Need advice on break/Breakup w/ GF

[j0504s]

Hey,

real quick im 25 work a very time cosumming high pressure job. I would consider myself very exprierinced on how to PICK UP women.

I have been browsing this furom for two days now and have read many things, all good, escpecially the No contact guide/threads props to those people.

I have been dating this girl for over a year. We were the "power couple" or atleast thats how people saw us. People would say to me "what did you do to this girl" reffering to how obssesed with me she was. Well recently i went home to new york for thanks giving and the day of our 1 year was on thanksgiving. (not the best move) she wasnt happy we werent spending the holliday togeather and our 1 yr, but i came back a couple days later.

the day after I came back i started asking her very personal questions. as she had some health issues as a kid b/c my mother was concnerned she couldnt bare children (not the best move again) A lil background she loves kids and doesnt stop speakign about how badly she wants them.

one last thing before i give u the low down. She is very co dependent in me her only friend are my friends she basicly made us a married couple with forcing me to ssleep at her place all the time and rarely at mine.

Well what ended up happening was she starts by saying i should go hoem for the night and then says we should take a break then says she wants to be single b/c shes never really been single. She says it has to do with im not treating her how i use to and the passion that once was is not there anymore. I went a little afc but not horribly but she did get a reaction out of me. Well. I told her i would not be able to speak with her nor be friends that we would be in no contact b/c its the only way for me. when i was leaving she said your not going to say anything i paused for liek 10 seconds looked at her and said " you are a sweet girl and you only deserve the best" she started crying hystericly. Just to add idk if it is relevent but she just got her period.

1st. I obvs still love her

2nd. I have stuff at her place that i need and I need her car registartion due to a speeding ticket i got

3rd. She texted me yesterday and asked if everything is ok and I said "everything is good" that was the entire convo ( iwaited 30 mins to answer)

4th. idk whats happening but my heart hurts?

did i hit something with the no children thing was it a reaction to things? is this an official break up or a break? just plain old HELP! I need guidance.
thank you very much

 

[Hexagram]

'I need a break' = 'I would like to break up with you, but until I find something better, please be my backup.'

'Ive never been single/ I need sometime alone' = 'I need some time on my own to ride the c0ck carousel.'

This chick has shown her true colours and has proven herself unworthy of your time. Your best bet is to go NC and focus on healing yourself. Its going to be tough initially, but its better than torturing yourself by being in limbo with her. You can be sure that she will suck the life out of you if you continue to be in contact.

You bringing up that issue had nothing to do with her reaction. This has been coming for a while, but you were to naive to see it. Learn to look out for red flags for the next time.

Time to move on to greener pastures bro.

 

[Purefilth]

'I need a break' = 'I would like to break up with you, but until I find something better, please be my backup.'

'Ive never been single/ I need sometime alone' = 'I need some time on my own to ride the c0ck carousel.'

This chick has shown her true colours and has proven herself unworthy of your time. Your best bet is to go NC and focus on healing yourself. Its going to be tough initially, but its better than torturing yourself by being in limbo with her. You can be sure that she will suck the life out of you if you continue to be in contact.

You bringing up that issue had nothing to do with her reaction. This has been coming for a while, but you were to naive to see it. Learn to look out for red flags for the next time.

Time to move on to greener pastures bro.

You beat me to it! ^^^ This is almost exactly what I was about to say.

 

[j0504s]

'I need a break' = 'I would like to break up with you, but until I find something better, please be my backup.'

'Ive never been single/ I need sometime alone' = 'I need some time on my own to ride the c0ck carousel.'

This chick has shown her true colours and has proven herself unworthy of your time. Your best bet is to go NC and focus on healing yourself. Its going to be tough initially, but its better than torturing yourself by being in limbo with her. You can be sure that she will suck the life out of you if you continue to be in contact.

You bringing up that issue had nothing to do with her reaction. This has been coming for a while, but you were to naive to see it. Learn to look out for red flags for the next time.

