Mystery

[TheRagingBull]

Something isn’t clicking about being mysterious. Just going to throw out my thoughts and maybe some of you guys have some insights.

I understand that some mystery keeps the girl guessing and that she’ll be more invested in you as she keeps trying to figure you out—she’s thinking about you and trying to complete the puzzle.

Anti-Dump advices to basically say NOTHING about yourself the first 2 months or so. I can understand if this would be related to money, social status, property etc. but what about your thoughts, your reasoning, and your hobbies? Aren’t they part of who you are as a person?

If you want a girl to love you just for you, isn’t the way you think and what you do in your daily life a big part of that? As for me, I’m really open when I’m dating, right from the first date. I also never get friendzoned, they know exactly what’s going on so I’m not sharing too much to turn the date into a boring conversation she could have with her girlfriends. I think that’s a matter of timing and feeling the vibe.

I also think I have enough going on, developed enough knowledge and have enough life experiences she wouldn’t even be able to figure me out even if I would give her everything she asks straight away.

To what degree do you guys keep up the mystery? Are you purposely trying to withhold certain information the first couple of dates?

 

[zekko]

Anti-Dump advices to basically say NOTHING about yourself the first 2 months or so.

Dumbest idea I've ever heard. I don't concern myself with being mysterious, I just be myself. That should be enough. How can you be congruent to your personality while simultaneously guarding any and all information about yourself? If your ambition is to be a fvckboy, I suppose that's good advice. But for normal people, just act normal. That doesn't mean you go to the opposite extreme either - don't give your complete life history on the first date.

 

[gettinit]

Mysterious only goes so far and it is nerly impossible to have a conversation of any depth unless you reveal some things about yourself. If what you're doing works, why even bother to explore other tactics that aren't the genuine you?

 

[TheRagingBull]

What most of you guys are saying here was my take on it as well. Just wanted to confirm I wasn’t missing something.

Believe as long as it comes from a genuine position and not a needy position to “show” how awesome you are it should be alright.

 

[zekko]

I realize most readers won't relate to this, but Johnny Carson and Ed McMahon put America to bed, 5 nights a week, for 30 years.

That's the second post I've read today mentioning Johnny Carson. It occurred to me that probably half the people here have probably never even heard of him. Anyway, Carson was a very private person, that's why he didn't share much, although we heard him joke about his frequent divorces. I think Carson would have been just as popular if he had a more open, sharing personality, as long as he did his job to the same level.

I don't think it's a good comparison to compare a talk show like that with dating. On the Tonight Show, Johnny interviewed his guests, the whole idea was for him to ask questions to the guest. The guests weren't interviewing him, so why would he be going on about himself? It's good policy anyway to more focused on the person you're talking to than yourself, in dating or any social situation (unless you're a PUA, I guess, and you want to make yourself the center of attention - "Hey, here's another DHV story about me" lol). I don't make it a point to talk about myself anyway, but if someone asks me an honest question, I'm not going to hide it just so I can appear more mysterious.