Need..Serious..Help

themann

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Ok guys ive recently been ditched by my girlfriend of over 4 years, we did everything together, we were the perfect couple, we stayed at each others houses for weeks in a row, we talked non stop. we did so much special stuff and we always talked about how we were so special. basically, in the last few months i ended up cutting her out. i became selfish, and stopped bothering with going out with her. i used so many techniques and was such a jerk she was ALL OVER me, like seriously begging for time with me.

i dont know why but i thought i had her so bad i just started seeing her less and less. she moved further away, she made new friends and started having more fun with them, so eventually, we had an argument the day i was supposed to see her. i ended up shouting and hanging up. i then sat back and waited for her to contact me. i thought oh it'll only be about half an hour. it went on for 6 days. for someone who normally i dont spend an hour not speaking to, this is a long time. she eventually had enough of me cutting her out and being a jerk and is now getting on with her own life. I went round and apologised and told her a list of things i would change, and have changed, but shes not accepting. she says its too much too late. have u ever had a case of someone having enough of "jerkness"??? i was a complete afc and did everything 2 show her im not a jerk.

ive read all of these threads on here over and over and they all say to change and cut contact, but thats how i lost her in the first place. please dont be lazy and say move on. there has to be SOMETHING i can do.

i can a)try to be friends with her and show her ive changed and apply attraction techniques
or b)let her hear that ive changed and cut contact &make her miss me

what to do???
i know ur all against the friends idea, but when we met we were friends for a few weeks obviously then started going out.

i at first thought the no contact idea would work, but thats how i lost her basically. i cut contact and started missing calls and seeing friends instead, then she had enough and left.

basically i didnt lose her by being an AFC, i lost her by taking the romance and passion out of what we first had by not seeing her. maybe if i put all that stuff back, she will return?

dont say move on, because we both always said we were made for each other, i just changed too much, but now im back, even though its too late. what to do? at the moment im swayed in the way of going no contact, but thats what i did in the first place... damn im confused
 
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Wiesman44

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themann said:
wow i knew that was coming
what do u expect ? You want help on how to get YOUR girlfriend back. if your looking for the magic potion your not going to find it.

The way u described it, it seems as though she just got sick of you (no offense), and wants a different type of guy in her life.
 

djnc

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Well you won't get over her if you continue to be friends, but maybe she won't completely get over you either.

If you cut contact, you will get over her faster and easier, but she will get over you faster and easier too.
 
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themann

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ok i expected that. sure she is sick of me, but she realises i made a mistake and has forgiven me and now wants to move on. obviously nothing i do can change her decision. i know what not to do (friends,AFC, etc) but is there anything i Can do. she said she loves me and wants me to enjoy my life. (kinda patronising really). shes definitely gonna want to see me again. what do i do? ignore texts/calls. i dont want to get over her, i want to apply some kind of technique to get her back. no, its not what she wants at the moment, but ill make her so happy in the very near future it WILL be what she wants.
 

ProDJ26

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and this is exactly why I should "Getting over a relationship" as the first track in the DJ soundtrack collection....

:up:
 

LovelyLady

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http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?p=1268133#post1268133

In post 8 of this link I talk about this "test" of sorts (for me it is more a way of gathering information about the man I am seeing than an overt/active/contrived test - it is more process oriented/responsive to his behavior. Most of us women who want a free, independant, secure man will not b**** at you. We will just watch you, wait, and then decide accordingly.


I don't know how you can salvage what has passed between the two of you, unfortunately. But maybe this will at least help you understand a bit of what may have been going on with her??
 

Bible_Belt

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The best chance at getting her back is to get someone else, but the catch is that after that, you won't want her back.
 

dannyegg4575

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There is no right or wrong way to save a relationship. But normally, when a relationship ends, it's best to let it go. I know how much it hurts, but it's a short term pain in comparison to a cancer like symptom that will haunt you for months and years.

The DJs here are right, you need the time to heal and the best way to do it is to start going after other beautiful ladies or be with friends. we don't know why she would want to leave, we probably never will. men and women are both the same, we are always looking for something "out there".

ask newbeginning, he should know. he just got back together with his gf. Problem is, will it help him or will he end up coming back here in a few months and cry his heart out? If it helps him, for sure, he'll be extremely happy. But if not, he'll be devastated.

