Need advice please help

[Jamie12345]

Hi all,

I met a woman early July and got round to dating her around 3 weeks ago. She's really shy but has been slowing opening up to me, she's the sort who needs a drink before she can even go on a date.

Anyway we continued to see each other and in the past 7 days I have spend the night at hers 3 times.

We slept together the second night and her face was beaming all the way through it.

The thing is since we started talking it's always me who arranges to see her never the other way round even though it's her house. I don't know if this is because she expects me to do the asking or because she isn't interested.

She's very touchy feely when we together on the sofa or out walking but in bed she wears a big t shirt, it just feels like it's hard to be intimate with her.

We went out for a meal last night and drinks and just presumed I'd be staying at hers and thats what happened she didn't ask and I didn't ask.

I just feel like she doesn't seem that bothered about me because I'm doing all the arranging even though she's never turned down meeting me.

I just feel I'm pushing to hard with her and want her to ask when we are meeting next.

Normally a few weeks in women are doing the the chasing to me but I don't feel I can neg her or make fun of her because of her shyness.

Please advise

 

[MrJack]

Whatever she wears to bed don't matter cuz eventually you gotta RIP THAT **** OFF lol.

Do you talk to her everyday even if you aren't hanging out that day? I could see this type of thing getting really boring for the both of you in due time.

But anyways I would try a little mini no contact for a few days (or whatever is longer than the norm for you two) and see if the "distance" sparks her interest to hit YOU up for once.

Dunno if it's worth doing though maybe since she's all shy and what not she might think you lost interest and get insecure. Like you mentioned in your post she could just be one of those types of girls that just expect you to contact 100% of the time. (I hate those types)

Also you said you slept together on the second night only out of three nights? Try to have sex every time

 

[Urbanyst]

No one is making you do anything.

 

[Jamie12345]

Whatever she wears to bed don't matter cuz eventually you gotta RIP THAT **** OFF lol.

Do you talk to her everyday even if you aren't hanging out that day? I could see this type of thing getting really boring for the both of you in due time.

But anyways I would try a little mini no contact for a few days (or whatever is longer than the norm for you two) and see if the "distance" sparks her interest to hit YOU up for once.

Dunno if it's worth doing though maybe since she's all shy and what not she might think you lost interest and get insecure. Like you mentioned in your post she could just be one of those types of girls that just expect you to contact 100% of the time. (I hate those types)

Also you said you slept together on the second night only out of three nights? Try to have sex every time

The second night I did exactly that she was wearing a buttoned shirt and I undid it and chucked it out to bed, mid doing it she told me she wasn't on the pill which killed it a bit but we had sex for ages 20 mins or more and I could tell she was enjoying it. Last night she was literally falling asleep on me before we even got to bed.

today she texted saying she feels run down and tired etc I just replied saying it was probably down to late nights preparing for exams and she should get a early night showing her that im happy to have no contact with her and im not expecting to see her. havnt heard from her since which I'm cool with.

last night I told her straight I don't want any games or drama, she also has her x orbiting her and sending her flowers etc I've not be bothered by him at all showing her he's no threat to me

 

[beforeimgone]

The second night I did exactly that she was wearing a buttoned shirt and I undid it and chucked it out to bed, mid doing it she told me she wasn't on the pill which killed it a bit but we had sex for ages 20 mins or more and I could tell she was enjoying it. Last night she was literally falling asleep on me before we even got to bed.

today she texted saying she feels run down and tired etc I just replied saying it was probably down to late nights preparing for exams and she should get a early night showing her that im happy to have no contact with her and im not expecting to see her. havnt heard from her since which I'm cool with.

last night I told her straight I don't want any games or drama, she also has her x orbiting her and sending her flowers etc I've not be bothered by him at all showing her he's no threat to me

She's so open and accommodating because you've silenced her hamster for a while. Eventually it'll wake up and give you hell for some of these mistakes you're making. Charge ahead and don't feel bad about any of it.

Also, her ex is orbiting? Perfect, get her to get him to send you some money or anything else that you might need.

 

[Jamie12345]

It's a ****ed up situation, she's told me tonight she doesn't know if she's over him or not!

She wants a few days to think which to me is only bad news, what do we think forget her?

definitely going no contact and go from there

 

[marmel75]

It's a ****ed up situation, she's told me tonight she doesn't know if she's over him or not!

She wants a few days to think which to me is only bad news, what do we think forget her?

definitely going no contact and go from there

Tell her when she figures it out get back to you and then go NC and start dating others...

Classic case of you filled a void even though she wasn't that interested...

 

[MrJack]

It's a ****ed up situation, she's told me tonight she doesn't know if she's over him or not!

She wants a few days to think which to me is only bad news, what do we think forget her?

definitely going no contact and go from there

Dude I was seeing this girl about a year ago and she was the same way.. didn't know if she's over him or not and also played the "I'm tired card" a lot. In my experience it doesn't work out unless you are the better man over him.

In my case I wasn't and it was completely my fault, I acted very afc back then and a lot has changed so my success has increased ten-fold.

Do exactly what you said you were gonna do just no contact and don't give her any indication that she's a huge part of your life because you will have no value then.

Wait for her to contact you and when she does... **** her brains out!! It's the only way to keep going with her right now because guess what?

Her ex has been sending her flowers and **** you said right? He's acting pretty afc right now with her. If he was going no contact right now she would probably be thinking about him a lot more than you and chasing after him again.

Be the mysterious, aloof, got his **** together, no games type man and you have it in the bag over the ex bf.

Just some more 2 cents lol.

 

[Jamie12345]

How can I take back control of this situation instead of it been upto her if we meet again?

