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Mystery and Challenge in relationship

flowtheory

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For those of you in relationships or who have had relationships (even if it was successful short term). What are some things you applied to keep the challenge and mystery alive, which drove up your woman’s interest without using drama or causing issues?

I have a habit of being routined throughout my week and on the weekend. Could be killing levels of attraction. As this leads to predictability.
 

oldmanofthesea

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The most important things are:
1. Do not rely on your partner for the majority of your social interaction needs.
2. Have hobbies, activities, and interests that you pursue with passion. Preferably these things should not be done at home (if you live together).
3. Ensure you have a big social circle and spend time with them, without your partner.
 

Dr.Suave

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What has worked for me is just making sure she is more into me than I am into her.
This creates a whole other set of problems but at least you dont have to worry about her breaking up with you, cheating, or branch swinging.
 

flowtheory

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What has worked for me is just making sure she is more into me than I am into her.
This creates a whole other set of problems but at least you dont have to worry about her breaking up with you, cheating, or branch swinging.
And how do you do that if the shoe is currently on the other foot?
I’ve gotten myself in to a situation and my interest is higher than hers. But it wasn’t always this way. I simply assured her too much at the start when she was acting anxious and I didn’t want her to feel that way, so since then I’ve been a bit too avaliable.

I’m in recalibration mode. Some simple adjustments are needed. Even if it doesn’t work with this one, I’m still figuring out how to implement the two without it causing drama.
 

Dr.Suave

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And how do you do that if the shoe is currently on the other foot?
I’ve gotten myself in to a situation and my interest is higher than hers. But it wasn’t always this way. I simply assured her too much at the start when she was acting anxious and I didn’t want her to feel that way, so since then I’ve been a bit too avaliable.

I’m in recalibration mode. Some simple adjustments are needed. Even if it doesn’t work with this one, I’m still figuring out how to implement the two without it causing drama.
It happens bro. When I first met my current LTR, before we had sex, I was way more into her than she was into me. After sex, pow, roles reversed.

The obvious thing to do if, like you say, the shoe is on the other foot at the moment, is increase your value /SMV / LMS whatever you wanna call it. Deep inside you know this already. Also get out of the routine once a month, then twice a month.

Abundance mentality might also help in this case. Meet lots of women even if you don´t plan on cheating. Join a sport or some other group activity that ins´t a total sausage fest. Yoga class maybe. Heck, even going out without her on a boy´s night out with your guy friends could be enough to get her hamster spinning.
 

flowtheory

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increase your value /SMV / LMS whatever you wanna call it. Deep inside you know this already. Also get out of the routine once a month, then twice a month.
True. Can always improve my SMV. What’s LMS?

Yea, I am a pretty routined individual. We usually see each other on weekends and maybe once during the week. Don’t necessarily want that to change; but i think yes what we do during that time that needs to be shuffled around.

Abundance mentality might also help in this case.
Yes, we have soo much sex. And because of this I want even more; insatiable. But I think the drawback has been that I may seem thirsty for it and if it doesn’t happen, I become a little bit restless. I’ve never had that. So when it doesn’t happen or there’s a hiccup somewhere I feel as if it’s all being taken away which imthen puts me in this mind frame of scarcity. And then from there it gives her the power, I need something to be supplied. So it creates this pattern.
 

oldmanofthesea

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Good advice above. In addition to that (or perhaps even as a consequence of it), start becoming just a bit less available to her. I'm not talking about a drastic change. If you hang out three times a week now, change it so one week you do three times, and the next you do two, then back to three, then back to two, etc. If you are worried that doing this will cause her to lose interest in you or dump you, then you've already lost. You can't swap IL roles without first eliminating your fear of losing her.
 

lamath

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There is always also the dread game strategy.
 

Kotaix

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Keep your routine and don't change it for her. That's a start. Yes it's predictable, but it also shows that you're living your life for you and not her.

One thing that has worked very well for me in the past is to turn drama into a challenge, this can obviously only be used in certain contexts and can only be used a few times before it wears thin, but it's gold.

She'll start bitching about something and I'll challenge her to do something about it instead of bitching about it. We all know she's bitching just for the sake of just bitching so she'll give up and quit, to which I'll respond with something to the effect of "well, if you can't hack it..." When she gets defensive or mad and stands up for herself (which is what you should expect of a good woman), reward her with a smile and "That's the girl I know." They eat that **** up because you pass their **** test and show that you respect them at the same time.
 

Spaz

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Continuation of our PM and here's an example, date was a couple of hours ago and it's just past midnight here.

Screenshot_20190517_021157.jpg
 

lamath

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Keep your routine and don't change it for her. That's a start. Yes it's predictable, but it also shows that you're living your life for you and not her.

One thing that has worked very well for me in the past is to turn drama into a challenge, this can obviously only be used in certain contexts and can only be used a few times before it wears thin, but it's gold.

She'll start bitching about something and I'll challenge her to do something about it instead of bitching about it. We all know she's bitching just for the sake of just bitching so she'll give up and quit, to which I'll respond with something to the effect of "well, if you can't hack it..." When she gets defensive or mad and stands up for herself (which is what you should expect of a good woman), reward her with a smile and "That's the girl I know." They eat that **** up because you pass their **** test and show that you respect them at the same time.
I like your sugestion but i disagree on the dont change routine.

Nothing wrong with doing longer hours at the gym or work. Imo just showing her you want to improve in some area of your life. Will make her question the reason and make the hamster spin
 

flowtheory

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Keep your routine and don't change it for her. That's a start. Yes it's predictable, but it also shows that you're living your life for you and not her.
It’s the routine that creates boredom in the first place though
 

Billtx49

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It’s the routine that creates boredom in the first place though
The routine that creates boredom is the one that starts to exist between you and her.
Agree with @lamath that if you have your own routines and they can vary time wise according to your personal needs, that’s not boredom for her…
 

Bokanovsky

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What has worked for me is just making sure she is more into me than I am into her.
This creates a whole other set of problems but at least you dont have to worry about her breaking up with you, cheating, or branch swinging.
This is key. If you are more into her than she is into you, she will eventually break up with you NO MATTER WHAT.
 

Roober

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Just keep doing the things you enjoy doing. I dont mean things you guys enjoy doing together, I just mean doing things you like.

And I'm not talking about stupid things like videogames and TV. For example, my weekends are currently occupied with upgrading my house. She wants to go do "fun stuff" and I tell her to go have fun, I'll catch up with her later. Or if I want to see the guys, I dont ask like my lame @ss friends do. My schedule revolves around me and their availability. Obviously, this is assuming the lady and I have nothing planned already.

And sex. It's almost always impulsive and completely random. We fvck almost every day, and it's in the bedaybe 1/3 of the time. And I have kids, so that becomes challenging...

Think of everything you used to do before you started dating, and keep doing it. Shes welcome to join, but that choice is hers. If you were boring before, then that's a different story.
 
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