Need some advice dating single mother

[Manure Spherian]

Is that a good idea? Can it really work or it doesnt worth to invest my time on a woman that already have a child?

In some aspects she seems to be nice. No orbitters and cut it from her life when we talked about.

She has a good job, she show interest in me and demonstrate it.

But there is this thing that her daughter will always be priority and our time together will probably be compromised by that.

I would like to hear some opinions about that. Even the good side and the bad side of that.

Ive read a lot that single mother is kind of a red flag. So any point on that I would appreciate too.

Im just a bit afraid that I might be getting into trouble. So I need to understand it better to see if it worth or not.

How old are you?
Do you want to eventually form a family?

 

[eyeam]

Been there.. and I can tell you, it’s absolutely a bad idea. Walk now away before you catch feelings.

All of the above reasons Rich Cooper mentioned.

But another very big one that people usually fail to mention - The ex.. the kid’s father!! These women usually secretly hold a candle for the baby daddy still. They flip, flop back and forth with the ex for sometimes.. years. Sometimes they’re secretly ****ing them still. Sometimes, the baby daddy is out of the picture for years.. and then he’ll just decide one day to show up again and try playing happy families. They’ll talk **** about the baby daddy one day.. the next they’re father of the year. They’ll play you off against baby daddy. While the whole time they’ll be using you like a cash machine.

I felt pathetic and utterly destroyed after my experience.

Don’t do it. There are plenty of without children.

 

[Scaramouche]

Hi Blacksheep,
As Eyeam tells you the Ex is always there...Not sure about Brazil,but in the "liberal Democracies",the Inquisitional Family Court is always there too...Story going the rounds now,is of a Dance colleague....Kicked out of the Family house he owns,by an adulterous Wife,made to pay support for two Kids,now having involved himself for only a bit over six months with a Single Mother,this has gone Pear shaped,her Lawyers want him to pay support for the Kids she has!!...He is a Plumber can always earn cash...His Lawyer and Accountants advise he declares bankruptsy go on the dole!

 

[Blacksheep]

Blacksheep this subject is right up my alley man because I just got out of a 7 year relationship like yours so listen carefully what I tell you. I was involved with a single mother that had a son. In the beginning she acted like it was all about me but in the end it was all about him. The end part of our relationship was h*ll because they would team up against me and in her eyes he could never be wrong. It almost turned physical at one point into a fight. The woman over time will just want you to be her working man slave that provides and does what she wants. It's a MISERABLE situation that you don't wanna be in. I got very depressed. Then one day I decided I needed to leave and packed up to move many hours away from her. Run as fast as you can and don't look back. There are so many women without kids out there. I learned a hard lesson. Don't do what I did

Sorry to hear that man!

It must have been a very difficult experience!

I've already been feeling some differences in the way this woman is talking to me. There are some discussions, some dualities and she has become a little cold on certain issues.

Before, she was always willing to talk, she wanted attention to talk and showed this interest. Now out of nowhere she brings up some problems and if I take a stand it goes wrong, she gets cold and usually walks away or says she's going to do something and doesn't talk to me for a few hours.

After a while, if I don't look or say anything, she comes and approaches again.

It seems to be that kind of situation of women that fell in love too quickly, they also lose interest too quickly. Adding to being a single mother, I'm starting to realize it can be a big problem.

 

[Blacksheep]

Cheer up op. I was in a 7 year marriage. Strangers like a story with an actual married (with employment) Not a career

Also with a Single mother? Could you share what happened?

 

[Blacksheep]

Been there.. and I can tell you, it’s absolutely a bad idea. Walk now away before you catch feelings.

All of the above reasons Rich Cooper mentioned.

But another very big one that people usually fail to mention - The ex.. the kid’s father!! These women usually secretly hold a candle for the baby daddy still. They flip, flop back and forth with the ex for sometimes.. years. Sometimes they’re secretly ****ing them still. Sometimes, the baby daddy is out of the picture for years.. and then he’ll just decide one day to show up again and try playing happy families. They’ll talk **** about the baby daddy one day.. the next they’re father of the year. They’ll play you off against baby daddy. While the whole time they’ll be using you like a cash machine.

I felt pathetic and utterly destroyed after my experience.

Don’t do it. There are plenty of without children.

Sorry to hear that man! =/

About her ex, she swore to me that she doesn't have any feelings for him.

She also says a lot of bad things about him, that he was a terrible person. That he was complacent in life, that he didn't help her with raising her daughter and that she lost her love for him because of that. And she said there is no feeling other than anger.

I'm very skeptical about this. Even more so, reading the reports here and some things I've observed about her attitudes, unfortunately I think I ended up making a bad choice in getting involved with a woman like that.

I am calmly evaluating everything, observing some of her behaviors. And apparently the % risk is increasing and with a high risk, it would be crazy for me to invest in a relationship like that.

This is really annoying, because this year I didn't get emotionally involved with any woman. This one ended up catching my attention, and I confess that I liked some things about it initially, but I think I was wrong.

 

[Blacksheep]

Hi Blacksheep,
As Eyeam tells you the Ex is always there...Not sure about Brazil,but in the "liberal Democracies",the Inquisitional Family Court is always there too...Story going the rounds now,is of a Dance colleague....Kicked out of the Family house he owns,by an adulterous Wife,made to pay support for two Kids,now having involved himself for only a bit over six months with a Single Mother,this has gone Pear shaped,her Lawyers want him to pay support for the Kids she has!!...He is a Plumber can always earn cash...His Lawyer and Accountants advise he declares bankruptsy go on the dole!

