Mystery and Challenge in relationship

flowtheory

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For those of you in relationships or who have had relationships (even if it was successful short term). What are some things you applied to keep the challenge and mystery alive, which drove up your woman’s interest without using drama or causing issues?

I have a habit of being routined throughout my week and on the weekend. Could be killing levels of attraction. As this leads to predictability.
 

oldmanofthesea

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The most important things are:
1. Do not rely on your partner for the majority of your social interaction needs.
2. Have hobbies, activities, and interests that you pursue with passion. Preferably these things should not be done at home (if you live together).
3. Ensure you have a big social circle and spend time with them, without your partner.
 

Dr.Rocanlover

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What has worked for me is just making sure she is more into me than I am into her.
This creates a whole other set of problems but at least you dont have to worry about her breaking up with you, cheating, or branch swinging.
 

flowtheory

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What has worked for me is just making sure she is more into me than I am into her.
This creates a whole other set of problems but at least you dont have to worry about her breaking up with you, cheating, or branch swinging.
And how do you do that if the shoe is currently on the other foot?
I’ve gotten myself in to a situation and my interest is higher than hers. But it wasn’t always this way. I simply assured her too much at the start when she was acting anxious and I didn’t want her to feel that way, so since then I’ve been a bit too avaliable.

I’m in recalibration mode. Some simple adjustments are needed. Even if it doesn’t work with this one, I’m still figuring out how to implement the two without it causing drama.
 

Dr.Rocanlover

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And how do you do that if the shoe is currently on the other foot?
I’ve gotten myself in to a situation and my interest is higher than hers. But it wasn’t always this way. I simply assured her too much at the start when she was acting anxious and I didn’t want her to feel that way, so since then I’ve been a bit too avaliable.

I’m in recalibration mode. Some simple adjustments are needed. Even if it doesn’t work with this one, I’m still figuring out how to implement the two without it causing drama.
It happens bro. When I first met my current LTR, before we had sex, I was way more into her than she was into me. After sex, pow, roles reversed.

The obvious thing to do if, like you say, the shoe is on the other foot at the moment, is increase your value /SMV / LMS whatever you wanna call it. Deep inside you know this already. Also get out of the routine once a month, then twice a month.

Abundance mentality might also help in this case. Meet lots of women even if you don´t plan on cheating. Join a sport or some other group activity that ins´t a total sausage fest. Yoga class maybe. Heck, even going out without her on a boy´s night out with your guy friends could be enough to get her hamster spinning.
 

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flowtheory

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increase your value /SMV / LMS whatever you wanna call it. Deep inside you know this already. Also get out of the routine once a month, then twice a month.
True. Can always improve my SMV. What’s LMS?

Yea, I am a pretty routined individual. We usually see each other on weekends and maybe once during the week. Don’t necessarily want that to change; but i think yes what we do during that time that needs to be shuffled around.

Abundance mentality might also help in this case.
Yes, we have soo much sex. And because of this I want even more; insatiable. But I think the drawback has been that I may seem thirsty for it and if it doesn’t happen, I become a little bit restless. I’ve never had that. So when it doesn’t happen or there’s a hiccup somewhere I feel as if it’s all being taken away which imthen puts me in this mind frame of scarcity. And then from there it gives her the power, I need something to be supplied. So it creates this pattern.
 

oldmanofthesea

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Good advice above. In addition to that (or perhaps even as a consequence of it), start becoming just a bit less available to her. I'm not talking about a drastic change. If you hang out three times a week now, change it so one week you do three times, and the next you do two, then back to three, then back to two, etc. If you are worried that doing this will cause her to lose interest in you or dump you, then you've already lost. You can't swap IL roles without first eliminating your fear of losing her.
 

lamath

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There is always also the dread game strategy.
 

Kotaix

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Keep your routine and don't change it for her. That's a start. Yes it's predictable, but it also shows that you're living your life for you and not her.

