My questioning topic

[TheMale]

hey people,

i've been here for almost 1 year, i already read the book of pook, the dj bible and FAQ but i have some question that are still open on my mind and i don't know how to answer on it so i made this topic for me, to ask you guys for some answer from an external perspective, even if i met some guys here who helped me to progresse and gave me some answer, they're gone.

this can also be used to a FAQ for the newbies, and refresh all you know for older brother here !

1) you always say, be dominant, be gentleman, but how can you determine that ?
also how can i be gentleman without being seeing like a needy ? (for example, if i pick up something that fall from a chick- gentleman move, yet, needy ?/if i open the door for a chick and let her in/out- gentleman, yet, needy ? etc.)
another example, if you walk down the street and there's a lot of people, are you actually trying to walk like a dancer to not bump with other or you walking on your own path and if someone get into it, thats is probleme ?
and how you deal with this bump ? are you apologizing, or continue your way ?

2) what is the difference between PUA and DJ (excepted of course using you own person to seduce), a better question could be, what's wrong in the PUA way that ain't in DJnism ?

3) social circle: how can i make a chick being just friend (and i dont want to become an AFC for that ! ;p) ? when i see a chick, she either wanna have sex with me or kinda hate my behavior (more frequent than the former) , and it's happened because i have this behavior of a seducer that are always taking the upper hand, i cant be friendly with chick without trying to game them.

4)social circle: how do you guys doing to enlarge you social cirlce without hanging out with friends of friends ? i mean how do you do to make friends with complete stranger (no one of your friends know them) when you're hanging out on a bar, coffee shop etc.?

that's it for the moment

i know i can count on you to give me some full answer to help me understand the meaning of things !

 

[floydb25]

I'll answer #1, since I'm too lazy and tired for the rest at the moment. The difference between a gentleman and nice guy is that the GM does things naturally, as an act of kindness and being polite. The NG tries too hard, and does things out of approval-seeking. He goes way overboard, and does things so that people will like him. He's quite overbearing, and there's an intent with everything he does. The GM just does it, and does not try to win anyone over or gain extra points.

The difference shows big time. I'm always a gentleman, and girls love it. I used to be a nice guy, and girls hated it. I was trying way too hard, and was viewed as weak and low status. Which I was. Very supplicating, clingy, needy, etc. Now I just do things out of my good nature without any expectations, and the rewards are plentiful. Things like being attentive, caring, kind... All good things, but not if you're needy or pushy about it.

The gentleman I suppose does not give as much of himself as the nice guy. He's kind, but doesn't go overboard. Still puts himself first, doesn't give too much, doesnt wear his heart on a sleeve, has a backbone, knows when to say no. He's still chill and laid-back, but a decent, strong person.

That's the best way to put it, I guess. Just not trying too hard, while still being a good person. Trying too hard is the kiss of death - not being nice. You always gotta remain a challenge and hold yourself back - even as you're doing these things. It shows you're a good person, but not needy.

 

[TheMale]

thx floyd.
lazy, yet, pretty full description
to resume it, floyd, i do something cause i wanna do it, and not because someone expecting me to do it ??

it's remind me a little something:

i was out clubbing (my fav club, so anyone of the staff, bartender, dj etc. knows me) one night, waiting by the bar to take a bottle.
one chick came to me and told me that way: 'ask for a bottle of water with what you're taking for me' (i was ready to give her that bottle since it's free for me, i was ready to be a GM but when i didnt heard the plz i thought fvck i'm not doing anything without even plz), i looked at her did a smile and asked her what i will get from that (nothing sexual) she looks disgusted and walk away. (i'm not a puppet to buy her a drink or even being control by her ordering me to give her a bottle without a plz)
since it took a bit long she came back and asked me : 'did you ordered the bottle for me ?' i told her not yet. than she walk away, 2 minutes after i wans getting my bottle + a bottle of water, and i just drunk all the water from the bottle naturally but letting her kinda see me, her look was furious ... b itch ! ;p

guys, what about the example given on the street ?

 

[floydb25]

Basically, you're not being nice to impress anyone, gain their approval, get them to like you, or to win them over. You don't come on strong, do all these favors, show too much interest, act needy, try to live up to their standards, bend over backwards for them, give them the world on a platter, accept their scraps, or become their doormat. You don't do everything they want you to, or that you think they'd be responsive to. You just do nice stuff as its appropriate because its in your nature - with no return expected.

You also don't chase, give in, allow yourself to be controlled, or try to prove anything to anyone. This is the extreme of being a nice guy; is very ineffective, and unhealthy to be as a person. It reeks of, and is the result of insecurity, desperation, and low self-esteem.