How can I show her my value and get the ball back in my court

I need to make her insecure and worry about seeing me again but how without pushing her away

she's clearly thinking it's all too much along with her orbiting x

help

 

[MrJack]

How can I take back control of this situation instead of it been upto her if we meet again?

How can I show her my value and get the ball back in my court

I need to make her insecure and worry about seeing me again but how without pushing her away

she's clearly thinking it's all too much along with her orbiting x

help

Upload pics to your social media of you being social, take snaps of you having fun and being social. Basically just have fun and be social WITHOUT HER and and she will want to be a part of it and wonder why you haven't invited her out to do those things with you. (Don't overdo social media posts though)

You still have to stay no contact for now. She said she needed a few days? That shouldn't affect you, if anything you should be relieved you're freed up to pursue other woman more aggressively now because you have the time instead of seeing this particular girl 4 times a week.

 

[Jamie12345]

Upload pics to your social media of you being social, take snaps of you having fun and being social. Basically just have fun and be social WITHOUT HER and and she will want to be a part of it and wonder why you haven't invited her out to do those things with you. (Don't overdo social media posts though)

You still have to stay no contact for now. She said she needed a few days? That shouldn't affect you, if anything you should be relieved you're freed up to pursue other woman more aggressively now because you have the time instead of seeing this particular girl 4 times a week.

her mum runs her fb thats how shy she is and we aren't fb friends.

She's just txt me saying she's seeing her mum tonight. i dont know if she will even mention me to her. she hasn't said she's told me about her

 

[Jamie12345]

[26/08, 22:26] me: I don't know what's happened to you since Friday morning x
[26/08, 22:32] her: I don't either. I just feel emotionally blocked and I can't even see what the next month will bring nevermind the next year. I think I just need to be on my own for a little bit. It's only been 7months and I go away in less than 2 weeks and I can clear my head and just relax x
[26/08, 22:40] me: I think you have your guard up because of what has happened to you in the past and your scared of your feelings x
[26/08, 22:44] her: Maybe so. I don't know. But if like to put a halt on things. I don't wanna mess you around and I don't want to hurt you. You don't deserve that x

FFS

 

[Jamie12345]

really need some advice!

Since the above txts she sent on Saturday night she has been txting me again telling me how stressed she was and how she feels a lot better now but she hasn't mentioned
that she said she wanted to halt things. We're now talking again like we were pre those messages. But havnt made any plans to meet up.

How long should i wait to suggest doing something? Remembering that we saw each other 5 days out of 7 before she said i want to call it a halt outburst.

She's also mentioned she can't wait to get this weekend out the way cause it still playing on her mind this is the weekend she would have got married. Please advise!

 

[dude99]

It's a ****ed up situation, she's told me tonight she doesn't know if she's over him or not!

She wants a few days to think which to me is only bad news, what do we think forget her?

definitely going no contact and go from there

This part is important. This is no longer postitive signals.

"I don't know if i am over my ex or not."

Translation -- i still want my ex.

That is when you say " no problem dear. I've got other options. Take care."

 

[dude99]

How can I take back control of this situation instead of it been upto her if we meet again?

How can I show her my value and get the ball back in my court

I need to make her insecure and worry about seeing me again but how without pushing her away

she's clearly thinking it's all too much along with her orbiting x

help

Go date other women.

 

[dude99]

really need some advice!

Since the above txts she sent on Saturday night she has been txting me again telling me how stressed she was and how she feels a lot better now but she hasn't mentioned
that she said she wanted to halt things. We're now talking again like we were pre those messages. But havnt made any plans to meet up.

How long should i wait to suggest doing something? Remembering that we saw each other 5 days out of 7 before she said i want to call it a halt outburst.

She's also mentioned she can't wait to get this weekend out the way cause it still playing on her mind this is the weekend she would have got married. Please advise!

I would keep talking to her very very brief. Always be busy, she needs to know your life goes on even if it's without her. Do not be available to text or talk on the phone. When she says im confused or stressed you amswer with "ok talk to you later goodbye.'

DO NOT LET HER EMOTIONALLY DUMP ON YOU. You will then become friend zoned snd her emotional tampon and her interest in you will die.

When she texts. Do not reply. When she phones dont answer. Make her wait. She is on your schedule now

You lead. She follows or goodbye.

 

[RangerMIke]

How can I take back control of this situation instead of it been upto her if we meet again?

Date other chicks.

How can I show her my value and get the ball back in my court

Date other chicks.

I need to make her insecure and worry about seeing me again but how without pushing her away

Dating other chicks is really the ONLY thing that you make her insecure.

she's clearly thinking it's all too much along with her orbiting x

That is why you need to date other chicks

help

I know the advice 'date other chicks' isn't easy especially when your testosterone and endorphin chemical mix in you body right now has you orbiting her like a turd being flushed, But you have to start asking other chicks out. She will either be fearful of losing you and work to keep ou, or she won't... if she won't then it's easier to get over sh!t with you're fvcking other chicks.

 

[Roober]

You moved too quickly and didn't tap her emotions enough. If you are spending more than one night a week with a woman in the first 3 months or so, you need to get a life. She realized it and has now moved on...

REMEMBER!
If she moves too fast, it is okay
If you go along with it, you will be punished!

 

[marmel75]

How can I take back control of this situation instead of it been upto her if we meet again?

How can I show her my value and get the ball back in my court

I need to make her insecure and worry about seeing me again but how without pushing her away

she's clearly thinking it's all too much along with her orbiting x

help

The fact you are even thinking this way shows you have already lost again before its even began. It's like she's giving you the opportunity for a rematch and you are letting her start with a 10-0 lead in a game to 15...you've already lost.

You should be thinking about what she needs to show you for you to be interested but in your desperation you are pedestalizing this chick to the Nth degree...

Leave this chick alone and work on your mindset. You'll be a lot better for it.