Re: Avoiding the dating frame
Originally posted by Ronin I
Hey PDX, Johnnyboy and whoever else -
can you give me any other examples and or tips of how to avoid the "dating frame"?
Some examples of women that you recently spent time with (what did you do, how did you ask her to join you, etc) and successfully closed would be ideal.
Thanks guys -
Hi, Ronin, my pleasure. The other guys may disagree with what I am saying, as this is just my interpretation.
Let's be specific first. By "dating", we are referring to the common practise of time spent together by a man and a woman recently acquainted with each other. This is a pre-arranged meeting (not a pub/club approach) where you and she are the only people invited. If that's clear, then I will begin.
Avoiding the dating frame is more to do with your frame of mind than what she or others think. Think, for a second, about the way you and a woman are expected to behave on a date - for example, the man's responsibilities and the woman's.
You are NOT going out to impress this woman. You are NOT going out to find out what her best friend's sister's cat is called. You are NOT taking her out to the most romantic spots in your particular city or town.
You are going out to meet a woman in whom you may, over time, develop an emotional/sexual interest.
You go out thinking "what is she going to do to impress me/make me laugh/make me think etc?", rather than what you are going to do to make you like her.
I hope you're following, because, when I first became accustomed to thinking this way, it relieves so much pressure from you. You don't have to be the clown/joker/artist/poet for the night, you can just relax.
Once you are in that frame of mind, you are then in control. The dating frame requires you to supplicate (through entertaining, paying for things, etc) in order to gain the woman's approval. You lose control when you are in this frame of mind. By not thinking this way, you and she are equal when meeting.
Right, now that is established, I will tell you how I handle dates. On my last 6 "dates" (since mid-February when I found mASF), I have slept with 4 of the women (including having a 6-week relationship with one which I ended). One I messed up totally (for reasons I won't go into here as they are unconnected with what I am saying) and the other, I turned her down as I felt there was "bunnyboiler" potential in her. Of the 4 lays, 2 happened on the same night, 1 on the second night and 1 on the fifth night.
When I am on a "date" with a woman, I go Gunwitch (
link). Simple as that. Read, understand and implement the Gunwitch Method. I also throw in a bit of ****y and funny, takeaways, some leading language and heavy use of kino (espoused by Gunwitch as part of his method anyway)
My goal is to establish my sexual identity straight away (which has the convenient habit of ignoring societal expectations of dates) and switch hers on. Know this, for it will serve you well....
A woman may wish to have a relationship with you if you "prove" herself to you over time. She may surrender to your charms. A woman WILL have a relationship if you wish if you have sex with her as soon as possible. Use Gunwitch, the only consistently successful method for getting what you want from "dates" (even though it was not specifically designed for that purpose).
So, in conclusion, you play the game for yourself, not to impress others. Show your sexual side and wait for her to impress you, not the other way around. The women you "date" want a man, not a stand-up comedian. I hope all this makes sense, and if it works for you, great.