This is not attractive at all, and you're not even doing it for them - you're doing it for you - to get them to accept and choose you. You are desperate for them. You need them. You give them everything they want - and then some - all so they will like you. They know this. They can sense it, and are turned off by it. You're viewed as below them; of low status, weak, insecure, etc.

A gentleman says and does nice things, but does not go out of his way for people in an attempt to gain their acceptance. He doesn't try too hard, doesn't need to impress anyone, doesn't care if they like him or not, doesn't need anyone. He's just a decent person who does nice things and has a good heart... Not an over-bearing, over-eager, desperate, approval-seeking person.

I think too many people try to prove just how nice and wonderful and different than they are from all the jerks women complain about, but they take it way overboard. You don't have to prove anything... Just be the way you are normally. That is enough.

What I find to be extremely effective is to be open, welcoming, and responsive. So, you might start a conversation to get the ball rolling, and welcome her into your space. You don't want to be closed off or seem unapproachable. From there, you want to be nice, but in a responsive way - not in a pursuing one. So, she asks you personal questions... You respond with decency. She contacts you... You respond with decency. She comes up to you... You respond with decency. She compliments you... you respond with decency. She shows sexual interest - you respond (maybe not with so much decency on this one). She touches you - you respond. You do not chase after her, become the pursuer, or show too much interest- you just respond in a decent fashion - while showing just enough interest. This shows that you're a good person - which you are - without trying too hard. In fact, you're not trying at all. This is both effective and healthy.

Regardless of what she's doing - you do not become the pursuer. Women love a chase, challenge, and mystery, but still want to know you're a decent person. This is a good way to accomplish that.

You might also do nice things while you're together - like offering her something to drink, asking if she wants something from wherever (not in a big spending sense), listening to her talk about whatever, offering her a blanket, or whatever kind gesture is suitable for the moment .. Basically, making her feel appreciated, wanted, and comfortable around you - without being overbearing. You also don't want to be too affectionate, and mostly just be responsive to that, as well.

Girls love this. When you don't try too hard, don't kiss ass, don't show too much interest, and let them do the chasing - while you remain decent throughout - you have massive success. Being confident is also much easier when you have no expectations, aren't desperate, and don't place her on a pedestal.

Every girl has contacted, missed, was intrigued, complimented, initiated sex, and pursued relationships with me - by doing these very things. Every one of them said I was very sweet, one of the nicest guys they know, a total gentleman, etc. The key is that they pursued everything - from the conversations and dates to the sex and relationships. You must not come on too strong, and let them do the chasing and initiating. You just remain a decent person. That is enough. You do not have to try too hard, or prove anything. Doing so has the opposite results of what they find attractive.

Of course, the girl has to find you attractive for this to work. But that's how it is with anything. You aren't gonna get **** from someone who's not into you - other than a waste of time and energy on your part.

When I wasn't successful was when I was the nice guy. Trying way too hard was the biggest one. I was doing all the chasing, showing all the interest, trying to prove my worth, living up to their standards, always being available, being at their beck and call, giving them everything they wanted, allowing myself to be controlled and walked all over, etc. This has nothing to do with being nice. It's being a chump. This is what turns people off - not the act of kindness. I did this because I was desperate, co-dependant, insecure, needy, unhappy, and had low self-esteem. All very bad traits to have, and comes with the territory of nice guys.

You can eliminate all these unattractive, unhealthy nice guy traits - while still being a good, caring, nice, decent person. That is a gentleman. And the results are amazing.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

1. I'm not a gentleman. I honestly couldn't care less if a girl thinks it nice that I hold the door open for them. Like my boy Tariq Nasheed says. If a girl gets mad that you don't open the car door for them then hit them with this "Get yo ass in the car." and I really do say this in a playful manner but they get it. Girls got hands. They can use it.

When I'm walking down the street why would I move? Other people will get out of my way so why move? If you bump into someone you can say my bad or mug or ignore it and keep walking. Depending on how I'm feeling would determine what I'd do.

2. To me a PUA is a scientist in relationships. He likes to analyze everything and do experiments. A DJ does things naturally without thinking about anything.

3. If I have an annoying chick on me that I don't want. I just keep telling her to put me on her friends. She will get the message.

4. I don't know how to answer this question. Last thing on my mind is making friends with dudes.

 

[TheMale]

floyd: thx for the precision, relevant post !
but i still have question about it, why should i be that nice (not nice guy, just nice) if people in life are not that way ? why should i do something for you if you give a fvck bout me (women and men) ?

prettyboy:

1) i use to be that guy, but i felt like i'm being rude, i'm a d!ck. that's why i'm trying to figure it out how to change that.

