Need Relationship Advice

crowolf

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Hey guys. I recently had my first success from cold approach. Now, it seems that we are in a relationship. I kind of chose it also, and enjoyed the intimacy and everything about it too.

However, almost 2 weeks in now, there is a slight problem. My sex drive is higher than hers. She is not living the most healthy lifestyle currently, lacks sleep, and therefore has some stress and physical/mental exhaustion. Works 13 hours a day, barely sleeps 5. Didn't have a day off for more than 2 weeks.

So as a result, we hadn't have sex in 3 or 4 days. I tried initiating it maybe twice, but she is not really participating, and is obviously tired. The last time was yesterday morning. I got silently but visibly mad about it and she noticed my behavior. We talked about this, and she explained that even if she wants, she doesn't have the energy for it. I told her that this is my nature, she is tempting me, and it's normal that I have a desire.

In the earlier days, when we had sex, it was great for both sides. She says she came 2-3 times each time. She seems to like me physically and at all other levels. And this is mutual. But one thing I don't understand - how she had the energy to whine and complain, but not to have sex? The first night this happened I straight up told her at one point "you were sleepy, right?". Then she shut up and felt asleep.

I think about looking for sex elsewhere, but I am not sure if this would be a stupid decision because other than that, I really like this woman, she is rare, and we have a lot in common.

What do you think? Should I give this some more time? Is it normal not to have sex under these circumstances, even if it's early in the relationship, we are young, and it is expected to want to do it everyday? Or maybe I am wrong for wanting it that much?

~

Update: I wrote this maybe yesterday, around 2 pm. Then scheduled a meet up with her later the night because I felt a negative tension between us and wanted to talk it out. So we did. I told her that sexual intimacy is important for me, as much as emotional intimacy is important to her. And that being "rejected" twice felt awful. I tried to find the real issue but it seems that she is just in a rough period of her life, and she is basically a mess with low emotional intelligence. And I don't mean to paint her badly, in fact I would like things to work out, but this is just f9ckd up.

So at the end we parted ways, I missed my transport, and then called her. On the phone she told me that she can't fulfill my needs, and confirmed that probably it's best not to see each other again. I feel quite disappointed because for the first 10 days this was the best experience with a woman I've ever had. It was pure, and it had everything. But now If it's true that this was all a play, and there were no real love involved, that would be so stupid.

Anyway, I am in the mood for some cold approach again. But I would be happy to hear some side view thoughts on this situation.
 

pipeman84

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But now If it's true that this was all a play, and there were no real love involved, that would be so stupid.
You met her trough cold approach and after 2 weeks she already was tired of having sex with you. She's basically a slut, what are talking about real love? :rolleyes:
Spend two weeks with a (young) woman by looking into each others eyes, talking to each other, holding hands ... then you can start talking about real love. Two virtual strangers fvcking like rabbits is something else.
 
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Don't put all your eggs in one basket.
 

crowolf

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Thanks for sharing you thoughts!

I understand that this might sound a bit naïve from me but even if things moved fast, the connection felt deep, we were at ease in each others presence, there was vulnerability, a lot of intimacy (besides physical stuff), acts of caring, sharing very niche interests and outlooks on life, etc..

She was good with words and showing affection. She mentioned on numerous occasions about our future, and it seemed like she was really seeing this to be something more than a hook up (as was I, even if at first it was not my plan).

Nevertheless, lesson learned - don't ignore red flags, and listen to your gut when it says even slightly that there is something off. And maybe it's true that whatever comes easy, goes easy...

For some reason I feel that this is not over yet, but I don't really plan on contacting her, and I don't know if there is any point in trying to bind this relationship again.

The good thing is that now I feel much more confident and risky-playful when speaking to other women, and they sense this and respond positively.

Life goes on. Until next adventures. :)
 
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She was good with words and showing affection. She mentioned on numerous occasions about our future, and it seemed like she was really seeing this to be something more than a hook up (as was I, even if at first it was not my plan).
Check out 'love bombing'.
 

RangerMIke

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Well it all worked out. Relationships, if you want to do this has to be where both partners are getting what they want.

Word of advice... it's not your fault. You really can't do a 'relationship' if you are sexually incompatible. Maybe she is just worn down and tired from work, I know this happens to me and other women I date... but she has to make time for you... and you for her as well. Bottom line, you are completely within your rights to ask for what you want, and if she can't deliver... move on.

But in my experience when you have a woman that is starting to hand out sex like Scooby Snacks early on, this is not a good sign. Two weeks in she should be all over you... if things started to slow down after 3 months... well this is kind of normal as long as it doesn't get too bad.
 