Damn, thats a very bad situation.

Looking to the risk and effort a man have to put in order to have a relationship with a single mother. It doesn't seem a good investment at all. And I have been thinking a lot about it. I don't see a balance on this kind of a situation where I have gains that balance all the risks and efforts.

 

[Blacksheep]

If both of you are single parents, it could be easier for you to "connect" with her than to connect with a childless woman. That being said, If I was a single dad and I could still pull childless women, I would go for the childless women most of the time, but that´s just me.

Weighing the risks and efforts of having a relationship with a single mother, it is difficult to see a situation where the rewards would be as high as the risks.

In this logic, it does not seem prudent to invest in a woman with a child, consequently taking on her child, as there are many risks involved in this dynamic (financial, emotional, psychological, legal)

 

[Blacksheep]

If she’s a widow or the father completely out of the picture…then maybe.

It's complicated because she still has to have contact with her ex because of their child. She seems cold with him on conversations.

EDIT: But its not a solid fact to base on only. (here I mean, to trust that she really doesnt have any feelings for him and that she is really cold and indifferent with that ex)

 

[Blacksheep]

How old are you?
Do you want to eventually form a family?

I'm 32.

Maybe, if I found a woman that we could build something solid and genuine. I would like to have a family with this kind of woman. But I know how hard it is to find that kind o person nowadays.

And I'm afraid that its even more difficult to have it with a single mother.

 

[Vantagepoint34]

Also with a Single mother? Could you share what happened?

Well legal is clearing up. Two southern california emergency workers. Found a dead husband on my wife( during a week day). So wasn't raining two guys showed up and did not saw a persons foot off at the local hospital. Some persons' husband was forcing an affair on a married +50. So..

 

[Baibars]

Sorry to hear that man! =/

About her ex, she swore to me that she doesn't have any feelings for him.

She also says a lot of bad things about him, that he was a terrible person. That he was complacent in life, that he didn't help her with raising her daughter and that she lost her love for him because of that. And she said there is no feeling other than anger.

I'm very skeptical about this. Even more so, reading the reports here and some things I've observed about her attitudes, unfortunately I think I ended up making a bad choice in getting involved with a woman like that.

I am calmly evaluating everything, observing some of her behaviors. And apparently the % risk is increasing and with a high risk, it would be crazy for me to invest in a relationship like that.

This is really annoying, because this year I didn't get emotionally involved with any woman. This one ended up catching my attention, and I confess that I liked some things about it initially, but I think I was wrong.

im a single father and had a relationship with a single mother. In the end I contributed a lot for the relationship not working out but here are a few things you have to watch out for:
- if she senses that you’re a LTR candidate she will even lie to lure you in (she said she had a body count of 2 when I met her and in the end she confessed that it’s more like 10-20)
- the story she tells about her baby father is never 100 percent true. I experienced it with my own baby mama and with this ex
- they tend to have a lot of mental issues, every girl has issues but these are more like sexual abuse etc.
- they will adapt to you and be very nice in order to make you fall in love with them. The ex of this woman has to deal with a completely different woman now they’re separated just as you will, once things don’t work out. Every woman adapts to you but single mothers feel like they are handicapped. That’s why they do more to make you commit.

my advice is don’t commit and make her your priority but if you want, you can meet her.
Just don’t spend too much and don’t be attached. It’s not good especially not for a childless guy like you.

 

[SW15]

It’s not good especially not for a childless guy like you.

my advice is don’t commit and make her your priority but if you want, you can meet her.
Just don’t spend too much and don’t be attached. It’s not good especially not for a childless guy like you.

Childless men and single moms are not a good fit. They have far too different priorities and different lifestyles for a meaningful longer term relationship.

It might be possible for a shorter term casual sex type relationship to emerge between a childless man and a single mother. While possible, it is improbable. Parenting requires a certain level of responsibility and a lot of parenting in a co-parenting situation goes to the mother. A single mother will often need to cancel plans on short notice for legitimate reasons and that's something that won't sit well with a lot of childless men.

Childless men do receive plan cancelations from childless women. A lot of childless women have pets and pet care often leads to plan cancelations too. Childless women do have fewer things that can go wrong. In addition, many single moms also have pets too. I believe that the increased level of responsibilities that single moms have isn't going to be a good fit with a childless men, especially childless men with lower level of responsibility.

 

[All_Kindz_Of_Gainz]

It seems she is looking for a provider, not a partner.

She's looking for both and you're neither. You love her more than she loves you, you're trying to save her by pushing yourself to "be there" for her, you put her on a pedestal and now you're trying to rationalize why she's cold to you. If you keep doing what you're doing, the same thing will happen with every woman, single mother or not.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Why are men so needy that they always have to be the priority?

If you like her date her if you don't don't. Guys way overthink this.

 

[Bokanovsky]

At the beginning she was really into, saying that the relationship was priority. That she wanted to get married and that she never met a guy like me before and all those things when people fall in love.

Three most common lies that women tell men:

1) I've never met a guy like you before.
2) Your d!ck is huge.
3) I don't normally do this.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Three most common lies that women tell men:

1) I've never met a guy like you before.
2) Your d!ck is huge.
3) I don't normally do this.

It would be funnier if it wasn’t true…