Need Advice/Guidance

[HillBilly2022]

I'll try to keep this short.

To start, about me, early 40's, fairly athletic, extremely confident, own a successful construction business. Married for 8 years, together for 5 before that. Wife had 2 kids (18 and 20 now). They are the primary source of drama in the marriage.

Marriage has been rocky for the last 5 years. I still love my wife, she is my best friend, not necessarily attracted to her anymore.
Met a different chick 3 years ago. She lives halfway across the country. Our connection began to grow a lot in May of this year. We have seen each other a couple times a month since then. I am extremely attracted to her, have the best of times when with her. She has an 8 year old daughter, which eliminates the ability for her to move to me.

If I want to be with the new chick, I essentially have to sell my business (2 years premature), divorce my wife and move to her (a move was in my 3-5 year plan).

That is extremely condensed, and if required, I can go into grave detail, but what are the thoughts on this dilemma?

 

[Kotaix]

You got with a single mother, and now you want to dump her for another single mother?

You'd be trading not-your-child drama for more of the same thing.

If you get divorced the courts are going to rape you.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Stop man. Do not uproot your shyte for vag - EVER. I know your brain is flooded with dopamine over this younger woman that gives you seemingly great sex, but understand you’re living an illusion. You see each other twice a month, you both look great, smell great, go out and have fun. Always on your beat, but that’s not reality - reality is sitting at the kitchen table doing taxes together, talking about what to do about x, y or z. It looks and feels amazing right now, but brother IT IS NOT REAL.

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t divorce or move, but you should to it FOR YOU, because you’re unhappy, NOT FOR ANOTHER WOMAN.

This will not end well.

 

[The Duke]

It's always great when its just fun and games.

If your wife figures out there is another girl she will screw you over extra hard.

Never move for a woman, it's like giving power and control away. Shows you care too much and dries up the vag. Make them move.

A woman that is willing to fuhk a married man lacks morals. She isn't as great as you think.

Just divorce your wife, and then find new girls. This will result in less headaches and more money in your pocket.

 

[SW15]

It's probably not salvageable with the current wife. Divorce her, dump the woman in another state, and focus on local women.

 

[Machine10033]

Bro... stop... I’ve hooked up with plenty of single moms and they are essentially con artists. It’s their biology they need someone to support them and their fck trophy so they figure out what your ideal female is... and pretend to become it. They will listen to your gripes about your current relationship and portray themselves as everything you want.
As I was withdrawing from the last one I hooked up with it became sad... she was relentless with talking about sex.... she even threw out that she would let me have sex with her friends because it would turn her on.... it became sad and I realized how desperate single moms are.

Your relationship sucks because you have no interest in repairing it. You think this single mom is your soulmate and let me tell you all she is is a ticket to screwing your life up. In a few years she will get stale and you will have less money and resources because you decided to get a divorce.

 

[Machine10033]

reality is sitting at the kitchen table doing taxes together, talking about what to do about x, y or z. It looks and feels amazing right now, but brother IT IS NOT REAL.

One exercise I have my buddies do when they are thinking with their c0cks is pointing out something negative about the girl.. when they are in that fog they literally ignore all the negatives and red flags to create the narrative that want. Usually once you actually see a negative the flood gates open up and the dynamic changes. The OP will need to tread carefully if he withdraws from the other woman... she can now completely blow him up... a letter to the current wife... a phone call... showing up at his door

 

[SW15]

I’ve hooked up with plenty of single moms and they are essentially con artists. It’s their biology they need someone to support them and their fck trophy so they figure out what your ideal female is... and pretend to become it. They will listen to your gripes about your current relationship and portray themselves as everything you want.

This is a great way of describing it. Childless women do not do anything remotely close to this.

As I was withdrawing from the last one I hooked up with it became sad... she was relentless with talking about sex.... she even threw out that she would let me have sex with her friends because it would turn her on.... it became sad and I realized how desperate single moms are.

I can see how that could be an intriguing deal if she has some attractive friends.

 

[bmp2cpm]

You are talking about giving up half or more of your valuable resources for a woman who not only cannot keep a man but a woman who cannot get a man within a thousand mile radius.

Wake up!!!

No way she is as hot as she has you thinking she is.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I'll try to keep this short.

To start, about me, early 40's, fairly athletic, extremely confident, own a successful construction business. Married for 8 years, together for 5 before that. Wife had 2 kids (18 and 20 now). They are the primary source of drama in the marriage.

Marriage has been rocky for the last 5 years. I still love my wife, she is my best friend, not necessarily attracted to her anymore.
Met a different chick 3 years ago. She lives halfway across the country. Our connection began to grow a lot in May of this year. We have seen each other a couple times a month since then. I am extremely attracted to her, have the best of times when with her. She has an 8 year old daughter, which eliminates the ability for her to move to me.