3) i see but what do you do in this case that you actually wanna be friendly to a chick not after having sexual tension, i mean i meet a chick with some friends of mine, i just wanna be friendly to her make her my friend so she can introduce me her friends, how do i do that knowing that i'm in automatic behavior of seducing her ??

4) wanna make friend with them for the same reason i wanna make friend with chicks, they can introduce me their females friends plus it's social proof !



5) (new one) is talking like hank moody (californication) actually working ?
lets say for example a chick telling me something (not necessarily sexual but i can play with words) and i say: 'and ... i'm hard !'
or for example: 'you should never talk to me like that, do i need to call the police for sexual harassment, for you making me hard as hell'
is that actually working or it's sound pervert and work only in fiction, and i can end up in jail ? ;p

 

[floydb25]

Ok... Just because you're a decent person - doesn't mean you have to be nice to people who don't deserve it. Feeling entitled to, or complaining about not getting it doesn't mean they deserve it, either. You should be nice to people, but not if they're mean, selfish, manipulative, and trying to take advantage of you. This goes right back to standing up for yourself, learning to say no, not falling for bull****, and avoiding and eliminating bad people from your life. You have to be selective about who you are being nice to, and not let people use your kindness for their own personal, selfish gain. Never let someone use your good qualities against you. This is what predators look for, and you must be assertive with them. Bullies only pick on the weak; being nice isn't equivalent to weak.

The problem with nice guys is that they are always nice - because, again, they want people to like them. If a girl is being a complete ***** - he'll ask her what is wrong, what he can do to make it better, and act even nicer - as she's treating him like ****. Or, he'll remain passive, and act like a punching bag. This enables this kind of behavior on her part, because he's rewarding her for it. This sends a very bad message. People get used, walked all over, treated poorly, and taken advantage of because they allow it. So, don't allow it. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty or selfish, or otherwise try to exploit your good nature. Put your foot down, and don't be nice to *******s or *****es. Recognize them for who they are, realize their game, and tell them to **** off.

Nobody views themselves as a bad person; everyone claims to be nice, *****es when people aren't nice to them, and feel entitled to a nice person. None of this matters. Pay attention to who they are - from your own eyes - and treat them accordingly. They can claim anything they want... Doesn't make it true. Always pay attention to who people really are, and watch for hidden agendas.

 

[TheMale]

great precision floyd,
allow me to see more clearly about what it is !

see the problem today is that more and more people becoming manipulative, and women too.
how can you filter that kind of situation, how can you know the chick dont use you to make her boyfriend jealous, or else ?
how can you know a guy dont try to manipulate you do something he want from you ?

i can understand a lot of thing you said but there something i can.
people do whatever they do as long as it serve their own value, if not, they're not gonna do it.
so you can't know why is he being nice with you etc.

6) here, and in pua stuff, people always saying be a mystery/challenge to her, how do you put it into action ? how can you do to not tell everything but in the other hand dont look like a serial killer or a terorist (if someone asking question about you or question like 'what are we gonna do tonight ?') ?

 

[floydb25]

There's too much stuff to list... You just have to recognize a bad person when you see one. It can be difficult, but they all follow similar patterns - because their game is always the same. You just have to know what to look for. I dealt with a lot of bad people in my younger days, so I know how to spot a bull****ter, player, user, manipulator, or abuser a million miles away. They all pull the exact same crap, and hope you'll fall for it.

The best thing to do is pay attention to who they are. Do NOT believe anything they claim, because jerks are expert liars and deceivers. Don't fall for their sympathy pleas, victimization claims, view them as misunderstood, try understanding them, etc. This is what they try to gain from you - as they manipulate you behind closed doors. Understand that they aren't very good at pretending to be something they're not - because its all a charade to gain your trust. They aren't nice people, but very selfish and coniving. They tell you one thing - hoping you believe their bull****, and make up excuses for them - while being something completely different. Namely, they are fake, and have ulterior motives for everything. They use people, and treat them poorly.

Only give as you receive, do not become infatuated, chase, or become addicted to the challenge. Jerks lure you in to get you interested in them - then pull away and make you do all the work - only to come back, make demands, and feed you scraps to make sure you remain interested - so that they can keep using you. They come around only when they need something, and try to conive / sweet talk their way into it. They go in, get what they want, and leave - only to come back whenever they need something. They do not care who people are - only what they can provide for them. They also *****, use guilt trips, and try to make people look selfish for not allowing themselves to be used.

