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Mystery

TheRagingBull

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Something isn’t clicking about being mysterious. Just going to throw out my thoughts and maybe some of you guys have some insights.

I understand that some mystery keeps the girl guessing and that she’ll be more invested in you as she keeps trying to figure you out—she’s thinking about you and trying to complete the puzzle.

Anti-Dump advices to basically say NOTHING about yourself the first 2 months or so. I can understand if this would be related to money, social status, property etc. but what about your thoughts, your reasoning, and your hobbies? Aren’t they part of who you are as a person?

If you want a girl to love you just for you, isn’t the way you think and what you do in your daily life a big part of that? As for me, I’m really open when I’m dating, right from the first date. I also never get friendzoned, they know exactly what’s going on so I’m not sharing too much to turn the date into a boring conversation she could have with her girlfriends. I think that’s a matter of timing and feeling the vibe.

I also think I have enough going on, developed enough knowledge and have enough life experiences she wouldn’t even be able to figure me out even if I would give her everything she asks straight away.

To what degree do you guys keep up the mystery? Are you purposely trying to withhold certain information the first couple of dates?
 

zekko

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Anti-Dump advices to basically say NOTHING about yourself the first 2 months or so.
Dumbest idea I've ever heard. I don't concern myself with being mysterious, I just be myself. That should be enough. How can you be congruent to your personality while simultaneously guarding any and all information about yourself? If your ambition is to be a fvckboy, I suppose that's good advice. But for normal people, just act normal. That doesn't mean you go to the opposite extreme either - don't give your complete life history on the first date.
 

markfromeurope

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This concept smells PUA to me.

It should be rather "Don't tell about yourself if not asked"/"Don't gossip"/"Don't tell too much"

Be mysterious is smthng like "pretend to be a Batman when you are just regular Joe".

Eventually she will find out much about your mysterious aura is just game calibration and you will lose her interest to some degree.

If you are after STR - go the mystery route, if you want LTR - don't game that hard.
 

stormrider

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Replace the word mystery with intrigue.

And intrigue comes from non neediness.

No need for someone to “love you for you.” This type of neediness will have women running for the hills.

No need for closure.

No need to be understood.

No need for to be liked.

No need to qualify yourself or explain yourself to people.

No need for validation and approval.

Notice I never said anything about no need to explain your hobbies and interests.

Its all about intent. If you are revealing your hobbies and interests in an attempt to get her to like you, then that’s neediness.

But one can tell life stories about himself and have people intrigued because he doesn’t care if people are impressed or not.

Anti dump created a training wheels method. He just felt it was better to tell guys to shut up given the fact that 90% of guys are needy and seek women to love them like their mothers did.

But for the experienced guy, he knows he can reveal everything about himself and still be the most intriguing guy in the room. But it’s not his intent. And that’s the key.

The less reaction seeking you are and the less you care about people’s approval, the more intrigued women will be. They will wonder how you are able to attain a sense of self validation when the rest of the world seem to lack it.

They would sense your “value.” And value is intriguing to all women. It piques their interest. Gets their attention. Gets them feeling all tingly inside. Makes them want to find out more about you.
 

gettinit

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Mysterious only goes so far and it is nerly impossible to have a conversation of any depth unless you reveal some things about yourself. If what you're doing works, why even bother to explore other tactics that aren't the genuine you?
 

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samspade

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This is one of the most overrated concepts in the Man-O-Sphere. (Better with hyphens.)

I'm very social so I'm bound to talk about myself. Most people are probably similar.

I do pick little moments of mystery, but they're mostly playful. Phrases like "I'll tell you later" or "That's a secret, I can't tell you" with a smile on your face. But that's just part and parcel with being a flirt.

And as zekko said, don't tell her everything all at once.
 

TheRagingBull

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What most of you guys are saying here was my take on it as well. Just wanted to confirm I wasn’t missing something.

Believe as long as it comes from a genuine position and not a needy position to “show” how awesome you are it should be alright.
 

ShePays

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Dumbest idea I've ever heard. I don't concern myself with being mysterious, I just be myself. That should be enough. How can you be congruent to your personality while simultaneously guarding any and all information about yourself? If your ambition is to be a fvckboy, I suppose that's good advice. But for normal people, just act normal. That doesn't mean you go to the opposite extreme either - don't give your complete life history on the first date.
I realize most readers won't relate to this, but Johnny Carson and Ed McMahon put America to bed, 5 nights a week, for 30 years. They were welcome in American living rooms and bedrooms, as old friends, but most of their most faithful viewers didn't know much about either man, really, including that Johnny had been a Naval intelligence officer in WW2, and that Ed was a Marine Corp General, and had been a combat pilot in WW2 and Korea. To my knowledge, neither man talked about those facts on their show or publicly. Audiences would learn much more biographical data about a first-time guest in 15 minutes than they ever knew about the host or his sidekick, over the course of 30 years.

