Need Some Advice from the Pros

Joined
Sep 14, 2018
Messages
1
Likes
0
Age
39
#1
I recently got back into the dating game after a divorce. I've worked on myself and thought I had everything together until last night. I met a really cool chick on a dating site, and I'm talking 9-10. (Yeah I've been reading the RM and understand dating sites are a buffer that promote One-itis but I figured WTH.) Anyway, I thought I was ready for this, thought I had my **** together, and as soon as I saw her I was a nervous deer in headlights. Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth and I got proverbially punched by her hotness, composure, and wittiness. I couldn't keep up and could not focus, and was thinking the entire night what a beta dousche AFC I was being reduced to. She was very pleasant but I could tell she got annoyed, and I blew it in dramatic fashion.

The failure with this 9-10 doesn't hurt at all compared to my unexpected reaction. I did not expect to be reduced to something so pathetic. It must have been total insecurity about something. I immediately must have thought she was better than me even though in hindsight I had intrigued the hell out of her. She wanted it to go well and I just flopped in the most epic way imaginable and I am struggling to reflect on and make sense of it so I learn and it doesn't happen again.

What's the forum's perspective? Would you point me toward some wisdom? How can I continue to grow my confidence when I thought I had my **** together? Are there any recommended books or regimens I can study?
 

fastlife

Master Don Juan
Joined
Oct 3, 2015
Messages
963
Likes
1,619
#3
AFAIK most of the 'pros' abandoned SS long ago--just cameo appearances here & there. But don't be so hard on yourself bro. Getting back in the game after a break (and even more so, I imagine, after a divorce) is harder than starting out in the first place--since you have a memory of how you were before, but your skills have atrophied from disuse for so long, that there's a disparity between how you think it should be for you and where you are now.

Notice I said skill--not your value as a man, not your 'alphaness,' or whatever--meeting women (successfully, hopefully) is a skill that can be learned & practiced & relearned. Just like if I don't run for a couple weeks, the next time I run is gonna suck. Doesn't make me a sh1tty person, just utilizing skills I haven't practiced & facing the direct consequences of a decision I made not to practice that skill for a while.

Post breakup, obviously, you have some mental stuff to deal with. Highly recommend meditation: I go in depth on it here:
https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/create-your-own-confidence-how-to-be-you.233590/

Pragmatically, you probably need a little practice & guidance. Two best resources I found when I was getting this area of my life handled were these:

Each day read one entry from YaReally’s archive (starting with the Scray FR in chronological order) & watch one of RSD Julien’s free Youtube videos circa 2015/2016 (these are absolutely the most cutting edge resources out there to understand game--what I started with). Commit to testing out the concepts with at least one girl a day. Commit to going out at least twice a week from 10PM to closing time & really push yourself to break out of your comfort zone. Give yourself at least 6 months. No excuses.

Good luck bro. Be back in the saddle in no time if you can deal with a little bit of discomfort in the meantime.
 

Bible_Belt

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jul 27, 2005
Messages
14,765
Likes
3,073
Age
42
Location
midwestern cow field 40
#4
I thought I was ready for this, thought I had my **** together, and as soon as I saw her I was a nervous deer in headlights. Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth and I got proverbially punched by her hotness, composure, and wittiness.

Message her that sentence, and see what happens. You have nothing to lose at this point, right? From a larger perspective, that was your problem, worrying about screwing it up, which made it a self-fulfilling prophecy. You have to develop the skill of not caring too much about outcome. Sometimes that involves blunt, self-deprecating honesty, like being able to communicate to her the things you just said to us.
 

Spaz

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 14, 2018
Messages
1,915
Likes
1,150
Location
Somewhere where's it's none of your business
#5
It's the fear of rejection.

Good news is it can be overcome by going out more frequently and dating more women until it comes to the point where you are qualifying women as opposed to women qualifying you now.

Some of us had a head start by being active and not caring in our early teens until late into adulthood when it comes to girls/women. If u r decently looking, neat, clean and have a regular job, I see no reason why any man should fail with women.
 

How This "Nice Guy" Steals Women from Jerks

Did you know a woman can be totally UN-ATTRACTED to you...

And she'll still sleep with you?

If you've ever seen a girl go home with some asshole she didn't even LIKE, you know this is true.

But how is this possible?

Because deep inside her brain, sexual desire has nothing to do with what you LOOK like...

And everything to do with how you make her FEEL.

Matt Cook knows this all too well.

Matt is a nice guy... but he steals women from JERKS all the time.

In this free video training below, he'll show you how he does it:

How to Control Her Emotions and Make Her Chase You

Joined
Mar 13, 2008
Messages
2,120
Likes
421
#7
It's the fear of rejection.

Good news is it can be overcome by going out more frequently and dating more women until it comes to the point where you are qualifying women as opposed to women qualifying you now.

Some of us had a head start by being active and not caring in our early teens until late into adulthood when it comes to girls/women. If u r decently looking, neat, clean and have a regular job, I see no reason why any man should fail with women.
Surround yourself with women often enough, test your game on them, and before long you'll be the one giving advice here.

It's all about developing a confident mind-frame.

Only experience around women can bring you that.
 
Top