Time to move on to greener pastures bro.

Thank you this is sorta what I thought, im not gonna lie and say im happy b/c im really upset. this sucks so bad but No contact it is.

How do i go about getting my stuff back?

aswell as i know I will run into her, due the face we are both in AA and she goes to my meetings? i just say hi and walk away?

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Good stuff posted above. In addition, here's a bit of future advice: NEVER TELL A GIRL YOU'RE GOING NO CONTACT, JUST DO IT.

You making a big ol' speech about it like you're in some kind of soap opera isn't necessary. In fact, you being extra-emotional about it in general is always a bad idea.

Here's how the convo should've gone:

HER: I'm breaking up, I need to be single for a while.
YOU: Well, if that's how you feel, I wish you nothing but the best. (Start walking out.)
HER: But wait, that's it? Aren't you going to say anything?
YOU: Huh? (Slight pause...) No, I think I said everything i need to say.
HER: We can still be friends though, right?
YOU: Eh, maybe... have a good night (walk out.)

And that's it. Your apparent indifferent would have, at the very least, had her curious as to WHY you didn't seem so affected by what she did, which would have gotten her hamster wheel running (did he not really like me? Is he seeing someone else on the side?) and kept her wanting to contact you in a way.

Ultimately, though, when a girl says she wants to be single, 9 times out of 10 its because she's just not feeling you. No girl really WANTS to be single, but if they don't have another suitor already lined up they'll usually use the "want to be single" line as an excuse. Don't fall for it, just recognize it as LOW INTEREST and move on.

 

[j0504s]

Good stuff posted above. In addition, here's a bit of future advice: NEVER TELL A GIRL YOU'RE GOING NO CONTACT, JUST DO IT.

You making a big ol' speech about it like you're in some kind of soap opera isn't necessary. In fact, you being extra-emotional about it in general is always a bad idea.

Here's how the convo should've gone:

HER: I'm breaking up, I need to be single for a while.
YOU: Well, if that's how you feel, I wish you nothing but the best. (Start walking out.)
HER: But wait, that's it? Aren't you going to say anything?
YOU: Huh? (Slight pause...) No, I think I said everything i need to say.
HER: We can still be friends though, right?
YOU: Eh, maybe... have a good night (walk out.)

And that's it. Your apparent indifferent would have, at the very least, had her curious as to WHY you didn't seem so affected by what she did, which would have gotten her hamster wheel running (did he not really like me? Is he seeing someone else on the side?) and kept her wanting to contact you in a way.

Ultimately, though, when a girl says she wants to be single, 9 times out of 10 its because she's just not feeling you. No girl really WANTS to be single, but if they don't have another suitor already lined up they'll usually use the "want to be single" line as an excuse. Don't fall for it, just recognize it as LOW INTEREST and move on.

thank you aswell very good advice.

So how di get my stuff back, as well as what do i do when i see her b/c im going to run into her prob once a week atleast which sucks

just remmbered she has a tatoo with my initals on it and its not small, lol

 

[cordoncordon]

I disagree with most of you. I don't think she planned to do this at all. I think she got her feelings hurt that you didn't spend the one year anv. with her, so she stewed at home for a few days while you were gone, working herself into a tizzy, and then when you returned she was not only on her period, which trust me can make a big difference in how women react to things, but you also asked her the questions about her health issues. I think this is a very emotional, immature, needy girl who tried to use the breakup ploy as a means to get you to be there for her 24/7. She had already expressed her desire to be with her most of the time, sleeping over and such, and she has no other real friends. So she felt abandoned when you left for NY.

So, as I said, I dont think she wanted to break up in the least bit, but things spiraled out of control and she thought you would cave and give her your undying love and devotion. I would lay even money odds that she calls you in the next day or two begging to get back together, and you can take that to the bank.

FYI read up on Borderline personality disorder and the usual signs of it. To me she seems like a classic case. And they are 99 times out of 100 totally undateable. From the fear of abandonment, the lack of any good friends, her dependance on you, the tattoo on her body of your name, her ability to turn so fast on you? All signs of BPD.