Johnny Carson talked for a living, for about 5 hours a week. The lesson is that conversation is interesting, not data. Disclosure doesn't cause closeness. Women tend to prefer men who explore them, rather than men who expose themselves to them. When she wants to explore you, it's alright to make her work a little for it. You don't have to be a completely open book. You can be a little dusty and water damaged, if that's who you are.
 
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zekko

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I realize most readers won't relate to this, but Johnny Carson and Ed McMahon put America to bed, 5 nights a week, for 30 years.
That's the second post I've read today mentioning Johnny Carson. It occurred to me that probably half the people here have probably never even heard of him. Anyway, Carson was a very private person, that's why he didn't share much, although we heard him joke about his frequent divorces. I think Carson would have been just as popular if he had a more open, sharing personality, as long as he did his job to the same level.

I don't think it's a good comparison to compare a talk show like that with dating. On the Tonight Show, Johnny interviewed his guests, the whole idea was for him to ask questions to the guest. The guests weren't interviewing him, so why would he be going on about himself? It's good policy anyway to more focused on the person you're talking to than yourself, in dating or any social situation (unless you're a PUA, I guess, and you want to make yourself the center of attention - "Hey, here's another DHV story about me" lol). I don't make it a point to talk about myself anyway, but if someone asks me an honest question, I'm not going to hide it just so I can appear more mysterious.
 

ShePays

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That's the second post I've read today mentioning Johnny Carson. It occurred to me that probably half the people here have probably never even heard of him. Anyway, Carson was a very private person, that's why he didn't share much, although we heard him joke about his frequent divorces. I think Carson would have been just as popular if he had a more open, sharing personality, as long as he did his job to the same level.

I don't think it's a good comparison to compare a talk show like that with dating. On the Tonight Show, Johnny interviewed his guests, the whole idea was for him to ask questions to the guest. The guests weren't interviewing him, so why would he be going on about himself? It's good policy anyway to more focused on the person you're talking to than yourself, in dating or any social situation (unless you're a PUA, I guess, and you want to make yourself the center of attention - "Hey, here's another DHV story about me" lol). I don't make it a point to talk about myself anyway, but if someone asks me an honest question, I'm not going to hide it just so I can appear more mysterious.
Carson was very shy and private, in his personal life. He never enjoyed talking about himself, and would rarely consent to an interview. Ed McMahon wasn't just his sidekick. Ed was his wingman. Ed was gregarious and socially confident, but was content to play his role, to support Johnny.

The thing is that you don't have to be an open book, if that isn't who you are, but you don't need to deliberately hide or invent things about yourself, either, to appear more mysterious. The idea is to be the best you, not someone else.
 

ShePays

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Replace the word mystery with intrigue.

And intrigue comes from non neediness.

No need for someone to “love you for you.” This type of neediness will have women running for the hills.

No need for closure.

No need to be understood.

No need for to be liked.

No need to qualify yourself or explain yourself to people.

No need for validation and approval.

Notice I never said anything about no need to explain your hobbies and interests.

Its all about intent. If you are revealing your hobbies and interests in an attempt to get her to like you, then that’s neediness.

But one can tell life stories about himself and have people intrigued because he doesn’t care if people are impressed or not.

Anti dump created a training wheels method. He just felt it was better to tell guys to shut up given the fact that 90% of guys are needy and seek women to love them like their mothers did.

But for the experienced guy, he knows he can reveal everything about himself and still be the most intriguing guy in the room. But it’s not his intent. And that’s the key.

The less reaction seeking you are and the less you care about people’s approval, the more intrigued women will be. They will wonder how you are able to attain a sense of self validation when the rest of the world seem to lack it.

They would sense your “value.” And value is intriguing to all women. It piques their interest. Gets their attention. Gets them feeling all tingly inside. Makes them want to find out more about you.
The thing about value is, what does she value? Fun? Amusement? Entertainment?
If you're a natural entertainer, and good at it, a crowd pleaser, then entertain. However, trying to play the dancing monkey for a girl who just wants to be entertained, when that isn't you, will just make you a clown.

Guys try too hard when they care too much. She wants to know everything about you, most, when you don't even know she's alive, yet.

Detachment and indifference aren't necessarily attractive by themselves, but are infinitely more attractive than eagerness and desperation.

It's best if you can find something about her that amuses you, and prod her to continue entertaining you.
 
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