Kailex
Master Don Juan
I came out of a LTR after 6 years, and realized, I've never really been in the dating game. Everytime I've been in a relationship, it was with a friend of a friend. So I've never had the pressures or dating at all... until NOW.
At age 29, I realize that not everything is so black and white. I didn't know this was a GAME... and so, here's my situation.
I met this girl that I REALLY like and that I'd definitely want to be with in the long term. I figure, I might as well paint the whole picture here, and I'd appreciate bluntness, even though this forum has been wonderful in pointing out the error of my ways.
Basically, I am new to the area where I currently reside, so, I set a date for our first date, but she picked the place, because... well, I don't know any places. The first date was excellent. We had a great 2 hours, only 2 drinks each. It started out with a handshake and it ended with a nice hug and a kiss on her cheek.
She texted me when she made it home, and said that she liked me.
Now, we had set tentative plans for New Year's, depending on how the first date went, so I jumped the gun a bit, and asked if we'd be having the second date, right after she texted me. She said that she believed we were going to and then we texted good nights.
Fast forward to Thursday evening, I get to her house and she texts that she can't see me, that she's hysterical. Too late, I was already there. She comes out and tells me that a co-worker of hers was just found dead at her apartment, so pretty much date is off. I gave her another hug, and a kiss on the cheek and let her know everything would be okay. I promptly left and she texted me for over an hour, apologizing for ruining New Year's for me. I told her that there was nothing to apologize for and that if she needed anything, that she could talk to me anytime.
I gave her her space on Friday and then decided to call her in the afternoon to see how she was doing. She was doing much better and said that she might want me to visit her in the PM. So, at 8, I arrive to her apartment and I got to meet her mother and all her pets. We watched a movie, and I held her close halfway through the movie, as I put my arm around her and she leaned onto me.
The whole movie I kept wondering when I could get a kiss in. Then, she says she needs to go to the bathroom. She goes and I decide, "THIS IS MY CHANCE". I stood outside the door and when she came out, I pulled her towards me and we kissed. I made sure NOT to stick around too much longer. As I left, we hugged and then another soft kiss on the lips.
We made tentative plans for today, for her to come over and watch a movie.
Now, up until Friday evening, everything was GRAVY in my mind, but then by chance, I looked up tips for the third date and SOMEHOW came across this website. OMG. It blew my mind. So many things I've been doing wrong, so many things I could do different, not only in the past, but currently.
So I've given you half of the situation, now comes the rest:
(1) Everytime we've set a date, it's been mostly her idea, her choosing, of what she wants to do. First date, she chose the spot. Second date, well, I dunno about that, she was still in emotional turmoil, so there wasn't much I could say there. Possible third date, it was HER idea to come over and watch a movie.
(2) Am I going at a good pace? I figured that no kissing on the first date would make me seem respectful, but I was NOT missing my chance on the second date, I didn't care if it was at her place or not. I'm not going to fall in the friend zone... AGAIN.
(3) Last night she went to a company party and I'm sure she'll be wrecked today. I am COMPLETELY sure that she will call me later on to tell me that she's too tired to drive over here. Now this is DEFINITELY where this forum has stepped in. Two days ago I would have said: Well, I can drive over there instead.
But NO, I know what I must say now. No matter what, if she cancels on me, even if she suggests seeing her by driving over, I must resist the temptation and tell her that I will reschedule with her later in the week.
I already learned that I have to stop texting as much as we do. There's anything between 10 to 30 texts a day between the two of us. And if I see her today, it'll be the third time in less than 7 days.
Another thing I noticed was that I am TOO available. Once or twice, she's asked me what I'm doing and I've responded: Whatever you want to do OR Well it depends on what you want to do.
Good lord, how could I have been so dense.
I've been coming off as dependent the whole time and I am truly NOT. I'm just glad I caught this website in time... after reading all of this, I stopped texting her entirely last night while she was having fun with her friends. And I'm not going to text/call her today at all until she makes the next move. I'm not bringing up anything about seeing each other today. I'll let her do that. And if she cancels, no big deal, we can reschedule any other time. If she really likes me, maybe she'll dig this "whatever you want" side of me and want to stick around.