 

[j0504s]

I disagree with most of you. I don't think she planned to do this at all. I think she got her feelings hurt that you didn't spend the one year anv. with her, so she stewed at home for a few days while you were gone, working herself into a tizzy, and then when you returned she was not only on her period, which trust me can make a big difference in how women react to things, but you also asked her the questions about her health issues. I think this is a very emotional, immature, needy girl who tried to use the breakup ploy as a means to get you to be there for her 24/7. She had already expressed her desire to be with her most of the time, sleeping over and such, and she has no other real friends. So she felt abandoned when you left for NY.

So, as I said, I dont think she wanted to break up in the least bit, but things spiraled out of control and she thought you would cave and give her your undying love and devotion. I would lay even money odds that she calls you in the next day or two begging to get back together, and you can take that to the bank.

FYI read up on Borderline personality disorder and the usual signs of it. To me she seems like a classic case. And they are 99 times out of 100 totally undateable. From the fear of abandonment, the lack of any good friends, her dependance on you, the tattoo on her body of your name, her ability to turn so fast on you? All signs of BPD.

you just blew me away with this, b/c the bpd is pretty dead on, she is deff. Histrionic so its pretty simmlar, I did read Bpd on wikipedia. it gives me chills how dead on you are about this. She always seeks external "feel goods." IDK what to do, I am still in love, but as you all have displayed she is no good. whats my move?


She just texted my best friend asking if i was ok, and he said to her Im killing it at work and she wrote thats good...can any one help me out a little more here

 

[dap]

FYI read up on Borderline personality disorder and the usual signs of it.

Came here to say this. If you feel she has this, run. There is no such thing as a fulfilling relationship with someone who has borderline personality disorder. Sure, you miss her now because she was a huge boon to your ego. BPD girls worship their men. But, as soon as you are on the other side of that coin, it's hell. Histrionic is another Cluster B personality disorder (they each have some overlap). She sounds more borderline to me from your description. Want to reiterate: run.

 

[The Gambler]

I disagree with most of you. I don't think she planned to do this at all. I think she got her feelings hurt that you didn't spend the one year anv. with her, so she stewed at home for a few days while you were gone, working herself into a tizzy, and then when you returned she was not only on her period, which trust me can make a big difference in how women react to things, but you also asked her the questions about her health issues. I think this is a very emotional, immature, needy girl who tried to use the breakup ploy as a means to get you to be there for her 24/7. She had already expressed her desire to be with her most of the time, sleeping over and such, and she has no other real friends. So she felt abandoned when you left for NY.

So, as I said, I dont think she wanted to break up in the least bit, but things spiraled out of control and she thought you would cave and give her your undying love and devotion. I would lay even money odds that she calls you in the next day or two begging to get back together, and you can take that to the bank.

FYI read up on Borderline personality disorder and the usual signs of it. To me she seems like a classic case. And they are 99 times out of 100 totally undateable. From the fear of abandonment, the lack of any good friends, her dependance on you, the tattoo on her body of your name, her ability to turn so fast on you? All signs of BPD.

GOD DAMN. This is good stuff right here.

 

[j0504s]

GOD DAMN. This is good stuff right here.

I agree this is some serious Guru shizz.

Well I need to get my stuff its the only thing linking me to her still, how do i approach this, I have her house key still aswell. So I NEED to take care of this. Is it as simple as a text Hey, I need my stuff Im coming over at 8 to get it and giving your house key back. Unfourtunatly I may run into her tonight. should i ask her then? whats the call?
Thanks again guys soem serious bro help here.

 

[SgtSplacker]

I disagree with most of you. I don't think she planned to do this at all. I think she got her feelings hurt that you didn't spend the one year anv. with her, so she stewed at home for a few days while you were gone, working herself into a tizzy, and then when you returned she was not only on her period, which trust me can make a big difference in how women react to things, but you also asked her the questions about her health issues. I think this is a very emotional, immature, needy girl who tried to use the breakup ploy as a means to get you to be there for her 24/7. She had already expressed her desire to be with her most of the time, sleeping over and such, and she has no other real friends. So she felt abandoned when you left for NY.

