Need some advice...possibly want to move out...

TheManMasenko

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Hello,

I've been living with my dad for 3 years since graduating high school. I started going to a local college about 3 years ago (2020). In 2022 many events happened (GF, quitting my job, working independently, handling bills, etc) that change my life for the better and gave me an understanding of how much control I have in my own life. I feel the grasp of living at my father's home and his influences to be overbearing (not that much, but still so).

I used to live with my mother till 14 before I lived with my father. Leaving her household was a blessing but the damages and effects I am still trying to recover to this day and now currently I'm dealing with my father's vices. Now living with my father (who was raised by a single mom), I realized even though he is better in a lot of aspects compared to my mother. He STILL has a lot of work he needs to undergo himself. I know some may say "self-improvement is lifelong" but to me? Nah. Not forever. Not till my 40s should I still be irresponsible and trying to obtain a fnkn degree.

My parents decided MAJORITY of decisions in my life and encourage me to attend community college even though I was NEVER prepared. My high school performance was ehhh, overall gpa 2.4. My best semester was all Bs and 1 F (that teacher was a b*****, but if I try I could've passed). I had one insane semester (2021) in college where I dropped out (mid-course). At this time, I was working about 32 hours a week while taking 14 credit classes which for myself was difficult. Nonetheless, this resulted in me losing access to financial aid (FAFSA).

Currently, I'm taking 8 credit hours (two science courses: last courses for pre-nursing, then I can apply), I'm unemployed and working my side business to make money. I make roughly $700-900/week but I plan to get a full-time job. Though my business is basically, if I don't work I don't eat. I was also doing day trading at a point in time...I made $10000...then lost it all (January 2023). The reason I lost it the money was due to lack of discipline. I told myself "Don't trade at X time". I did and lost the money. (I didn't lose one time btw occurred gradually in big chunks). So at this moment, I'm broke.


What advice would you give? I know some would advise me to stay at home...but could you give me some guidance/checklist on how to be able to leave in a year or two and maintain living on my own? How do I lessen the bear of my environment?

I'm not satisfied with my position. I thought I should be further in life. In some instances, I succeed (quitting a retail job to earn more than that job through independent work). In other instances, I failed (lost FAFSA, lost 10K).

The end goal of my life is a big family. I view the world more conservatively so I feel the need to branch out of my father's place and develop my own.
 

Pogejr

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I immigrated to the US when I was 8 years old from an 3rd world country and was homeless for most of my childhood. I’m now 29 and in the top 10% of earners in this country. By 35 I plan on being in the top 1% of earners.

I moved out from under my single mom at 17, when I moved to college and have never looked back. I paid $450 in rent to share a 2-bed-1-bath with 2 other guys (one person slept in the living room) while I went to school and worked multiple jobs at a smoothie store, the campus library and an unpaid internship at a marketing company. I graduated with a decent degree and worked my way through whatever job I could land until I eventually made it to the very top of my field.

I refuse to let the failures of my parents and my ancestors define my life.

You are young and able bodied. Get a job. Any job. Get 2 jobs. Day trading is a side hustle, not a job unless you’re trading with a very large amount of money. Spend 12-14 hours everyday outside of your dad’s house WORKING. Save your money, and in 1-2 months move in with some roommates and get on with your life. You’re an adult, and you are well on your way to building something great out of your life (by virtue of you being on this forum) but you can’t keep blaming your parents for where you are in life and take responsibility.

As an aside, when working these first few jobs don’t take anything or anyone too seriously. You’re just there to get paid and for the experience. You have greater goals in life, don't get dragged down by the common people you’ll meet in places like this.
 

BackInTheGame78

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I would suggest the first thing you do is formulate a REALISTIC plan with goals along the way every few months.

Your first order of business should be to figure out a way to earn money, then save up as much as you can while living at home prior to moving out so you have a cushion.

Moving out haphazardly just to do it isn't a wise decision since you will be taking on more expenses, and likely significantly more, that you already have no money to pay for as is.
 
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Modern Man Advice

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Do you feel like you are being challenged or better yet challenging yourself? If the answer is no. Then move out and embrace the feeling of struggle.

Being challenged, pushing your horizon, embracing the struggle, and tasting failure and hardship are a few of the many things modern males lack.
 

Stanley

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You can bust your a** and make bank while living at home and pocketing it. Or you can jump ship, shoot yourself in the foot, start spending what little income you have on rent (instead of saving), while trying to continue your education.

Maybe you are like me, but when I was younger I would always have a 'justification' for something. For instance, "I am unhappy and not on my purpose because I live it a home" when in reality that was my excuse for not putting in the work. Is living at home really causing you duress and preventing you from doing the things you want to do? Or is it a excuse? What would moving out bring you in terms of success? Why can that level of success not be achieved with where you are currently living? Are you trying to move out for the right reasons? Are you running away from something? so on and so forth

If you feel you are being choked in a sense while living at home then create some boundaries and buffers. If you need a quiet place to focus then go find one. If you want to have more autonomy while living at home then tell your family that and work something out.

Keep on saving money and working on yourself and your education as you see fit. Have at least 5 months rent saved up before you move out.

Don't get too in your head about it
 

Bible_Belt

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If you make $3k per month and live at home, where is that money going? The cost of living varies widely in the US, so maybe that isn't enough to live on where you are, but fwiw where I live in the Midwest you would already be above the median income for all adults. Learning how to spend and budget is just as important as chasing a higher income.
 

eli77

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You came to the right place this site is full of guys like you who were introverted lonely and depress whatever you want to call it and found hope.
 

FlirtLife

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I was also doing day trading at a point in time...I made $10000...then lost it all (January 2023). The reason I lost it the money was due to lack of discipline. I told myself "Don't trade at X time". I did and lost the money. (I didn't lose one time btw occurred gradually in big chunks). So at this moment, I'm broke.
Your "day trading" "made $10000" then you "lost it" and "The reason" was "lack of discipline".
(1) If you only found one flaw ("The reason") in your approach ("Don't trade at X time"), that's not enough.
(2) Did you have an investment process? What went wrong?
(3) "I'm broke" is the wrong time to reflect. If losses "occurred gradually", why didn't you stop and reflect then?
(4) How risky were the assets you invested in?
(5) I didn't see anything about "position sizing", which is important in active investing (and gambling, for that matter)
 
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