My LTR broke up with me. I'm devastated. And confused out of my mind...

harrison9876

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Hey guys...

Thanks for the replies...been off line.

I appreciate the facts being pointing out that I was obviously blinded by everything from the get-go.

I obviously have further mental issues that need to be dealt with...as I keep going back and forth being happy she is gone...all the way to angry and depressed she's gone.

I am moving to a new apartment, and her temporary place was on the way...so I dropped off some of her shyt. I was in a very good mood, and ended up asking her for lunch. I know...I shouldn't have.

We went.

She reveals to me that she wants to have me in her life in a polyamourus relationship...BUT...this will involve not just girls, but other guys as well.

Didn't know what to say.

Then she was all over me...and I was all over her.

Then I go home and delete her number again.

She keeps messaging me...I keep responding.

She came over 2 days ago (my birthday), to get the last of her stuff, and I fvcked her.

Then she tells me again that she wants us to be FWB...while she is polyamourus with other men and women.

I tell her no.

FWB is the best place to be in with a girl...but it is FVCKING impossible with this girl, as I am mega emotionally attached to her still.

Then I regret telling her no.

Then she tells me that she wants me to have other girls. She would be much more comfortable in a FWB scenario if she knew I was fvcking other women.

I keep digging myself into a hole...one minute I feel great she is gone...then have this messed-up desire to maintain things with her.

Yes...I am holding onto this, as I have no other prospects. If I had at least one other girl in the mix, I would have probably just walked away and not cared.

I am moving to Burbank in 1 week. I know no one there...and I am starting my life over. Hopefully this life change-up will get me out of this mess...
 
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harrison9876

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You are way too deep in it to accept a FWB situation, which you actually SHOULD accept happily. This is ideal, you can go find someone better while still fvcking her and getting your d!ck worked so you don't start getting desperate on dates.
I am in uncharted waters here. If this was a girl I just met, it would be easier to handle that. I just have no clue how to pivot to that...as my emotions and thoughts of "what could have been" are interfering.

Anyone else here been able to swap from an LTR to FWB scenario? If so...the process you went through?

Mike
 

BackInTheGame78

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Hey guys...

Thanks for the replies...been off line.

I appreciate the facts being pointing out that I was obviously blinded by everything from the get-go.

I obviously have further mental issues that need to be dealt with...as I keep going back and forth being happy she is gone...all the way to angry and depressed she's gone.

I am moving to a new apartment, and her temporary place was on the way...so I dropped off some of her shyt. I was in a very good mood, and ended up asking her for lunch. I know...I shouldn't have.

We went.

She reveals to me that she wants to have me in her life in a polyamourus relationship...BUT...this will involve not just girls, but other guys as well.

Didn't know what to say.

Then she was all over me...and I was all over her.

Then I go home and delete her number again.

She keeps messaging me...I keep responding.

She came over 2 days ago (my birthday), to get the last of her stuff, and I fvcked her.

Then she tells me again that she wants us to be FWB...while she is polyamourus with other men and women.

I tell her no.

FWB is the best place to be in with a girl...but it is FVCKING impossible with this girl, as I am mega emotionally attached to her still.

Then I regret telling her no.

Then she tells me that she wants me to have other girls. She would be much more comfortable in a FWB scenario if she knew I was fvcking other women.

I keep digging myself into a hole...one minute I feel great she is gone...then have this messed-up desire to maintain things with her.

Yes...I am holding onto this, as I have no other prospects. If I had at least one other girl in the mix, I would have probably just walked away and not cared.

I am moving to Burbank in 1 week. I know no one there...and I am starting my life over. Hopefully this life change-up will get me out of this mess...
Ask her for a threesome with another woman and tell her to bring one of her hot friends.
 

ThisIsSparta

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my emotions and thoughts of "what could have been" are interfering.
Nothing could have been with that hoe..... like NOTHING AT ALL!

What picture are you painting in your head with a woman that told you she will have sidepieces from the start?

Stop romanticizing this ****ty relationship for starters............... after that get control over your emotions, its what men do.


This woman wants to "keep you in her life"......... why? What benefits does she get from you asides from sex?
 

FinallyAlpha

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smgdh ngmi

(fr doeh if you can engineer a wild 3some with this mentally ill bish... that would be a dub, I guess.)
 

