Most guys accidentally kill attraction before they even speak. They assume they need a bigger bank account, a better physique, or smoother lines. They miss the point.
Female desire operates on a specific set of psychological triggers. Break them, and you're invisible. Follow them, and you become magnetic.
I learned this the hard way. Years of freezing up. Getting friend-zoned. Watching other guys walk away with the girl I wanted. Then I discovered a set of 22 simple rules that rewired my entire approach.
That is not the point. He should not be shamed into feeling that he is entitlted or owed something because he wants something. That becomes toxic shame that feminists use against incels which comes across almost like an attack. Whether some cares about his wants or not is irrelevant as long as they don't start gaslighting him too, on top of that, because that is just adding insult to injury at that point.
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
I want a penthouse in central city with a private steam room , sauna and jacuzzi
Yes. So what are you doing to improve your situation? Are you here to learn or complain?
Now you are being facetious.
I disagree. A better comparison, a homeless person wanting a one bedroom house to have some shelter. But of course, society doesn't owe him anything, maybe he had some bad breaks along the way and like a dominoe effect one wrong outcome lead to another until he found himself there. Nobody is complaining about having a mediocre girlfriend or getting laid too few times in a year compared to being a major playbody like you are trying to potray (ie which would be more suitable to your analogy). The OP and I have issues where are set-up is just anti-seductive with women and there is nothing much to do about it.Bingo-Player said:
So you're one of THEM
She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.
Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.
The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.
Yeah, that thread of yours I linked went on for 23 f-cking pages, and is still going. This one is only at two so far
Newsflash, GM: Almost ALL humans are both susceptible to psych disturbance of some sort , AND get suckered into fringe beliefs from time to time... Hell, there's likely a connection between these two phenomena. Paraphrase John Steinbeck in East Of Eden: The beauty of being human is that, unlike animals, we have the power to CHOOSE how we respond to our external environments, rather than being driven solely by instinctive urges
You both operate under a BELIEF system which dictates "There's nothing I can do to make my set-up more pro-seductive", same way The Basic White Girl in modern day America operates under a belief system which dictates "I MUST blindly embrace Intersectionality, the way an Evangelical Christian or a Salafi embraces their respective dogmas, in order to show the rest of humanity how righteous I art!!!"
It is not a belief system. You can only put your best foot forward and hope for the best. However, if you are at a wall, then you are at a wall.
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
And if your current "best foot" could benefit from polishing and fine tuning, you have the option of doing so. Corporations and political candidates have spin doctors on call 24/7, for this very purpose. "Dating gurus" fulfill this exact same function for men
Here's what doesn't make sense though: A coworker's son has a lot of my negative traits and then some. Yet he has no trouble getting a woman during the stretches when he's a free man (he's a career felon).
Well-said.
I'm mainly wondering if maybe there's some loophole I don't know about where I could get a woman in spite of all my baggage.
Yep. I certainly don't strive to be the guy with a different college girl in his bed every night. I admit that would be an unrealistic expectation.
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
Go ask him what he does to be successful, and be receptive to his replies, even if you don't always agree 100% with everything he says. No, I'm not kidding
Exactly. What's worst is when you get the chadsplainers chiming in, and coming on board, in places like this, and bringing that up here. Well, sure, it's easy for you to say that since you have no issues getting laid, lol! You are chosen by enough women so you don't have to be worried about feeling shamed into "entitled" because you want some when you have nothing or precious little.
Based on what his mom has shared with me, he doesn't have to do anything at all.
I guess the better term for "negative traits" would be "anti-seduction" traits as using broad brushed terms can muddle the definition of everything. The issues we have are having "anti-seduction" traits and circumstances rather than negative based on social norms (ie which as you mentioned could be a "seduction" trait).
I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.
The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.
Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.