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But in my experience when you have a woman that is starting to hand out sex like Scooby Snacks early on, this is not a good sign.
In my experience it's not the 'sex like Scooby Snacks', but the almost sycophantic sucking up pleasing behaviour that rings my alarm bells. I'm used to women enjoying lots of sex with me, but when they act like their life revolves around me I can feel the frisson of standing close to the edge.
 

RangerMIke

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In my experience it's not the 'sex like Scooby Snacks', but the almost sycophantic sucking up pleasing behaviour that rings my alarm bells. I'm used to women enjoying lots of sex with me, but when they act like their life revolves around me I can feel the frisson of standing close to the edge.
True... but this is relationship advice. If you are not looking for a relationship then, yeah... a partner getting too clingy too fast is a red flag.
 

BackInTheGame78

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My advice is to stop falling in love with the first woman that has sex with you and stop getting into serious relationships within the first 3 months.

My God man, you spent more time with this woman in 14 days than I spend with women I am dating in 2 months.

This makes you look needy and desperate and like you have zero other options and nothing else going on in your life.

Basically she is giving you rope to hang yourself and you are tying it around your neck and jumping off the building.

You pretty much disqualified yourself to her and it's no wonder it ended quickly. Women tend to run away from guys like this especially when it happens early on because it only gets worse from there.

This was not a relationship. This was you being desperate and jumping at the first thing that came your way.

Let that be a lesson. Stop jumping into relationships as soon as you start dating a woman. Only men who have no options do that and that is very unattractive to women.
 
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plumber

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Does not matter how you feel about her. It matters how she feels about you. When you find or I should say when one finds you, you will feel like they WANT to be with you. Until that happens stay available. It is not nice to be with a woman that really doesn't want to be with you but has settled with you because of some reason or reasons.

Good job filtering out another one that does not WANT to be with you 100%. Don't worry about, probably will happen a few times.
 

BackInTheGame78

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Does not matter how you feel about her. It matters how she feels about you. When you find or I should say when one finds you, you will feel like they WANT to be with you. Until that happens stay available. It is not nice to be with a woman that really doesn't want to be with you but has settled with you because of some reason or reasons.

Good job filtering out another one that does not WANT to be with you 100%. Don't worry about, probably will happen a few times.
Why would she want to be with a guy who suffocates her after 2 weeks?
 
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True... but this is relationship advice. If you are not looking for a relationship then, yeah... a partner getting too clingy too fast is a red flag.
Mike, a two-week infatuation isn't a relationship.

Why would she want to be with a guy who suffocates her after 2 weeks?
Indeed, I start choking them at the second date, but you don't want to suffocate them.
 

crowolf

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Yeah, I might have gotten a bit too clingy, but she was too. Good thing is that I kept standing my ground, not taking her bs and letting her toss me around.

I've watched a video yesterday that explains the situation very well. She is just emotionally immature. And she has perhaps fell in love with an idealized version of myself, which doesn't match the reality when I decide to have boundaries, for example.

This morning she texted me. It was expected, but for now I am distanced because I have to put my energy into more worthy things.
 

BackInTheGame78

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Yeah, I might have gotten a bit too clingy, but she was too. Good thing is that I kept standing my ground, not taking her bs and letting her toss me around.

I've watched a video yesterday that explains the situation very well. She is just emotionally immature. And she has perhaps fell in love with an idealized version of myself, which doesn't match the reality when I decide to have boundaries, for example.

This morning she texted me. It was expected, but for now I am distanced because I have to put my energy into more worthy things.
That's not an excuse. It's an attempt to see how desperate and needy you are on her part. She did this to see if you were the type of guy she didn't want and you showed her you were.

Game over.

You have no idea what is going on and blaming her when you did this to yourself needs to stop. Otherwise you'll never improve in this area because you won't take any responsibility for your failures.

If you act like this with women, you will end up in this position 99/100 times and the 1 time you won't will be a really toxic relationship.
 

CornbreadFed

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For some reason I feel that this is not over yet, but I don't really plan on contacting her, and I don't know if there is any point in trying to bind this relationship again.
OMG, you have zero kids or legal ties to this woman and a two week relationship at best between the two of yall. It’s GG bro, let it go and move on to another girl.
 

crowolf

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OMG, you have zero kids or legal ties to this woman and a two week relationship at best between the two of yall. It’s GG bro, let it go and move on to another girl.
Well, technically and logically you are right. But some things in life are more a matter of heart than reason.

Nonetheless, I am careful now in regards to energy investments and everything else.
 
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