If I want to be with the new chick, I essentially have to sell my business (2 years premature), divorce my wife and move to her (a move was in my 3-5 year plan).

That is extremely condensed, and if required, I can go into grave detail, but what are the thoughts on this dilemma?

I am going to give you some things to think about.

First off...are you really sure you want to be with this new woman or is it just the thrill of things being new, being secretive and she is the escape from your life at home and your wife?

Because what is going to happen when you no longer have your wife and it's just you and her? She is no longer the one you escape to, she would be your everyday life. Are you going to look for someone else to escape to?

Are you attracted to her or to the idea of having a second life you can escape to and do things and go on adventures and have fun and then be able to leave and go back to your regular life?

Are you confident she is giving you the REAL picture of who she is or is she giving you what you need to leave your wife and life and then and only then once you've committed show you the real her?

There is a lot to think about here...I am not saying don't do it, I am saying you need to consider a lot more than you are right now and that you may be in love with the fantasy life you have created more than this woman.

 

[HillBilly2022]

Well, not sure if anyone is interested, but here is the update. I did in fact divorce my wife, as it was in all reality, a long time coming. I got into a relationship with the woman 1,000 miles away. We would see each other a couple times a month, in fact she would actually come to my house for the 2 weeks a month she didn't have her daughter. Now the curveball. It was the intention, even talked about and agreed upon, for her to continue this two week there, two here schedule until I got out of my business (between 1 year and 2 years). Then we would move to an area closer to her current location. Since she is a nurse, travel jobs are a dime a dozen, and even the pay scale here is much higher than her rural location.

Well, during her two week stints here, she discovered she couldn't handle the possibility of not seeing her daughter. She ran home, and I am heavily considering just calling this entire thing done. I am a high speed m'fer, who doesn't have the time or the patience to put up with this level of drama.

In regards to the divorce, my ex wife and I still get along. We were both in the same spot, me more so than her, in realizing that neither of us were happy in the marriage. To build on that, she did not in fact "take me" to the cleaners. We opted to be cordial throughout the divorce, didn't fight *too much*. She kept the house, I kept the business, we both took our personal debt.

 

[Millard Fillmore]

Well, not sure if anyone is interested, but here is the update. I did in fact divorce my wife, as it was in all reality, a long time coming. I got into a relationship with the woman 1,000 miles away. We would see each other a couple times a month, in fact she would actually come to my house for the 2 weeks a month she didn't have her daughter. Now the curveball. It was the intention, even talked about and agreed upon, for her to continue this two week there, two here schedule until I got out of my business (between 1 year and 2 years). Then we would move to an area closer to her current location. Since she is a nurse, travel jobs are a dime a dozen, and even the pay scale here is much higher than her rural location.

Well, during her two week stints here, she discovered she couldn't handle the possibility of not seeing her daughter. She ran home, and I am heavily considering just calling this entire thing done. I am a high speed m'fer, who doesn't have the time or the patience to put up with this level of drama.

In regards to the divorce, my ex wife and I still get along. We were both in the same spot, me more so than her, in realizing that neither of us were happy in the marriage. To build on that, she did not in fact "take me" to the cleaners. We opted to be cordial throughout the divorce, didn't fight *too much*. She kept the house, I kept the business, we both took our personal debt.

Congrats. As for the other girl, easy come easy go. You're only 42 and own your own business, you can do a lot better than single moms. Focus on your needs bro.

 

[SW15]

here is the update. I did in fact divorce my wife, as it was in all reality, a long time coming. I got into a relationship with the woman 1,000 miles away.

It's probably not salvageable with the current wife. Divorce her, dump the woman in another state, and focus on local women.

You did the correct thing with the divorce. You did not do the correct thing with the woman in the other state but it looks like you'll do the correct thing with her now and drop her. You need local women.

 

[Gamisch]

Well, not sure if anyone is interested, but here is the update. I did in fact divorce my wife, as it was in all reality, a long time coming. I got into a relationship with the woman 1,000 miles away. We would see each other a couple times a month, in fact she would actually come to my house for the 2 weeks a month she didn't have her daughter. Now the curveball. It was the intention, even talked about and agreed upon, for her to continue this two week there, two here schedule until I got out of my business (between 1 year and 2 years). Then we would move to an area closer to her current location. Since she is a nurse, travel jobs are a dime a dozen, and even the pay scale here is much higher than her rural location.

Well, during her two week stints here, she discovered she couldn't handle the possibility of not seeing her daughter. She ran home, and I am heavily considering just calling this entire thing done. I am a high speed m'fer, who doesn't have the time or the patience to put up with this level of drama.