CyrusTheGreat

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Anyone else here been able to swap from an LTR to FWB scenario? If so...the process you went through?
I tend to agree with @BackInTheGame78 most of the times, but not this time. Do not try to be FWB with an ex you have feelings for. I did this recently, and it ended pretty badly (I'll be posting my story soon. But, long story short, even though it didn't really hurt me emotionally, the ending was quite insulting. The time and effort spent was totally not worth the pusy received).

Most likely you will end up getting more hurt by remaining in touch with this girl. Forget about her and go cultivate new fresh pusy. But this time screen out for the red flags when looking for LTRs.
 

BackInTheGame78

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I tend to agree with @BackInTheGame78 most of the times, but not this time. Do not try to be FWB with an ex you have feelings for. I did this recently, and it ended pretty badly (I'll be posting my story soon. But, long story short, even though it didn't really hurt me emotionally, the ending was quite insulting. The time and effort spent was totally not worth the pusy received).

Most likely you will end up getting more hurt by remaining in touch with this girl. Forget about her and go cultivate new fresh pusy. But this time screen out for the red flags when looking for LTRs.
I said as much that he was too deep in it to be able to pull this off without becoming even more wrecked.
 

dude99

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I am in uncharted waters here. If this was a girl I just met, it would be easier to handle that. I just have no clue how to pivot to that...as my emotions and thoughts of "what could have been" are interfering.

Anyone else here been able to swap from an LTR to FWB scenario? If so...the process you went through?

Mike
Sounds like you are co-dependant, and she is taking advantage of yanking your feelings along all while (being honest about it,) telling you she IS going to cheat.

That is all poly-amorous means is she wants a green light to cheat.

You can't let go and move on when she keeps knocking on your door and you keep sleeping with her. Even though you said no to the poly-amorous you are giving her what she wants. You say no she comes over you two face then she goes and does it with others anyway.

You need to cut her out and go 100% no contact or else she will keep giving you more of the same and you will never heal
 

BackInTheGame78

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Sounds like you are co-dependant, and she is taking advantage of yanking your feelings along all while (being honest about it,) telling you she IS going to cheat.

That is all poly-amorous means is she wants a green light to cheat.

You can't let go and move on when she keeps knocking on your door and you keep sleeping with her. Even though you said no to the poly-amorous you are giving her what she wants. You say no she comes over you two face then she goes and does it with others anyway.

You need to cut her out and go 100% no contact or else she will keep giving you more of the same and you will never heal
Nobody wants to be literally responsible for a person's happiness, which she apparently is for OP. It's a burden that seems nice for a while but then becomes overwhelming and kind of weird and it feels smothering. That's when they start pushing you away, but the person tends to cling even harder instead of realizing they need to back off...that's when the mean and nasty side comes out because they realize there is no other way to get this person away from them and it's just getting worse and likely the person is acting pathetic and there is a massive drop in respect.
 

Michael Chief

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I'm polyamorous, frequently date multiple women at the same time, have threesomes on occasion, and have a lot of experience with pansexual and queer women. I love all that sh!t.

A lot of people in this thread are saying some ignorant sh!t, but in the end, everyone here is coming to the right conclusion: this girl you're describing is not someone you should be dating or even fvcking. The two of you should not pursue a polyamorous relationship because you're both too unprepared and she seems to be pretty damn bad at polyamory.

You need to go cold turkey no-contact and GFTOW. She has shown that she does not respect your boundaries, so you need to be the one who firmly asserts them.
 

harrison9876

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Hey guys...

She still left her stuff here. I was getting tired of it being here, so my way to my new place I decided to drop the stuff off at hers.

On my way, she called me and told me she was at an afternoon party in Hollywood. She on mushrooms and needed a ride.

So, yep, I picked her up.

Picked her up, dropped off her stuff with her, and then we ended up hanging out for a few hours.

I know I shouldn't have. I just was not really thinking clear.

During this time, she admitted she knew we were never in an open relationship. She was dating casually three other men when I met her (which I knew)... But dropped them because according to her, she really wanted to have a relationship with me.

However, this was just "not in her nature". So basically she was fooling me as well as herself for the last year. Based on the conversation I'm pretty sure she hooked up with at least two other people while we were together. Confident one of them was a guy.

