needed to be reminded of & get me back on track thanks! I’ve saved this (along with the other tips I’ve got here) and I’ll keep reminding myself of this when I feel like I’m starting to stray again.

It’s funny you should mention intrigue, as whenever I’m messaging a girl for the first time, I’ll never say she’s hot/sexy/pretty etc as she receives those sort of comments all the time. I’ll say she’s intriguing and no matter what, they’re always curious and love to reply to that. Granted you then have to back it up with something, but if you've been paying to attention to what she’s saying or looked at her profile properly there’s never any problems there.

It’s also funny you should mention about the universe unfolding and throwing up hidden opportunities too, as I’ve just been reminding myself of something called ‘reticular activation’, which I’m sure you’ll have likely heard of. It’s basically how once you buy a red car, suddenly you see red cars everywhere, or how you can hear your name in a loud bar but nothing else over all the noise.

It’s because there’s so much stimulus around you constantly, your brain has a natural filter for things, as there’s only so much you can take it. However if your conscious of this you can train your filter to pick up the things you’re attuned to, & suddenly it looks like the universe is throwing these amazing things your way constantly. They would have been there before, but if you weren’t in the right state to pay attention you would miss these sort of opportunities. That’s why affirmations are believed to work, it’s not magic it’s just you training yourself to spot these sort of things.

I realise I’m kinda giving advice on my own page here haha, but there’s a lot I do know and I’d like to contribute here rather than constantly ask for help. Especially for someone else who’s reading this.

One last question, if you have a moment do you have any examples, or could elaborate a bit more on guys who try to express confidence but end up over-compensating instead please? I think I know this, but I could do with a reminder. The main problem with my Asperger’s is I struggle with reading people sometimes, so I really don’t want to look like I’m over-compensating or trying too hard. Thanks again for all you’ve helped me with!
 

logicallefty

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Welcome to the forum. Admitting you have Aspergers to us right off the bat took a lot of guts. Respect from me to you for that..
 

Terminus

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One last question, if you have a moment do you have any examples, or could elaborate a bit more on guys who try to express confidence but end up over-compensating instead please? I think I know this, but I could do with a reminder. The main problem with my Asperger’s is I struggle with reading people sometimes, so I really don’t want to look like I’m over-compensating or trying too hard. Thanks again for all you’ve helped me with!
In my personal experience people who over compensate tend to take a quality and push it to the extreme.
An example of that are the guys who always try to be funny, they know that being funny is a great quality, we have that saying in France "Femme qui rit à moitié dans ton lit" which means "A woman who laugh is half in your bed".
So that guy knows about this and tries to be funny in any situation, it can be awkward cause it's hard to be funny 24/7.
It's especially true with masculine traits, insecure and over compensating guys will tend to show they're a REAL MAN in any situation, I'm not saying you have to cry when you watch a Disney but you don't have to act like Rambo either.

To summarize I'd say that you're overcompensating when you're trying to prove yourself to other instead of staying true to yourself.
You can often sense that this kind of people are "scanning" the people they are with so see if they like them and if they sense that they're not being liked they are gonna do anything to get that approval.

They also tend to spend more efforts on people that are supposed to be popular and powerful and they don't act the same when they are around the not so popular guys.
 

RyanMan

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Welcome to the forum. Admitting you have Aspergers to us right off the bat took a lot of guts. Respect from me to you for that..
Thanks mate! I can’t say it’s ever helped my dating life haha, but it’s definitely not harmed it. I can’t speak for everyone who has it, & maybe it’s how confident you are telling others (I don’t care who knows, to me it’s not a big deal at all & I don’t feel it’s some shameful secret to be ashamed of) but people are a lot more understanding now.

I only realised I had it a few years ago, & it explained so much about me. In fact the only time it ‘has’ been a problem for me previously is when I’ve not told someone, and she’s been angry at me for something I’ve not realised I’ve done. Then when I’ve told them I have this it’s all “ahhh, it all makes sense now!”

I mean if a girl had a problem with it I don’t care, she can take a walk. That just means she’s not right for me anyway, you know?
 
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RyanMan

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In my personal experience people who over compensate tend to take a quality and push it to the extreme.
An example of that are the guys who always try to be funny, they know that being funny is a great quality, we have that saying in France "Femme qui rit à moitié dans ton lit" which means "A woman who laugh is half in your bed".
So that guy knows about this and tries to be funny in any situation, it can be awkward cause it's hard to be funny 24/7.
It's especially true with masculine traits, insecure and over compensating guys will tend to show they're a REAL MAN in any situation, I'm not saying you have to cry when you watch a Disney but you don't have to act like Rambo either.

To summarize I'd say that you're overcompensating when you're trying to prove yourself to other instead of staying true to yourself.
You can often sense that this kind of people are "scanning" the people they are with so see if they like them and if they sense that they're not being liked they are gonna do anything to get that approval.

They also tend to spend more efforts on people that are supposed to be popular and powerful and they don't act the same when they are around the not so popular guys.
This makes PERFECT sense, thanks for this! You basically just come off like you’re trying to hard. I agree, it does look desperate. Basically be yourself, but just amplify your best qualities.

I think some people forget that others can see how you treat those below you (be it at work, on the social scale etc) & it says a lot about your character, not just in dating but in life in general.

One last question please (I hope you don’t mind!), my thing at the moment is about going through my bucket list at an earlier age, or at least being more adventurous in trying different things, which is fun but it’s going to be something different every week.

I’d like to show this off on my social media / in life in general, but instead of showing me mastering one skill, it’s going to be exactly the opposite & showing me starting out in a load of very different skills! Rather than lots of me surfing or boxing a lot it’d be horse riding one week, maybe doing the tango another... How would you best show that off to maximise my dating?
 

stormrider

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I’d like to show this off on my social media / in life in general, but instead of showing me mastering one skill, it’s going to be exactly the opposite & showing me starting out in a load of very different skills! Rather than lots of me surfing or boxing a lot it’d be horse riding one week, maybe doing the tango another... How would you best show that off to maximise my dating?
As long as it’s authentic then you should be good. Women have a radar for approval seeking behavior.
 

Lynx nkaf

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This makes PERFECT sense, thanks for this! You basically just come off like you’re trying to hard. I agree, it does look desperate. Basically be yourself, but just amplify your best qualities.

I think some people forget that others can see how you treat those below you (be it at work, on the social scale etc) & it says a lot about your character, not just in dating but in life in general.

One last question please (I hope you don’t mind!), my thing at the moment is about going through my bucket list at an earlier age, or at least being more adventurous in trying different things, which is fun but it’s going to be something different every week.

I’d like to show this off on my social media / in life in general, but instead of showing me mastering one skill, it’s going to be exactly the opposite & showing me starting out in a load of very different skills! Rather than lots of me surfing or boxing a lot it’d be horse riding one week, maybe doing the tango another... How would you best show that off to maximise my dating?
show off the varied activities with pics taken by someone else, not an obvious selfie.

Genuine smiles/laughter into the camera.
You want to evoke a 'don't you wish you were here with me' vibe.

Great job showing multitalents like horsehandling ; complex dancing.

Some member here wrote the other day about women shaming men on social media for not knowing how to chop wood or build fires.

Maybe get some of those ^ types of action shots/learn the skills?
 
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RyanMan

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Thanks man, this is a great reply! Sorry I’ve just seen this (had a family bereavement and not been on here) but there is some gold in this! Hopefully others in a similar situation see this as I feel it’d really help them as well.
 
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