my girl is secretive

[Industry]

This is a weird situation. I've been DATING a girl for about 5 months casually. She is a nice girl but has a few things about her that I don't necessarily like.

1) She is extremely secretive. I've never met her friends she hangs out with. Well, I met 1 girl. She doesn't have many girl friends and mainly hangs out with guys.

2) She goes to clubs on Sun/Mon night and has NEVER invited me to go with her. I've said something before and it leads into yelling and her saying that I don't trust her and that we aren't in a "relationship" so it shouldn't be a big deal.

3) She doesn't like to french kiss, cuddle really or be held. My friends mom is a therapist and she seems to think that my girl has been abused in the past.

4) She doesn't really care about my life it seems. She never asks how my day was. Never invites me anywhere. It seems like she is embarassed to be seen with me and I have NO CLUE WHY.

5) I'm not allowed in her house. I have to pick her up in front of Pep Boys whenever we hang out.

I'm a good looking guy... not "hot" but I can get a girls attention @ bars, I make good $$ (100k+), I live by the beach, I fly airplanes, I'm a good communicator (im in sales I have to be haha). So, what the hell is wrong here? I'm so effing confused on what to do. I keep hoping it will get better (she says she needs "time" to change) but I also smell BS.

What do you guys think?

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Are you sure that she knows that you guys are DATING?

 

[Industry]

Yeah she comes over and we hook up. We go on dates. She just said that she wasn't ready to be exclusive.

 

[Rex Man]

Woooooooooow.

In front of Pep Boys?? In front of Mother Fukking PEP BOYS?!?

She doesn't really care about my life it seems

And there you have it. Move on, it's disgusting.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

Do you guys have an open relationship? Is she very hot? How old is she?

If you don't have an open relationship, maybe that is what she wants. Sounds like she's trying to keep her options open. You should embrace that idea. You can't be chasing all the time.

Like a lot of men who are playing the field and testing their value, she just might not be ready to settle down just with you at this time.

Perhaps she's used to hanging around a different type of crowd, and you are not her type, although a financially successful man might be many women's type.

Well, you guys are just dating. Sounds like you need to start dating and give her the space she needs. As a private/secretive person, I know that I need my alone time. I don't care how hot or into a girl I am, I need to have my time and will not open up to every girl who wants to know stuff about me, specially if we are only dating.

You need to start dating several hotties, and not have her believing that you are more into this than she is. She needs to know she's not the only game in town.

 

[Industry]

Woooooooooow.

In front of Pep Boys?? In front of Mother Fukking PEP BOYS?!?



And there you have it. Move on, it's disgusting.

yeah man that's what I'm thinking too. im just trying to understand what the hell is going on here. she confuses the fvck out of me.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

yeah man that's what I'm thinking too. im just trying to understand what the hell is going on here. she confuses the fvck out of me.

There's your answer. From my experience, women can't get enough of guys who confuse the fvck out of them. Once they figure you out, they get bored and move on to somebody less predictable. The moral here is, start turning the cards on her. Let her be the one who's figuring you out.

The diference is indiference.

 

[Industry]

Do you guys have an open relationship? Is she very hot? How old is she?

If you don't have an open relationship, maybe that is what she wants. Sounds like she's trying to keep her options open. You should embrace that idea. You can't be chasing all the time.

Like a lot of men who are playing the field and testing their value, she just might not be ready to settle down just with you at this time.

Perhaps she's used to hanging around a different type of crowd, and you are not her type, although a financially successful man might be many women's type.

Well, you guys are just dating. Sounds like you need to start dating and give her the space she needs. As a private/secretive person, I know that I need my alone time. I don't care how hot or into a girl I am, I need to have my time and will not open up to every girl who wants to know stuff about me, specially if we are only dating.

You need to start dating several hotties, and not have her believing that you are more into this than she is. She needs to know she's not the only game in town.

Dude I think you are spot on. She is a good looking girl and she is 21, I'm 26. She hangs out with a different crowd (emoish kids) and my friends and I are the surfer/active type. Looking at her myspace I'm the only "normal" looking one on there. She's a sweet girl though and might be a little immature for my taste.