The entire night she was treating me like I was her boyfriend still. Holding my hand, kissing me, being very affectionate.

Cuz I'm going through all kinds of stupid emotions with this breakup I rolled with it. I know I shouldn't have. But it felt good because the affection around her basically eases all the pain I'm going through.

Next day around 10:00 a.m., she asks me if I want to hang out for a bit in the afternoon. I should have said no. I didn't. I get to her place at 1pm and she is completely drunk and high. Felt like leaving immediately.

I know I'm going to get a lot of flak from everyone here... But I ended up hanging out with her again. We went for a walk, she was all affectionate around me, hand in hand, kissing me, again it's like we were back to normal from a few weeks earlier before the breakup.

It felt really good.

I know I know I know. I shouldn't be doing any of this.

I think I was with her for about two or three hours. Near the end of it she plants a really passionate kiss on me. I asked her why she did that.

"You didn't want to do that..."

."Yes I did."

"Why?"

"Because I'm polyamorous and kissing people makes me feel good"

I can tell you right now that she's using the word "polyamorous" to excuse the shyt that she's been doing. "I'm like this because I'm polyamorous" is complete nonsense.

A few minutes later she tells me not to hate her for being who she is. She then asks me, "why am I so unlovable?"

Huh?

This is something she asked me a couple months back and I didn't really pick up on what exactly she was getting at. I mean, she knew how I felt about her. So where is this, "why am I so unlovable" stuff coming from...

A few minutes later in my car, she starts having an anxiety attack. She starts crying about having no job, no source of income, no prospects, moved to the most expensive place to rent she's ever been at, needs to show the landlord a paycheck stub proving she has a job, and is basically at the point of declaring bankruptcy.

I take her back to her place. She ends up lying on the floor. After a few more minutes of hanging out, I exit.

I'm starting to feel sorry for her. This is somebody I spent every day with for the past year. I know every guy here is going to berate me for doing any of this... It's just difficult as I still have a lot of emotions involved.

I dropped off the last for stuff yesterday (finally), and the vibe was the complete opposite. Maybe because she was actually sober this time.

She was distant and unaffectionate. It felt pretty awful.

Reminded her that her car insurance is over in a week (she's no longer on my insurance)... Which bothered her me mentioning.

I also removed her as an assigned driver from my Tesla... Which also upset her.

We had some brief conversation. We started talking about our relationship. Somewhere in there she threw in a, "I just don't want to hurt you" comment.

I then left and that was it.

She has been messaging me since. Instead of completely exiting, I've been replying.

Again this comes to me doing this as a way to ease the pain I'm going through. Not communicating is painful... Communicating feels good. Until she pulls all affection and it feels even worse.

Pretty sure she is communicating with me because I'm the only form of stability in her life. I represent an anchor in her otherwise completely messed up life situation.

Everyone here is absolutely right.

Not just with the quality of the type of girl she is... But also that if I had other women in my life right now I probably would not really care.

I even imagine myself right now having other women in my life. Dating someone who's much more emotionally balanced, without all the issues and the cheating... And quite honestly I would not even care about this girl and it would be so easy to walk away.

The fact that her and I have been together everyday for the last year... In a really committed (or so I thought) relationship.. living together... With her being the only girl in my life... I'm really finding this difficult

I guess my inability to simply get over it, walk away and cut all ties also reveals something about me as well...☹

Mike
 

xavier_2000

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You care too much about this hoe and you lost because you attached your heart to her.

She wears the pants in this relationship and you're acting like the wife of the crazy wild husband lol

Move on, stop giving her attention.

Be cold and stoic and back off from any remote show of interest.

And she'll chase ya again promising better conditions.

But she's a HOE.
 

xavier_2000

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Dude.

She's an Actress.

You are literally being gamed on right now so hard.

She's legit acting. ACTING.

Every word she's saying to you is the drama she formulated in her mind.

She thinks that craziness and intensity is sexy. She's acting out the role of the sexy free spirit guy in her fantasy to get you.

She's acting like the wild free druggie and impulsive greek god Dionysus.

She thinks guys/men are attracted to the wild, free, passionate and promiscuous Dionysus.

It's like boss babes chasing the corporate ladder and career ladder, making money, turning into the man they want thinking thats what gets them.

You're not gaming her.