So, as I said, I dont think she wanted to break up in the least bit, but things spiraled out of control and she thought you would cave and give her your undying love and devotion. I would lay even money odds that she calls you in the next day or two begging to get back together, and you can take that to the bank.

FYI read up on Borderline personality disorder and the usual signs of it. To me she seems like a classic case. And they are 99 times out of 100 totally undateable. From the fear of abandonment, the lack of any good friends, her dependance on you, the tattoo on her body of your name, her ability to turn so fast on you? All signs of BPD.

Right on the money here. Sounds to me like she want's to be pursued a bit. Do it during her period and she will be more emotional about everything, may be a good idea to help sway her back into your arms.

 

[j0504s]

Right on the money here. Sounds to me like she want's to be pursued a bit. Do it during her period and she will be more emotional about everything, may be a good idea to help sway her back into your arms.

So your saying I should break No contact and in a alpha fashion apologize?

 

[dap]

So your saying I should break No contact and in a alpha fashion apologize?

You are going to continue a relationship with a BPD? If so, god help you.

 

[cordoncordon]

you just blew me away with this, b/c the bpd is pretty dead on, she is deff. Histrionic so its pretty simmlar, I did read Bpd on wikipedia. it gives me chills how dead on you are about this. She always seeks external "feel goods." IDK what to do, I am still in love, but as you all have displayed she is no good. whats my move?


She just texted my best friend asking if i was ok, and he said to her Im killing it at work and she wrote thats good...can any one help me out a little more here

They do this because BPD's feel empty inside. They do not feel emotion the way you and I do. So they need to fill this emptiness with something, anything. Whether that be a new job, which BPD's get many of, a new hobby-jumping from thing to thing in a very quick time, to a new boyfriend. They do whatever they can to fill the empty void they feel. This makes them able to go from loving something, or someone, to hating that same thing in a matter of minutes. There is no middle ground with these people. It's black and white, no grey.

Take if from someone who dated a BPD for over a year and has the nightmare stories to prove it (you could not imagine), you cannot date them. They are the 1% of the population that is totally undateable.

 

[j0504s]

They do this because BPD's feel empty inside. They do not feel emotion the way you and I do. So they need to fill this emptiness with something, anything. Whether that be a new job, which BPD's get many of, a new hobby-jumping from thing to thing in a very quick time, to a new boyfriend. They do whatever they can to fill the empty void they feel. This makes them able to go from loving something, or someone, to hating that same thing in a matter of minutes. There is no middle ground with these people. It's black and white, no grey.

Take if from someone who dated a BPD for over a year and has the nightmare stories to prove it (you could not imagine), you cannot date them. They are the 1% of the population that is totally undateable.

Well this morning at 7Am she called me. woke me up on ****in staurday. I ask her intention of this phone call and she said idk, I cant call you its you and me remmber, I say there is no you and me remmber. she gets hysterical. Starts asking me what ive been doing and if im ok, I tell her its really non of her bussiness but im doing great. She says you arent going to ask me and i go how are you. She says not well. Im so upset half the time. but being single is helping me reach out to meet other women friends so its good for me, bla bla convo went on she wants to meet me later today. she was very upset/hystirical on the phone regurdless of what i do I need my stuff back. How do I play this interaction??? She actually did use the word closuer at one point but it thouht it was her ploy for me to confess my undying love to her...

Btw dude u were spot on she would call me.

 

[cordoncordon]

This was expected when she realized that her ploy to get you to give her your undying devotion backfired. She never wanted to break up as I said.

Now she is trying to figure out how do I get him back without appearing like I really do want him back. After this backfires, she will resort to crying and begging, she may even say she will kill herself if you don't get back together.