All they do is lie. Game-playing is their trademark. Do not make up excuses for them, or view them as afraid and distrusting. They're troubled, and should not be invited into your life. Don't let them force themselves into your life, either.

 

[TheMale]

Thx floyd, i think it's a pretty full answer, great work !
allowed me to understand that point !

my next step is to learn all their operation model, how they using/manipulating etc. people.
read (in some level) people, Body language, cold reading (not to use it like neil strauss using it in palm reading, but actually how to determine a profile of someone), profiling, besides the fact i always wanted to leran all these stuff, no i have a real motivation to get into it !

so, guys, what about my other questions ??
it'll be great if someone could break it down for me !

 

[TheMale]

7) i always wondered, is in DJin, there's different approaches if she's a hb10 or a hb7 lse, or is it depending on how you make them fel around you and no matter wich category they are ?
and if there's a different approach is it like PUA ?
i mean are you trying to make her feel over comfortable (LSE) or are you using more neg hits (hb10) etc. ?

 

[vatoloco]

i've been here for almost 1 year, i already read the book of pook, the dj bible and FAQ but i have some question that are still open on my mind and i don't know how to answer on it so i made this topic for me,

Not trying to be a dick here but, you can read stuff up the wazoo but until you put it into practice, fail, and learn, you're just gonna be a Keyboard Jockey (KJ).

Go out there and talk to women. Develop a personality.

 

[marmel75]

1. I'm not a gentleman. I honestly couldn't care less if a girl thinks it nice that I hold the door open for them. Like my boy Tariq Nasheed says. If a girl gets mad that you don't open the car door for them then hit them with this "Get yo ass in the car." and I really do say this in a playful manner but they get it. Girls got hands. They can use it.

When I'm walking down the street why would I move? Other people will get out of my way so why move? If you bump into someone you can say my bad or mug or ignore it and keep walking. Depending on how I'm feeling would determine what I'd do.

2. To me a PUA is a scientist in relationships. He likes to analyze everything and do experiments. A DJ does things naturally without thinking about anything.

3. If I have an annoying chick on me that I don't want. I just keep telling her to put me on her friends. She will get the message.

4. I don't know how to answer this question. Last thing on my mind is making friends with
dudes.

Ya I don't usually move out of peoples way either unless they are old, then its just disrespectful not to. Then again, most people get out of my way in advance so its not
usually an issue...I think its pretty funny how things change when you become big and muscular, in all aspects of life...I was told by a guy at a club once that i am the guy they are talking about when they say to run away if you see this person walking towards you in a dark alley...thought that sh!t was pretty funny so I bought him a beer...

 

[TheMale]

marmel75: you're sure he wasn't hitting on you ?! ;p

vatoloco: i agree, but i already have experience, before i got here i was a PUA for about 2 years and found the book of pook so i decided to retire from the PUA thing and becoming natural, went pretty well, but yet, i still have those questions i asked you about !

BTW if i was a KJ i will not be here asking you these questions, i'll rather be helping people only with a theoretical knowledge

 

[marmel75]

marmel75: you're sure he wasn't hitting on you ?! ;p

Hahaha, yeah I am pretty sure he wasn't, he was there with his girlfriend and a group of people we had met earlier in the night and a few of us were just hanging outside the club for a minute since my buddy smokes and his girl smoked.

Now my buddy on the other hand got hit on hard by a dude a few months ago and we haven't let him live it down since. We were standing there talking to a friend of his from high school he hadn't seen in a while and right as we were getting ready to turn and walk away, a guy heading towards the exit stopped him and asked:

RD(Random Dude): "Hey, you looking for a b!tch tonite?"
Buddy: "What?"
RD: "You looking for a b!tch tonight? Just nod, and you got one."

As I started almost pissing my pants laughing, my buddy turns to me and says "Did he just mean what I think he meant?" with this dumbfounded look on his face...I couldn't stop laughing for about 5 minutes...he was pretty pissed about the whole thing asking me "Do I look like I am a fag tonite??"

Instant Classic...

 

[TheMale]

gave me a serious laugh ! ;p

i have a friend, one night out, we went to danse.
there's this guys we see often at this place, looks big (muscle) and tatto, taking care of him, piercing etc.
doesnt look gay but while we was dancing, he came in front of us, watch a little bit and then give my friend a cuddle in the face !

my friend was so shocked he didnt even respond to that and i already was the other side of the room laughing so hard i had tears in my eyes !

he had this 'wtf just happend now, i'm i dreaming' look on his face.

so, back to my questions, what you guys have to say ??