She's gaming you. Lol. You're her Apollo.

If you're a true guy who's serious about Acting. You'll get what I'm trying to tell you here. It'll start to make sense
 

xavier_2000

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Dude.

She's an Actress.

You are literally being gamed on right now so hard.

She's legit acting. ACTING.

Every word she's saying to you is the drama she formulated in her mind.

She thinks that craziness and intensity is sexy. She's acting out the role of the sexy free spirit guy in her fantasy to get you.

She's acting like the wild free druggie and impulsive greek god Dionysus.

She thinks guys/men are attracted to the wild, free, passionate and promiscuous Dionysus.

It's like boss babes chasing the corporate ladder and career ladder, making money, turning into the man they want thinking thats what gets them.

You're not gaming her.

She's gaming you. Lol. You're her Apollo.

If you're a true guy who's serious about Acting. You'll get what I'm trying to tell you here. It'll start to make sense
Look into the followers of Dionysus...

Maenads...

Look at their description in mythology.

Screenshot 2023-05-19 at 5.34.13 AM.png

Sounds familiar right?

Psycho hoes.
 

kavi

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Bruh this is one hell of a messed up story. This girl wants to create a path of destruction wherever she goes. Yh man she is playing you wanting to make you her victim. You seem way too nice for this psycho. Good luck lol
 

Ricky

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You are moving, correct? I think that's the main barrier. Although you can always keep this woman as a plate.

There are plenty of women that like other women that end of in committed relationships. The woman i dated before my wife was bi and she has been happily married for almost as long as me now with a kid.

This woman does sound like she is having alot of difficulties that make her someone who is unlikely to be a long term relationship type. I'd be interested though, if you were willing to try to reach her on a deeper level as to why she feels this way. It seems like there is some form of inadequacy she feels that really is expressing as her not being enough for any person long term.. so she ends up having multiple relationships so she can give some elements (maybe just physical) to alot of people. She even expressed this by feeling unworthy of being loved.

There is some deep level game that is beyond the level of this board that i could suggest to you. PM me. You might be able to change her life. You need to be careful with your own life though. You can help her, but i'd caution you greatly at getting pulled down by her if she is unwilling to do the work to become more mentally healthy.
 

kavi

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You are moving, correct? I think that's the main barrier. Although you can always keep this woman as a plate.

There are plenty of women that like other women that end of in committed relationships. The woman i dated before my wife was bi and she has been happily married for almost as long as me now with a kid.

This woman does sound like she is having alot of difficulties that make her someone who is unlikely to be a long term relationship type. I'd be interested though, if you were willing to try to reach her on a deeper level as to why she feels this way. It seems like there is some form of inadequacy she feels that really is expressing as her not being enough for any person long term.. so she ends up having multiple relationships so she can give some elements (maybe just physical) to alot of people. She even expressed this by feeling unworthy of being loved.

There is some deep level game that is beyond the level of this board that i could suggest to you. PM me. You might be able to change her life. You need to be careful with your own life though. You can help her, but i'd caution you greatly at getting pulled down by her if she is unwilling to do the work to become more mentally healthy.
Im interested in your pov because it seems we disagree.

I see it that she is just a player and an attention seeker she wants to be close and be loved by many ppl thus putting her at the center in her own world view with multuple partners and lovers ie validation-providers but none are irreplaceable for her and none are unique or special thus she can be 'free'.

In this case OP is constantly competing with these other lovers. Some guys maybe ok with that and take wants on offer but other guys may want to play the game to win and be the only one.
 

dude99

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Hey guys...

She still left her stuff here. I was getting tired of it being here, so my way to my new place I decided to drop the stuff off at hers.

On my way, she called me and told me she was at an afternoon party in Hollywood. She on mushrooms and needed a ride.

So, yep, I picked her up.

Picked her up, dropped off her stuff with her, and then we ended up hanging out for a few hours.

I know I shouldn't have. I just was not really thinking clear.

During this time, she admitted she knew we were never in an open relationship. She was dating casually three other men when I met her (which I knew)... But dropped them because according to her, she really wanted to have a relationship with me.

However, this was just "not in her nature". So basically she was fooling me as well as herself for the last year. Based on the conversation I'm pretty sure she hooked up with at least two other people while we were together. Confident one of them was a guy.