One thing that has worked very well for me in the past is to turn drama into a challenge, this can obviously only be used in certain contexts and can only be used a few times before it wears thin, but it's gold.

She'll start bitching about something and I'll challenge her to do something about it instead of bitching about it. We all know she's bitching just for the sake of just bitching so she'll give up and quit, to which I'll respond with something to the effect of "well, if you can't hack it..." When she gets defensive or mad and stands up for herself (which is what you should expect of a good woman), reward her with a smile and "That's the girl I know." They eat that **** up because you pass their **** test and show that you respect them at the same time.
 

lamath

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Keep your routine and don't change it for her. That's a start. Yes it's predictable, but it also shows that you're living your life for you and not her.

One thing that has worked very well for me in the past is to turn drama into a challenge, this can obviously only be used in certain contexts and can only be used a few times before it wears thin, but it's gold.

She'll start bitching about something and I'll challenge her to do something about it instead of bitching about it. We all know she's bitching just for the sake of just bitching so she'll give up and quit, to which I'll respond with something to the effect of "well, if you can't hack it..." When she gets defensive or mad and stands up for herself (which is what you should expect of a good woman), reward her with a smile and "That's the girl I know." They eat that **** up because you pass their **** test and show that you respect them at the same time.
I like your sugestion but i disagree on the dont change routine.

Nothing wrong with doing longer hours at the gym or work. Imo just showing her you want to improve in some area of your life. Will make her question the reason and make the hamster spin
 

flowtheory

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Keep your routine and don't change it for her. That's a start. Yes it's predictable, but it also shows that you're living your life for you and not her.
It’s the routine that creates boredom in the first place though
 
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billtx49

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It’s the routine that creates boredom in the first place though
The routine that creates boredom is the one that starts to exist between you and her.
Agree with @lamath that if you have your own routines and they can vary time wise according to your personal needs, that’s not boredom for her…
 

Bokanovsky

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What has worked for me is just making sure she is more into me than I am into her.
This creates a whole other set of problems but at least you dont have to worry about her breaking up with you, cheating, or branch swinging.
This is key. If you are more into her than she is into you, she will eventually break up with you NO MATTER WHAT.
 

brixlingo

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For those of you in relationships or who have had relationships (even if it was successful short term). What are some things you applied to keep the challenge and mystery alive, which drove up your woman’s interest without using drama or causing issues?

I have a habit of being routined throughout my week and on the weekend. Could be killing levels of attraction. As this leads to predictability.
Continue to improve and make your friends more of a priority then your girls. Harsh but girls LOVE this even though they dont consciously realize it. While I continue to grow in my friends, skills, body shape, money and social status, she is where she is (hopefully growing as well) and will be more nice to you when you come around. Times where IDGAF and was just doing my own thing my girl LOVED me and couldnt stop texting me. Times where I just spent time with her and let the rest of my life slip, she resented me. Think of all the guys who stay with their girflriend. Do they look happy? No. They look like my dog begging for a treat. For real.
 

stormrider

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Continue with the masculine imperative and try to dominate your world. Have a greater purpose than women. She is along for the ride.

When I was a kid I used to have multiple girls waiting on my bed while I was competing in online gaming tournaments. I was trying to be the number 1 player in the world in that particular game. Of course now as an adult, that whole trying to be number 1 thing has progressed to trying to be the best business man, the CEO of the company, the guy with the highest SMV/LMS value, etc. The platform might have changed, but the masculine imperative is still there. Women come and go.

Look, some people might not be driven by money. But you can still strive to be the best DJ, the greatest rock climber, or whatever it is you are passionate about. The loss of passion is the death of the Don Juan. Every woman will run for the hills because they don't want to carry the burden of having to fill your void. You have to be full of passion irregardless of women.

Women only want to jump aboard when the train is moving full steam ahead. And when they hop off, the train is still going.

A lot of guys try to avoid it. But the answer to everything comes back to being a great man and living a great life full of passion and abundance.
 
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