I told her that I was ok not being exclusive and that we should be free to date other people. Since then she's been showing a lot more interest in me for some reason? She's asked me to hang out a few times but I already had plans with another girl I know so I politely declined and said we'll hang out soon enough.

Am I taking the right approach?

 

[Gangster Of Love]

You are taking the right approach. Remember, you can't always be the one chasing. As soon as you turn the card around a little, just like the laws state, she will doing a little of the chasing. Only good things can come from this. Much better than they have been, at least.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

.. She just said that she wasn't ready to be exclusive.

Well, there you go. You're expecting her to do things which she feels are done when a couple is exclusive. So the real question is whether or not you are willing accept how things are now for an unknown length of time. Remember, she's technically not "your girl."

 

[sparky0000]

$100 thousand plus a year in America means nothing. Big deal. It takes a net worth of around $100 million to be something special these days in America. You can thank all the annoying hedge fund managers for that. $100 thousand plus a year in certain countries (the ones with the beautiful girls) would get you raped. Dads would be hiding their young daughters in your bed. You would find yourself married without even knowing it.

 

[rrrrr]

When I read sparky's post, I was like WTF??? 100k is good money. then I saw he's from OC, 100K is not HUGE like it would be in other parts of the country, it's still pretty good, but for an immature 21 year old EMO, she may not be able to appreciate it.

 

[Raikojo17]

wow 5 months? you guys should've been a couple a long time ago. in month tops.
dump this b1tch and move on. just reading about her makes me want to dump her.

why hang on to her? she's got nothing to offer you. she's got nothing to bring ot the table. she's not helping you or making you life better. she's just hurting you. she's not even worth it. a chick that doesnt want to be exclusive is not worth the time. once a slvt always a slvt.

dump this b1tch! she obviously doesnt like you at all. she's just using you to stroke her ego.

dump her! dump this b1tch.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

It wouldn't be a problem if you wern't emotionally invested.

Which you are.

 

[lookyoung]

It is obvious that her interest level is not that high. Read PLAYER 69 LEVEL THREAD THIS WILL EXPLAIN INTEREST LEVEL IN GREAT DETAIL.

If I were you I would not invest much in this relationship. She should be a fvck buddy tops on your terms.

 

[Viking25]

Just use her for fvck here and there..while looking for a nice girl to be your gf. I don't think after 5 months things will change....
If she tells you straight up she doesn't want to be exclusive...do you really need another clue about how she feels about you?..Really man.

 

[NotaNewbie]

You sound like a chump.. i could be wrong tho...

 

[rrrrr]

No he sounds like this:

Girl shows interest, but sends conflicting signals=guy confused and thinking about her=oneitis=High Guy IL and low girl IL=girl becomes even more less interested=guy getting burned.

You sound like someone who has their act together. I think you can do better than this. Don't waste your time on getting caught up on this EMO chick. Don't try to figure out why you can't get her. In fact I'm going to say it's her problem, not yours.

She's still 21, she's partying. You can't go to her house?!?!?!? That's a huge red flag and seriously, I think you should move on. You can do better than this. Sounds like you are confused why you can't get this girl, maybe it's her problem. Maybe you're not screwed up enough for her, seriously.

 

[Industry]

First off I didn't say how much I made to brag or claim that it was some ungodly amount. I merely used it to convey the fact that I do good for myself and that I'm a stable man. But $124k amounts to a nice living for a single man in OC.

She has told me a few times that she "doesn't deserve this" when I take her out somewhere. I don't think she appreciates it and I don't fault her for that. She hasn't experienced enough yet. I bet she's never been on a date before me.

I'm going to keep her around and invest minimal efforts into it. If she wants to come over and fvck then so be it. I'm not going to take her out anywhere crazy and I'm going to start looking elsewhere for a more mature, stable WOMAN who knows a good thing when she sees one.

I'm just sick of the game... I've been in it for so long and I'm tired.

Oh and to the guy who called me a "chump"... I am not one. A little insecure at times maybe but not a "chump".

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...She has told me a few times that she "doesn't deserve this" when I take her out somewhere. ...

Does anyone else read some issues with this given the other things Industry has told us? Reformed "nice guys" who went on dates often may see it.