"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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NEED HELP! Going on a trip with HB7 and didn't get free from my job!

Target_100

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I am going to Vietnam on wednesday, and I had taken time off from my job, but for some reason my boss havent gotten my mail where i said when I was going so he haven't arranged for someone to do my job when I am gone!

So he says I can't go!

DEMN! The plane tickets were *expensive* and HB7 have payed for hers too! And I've always wanted to see Vietnam!

I know for sure theres no way I can get off my job, so I am planning on calling in sick on tuesday. I'm going to my doctor and say that I have a depression because of someone dying, my father being an alcoholic and beating up my mom, my long term girlfriend dumping me, and that I cant sleep, have no apetite etc etc.

I use a car at work so it could be dangerous to drive cause I haven't gotten any sleep.

I Need for him to take me off my job at least for one week.

I am quite sure the depression is the best way, because I can probably fake that pretty good. I am planning on staying up long so that i look tired.

Any help here would be *greatly* appreciated!
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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JSH

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your boss will figure if you did email him, your email should have a copy of sent messages, prove it to him.

Youll probably get sacked.
 

Target_100

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I've had som problems with my mail, as I use the free ziplip...

I'f I start bugging him about the emails, then I cant go to the doctor cause he will figure it out!

Please give me some tips on what to say, or any other illness that I can fake. As I see it now, depression is probably the best one.
 

[look]aRhino

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He'll figure it out anyway.

This isn't grade school anymore, if you ask for time off, and he says no, and then all of a sudden you're depressed and need to take a week off, he can put two and two together.

Decide whats more important to you. If this is just a job, then maybe the trip is better, if this is a career then maybe you shouldn't go.

I suggest talking to the boss, and if the trip is really important to you, put your foot down. Be prepared to leave.

Rhino
 

MrBond007

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Usually a boss will be comprehensive of such things. If hes not then the job is prolly not worth it anyway.
 

"She's Out of Your League"

You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.

Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.

She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.

Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.

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Life-Trainee

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Come into your boss' office. Smash your face on his desk, wreck his furniture, stab yourself with his pen in the chest, cut yourself on window glass and as the security enters the room on your knees embrace your boss to make sure that you get your blood on his clean clothes and start begging "please, sir , please!". He'll be sure to give you your vacation and then some.




- Not suggested for use in real life
 

Target_100

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I dont think he could fire me because I could be sick for real, even tho it looks strange. He is pleased with my performance on my job, and I have only taken two days off in more than two years.

Can I go to one doctor, and if he doesnt get me off for a week then go to anotherone and ask him the same? Or are they linked up on computers and see that I have been to another one?
 

So pimp its scary

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This situation is no different then any other situation where you would apply the knowledge you learned about being DJ.

It really depends how important this is to you, personnally, and I maybe have a habit of doing this, but as soon as things start taking a wrong turn in a job, I start looking for a new one.

This way, I'll still have the patience to see if things work out, and the backup plan in case they don't.

If you gave your boss a fair warning, there is no reason why he shouldn't have been able to cover your shifts.

So, unless this is a really important job to you, you're best bet would probably be to quit and enjoy the trip.
 

Target_100

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I just keep telling myself that I could have been sick for real, and everything that would have happened if it was true is going to happen now. I can give you some feedback when I get back if you'd like to know what happens at the doctors office.
 
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