Hey everyone,
Been lurking for a while but finally decided to join and participate. I also need some advice.
**Sorry for the long post. I added any info I thought might be useful**
Quick background:
Me: male, 23, 5'9, 168lbs athletic, about 8/10, middle eastern / russian
Her: female, 23, 5'7, 125lbs average, abv avg ass, high b cup, slight beer belly, about 6/10 or 7/10 w makeup, white / Russian / Italian /some other. She has no friends except the one dude I'll talk about later.
Relationship lasted just under 6 months. She's shy, self concious, poor self esteem, anxiety. cut at young age, on Prozac and Effexor for 9 years (depression/ anxiety) high dosage. First red flag I ignored..
Always had an amazing time. Always making her laugh, trying new things etc. She popped the "I love you" way premature. Her parents love me, her dogs love me, she still loves me. For lack of a better term.
Fast forward 6 months after breakup. We hang 2-4 days a week. Usually initiated by her, unless I feel like I want to see her a day we dont plan anything. We still kiss, sex, etc. Always have fun / making her laugh / flirt
Where the issue starts:
There's another guy 30 yrs old, Unattractive, chubby, has no future other than whatever he's doing now. They dated at one point 3 years ago. He's her pot dealer. Through convo found out as she told me He's been pushing for sex and she's slept with him a couple times.
He rarely texts her unless he wants something. He was the cause of our breakup, he has some kind of hold on her. He doesn't care much about her, doesn't want any commitment. Essentially he's using her for sex but making it look like he gives a ****.
Two problems.
1. I don't want some other dude sleeping with her while I am. It doesn't help that I still have some feelings for her and wouldn't mind getting back together.
2. I don't want her to get hurt by him, she's fragile and doesn't deserve to be treated that way. In this case I was the "Nice Guy"
Note 1: He had texted her half hour before we broke up. Break up was out of the blue. I brought it up and said that if he wasn't in the picture we would have still been together. She responds with "yeah we would have been" then starts bawling her eyes out.
Note 2: I attempted to break this thing we have off once and she flipped, crying, hitting me, not talking, telling me I can't not be in her life etc. that's essentially what led to the continued sex/kissing/whatever this is. Although that's not what I was shooting for. I wanted to be done with it.
How do I solve problem #1, which would also take care of problem #2 for the most part?
Hung out last night
She texted me today with:
Her: "going to xxxx place" with her mom.
Me: no reply.
- Hour later
Her: picture of herself with a smoothie
Me: no reply.
- 3 hours later
Her: hellooo
Me: Ignore or respond?
I've read about NC 5 day thing but is that what's best here? Do I completely cut off contact. Or respond to her texts occasionally but with short one or two word messages? I would really appreciate some help or anything at all.
Other option would be telling her I'm out if he's in. Essentially she has to pick. I'm not really sure about this one though, not my favorite.
Been lurking for a while but finally decided to join and participate. I also need some advice.
**Sorry for the long post. I added any info I thought might be useful**
Quick background:
Me: male, 23, 5'9, 168lbs athletic, about 8/10, middle eastern / russian
Her: female, 23, 5'7, 125lbs average, abv avg ass, high b cup, slight beer belly, about 6/10 or 7/10 w makeup, white / Russian / Italian /some other. She has no friends except the one dude I'll talk about later.
Relationship lasted just under 6 months. She's shy, self concious, poor self esteem, anxiety. cut at young age, on Prozac and Effexor for 9 years (depression/ anxiety) high dosage. First red flag I ignored..
Always had an amazing time. Always making her laugh, trying new things etc. She popped the "I love you" way premature. Her parents love me, her dogs love me, she still loves me. For lack of a better term.
Fast forward 6 months after breakup. We hang 2-4 days a week. Usually initiated by her, unless I feel like I want to see her a day we dont plan anything. We still kiss, sex, etc. Always have fun / making her laugh / flirt
Where the issue starts:
There's another guy 30 yrs old, Unattractive, chubby, has no future other than whatever he's doing now. They dated at one point 3 years ago. He's her pot dealer. Through convo found out as she told me He's been pushing for sex and she's slept with him a couple times.
He rarely texts her unless he wants something. He was the cause of our breakup, he has some kind of hold on her. He doesn't care much about her, doesn't want any commitment. Essentially he's using her for sex but making it look like he gives a ****.
Two problems.
1. I don't want some other dude sleeping with her while I am. It doesn't help that I still have some feelings for her and wouldn't mind getting back together.
2. I don't want her to get hurt by him, she's fragile and doesn't deserve to be treated that way. In this case I was the "Nice Guy"
Note 1: He had texted her half hour before we broke up. Break up was out of the blue. I brought it up and said that if he wasn't in the picture we would have still been together. She responds with "yeah we would have been" then starts bawling her eyes out.
Note 2: I attempted to break this thing we have off once and she flipped, crying, hitting me, not talking, telling me I can't not be in her life etc. that's essentially what led to the continued sex/kissing/whatever this is. Although that's not what I was shooting for. I wanted to be done with it.
How do I solve problem #1, which would also take care of problem #2 for the most part?
Hung out last night
She texted me today with:
Her: "going to xxxx place" with her mom.
Me: no reply.
- Hour later
Her: picture of herself with a smoothie
Me: no reply.
- 3 hours later
Her: hellooo
Me: Ignore or respond?
I've read about NC 5 day thing but is that what's best here? Do I completely cut off contact. Or respond to her texts occasionally but with short one or two word messages? I would really appreciate some help or anything at all.
Other option would be telling her I'm out if he's in. Essentially she has to pick. I'm not really sure about this one though, not my favorite.