The entire night she was treating me like I was her boyfriend still. Holding my hand, kissing me, being very affectionate.

Cuz I'm going through all kinds of stupid emotions with this breakup I rolled with it. I know I shouldn't have. But it felt good because the affection around her basically eases all the pain I'm going through.

Next day around 10:00 a.m., she asks me if I want to hang out for a bit in the afternoon. I should have said no. I didn't. I get to her place at 1pm and she is completely drunk and high. Felt like leaving immediately.

I know I'm going to get a lot of flak from everyone here... But I ended up hanging out with her again. We went for a walk, she was all affectionate around me, hand in hand, kissing me, again it's like we were back to normal from a few weeks earlier before the breakup.

It felt really good.

I know I know I know. I shouldn't be doing any of this.

I think I was with her for about two or three hours. Near the end of it she plants a really passionate kiss on me. I asked her why she did that.

"You didn't want to do that..."

."Yes I did."

"Why?"

"Because I'm polyamorous and kissing people makes me feel good"

I can tell you right now that she's using the word "polyamorous" to excuse the shyt that she's been doing. "I'm like this because I'm polyamorous" is complete nonsense.

A few minutes later she tells me not to hate her for being who she is. She then asks me, "why am I so unlovable?"

Huh?

This is something she asked me a couple months back and I didn't really pick up on what exactly she was getting at. I mean, she knew how I felt about her. So where is this, "why am I so unlovable" stuff coming from...

A few minutes later in my car, she starts having an anxiety attack. She starts crying about having no job, no source of income, no prospects, moved to the most expensive place to rent she's ever been at, needs to show the landlord a paycheck stub proving she has a job, and is basically at the point of declaring bankruptcy.

I take her back to her place. She ends up lying on the floor. After a few more minutes of hanging out, I exit.

I'm starting to feel sorry for her. This is somebody I spent every day with for the past year. I know every guy here is going to berate me for doing any of this... It's just difficult as I still have a lot of emotions involved.

I dropped off the last for stuff yesterday (finally), and the vibe was the complete opposite. Maybe because she was actually sober this time.

She was distant and unaffectionate. It felt pretty awful.

Reminded her that her car insurance is over in a week (she's no longer on my insurance)... Which bothered her me mentioning.

I also removed her as an assigned driver from my Tesla... Which also upset her.

We had some brief conversation. We started talking about our relationship. Somewhere in there she threw in a, "I just don't want to hurt you" comment.

I then left and that was it.

She has been messaging me since. Instead of completely exiting, I've been replying.

Again this comes to me doing this as a way to ease the pain I'm going through. Not communicating is painful... Communicating feels good. Until she pulls all affection and it feels even worse.

Pretty sure she is communicating with me because I'm the only form of stability in her life. I represent an anchor in her otherwise completely messed up life situation.

Everyone here is absolutely right.

Not just with the quality of the type of girl she is... But also that if I had other women in my life right now I probably would not really care.

I even imagine myself right now having other women in my life. Dating someone who's much more emotionally balanced, without all the issues and the cheating... And quite honestly I would not even care about this girl and it would be so easy to walk away.

The fact that her and I have been together everyday for the last year... In a really committed (or so I thought) relationship.. living together... With her being the only girl in my life... I'm really finding this difficult

I guess my inability to simply get over it, walk away and cut all ties also reveals something about me as well...☹

Mike
She was looking for validation and you gave it to her. Your gut is speaking to you and you aren't listening.

" She called I answered I knew I shouldn't. I spent time with her I know I am going to get flack here."
This is your gut. She is trying to reel you in again because she needs to use you. How do I know?


"A few minutes later in my car, she starts having an anxiety attack. She starts crying about having no job, no source of income, no prospects, moved to the most expensive place to rent she's ever been at, needs to show the landlord a paycheck stub proving she has a job, and is basically at the point of declaring bankruptcy."

She wants you to be her safety net. DON'T! She wants you to rescue her bad financial situation. She doesn't care about you. She cares about you paying her bills. She is playing on your sympathy because she knows she can.

She knows exactly how much (or how little ) attention to keep you on the hook.

You need to cut. Cut. Cut. Block block block. Do not have anything to do with this girl anymore. She has already burned your heart. Don't let her burn your money and resources too.
 
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