Sorry for the essay, I guess this is my way of asking... is it too late to turn this around for me? How do I go from what I was... to what I know I can become... I want to be the prize... not her be the prize for me.
At age 29, I realize that not everything is so black and white. I didn't know this was a GAME... and so, here's my situation.
I met this girl that I REALLY like and that I'd definitely want to be with in the long term. I figure, I might as well paint the whole picture here, and I'd appreciate bluntness, even though this forum has been wonderful in pointing out the error of my ways.
Basically, I am new to the area where I currently reside, so, I set a date for our first date, but she picked the place, because... well, I don't know any places. The first date was excellent. We had a great 2 hours, only 2 drinks each. It started out with a handshake and it ended with a nice hug and a kiss on her cheek.
She texted me when she made it home, and said that she liked me.
Now, we had set tentative plans for New Year's, depending on how the first date went, so I jumped the gun a bit, and asked if we'd be having the second date, right after she texted me. She said that she believed we were going to and then we texted good nights.
Fast forward to Thursday evening, I get to her house and she texts that she can't see me, that she's hysterical. Too late, I was already there. She comes out and tells me that a co-worker of hers was just found dead at her apartment, so pretty much date is off. I gave her another hug, and a kiss on the cheek and let her know everything would be okay. I promptly left and she texted me for over an hour, apologizing for ruining New Year's for me. I told her that there was nothing to apologize for and that if she needed anything, that she could talk to me anytime.
I gave her her space on Friday and then decided to call her in the afternoon to see how she was doing. She was doing much better and said that she might want me to visit her in the PM. So, at 8, I arrive to her apartment and I got to meet her mother and all her pets. We watched a movie, and I held her close halfway through the movie, as I put my arm around her and she leaned onto me.
The whole movie I kept wondering when I could get a kiss in. Then, she says she needs to go to the bathroom. She goes and I decide, "THIS IS MY CHANCE". I stood outside the door and when she came out, I pulled her towards me and we kissed. I made sure NOT to stick around too much longer. As I left, we hugged and then another soft kiss on the lips.
We made tentative plans for today, for her to come over and watch a movie.
Now, up until Friday evening, everything was GRAVY in my mind, but then by chance, I looked up tips for the third date and SOMEHOW came across this website. OMG. It blew my mind. So many things I've been doing wrong, so many things I could do different, not only in the past, but currently.
So I've given you half of the situation, now comes the rest:
(1) Everytime we've set a date, it's been mostly her idea, her choosing, of what she wants to do. First date, she chose the spot. Second date, well, I dunno about that, she was still in emotional turmoil, so there wasn't much I could say there. Possible third date, it was HER idea to come over and watch a movie.
(2) Am I going at a good pace? I figured that no kissing on the first date would make me seem respectful, but I was NOT missing my chance on the second date, I didn't care if it was at her place or not. I'm not going to fall in the friend zone... AGAIN.
(3) Last night she went to a company party and I'm sure she'll be wrecked today. I am COMPLETELY sure that she will call me later on to tell me that she's too tired to drive over here. Now this is DEFINITELY where this forum has stepped in. Two days ago I would have said: Well, I can drive over there instead.
But NO, I know what I must say now. No matter what, if she cancels on me, even if she suggests seeing her by driving over, I must resist the temptation and tell her that I will reschedule with her later in the week.
I already learned that I have to stop texting as much as we do. There's anything between 10 to 30 texts a day between the two of us. And if I see her today, it'll be the third time in less than 7 days.
Another thing I noticed was that I am TOO available. Once or twice, she's asked me what I'm doing and I've responded: Whatever you want to do OR Well it depends on what you want to do.
Good lord, how could I have been so dense.
I've been coming off as dependent the whole time and I am truly NOT. I'm just glad I caught this website in time... after reading all of this, I stopped texting her entirely last night while she was having fun with her friends. And I'm not going to text/call her today at all until she makes the next move. I'm not bringing up anything about seeing each other today. I'll let her do that. And if she cancels, no big deal, we can reschedule any other time. If she really likes me, maybe she'll dig this "whatever you want" side of me and want to stick around.
Sorry for the essay, I guess this is my way of asking... is it too late to turn this around for me? How do I go from what I was... to what I know I can become... I want to be the prize... not her be the prize for me.