Put yourself in her shoes. I'm certain at one point in time, you want out too. But something kept you from leaving. Well, I'm sure she felt the same. it's a matter of who pulled the trigger first.

People come into our lives for a reason, they have some wisdom we are meant to learn. Take the time to do your own things. Take the time to be free. Just go out and enjoy life while at it. And if she does contact, cool. Say hi, how are you doing? If she doesn't contact, it's not a big deal. You're not there to impress anyone nor are you trying to prove anything. You're simply doing your own things. She'll pick up on that.

Women want challenges. They want you to toughen up and act and be like a man. They want the whole package in you. they built this huge persona in you hoping you will be that person. something we all know as "high expectation". Daddy never acted wussy infront of mommy. why is my bf acting like a wussy?

man... women will cheat, no matter what. Deal with it. it's a double standard do you not see? men can cheat but women can't. They're just as horny as us! We built this huge image of women and they in turn have to put up this front. "I'm loyal to one man and only one man." she will say. They're telling us guys what want to hear. Can you not see? Your job is not in judging her for what she is. if you love this woman, accept her for who she is, a friend you can live with for the rest of your life.

Get on with life, there are so many beautiful things in this world. Enjoy the summer, it's beautiful out.
 
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themann

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wow thanks alot guys, especially u dannyegg. ive read alot of ur posts and theyve been seriously helpful. this site is the only thing keeping me going. whenever i come on here i get a bit stronger each time, and dont want to turn around and be a wussy and go begging for her. yeah im gonna accept it, theres nothing i can do. ive got some decisions to make, but you guys make it all so much easier. shes gone now, ive gotta accept that and get on with my life. i made a mistake and ive learnt the hard way, i just hope i find someone like her again though so i can not make that mistake with.
 

Mavrick

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The only things that you can do is nothing or screw it up. The more you try, the more you push her away. The more you try to get her to see that you've changed, the more you show her that you haven't changed, and you'll get her to focus firmly on her anger towards you. This keeps her from focusing on the good emotions.

If you want her to realize what's she's missing you have to leave her alone. In order for her to focus on all those good emotions between the both of you, you'll have to lay off. It's the only way to become successful.
 

themann

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yeah ur right DonS, i am being an AFC. I do have oneitis. alot of ppl do when they get out of relationships, especially the dumpee. This site has told me to not let her see me be an AFC.. so im not. i spent the last week grieving over her, and not contacting her, so for all she knows im out there having the time of my life. Which, i now AM actually going to do. no amount of begging/grieving/worrying is bringing her back. time for me to move on and not make things worse by being an AFC. i feel strong now that ive been going through this site and listening to your replies. im moving on for better things. Yeah, i guess time to read the DJ bible a bit more aswell, gives me something to fill the void that was her before, and hopefully will bring someone better. and ive decided, its gonna be no contact. whatever happens its for best- ill get over her, and she may start to miss me, but hey i'll either get her back or find someone else much quicker. cheers guys!
 

Warrior74

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move on.






you already knew the anwser. you just wanted us to tell it to you.
 

themann

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thread revival, just to warn all of you.
few months down the line i found out something that may be useful to you all.

that girl i was pining over - that girl who was so sweet and so in love and everything id dreamed of, who wouldnt put one foot wrong...

she cheated on me and left me for this new man.
never... trust... A N Y O N E!

put a steak in front of a dog and it WILL eat it.

see WaterTiger's thread for further info about breakups. its so true and its one of the best.
 
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themann

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dude, life's never been better - im gaming more girls than i could dream of, ive got a great new job, i look much better, got a great new car, girls are so easy now and im having so much more fun. her dumping me was the best thing that ever happened to me.

and for the record, i ignore all accounts of her - i have nothing to do with her and dont want to. i know the best way is to remain indifferent, but i feel better ignoring her.

lifes good. thanks sosuave.
 

JFun

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Now that's a great success/recovery story.

Guys who start "How can I get my ex back?" threads should be referred to this one...
 

themann

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yeah thats why i thought i'd bring back the post. your mind messes you up in those situations. im normally a really emotionally strong guy- i dont normally have many emotions, but when she dumped me i was fcked for weeks man i turned into a complete afc - nearly did some things i could have regretted.

guys, if you've been dumped, and at the time you think your whole world has come from under your feet, dont worry, the bad times will pass and your life is about to become seriously different. stay on sosuave and do your research! this website is life changing!
 
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