It is hard for me to say what you should do as an outsider, other that to offer my experience in dealing with a BPD. Each one has varying degrees of severity, and for all I know yours is not TOO severe. Perhaps, if you can handle it, a gradual breaking up might be better for you both, rather than to go cold turkey. Or not. I guess I would need to know a little more about the situation. Though the best course of action in these cases is to just end it fast.

Bear in mind that when I broke up with mine, she claimed I hit her and called the police, even though I was an hour away. THey will say and do anything at some point.

I guess the question is, do you truly want to break up with her? If yes, then end it today. For good.

 

[In2theGame]

Well this morning at 7Am she called me. woke me up on ****in staurday. I ask her intention of this phone call and she said idk, I cant call you its you and me remmber, I say there is no you and me remmber. she gets hysterical. Starts asking me what ive been doing and if im ok, I tell her its really non of her bussiness but im doing great. She says you arent going to ask me and i go how are you. She says not well. Im so upset half the time. but being single is helping me reach out to meet other women friends so its good for me, bla bla convo went on she wants to meet me later today. she was very upset/hystirical on the phone regurdless of what i do I need my stuff back. How do I play this interaction??? She actually did use the word closuer at one point but it thouht it was her ploy for me to confess my undying love to her...

Btw dude u were spot on she would call me.

STOP right now and pay attention to what im going to tell you. do NOT pick up her calls, do NOT get involved in a lengthy conversation with her, do NOT let her speak about how its "you and me remember?" its ALLLLLLLLL Bullsh!t and she will think or already think thats its all good, trying to make herself feel better about everything while lining up a new c0ck. My serious advice to you is do NOT, i repeat do NOT engaged in convo or meeting up with her. You should just go on ahead and do your own thing and meet other women while avoiding this one. I know what its like to feel down and miserable after a breakup but in your case if you really wanted to get her wheels spinning... dont pick up her calls at ALL and she will text you or leave a voice mail do NOT respond, You hit her up when you want to get your things and if you do see her face to face keep keep conversation very very short. Im tellin you right now dude,... dont fall for the B.S show.

 

[j0504s]

This was expected when she realized that her ploy to get you to give her your undying devotion backfired. She never wanted to break up as I said.

Now she is trying to figure out how do I get him back without appearing like I really do want him back. After this backfires, she will resort to crying and begging, she may even say she will kill herself if you don't get back together.

It is hard for me to say what you should do as an outsider, other that to offer my experience in dealing with a BPD. Each one has varying degrees of severity, and for all I know yours is not TOO severe. Perhaps, if you can handle it, a gradual breaking up might be better for you both, rather than to go cold turkey. Or not. I guess I would need to know a little more about the situation. Though the best course of action in these cases is to just end it fast.

Bear in mind that when I broke up with mine, she claimed I hit her and called the police, even though I was an hour away. THey will say and do anything at some point.

I guess the question is, do you truly want to break up with her? If yes, then end it today. For good.

as much as people are going to hate on me for this the truth is I dont want to...since my first heart break when i was 18 I have only pushed girls away that I felt were at danger of hurting me i let this girl in b/c i thought she was/is the one (or atleast someone ive been able to truly love inside and out). Im not sure, what to add, her parents are very upset about this b/c they love me and have hated every boyfriend she ever had. her borther who is 30 and a very sucessful guy feels the same way (she told me this i have not spoken to them). I let her know with out saying it stright out I am no back burner guy and this is a now or never sittuations. I really cant recall the words I used. She obviously admitted to still being in love with me in this convo I had. SO yes I want us to be togeather.

one last thing is we are both recovering alcoholics/addicts, I have a year and half sober and she has about 14 months

 

[cordoncordon]

Well this just fits even more with her being a BPD, the alcoholism. VERY CLASSIC.

I know you want to stay with her, but for your own sobriety and sanity? Trust me, run away. Run away and hide.

If you don't you are going to regret this for the rest of your life. You are co dependent on each other, I see this now.

Break this cycle you are in.