In regards to the divorce, my ex wife and I still get along. We were both in the same spot, me more so than her, in realizing that neither of us were happy in the marriage. To build on that, she did not in fact "take me" to the cleaners. We opted to be cordial throughout the divorce, didn't fight *too much*. She kept the house, I kept the business, we both took our personal debt.

You are a too high speed mf. Disclaimer; dont know the lenght of this relationship but I geuss a couple of months.

Not surprisingly things went south after she stayed two weeks . Especially combined with the wild, wild plans you guys were making already...

Why? Because she barely knows you and yet you make all these wild plans for the future. What I'm saying is the stakes are suddenly much higher, outs immense pressure on the relationship. Gotta find a comfortable place with a woman and linger there. I know thats difficult when SHE'S the one pushing things, but still. You always wanna lead such a process and move slowly. Also to really learn who you're dealing with ..some women can play their little good girl roles for up to a year or more.

 

[Foe]

..some women can play their little good girl roles for up to a year or more.

This is probably true however the sinister truth is that guys will just ignore the red flags for up to a year or more. I know I did, it was within the first month of my last one that major red flags were shown, I just dismissed them and it took three years for me to realize I couldn't handle that BS anymore.

I wonder which is more prevalent woman who hold there true selves in or guys who ignore and rationalize it.

 

[Gamisch]

This is probably true however the sinister truth is that guys will just ignore the red flags for up to a year or more. I know I did, it was within the first month of my last one that major red flags were shown, I just dismissed them and it took three years for me to realize I couldn't handle that BS anymore.

I wonder which is more prevalent woman who hold there true selves in or guys who ignore and rationalize it.

Most will make an SWOT analysis and eventually decide getting the D wet overrides the standards and logic. It also takes some experience to learn how to read women.


Eventually every married man who got taken to the cleaners will say he made a "miscalculation " when vetting her and that she "acted " for xyz period of time.

I always say it's not so much about how she acts when things are going great, but how she acts when there's any kind of setback. Every woman can put a a great smile at will.

 

[SW15]

Most will make an SWOT analysis and eventually decide getting the D wet overrides the standards and logic.

Yes, men will analyze multiple factors but getting a penis wet is most important. Men will scarcity will overlook a lot to keep having sex with the same woman.

It also takes some experience to learn how to read women.

If a man starts romantic interactions with women around 14-17, it probably takes him until at least his mid-20s or so to read women well.

Eventually every married man who got taken to the cleaners will say he made a "miscalculation " when vetting her and that she "acted " for xyz period of time.

The best way to avoid painful miscalculations is not to make serious commitments. Don't marry and don't have babies. When relationships end, which they tend to do, the damage is less severe.

This is closest to Option #6 in the framework below, but could also be a combination of Option #3 and Option #6.

There will be a certain amount of psychological trauma from multiple failures of extended relationships lasting 1-4 years or so.

https://alphamale20.com/2015/06/11/the-only-9-options-for-men-as-they-age/

I always say it's not so much about how she acts when things are going great, but how she acts when there's any kind of setback. Every woman can put a a great smile at will.

True

 

[Bokanovsky]

I'll try to keep this short.

To start, about me, early 40's, fairly athletic, extremely confident, own a successful construction business. Married for 8 years, together for 5 before that. Wife had 2 kids (18 and 20 now). They are the primary source of drama in the marriage.

Marriage has been rocky for the last 5 years. I still love my wife, she is my best friend, not necessarily attracted to her anymore.
Met a different chick 3 years ago. She lives halfway across the country. Our connection began to grow a lot in May of this year. We have seen each other a couple times a month since then. I am extremely attracted to her, have the best of times when with her. She has an 8 year old daughter, which eliminates the ability for her to move to me.

If I want to be with the new chick, I essentially have to sell my business (2 years premature), divorce my wife and move to her (a move was in my 3-5 year plan).

That is extremely condensed, and if required, I can go into grave detail, but what are the thoughts on this dilemma?

A dilemma implies a tough choice between two equally difficult alternatives. In your case, there is no dilemma. The choice is simple and obvious. Divorce your wife and dump the other chick. And for fvck's sake, stop being captain save-a-ho to single moms. You are already miserable in your marriage to a single mom. What makes you think things will be different with the other one? You are trading one beat up clunker for another.

Single moms can be vary charming (in the beginning) because they know that they have to put in extra effort. But at the end of the day, they are women with broken lives and your worth to them is measured in dollar terms. They are not looking for an inseminator. They want a plug for their sinking ship. Why would you want to be that plug? Just for access to some stretched pussay?